The Way I Loved You
January 2, 2004
Draco was finishing his lunch, though he barely had an appetite. He was starting his new job at the Ministry today, and he had loads of reasons to be nervous.
For one, he would be working alongside Harry Potter and The Weasel as an auror. Two, he would be seeing Hermione Granger for the first time in nearly five years.
Before his trial, he hadn’t seen Hermione in almost a year. Draco had broken up with her at the end of their sixth year, before he was forced to carry out his order to kill Dumbledore. He wanted to keep her safe. She didn’t deserve to live through this with him. Draco and Hermione had ultimately agreed that it was safer that way, for both of them. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.
Then she testified at his trial.
Draco left London immediately after he was freed from Azkaban. He had done a bit of soul-searching around the world, trying to find himself in a world where he finally had choices.
He decided to go to Australia first. He had heard that Hermione obliviated her parents and sent them there just before she and the rest of the Golden Trio went on the run. Draco wanted to check on them, just to make sure they had truly made it. He saw all of the hit lists… they were always on them.
Hermione’s parents were so kind to him when he met them, he felt like after his part in the war, he owed them at least that. But he wanted to do more; he owed Hermione more, too.
That was why once Draco found them, he felt it was only right to attempt to undo the charm. He tried for weeks to help them remember, but Hermione was good at what she did. He wasn’t able to undo the spell.
He left Australia a few days after his failure.
Draco had thought of Hermione all the time, but especially since that day. He had failed her, again . He wanted to make up for it, somehow. And today he would be seeing her for the first time in five years.
He flooed to the Ministry just after noon. Once in the atrium, he made his way up to Tonks’ office on the floor for the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. He kept his head down and tried to be polite when anyone acknowledged him, but there were whispers and stares that followed him through every floor.
Once Draco had made it to Tonks’ office door in the auror’s bullpen, he knocked lightly on her door.
“Come in,” Tonks said lightly from within.
When he opened the door he saw his cousin sitting behind her desk, leaning over paperwork. Her hair was a deep violet at the moment.
Draco closed the door behind himself and cleared his throat to speak first, “I assumed I should come here first. Since it’s my first day and all.”
She jerked her head up at the sound of his voice. Draco kept his hands clasped behind his back, trying to exude confidence that he didn’t feel.
“Draco. It’s nice to see you. Please, sit,” Tonks gestured to the guest chairs in front of her desk.
He did as he was told and politely waited for her to speak. He wanted to show everyone that he was a different person than who they thought he was. He hadn’t been that person in a very, very long time.
“You come to us with great recommendations from MACUSA. I didn’t realize you worked there,” Tonks eyed him curiously.
“I did for quite a while, actually. I left London after my trial and out of all the places I went, New York stuck. I worked for MACUSA while I was there. I only returned to London six months ago.”
Lucius had died in Azkaban six months ago, but he didn’t come home for him. Draco came home for his mother. While both Draco and Narcissa disagreed with Lucius’ views, they conformed for show, to keep their family safe. And Lucius was still their father or husband, respectively.
He saw the immediate understanding in Tonks’ eyes. She was part of the team that looked into Lucius’ mysterious death in the prison.
Draco continued, “I’ve been getting my family affairs in order, but I think it’s time I get back to work. I hope I can do some good here.”
He said the last part wistfully, hoping that Tonks could sense how serious he was.
“I’m sure you’ll be able to do just that, cousin .”
Draco’s eyes jerked up and met hers; he hadn’t realized that his gaze had fallen to his hands that were resting in his lap.
He was shocked to hear the word from her mouth. Draco assumed that she would want nothing to do with him. Yes, he was hopeful that he would be able to mend the relationship with her, but he knew better than to expect it.
It would seem that Tonks was open to the idea. She smiled lightly at Draco from across the table.
“I’ll walk you out to the bullpen to meet everyone, then to your office. I have some paperwork I need you to fill out.” Tonks stood from her seat and Draco followed suit. Tonks opened the door and he followed her out to the bullpen.
Every auror looked at them and paid attention before she announced to all: “Everyone! I’m sure you all know Draco Malfoy. He is starting as an auror with us today. He comes with auror experience and great recommendations from MACUSA, so I better not hear of any of you acting like fools.” She eyed everyone in the room with seriousness. “Back to work, everyone!”
