See Me
"Stop," she laughed, "We're supposed to be working on letting you in my mind."
Draco tickled her cheek again and ignored her. They were sitting in the forest on their bench, hidden from sight from the Manor. They'd been instructed by the Dark Lord to be working on teaching Draco her magic. It was the end of July, and they'd made no progress.
"You need to let your walls down first," he said as she squirmed away. "It's not my fault."
"Oh well, sorry," she said. Then she sighed. "I honestly don't know how."
"Talk it through," he encouraged. He took her hand. He couldn't stop touching her ever since they had returned to the Manor. After the months of being gone, every time felt like the biggest blessing. She seemed to like it as well.
"I can feel my walls now. In front, and behind. But I can't knock it down. It's like solid concrete," she explained. "I tried to create a path over and under. It didn't work."
"What about a door?" he asked.
She shook her head. "It won't crack."
Draco thought about more creative ways to see inside of her mind.
"What if you tried to make a clear section of the wall, where you could just show me what you needed?" he suggested. She thought about it, and closed her eyes. She opened them again, and nodded.
"I don't know if this will work, come look," she offered. He gently entered her mind. Her presence guided him to a spot in the wall that was discolored. It wasn't transparent, but it was trying to be. It was completely cloudy. He walked over to it and placed his hand on it. He was aware of Amira jolting slightly in the real world, but she squeezed his hand as a symbol that it was okay.
"Let me in," he whispered.
"I'm trying," she whispered back.
"You trust me love," he said, "I'm not going to hurt you."
"I know," she said.
"You can do it," he whispered.
Suddenly his hand fell through the wall and he toppled forward. He fell through the wall.
What he saw in her mind was beyond words. It wasn't like any of the minds that had been described to him. It certainly wasn't like his. Hers was so vibrantly colorful that it was overwhelming and a bit distracting. Memories weren't like neat little slide shows, but instead jagged puzzle pieces that were floating around in a gentle cyclone. There were angry red ones and deep blue ones. He tried not to look at any, as it wasn't his place, but he caught glimpses of his own face, the Dark Lord, Yaxley, and more.
"You did it," he whispered. A wave of satisfaction rushed through her chaotic mind. "Now show me."
Her presence guided him through memories. He kept his head down. He didn't want to see anything he wasn't meant to. He was led to a brilliantly large window. It was bright, and seemed to be a snapshot into the outside world. Except there were all different colors, energies, and textures running through all that he could see. He could barely recognize the figure in front of her as himself. He marveled over all he could see. His magic felt comforting, and familiar, even to him. It was still, steady, warm, and strong.
Then, next to the window, there was a neatly organized shelf of pieces of magic. He walked closer and saw them labeled with spell names. "Levitation Charm," "Accio", "Protego", and more. He was a bit concerned to see the labels "Fiendfyre", "Crucio", and a few others there too. The shelf seemed to be never ending.
Still, he finally felt that he understood how she saw the world. It was a chaotic mess of beautiful and horrible magic all at the same time.
"Is it like this all of the time?" he asked inside of her mind, "How do you see anything at all?"
"I've learned how to dampen it," she said, her voice echoing all around him, "But at first, this is why I was having so much trouble."
"No kidding," he murmured. The magic in the outside world wasn't exactly still. It was constantly moving slowly.
"I think I have what I need," he said, "Can you help me leave?"
"I need to show you something else," she said. It was like her voice was over a loudspeaker.
She guided him towards a corner of her mind. He didn't know what he was looking at. A crown, a cup, a snake, Potter, a diary. And the Dark Lord.
"What?" he asked.
"Watch."
She played a memory for him. It was distorted with the emotion of horror and nervousness. Amira was in their dining room, looking at the magical cores of different Death Eaters. He could hear her thoughts. Souls. Ripped. Small. Broken.
She jumped to another memory of her alone in the Dark Lord's study. Draco's heart was in his throat. That was beyond dangerous. It jumped to her reading a passage. Horcruxes. Immortality. Seven.
Before he had time to process what it meant, it jumped to an image of the snake, Nagini. A cup from Bellatrix's vault. A diadem in the room of requirement. A conversation between his father and Bellatrix about a destroyed diary. A conversation with Severus about a destroyed ring.
Finally, she was done showing him things, and he had a thousand questions. He wanted to get out of her mind so that they could talk face to face instead of in this abstract way.