As the aurors were scattering back to their desks, Tonks walked him to his office door on the outskirts of the room. Since he was a specialized auror, he got his own office.
Draco had found curse-breaking fascinating. It started when he started dating Hermione at Hogwarts. He knew war was imminent and he wanted her to be able to protect herself. She was smart, yes, but he felt like it was the best he could do.
He learned everything he could about cursebreaking and taught her everything he knew. Ever since then, he has been taken by the topic.
Usually, curse-breakers were employed by Gringotts, but since he was also trained as an auror, he was employed by the Ministry. He could fight and go on missions like any other auror, but he was their curse-breaking expert. That was his job at MACUSA, and now it’s his job here.
Once Tonks deposited him in his office, handed him his paperwork, and bid him good day, Draco sat behind his new desk.
He began flipping through the pages when there was a light knock on his door. He looked up to see Harry Potter standing in the open doorway.
“Potter, it’s good to see you,” Draco said truthfully. He and Potter had their issues at Hogwarts and Draco had the scars to prove it, but he knew that Potter was doing exactly what he would’ve done.
Anything to protect the people he loved.
Draco had been wanting to make amends for a while but didn’t even know where to start. He knew that Potter had also testified for him at his trial, but he never got the chance to thank him.
“You too, Malfoy.” Potter stepped further into his office and stopped just before his desk. “I have something of yours that I think you’d like back. After all, it’s been six years.”
Harry Potter reached into his pocket and pulled out Draco’s wand. The same wand that he had pulled from Draco’s hands in Malfoy Manor. Draco hadn’t seen that wand since that day. He had gotten a new one after the war, but none answered to him like the one in Potter’s hands.
Potter extended it to Draco and he took it gently.
Potter spoke, “A peace offering.”
Draco turned the wand over in his hands, in awe that it was still intact after all this time. He lifted his eyes to Potter’s. “Thank you, Potter,” he said genuinely, a smile pulling at his lips.
“It’s only right. I repaired mine after the Battle of Hogwarts, so I didn’t have use for yours anymore, but it didn’t feel right to get rid of it. I wanted to give it back to you after your trial, but you left before I got the chance. I figured I’d see you again at some point, so I held onto it just in case.”
Could he and Harry Potter actually become friends?
“That was very kind of you.” Draco looked back at his wand and said quietly, “Much more kind than I deserved.”
Potter didn’t say anything to that and it was quiet for a few moments before he decided to answer.
“Would you like me to show you around? I can introduce you to some people. That paperwork is going to bore you to tears,” Potter said with a laugh.
Draco breathed a laugh and stood from his desk, “I’d like that.”
Potter had led him to the lifts, explaining that the rest of the aurors could wait for later. He brought Draco to the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures first, then the Department of Magical Transportation and the Department of Magical Games and Sports.
Potter explained after leaving the latter that they have departmental quidditch teams and play together once a month.
“You’re welcome to join us if you still fancy quidditch,” Potter told him.
Draco loved Quidditch, but he hadn’t played in a while. He played at Hogwarts but quit in his sixth year. When he started working at MACUSA, a few of his friends there played and he was invited along a few times.
The thought of playing his favorite sport regularly again was amazing.
“I may just have to take you up on that offer,” Draco said with a laugh as they entered the lifts.
“Our next match is in two weeks. Come to that one, then you can start practicing with us after. Just so you can have a full month with the team before a match.”
Yeah, maybe he and Potter could be friends.
“I’ll be there.”
Potter laughed as they stepped on the floor for the Department of Mysteries, but stopped abruptly as he faced forward.
Draco knew what happened here, his father was part of it. Hermione had told him about it as she cried in his arms the next night. But it wasn’t until now that he could really visualize it. This was his very first time here, and it felt colder than he imagined it would.
Potter quickly walked them into the room, introduced him to the Unspeakables, and showed Draco around. They walked back to the lifts in silence.
The walk through the Department of Magical Accidents and Catastrophes and the Department of International Magical Cooperation was fairly short and to the point, but when they reached the Department of Public Information Services, Potter’s demeanor changed.
Draco tried to ignore it.
Potter was introducing him to the people in the department when they passed an empty office and he stopped. Potter looked into it for a bit and walked in, and Draco followed. Draco could smell something familiar in here; jasmine, sandalwood, and vanilla.
Draco broke the tense silence.
“Who’s office was this?”
“Hermione’s.”
Draco’s head snapped to Potter’s.
Potter continued, “She quit this morning. Left just before you arrived, actually.” He looked over at Draco knowingly. Draco didn’t say anything.
“She told me, you know.” Potter looked away and started walking around Hermione’s office. “About you two at Hogwarts. She wanted me to testify at your trial and I told her no, that I would testify for your mother, but not for you. She ended up showing me her memories of you, of your relationship, trying to change my mind and it worked.”
Potter looked over at Draco, then began to walk out of the room. They were halfway down the hall before Draco spoke quietly.
“I never got the chance to thank you for that, Potter… Thank you.”
“Don’t thank me. Thank Hermione.”
After his first day of work, Draco opted out of drinks with his new coworkers. He knew that most of them, including Weasley, still held ill feelings for him. He also just hadn’t been feeling up to socializing much lately. The only times he would talk to anyone outside of work or his home was when Pansy, Theo, or Blaise –or all three– would stop by or force him into dinner or drinks.
Astoria was waiting for him with a glass of Ogden’s Old Firewhisky in her hand in his study when he arrived back to the Manor, a pleasant look on her face. He knew her just well enough to know it meant she wanted something.
“How was your first day, dear?” Astoria said as she moved closer to him as Draco made his way to his desk, her voice light and airy.
“It was just fine.” Draco sat in his chair and accepted the glass from Astoria’s outstretched hand.
Astoria came around to lean on the desk by Draco’a side. “Leesy and Tilly will have dinner ready soon.” She moved her hand to run up Draco’s arm. Thankfully the floo roared to life on the opposite wall where Theo and Blaise stepped out of the flames.
Draco’s engagement and eventual marriage to Astoria was one he wasn’t quite fond of, but what could he really do about it? He had known about this agreement for ages, but Draco didn’t think he’d live long enough to have to see it through.
He was able to avoid it for a few years by traveling the world and settling in America for a while. He assumed that when his father died, the agreement he made would be void, but he was proven wrong soon after he returned to London.
Mr. Greengrass had found him and essentially forced his hand. After the war, he didn’t much like listening to people anymore, but he also had lost his motivation to fight back. He was engaged to Astoria only a few months later. He hated every second of it. She was just like her mother.
Mrs. Greengrass was a golddigger and it was no secret. She always threw the most lavish parties, drank the most expensive wine, bought the most rare jewels. It was also no secret that the Malfoy vaults were almost overflowing with gold. It was clear to Draco as to why Astoria was so adamant about this engagement.
Even though people still called him a Deatheater.
He couldn’t find it in himself to understand why she would want to associate herself with him, even for all the gold in the world. What was gold worth if you had a rusted and tarnished reputation?
“Malfoy!” Blaise exclaimed as he walked further into the room.
“Evening, Astoria,” Theo said coolly as he took a seat on the couch in the center of the room.
Draco looked to Astora, “Why don’t you go look in on Leesy and Tilly, see if they could use any help?” Astoria rolled her eyes and got up with a sigh. She cut her ice-blue eyes to Blaise and Theo on her way out.
Theo lifted his right arm at the elbow and waved his fingers to Astoria with a sly smile.
Draco joined Theo and Blaise in the center of the room, sitting on the couch across from Theo. Blaise walked to the liquor cabinet in the corner and poured himself and Theo a glass, seeing that Draco already had one of his own. He returned to the center of the room and joined Theo on his couch.
“So, where’s our fourth musketeer tonight?” Draco asked as he leaned back on the couch and took a long sip of his firewhisky.
Blaise answered, “Pansy said she had a meeting with a new artist tonight. Apparently, she’s been looking for someone new to sign and finally got a bite. They’re recording a demo tonight.”
“Ooo, do we know who it is?” Theo asked with curiosity in his bright eyes.
“Nope, she wouldn’t tell.”
Draco scoffed with a laugh, “Typical Pansy, always keeping secrets.”
“Cheers to that!” Blaise said as he lifted his glass in the air.