She led him out of that part of her mind and back towards the wall. Something caught his attention. He paused and turned.
Next to the room with the magical signatures and window, there was another room. There was something ominous there. His feet drew closer to it. There was a seductive enchantment that drew him in. It felt poisonous, but it also felt like it promised something amazing. Amira's presence allowed him, seemingly curious as well. Draco looked through the doorway. He wanted to go in and let out whatever was trapped in there.
He started to feel dizzy. Fuzzy. He felt good. He wanted to walk inside. He needed more of it. Just a little more of whatever this feeling was. It called to him. It begged him mournfully to let it out. He wanted to. He wanted the rest of her mind to feel this good. He took a step forward and slammed into an invisible barrier.
"Draco, you need to leave that alone," Amira's voice came frantically.
"It feels good," he said, dazed.
"I know," she said, "You need to leave it."
There was a rumbling as the wind picked up. Wind?
Draco blinked and looked around behind him. The lights of her mind were flickering intensely and the slow spiral of unsorted memories was starting to swirl at a rapid pace. Draco dodged a memory that came hurtling at him.
Clarity surged through him. He needed to get out. Panic and fear surged over the entire room. He back pedaled. One glance at the big window showed him that the magic there had turned menacing as well and was rushing at her. He ran to the wall.
"It's okay," he tried to say, "Just let me out."
He touched the wall but it was solid. "Amira, come on baby, it's okay, just let me out."
The room of memories now felt terror. It was dark, fragmented, and dangerous. He couldn't make out anything. No wonder Amira suffered from panic attacks. Suddenly, there was a boom, and Draco was shot back into his body.
He blinked, as the sunlight and warmth in the forest was a huge contrast from the storm in her mind. Amira was looking around wildly and hyperventilating. Now knowing what it was that was happening in her mind, he felt hurried to calm her down.
"Shh," he said, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. "I'm sorry. It's okay love."
She grabbed on to him for stability.
"Deep breaths darling," he encouraged. He tucked her head under his chin and rocked her until her breaths began to slow down. "Good love."
It took several more minutes until she was fully calm.
"Feel better?" he murmured. She nodded against his chest.
"Sorry," she said.
"It was my fault, I'm sorry," he said.
"It wasn't your fault," she said, "I just got scared for you."
"Why?" he asked.
"You were going to go somewhere bad," she whispered, "That's the part of my mind that takes over when I use a lot of magic."
"Oh," he said. He suddenly understood why it was so hard to resist. It was enchanting, and mesmerizing. It felt so good. It was tinged with a dark, unstable, and sick insanity, but it didn't matter when you were near it. From a third person perspective though, it was dangerous. For some reason, that piece of magic wanted to kill its host. He felt its desire to hurt Amira there, and burn through her body in an attempt to escape. "That must be hard."
She nodded and tucked her face against his neck. Everything he'd been witnessing this summer made more sense. He thought back to the one and only raid he'd attended.
Draco looked on in horror as more muggles were killed. Blood covered the ground. Fires destroyed the buildings next to him. The Dark Mark sat bright and proud in the sky. The Dark Lord was actually on this raid, but Draco didn't know why. Draco swallowed and looked away from the horrible games that the Death Eaters were playing. He needed to stay with Amira, as he had been assigned. His job was to keep her away from the Dark magic that everyone was casting so that she could concentrate.
She didn't need much help though. The fire had set off that haze in her eyes that let Draco know she wasn't completely thinking.
"Stop!" the Dark Lord ordered her. Draco shielded them from a spell. Amira luckily listened to him and cut the stream of fire. Her eyes glowed as she waited for permission to continue. The Dark Lord turned away after watching her for a long moment.
"Calm down," Draco murmured to her, "Try to stay focused."
"I'm fine," she snapped. He saw her flexing her fingers and scratching at her wrists aggressively, but she didn't even seem to notice. He was about to stop her when the Dark Lord turned back to them.
"Continue," he commanded. She grinned and cast again. The heat made Draco step back from her side once again.
"Bind them!" He then commanded at a large group of running people. Amira ran forward, and waved her hands. Ropes shot out around the people one by one. They screamed as they were restrained. Her ropes dragged them backwards into a large group, like cattle. Draco felt sick. "To me!"