Pansy did a lot of her own work when she found new artists. She would be their manager, their producer, and everything else all in one. She loved her job, she told them all the time, but she was very secretive about her clients.
The trio was quiet for a few moments as they sipped on their firewhisky.
Blaise spoke again, “How’s the wedding planning going? As awful as I imagine?”
“Worse than that. I’m only doing this becau– well, I guess I’m just tired of fighting,” Draco said with a resigned sigh.
“It’s going to be alright, mate. You got us to keep you company, too!” Theo had a bright, reassuring smile on his face, but it didn’t do much to ease Draco’s nerves. Nothing did these days.
In an effort to lighten the darkening mood, Blaise shifted the conversation. “So how was your first day on the job? How’s it working with Potter?”
“Oo, yes, I want all the details! Did he try to curse you again?” Theo leaned forward, elbows on his knees.
“It wasn’t nearly as bad as I was expecting. Potter was quite nice, actually. Even returned my wand after six years.” Draco pulled his wand out of his suit jacket’s inside pocket and turned the hawthorn over in his hands.
“But…?” Blaise could tell there was more that Draco was leaving unsaid.
“Did you run into Granger? I heard she worked there, too. What about Weasley?” Theo had always been curious, nosey, wanting to know everything.
He and a certain Gryffindor would be the best of friends.
“Didn’t get the chance. Apparently, she quit this morning. Potter told me she left just before I arrived.” The two men across from him looked expectant, like they were waiting for more. “He showed me around the building and when we passed her office, he told me when I asked who it belonged to.”
“You think her quitting on your first day was a coincidence?” Theo said, curious.
Draco thought about what Hermione would have done or thought if she found out he was working there. Did she know at all? After his conversation with Potter today, she probably would now.
“Not a bloody clue,” he answered honestly. Draco took another long swig of his drink.
Draco continued, “I didn’t see Weasley, Potter said he had gone home after lunch.”
“Sounds like an exhilarating and enlightening first day on the job.” Theo leaned back onto the couch with a sly smile.
“Enlightening, indeed.” Draco finished his glass in one gulp.
Hermione had been pacing her sitting room for only five minutes before Pansy Longbottom stepped out of the flames in her fireplace. She also had just enough time to stew in her thoughts and emotions and let the reality of what just happened truly sink in.
“It’s good to see you finally came to your senses, Granger.” Pansy walked past her and into the room and dropped her black handbag on the coffee table. She turned to Hermione and stopped when she saw her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
“Hermione, what’s wrong? Are you okay?” Pansy stepped up to Hermione and put her hands on Hermione’s arms. When she gave Pansy a small shake of her head, silently saying “no”, Pansy walked her to the couch and sat down with Hermione.
As Pansy looked into her eyes intently, Hermione saw a silent fury behind Pansy’s brown eyes. “Tell me what happened.”
Hermione explained the entire situation to Pansy. How she and Ron had been having issues lately and this was the last straw. How the Ministry, specifically the Minister, had been denying her at every turn, belittling and degrading her. And Pansy let her, she just listened.
She felt like she could trust Pansy. She could tell Pansy anything, things she couldn’t tell Ginny. Ron was Ginny’s brother, how could Hermione comfortably vent to her about him? Pansy understood her differently. Pansy also didn’t know her that well at Hogwarts. She knew what people thought of her, but not her . It was easier to start with a fairly clean slate with little expectations than to feel like she constantly had to live up to them.
Pansy held her hands through her little breakdown. She was patient as Hermione talked through sobs and she would give her hands the occasional squeeze for reassurance.
Hermione felt like her whole life had just come crashing down around her. Her boyfriend had betrayed her. Her job never valued her. Was everything a lie? Even if these people were bad for her, it still hurt to lose them. They had been her life for so long—some more than others.
She looked up to Pansy through her dark, wet eyelashes. “I just– what do I do now? I originally wrote to you because I wanted to take you up on your offer from before… but now I don’t know what to do. I feel lost, Pansy.”
Pansy threw her arms around Hermione and gave her a tight squeeze. “First of all, you are Hermione fucking Granger. Don’t you ever forget that. You can do absolutely anything.” She released Hermione and gave her a comforting smile. “Let’s figure out what’s next together.”
Hermione nodded and took a deep breath. Pansy nodded right back to her, “I’ll make tea, you stay put.”