Amira levitated the entire group to the Dark Lord. Her eyes were fully glazed over now. She was using way more power than she needed to. Draco could feel it swirling around the air, and he could tell that the Dark Lord was aware of it too. He was watching Amira with narrowed eyes. He was plotting something sinister. Draco wanted to run away with her then, but they'd be dead if they tried.
"Burn it all!" he yelled at her. Bellatrix squealed in the distance. Amira looked equally gleeful as she cast.
"Careful," he tried to tell her. She was breathing hard already, having already burned down half of the village.
She ignored him completely. She ran up and down the streets, setting massive fires. It was almost like she stopped seeing anything. Finally, there was nothing left to burn. She spun, looking for her next target. The Dark Lord stood next to Draco and watched her.
"My Lord, she's past her limit," Draco warned politely.
"I am aware," he said. "Amira!"
She stopped and looked at him eagerly. She swayed and stumbled forward.
"What can I do for you?" she asked, giggling and laughing.
"Do you want to do more?" the Dark Lord asked. She nodded eagerly. The Dark Lord strode forward and caressed her face. "Of course you do. You'll run yourself six feet underground to keep doing magic."
"Please," she begged. She was digging her nails into her arms then, drawing thick lines of crimson blood. Draco felt sick.
"Insane little girl," the Dark Lord cooed and pet her hair. Amira did look completely insane. "Keep going. Burn a fire as high as you can."
"My Lord," Draco stepped forward.
"Silence Draco," The Dark Lord snapped as Amira cast a fire. "I will not let her die. Yet."
Draco wasn't so sure about that. Amira's fire burned five, ten, twenty feet into the air. The other Death Eaters gathered to watch. The cheered and whooped. Draco stood in horror as the color began to drain from Amira's face. She fell onto her knees, but kept casting. Her nose began to bleed but she kept casting. She clutched at her stomach with one hand but kept casting. Her eyes were glowing. Her face had a deranged smile. Draco noticed that Bellatrix had stopped celebrating and was looking between Amira and the Dark Lord in concern.
"My Lord," she said.
"Amira," the Dark Lord said softly, "Enough."
Amira did not stop. It was like she could no longer hear him.
"I said, enough!" he demanded, though he didn't look concerned. He looked almost like he was getting a sort of sick pleasure out of her destroying herself. He yanked her hand back and cut the spell. He grabbed her chin and forced her to look up at him. Amira's chest was heaving. When he let go, she fell backwards onto the blackened grass. Draco went to her. She was shaking, almost seizing.
"Take her back!" the Dark Lord snapped at him. Draco nodded, and gathered Amira into his arms. "Yaxley! Go with them!" Draco felt rage but kept it off his face. He apparated home.
He landed in front of the silent manor. He lowered her to the ground. He didn't have his mother's help now to bring her back to life. Yaxley cracked into existence next to him. He looked down at her convulsing body in disgust.
"She's a demon," he whispered. "He's got the devil himself."
"Shut up!" Draco snapped at him. He cast diagnostic spells and found her severely magically exhausted. Her heart was on the brink of stopping. She was conscious, but her eyes were rolling. He summoned several potions and fed them to her. Yaxley stood by and did nothing.
Finally, she stilled. Her eyes closed and then fluttered back open.
"Draco," she murmured. Her hands reached for him.
"I've got it," Draco told Yaxley.
"I think I should take her tonight," Yaxley said, eyes glittering.
"Over my dead body," Draco growled.
"What are you going to do boy?" Yaxley asked, "Mommy and daddy aren't here to protect you."
"I'm perfectly capable," Draco said. He left Amira on the ground and stood to draw his wand. He also called upon the magic of the house that his parents had transferred to him before he left.
"Fine then," Yaxley growled, "But I will have her again. The Dark Lord's going to kill her soon, and he's promised me a reward before he does it."
"We'll see about that," Draco growled back. "Go."
Yaxley rolled his eyes and stalked away. Draco tried to shake the words out of his head. He turned back to Amira. She was curled on the ground. Her nails were dug into her wrists again. Her hand was on the ground. There was a flower growing there. Magically.
"Hey," he said, "Stop."
He pulled her hand away.
"You can't be using magic right now," he said frantically.
"I need to," she whimpered. "I have to keep going."
"No love," he said, scooping her up again, "Just let it settle."
He carried her inside and up to her room. He set her down on the bed. Her nails were deep in her arms, and one hand was yanking on her hair.
"Please," she begged, "I need to."