While Pansy was in her kitchen making the tea, Hermione sat again with her thoughts and what she would do now. She didn’t want this to break her, she wouldn’t let this break her.
Pansy returned with the tea tray and sat in her spot next to Hermione and handed her a cup. They both fixed their tea to their liking before Pansy spoke again.
“So, how do you want to proceed? I can help you with whatever you decide to do,” Pansy said before she took the first sip of her tea.
“I want to do what I originally came home planning to do. I want to take you up on your offer. I’m in, Pansy.” Hermione said it with such certainty that Pansy broke into a mischievous smile.
“That’s exactly what I hoped you would say.”
Hermione loosed a laugh and rolled her eyes at her friend.
“Okay, let’s get started! I knew you would come around so I already started planning.” Pansy set her teacup down, pulled a folder out of her handbag on the coffee table, and opened it in her lap, angling herself so Hermione could see it as well.
“First, you’ll come into the studio and record a demo. I’ll have to get approval to officially sign you, but if you’re as good as Neville says, that shouldn’t be a problem.” Pansy eyed Hermione and winked.
“Hermione scoffed jokingly, “Remind me to shout at Neville next time I see him.”
“I think you’ll be thanking him, instead.”
Pansy and Hermione laughed together before getting back to the folder.
“Next we’ll get to work on writing and recording songs. Once we get that started, we can come up with a game plan as far as a timeline for press and releasing music.” Pansy closed the folder and set it back on the coffee table. “There’s more paperwork in there, but we can save that for later, make it a whole celebration.” Pansy grabbed her teacup and leaned back into the couch cushions.
Hermione did the same. “Sounds easy enough… When do we start?”
“Whenever you’re ready, Granger.” That signature Pansy smirk was back.
Hermione returned Pansy’s look with one of her own. “What if I say I’m ready now?” Pansy sat up, “I like the way you think.”
Hermione and Pansy stood from the couch, teacups forgotten.
“Crookshanks!” Hermione shouted into her flat, “I’ll be back soon, don’t destroy anything!”
Hermione grabbed her teal-blue guitar from its stand, looked over her shoulder to Pansy, and smiled, “After you.”
The duo disappeared into the floo.
Hermione stepped out of the floo into Pansy’s office at Republic Records’ London office. She did a full 360° turn on her feet, looking around the large space. Pansy’s office was on a higher level floor and had tall ceilings and a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking downtown London. There were plaques and photos hung on the walls, trophies and awards on the shelves.
It had only been about two hours since Hermione had walked out of the Ministry for the last time so the afternoon light streaming through the glass was quite bright, but it felt right. It felt like an omen.
“So let’s get right to it, shall we?” Pansy dropped her handbag behind her desk as Hermione put her guitar on the coffee table in the middle of Pansy’s office.
Hermione turned to Pansy with a bright smile, “We shall. What do we do first?”
Pansy gestured to the parallel couches in the middle of the room and she and Hermione sat opposite each other. Pansy crossed her legs and leaned forward, asking, “Do you have a song ready to record?”
“I actually have a few, what do you want to hear?”
“I want to hear whatever makes the big guys want to sign you,” Pansy said with a smirk. “Let’s go down and get started.” Pansy stood and Hermione followed.
Hermione grabbed her guitar and followed Pansy out of her office and to the elevator at the end of the hallway. They stepped in and went a few levels down. When they stepped onto the floor, Hermione saw framed photos of artists hung along the long hallway. All of which had won Grammys or Emmys or Tonys. It felt real all of a sudden. She admired so many of these artists on the wall, now she had a very real opportunity to become one.
Hermione came back to the present when Pansy opened the door to a studio and walked in. She stopped just past the threshold and took it all in. She was here. She was doing this.
Pansy broke the silence first. “Okay so, you’ll go in there and let us know when you’re ready and then we start recording. Easy peasy!” Pansy gestured to the other young man in the room, sitting in front of a soundboard.
Hermione nodded nervously and walked into the recording space. She put her guitar strap around her neck and positioned it to play. She looked up to Pansy and the young man and nodded, saying she was ready.
She began to strum her guitar and play a song she had written three years ago into the microphone.
She called it The Way I Loved You.