"No baby," he said sadly. He took her hands. He conjured a wrap, and wrapped them together gently so that she couldn't hurt herself anymore. Tears streamed down her face. She struggled against it before she gave up. He cleaned the deep wounds on her arms with his wand. She cried quietly and begged some more. He kept soothing her, hoping she would sleep.
She finally began to settle down and he let her hands go so that he could change her into pajamas. He crawled in next to her when they were ready for bed. She passed out as soon as he gathered her in his arms.
Draco focused back on the present moment.
"It's getting stronger," she whispered, "Every time the Dark Lord makes me use Dark Magic it gets more powerful and hard to resist."
"How do you fight it?" he asked.
She shrugged. "It's like an itch under my skin all of the time now. I just try to ignore it. So far it has worked."
"We'll figure out how to get rid of it," he promised her. They had to. Something about that magic scared him to death, because it promised an end to Amira's life. And her sanity.
They sat in silence for a bit longer.
"So," he said, "Do you want to tell me about horcruxes now? Was this the big secret?"
She nodded.
"I don't think I understand it all," he admitted. "It's a part of his soul in an object that keeps him from dying?"
"Exactly," she said, "As long as those exist, he can always come back."
"And he has seven?" he checked.
"He did," Amira said, "I think Dumbledore destroyed one, Potter did one, and I've done two."
Draco shook his head in disbelief. "All under his nose? How did you find them?"
"I know what his soul feels like," she said, "I've just been lucky enough to stumble on them."
"Do you know what the other three are?" he asked.
"Nagini," she said, "The other two I'm not sure. I think Potter might have one. I sensed it on him. I'm hoping he knows what the last one is."
"That's what he and Dumbledore were doing," Draco said, realization dawning on him. She nodded. "Is this why you were talking to Severus?"
"He doesn't know," she said, "But yeah, I was trying to see if there was anyone else who knew. After they're all gone we can finish him."
"Wow," he said. "I assume since you told me, we're leaving soon."
She nodded. "I heard Bella talking to him. He's done with me almost. She was trying to argue for me, but he didn't care. He just wants me to help him kill Potter. As soon as that's done, it's me. And then, he wins."
"You're right," Draco nodded.
She quieted down. "He's promised me to Yaxley. After we try to kidnap Potter."
There was a plan to abduct Potter four days before his seventeenth birthday. It was only a day away.
"You can fight him," Draco said. She shook her head.
"He ordered me to just take it," she said, voice shaking.
"Why didn't you say anything?" Draco asked, feeling rage and sorrow.
"I don't want to think about it," she shrugged. "I'm sorry. I understand if you don't want to-"
"Hey," he interrupted, "I don't know what you're about to say, but whatever it is. No. If something happens, it's not your fault. I won't look at you differently. We'll deal with it together okay?"
"Okay," she whispered.
"I love you," he said.
"I love you too," she said back. He smiled. He still wasn't used to hearing it from her. But he loved it.
"Now," he said, "Let's talk about the whole reason I went into your mind in the first place."
"Oh yeah," she laughed tiredly. "What did you think?"
"I never imagined it would be like that," he admitted. "It was incredible."
She smiled, "I told you."
"I never quite understood what you meant by colors, textures, and the moving, but I do now," he said.
"Now you try," she said, "Try to feel it, see it. Now that you know what you're looking for."
He grinned. He dove into his own mind. It was refreshing to see all of the organized memories, and uncluttered space. He walked to the part of his mind where Amira's window had been. He had one as well, and marveled that he'd never seen it. He didn't have a shelf of samples, and his window was much, much more muted. He could see faint colors when he tried really hard, but it was more than before. He pulled out of his mind, and tried to bring the feeling with him.
He looked at Amira. Very faintly, he could feel an immense amount of magic in her. It was burning hot, and colorful. It was almost a bright white.
"I can do it," he breathed, tracing her arm. "I can feel it."
"Really?" she asked excitedly.
"It's nothing like you," he admitted, "It's barely there, but I can't believe I never noticed before."
"You can work on it!" she squealed, "You'll get there."
"Yeah," he said with a satisfied smile, "I think I can."
"Come, feel this," Amira dragged him to her field of flowers. It was hard for Draco to feel it, but when he caught a glimpse, it was beyond rewarding. He tired quickly, so they decided to take a break for the day.
"Thank you," Draco said, "This is the most amazing gift."
Amira just kissed him in response.