This was the first time that she had, willingly, sung in front of someone other than Draco or Harry. It was a big moment for her and as she neared the bridge, she could feel her emotions start to take over. By the end of the song, tears were starting to well in her eyes.
Not because of the emotion in the song, but because she was so proud of herself. For the first time in years. For once she had decided for herself what she wanted her life to be and made it be.
As she strummed the last note, she looked back up to Pansy and saw pride in her eyes, as well. In that moment, Hermione knew she had made the right choice. Pansy was right, she could really touch people with her music. It could mean something to someone. She felt a swell of confidence in her chest at the thought.
Hermione also saw a mix of suspicion and knowing in Pansy’s eyes from the other side of the glass. She decided to ignore what that could mean.
Pansy’s voice came over a speaker in the studio, “Hermione, that was incredible. Absolutely brilliant! Neville was right about you, that’s for sure.”
“Thanks, Pansy.” Hermione huffed a laugh and took her guitar strap from around her neck and began to walk out of the glass room, back to the main part of the studio. Pansy opened her mouth to speak before she was cut off by the door to the hallway opening quickly.
“Who was that? That voice?” A tall grey-haired man was standing in the doorway, eyes wide and looking between the three of them.
Hermione looked over to Pansy, who had a devilish grin starting to pull at her mouth. Pansy just bent her arm at her elbow and pointed to Hermione.
The man’s eyes shot to Hermione and he walked fully into the room, the door closing behind him. “What’s your name, Miss?”
Hermione was dumbstruck. Her mouth was half fallen open. She was still and silent for a few seconds before Pansy gently kicked her shin, snapping her back to reality.
“Hermione Granger, sir.” Hermione put her hand out for a handshake, which the man accepted.
“It’s quite nice to meet you, Ms. Granger. My name is Marc Buckley. I run the London office of Republic. I must say, you have one of the most beautiful voices that I have heard in quite a while.”
Hermione felt herself blush. “I– Well, thank you, sir. That is very kind.”
Pansy decided that was her queue to butt in. “Y’know Marc, I was just having her record a demo. I’m hoping to sign her to the label. I was going to be bringing the recording up to your office shortly, but since you’re here…”
Hermione’s head snapped to Pansy’s, putting the pieces of her plan together.
Mr. Buckley looked back to Hermione with a smile, “Well, I’d love to hear you sing again if you’d be okay with that?”
How could she say no, even if she wanted to? Everything she wanted, but had never dared dream of or wish for, was right in front of her. She wouldn’t waste this opportunity.
“Absolutely, sir. Would you like to hear the same song or a different one?”
Mr. Buckley looked impressed and when she looked over to Pansy, so did she. They hadn’t expected her to be so prepared, it seems. Little did they know she had a whole arsenal of songs written and ready.
“Dealer’s choice, Ms. Granger.” He smiled.
“Different song it is then,” Hermione laughed and turned to head back into the small glass room. She put her guitar back around her neck and nodded to the young man behind the soundboard again.
Hermione decided she was going to pull out all the stops if she was “singing for her life” in front of the Marc Buckley.
She began strumming the opening notes to a song she had written years ago, back in her fourth year after the Yule Ball. Hermione had been dancing with Viktor Krum at the Yule Ball all night, but when he went to fetch some drinks for them, someone else had swept in to dance with her. The Yule Ball had been made a masquerade dance and the lights were so dim that she couldn't tell who was behind the mask. She still didn't know to this day. But she had felt a connection with this person and it became her first real inspiration for her music. The first song she ever wrote.
She called the song Enchanted.
When Hermione stepped out of the room, Mr. Buckley looked at her in awe. “You’re going to be our next star, Ms. Granger, you mark my words. I know talent when I see it, and my dear, you are it. ” He turned to Pansy, “Pansy, if you don’t sign her right now, I will.”
Pansy laughed and Hermione’s jaw went slack in disbelief. “Absolutely, Marc. I’ll have her in the system by the end of the day.”
“Brilliant. Send me the paperwork when you’re done. We can set up a meeting later to go over the logistics.” Mr. Buckley turned to Hermione and extended his hand, which Hermione accepted. “Welcome to Republic Records, Ms. Granger.”
Hermione’s smile spread from ear to ear, “Thank you, sir.”