Routine
Amira's lungs were burning as her feet pounded the morning grass. She pushed herself farther, faster, longer. She ran past the treeline and up the hill for the third time. When really could go no farther, she slowed to a walk. She put her hands on her head trying to catch her breath. She sucked in the cool dawn air and relished in the feeling of it.
She'd started running a few weeks ago ago after a suggestion from Bellatrix. It had started as a reason to improve her stamina and her capacity to perform large magic. Amira had found that it also cut back on a lot of the strong urges to perform more magic once she hit her limit. And she simply enjoyed it. It felt good. She went out every morning before breakfast.
The day after the marking fiasco had been odd. She hadn't seen Draco until the night. She had spent the day worrying that she had ruined their friendship by cuddling with him the night before. Instead, she had found out that he had simply been gone that day. He came and found her before bed and explained that he had been gone on a task for the Dark Lord to Diagon Alley. Amira had never been there, but she had heard of it.
She'd hesitantly asked him if he had been bothered by the night before, and he assured her that he hadn't been. It had been the biggest relief. Since then, they'd resumed their normal lessons. Amira was making great progress on her shields and defensive spells. She was reading books almost the entire time that she wasn't in lessons. Draco was teaching her so much about the Wizarding world. It felt kind of like a weird summer camp. She could almost forget that she was at the Dark Lord's main base of operations.
Except she couldn't. The screaming had begun again at night. She knew Draco had to go participate in the torture sessions sometimes. His eyes were always shadowed the next day. There were Death Eaters everywhere but the second floor. Sometimes, the Dark Lord would tell her to stay there, if there were going to be some that weren't trusted with her existence.
Her personal lessons with the Dark Lord were odd. He wasn’t angry about the mark. The bracelets satisfied him for now. He didn't teach her anything. Instead, he would sit and watch her. He would ask her the most random of questions. Sometimes, he would talk about his plans and ask what she thought. She was always honest with him. He was always intrigued by her responses. She wondered if this was some sort of new brainwashing technique that he was trying. If it was, it wasn't working.
She actually found herself thriving in her lessons with Bellatrix. The two of them had a truce. Bellatrix's teaching style was wild and unpredictable, but she had an unmatched energy. She was an extremely talented dueler, and Amira was pleased that she was learning to defend herself. She hadn't had another incident for awhile now, so they had allowed Draco to attend to his other tasks. Amira missed Draco's absence, but it wasn't like they could argue.
Amira's lessons to Draco were not going very well. He could find his magic now, but that was about it. There seemed to be a major piece of the puzzle missing but neither of them could seem to find it. Draco didn't give up though. They hadn't touched again. There hadn't been an emotional moment between them. Instead, they'd just been friendly and lighthearted. They both needed it. With him, she could pretend she was a normal teenager, and so could he. It was an escape from the madness around them.
She trudged back to the house slowly. She didn’t have much time before she had to get ready for dinner, but she tried to be outside as much as she could. Now that she had noticed it, the magic that surrounded and filled the house was heavy, and pressed down on her at all times, making her feel a bit claustrophobic. It grew worse everyday with the growing Death Eater population in the house.
When she wasn’t in lessons, reading, or running, Amira sat in her hidden spot in the garden. She hadn’t told Draco about it. Sometimes, she needed her time alone. Mostly, when she wanted to think about him.
She thought about Draco often. She thought about the way he had held her hand a few times. She thought about the way that he talked to her. Amira loved to joke and tease him, but she also loved it when he got talking about things he was passionate about. She worried about him, and what his big secret task was. He’d left the house several more times since his first trip, and wouldn’t tell her why. She wasn’t sure if he was allowed.
She also thought about the way that he looked. The way his hair caught the sun and the way his eyes were like mirrors or silver lakes. She thought about how tall and strong he was. Against her will, she thought about what it would be like to hold his hand again, hug him, or even kiss him. That’s normally where her thoughts stopped and took a darker turn to her uncle.
She hadn’t seen her uncle since the time that Draco had made him leave. She was loving having space from him. Her body wasn’t being used or abused for the first time since she could remember. She had undisturbed nights of sleep. She had a room to call her own. Still, as he became more and more of a memory, the dreams got worse and worse. She dreamed of the horror almost every night. She didn’t wake up screaming, but instead woke up gasping and paralyzed until she could remember she was safe and relaxed. She hated giving him the power to still ruin her nights, but she couldn’t help it. She was wary around everyone, except for Draco. Especially when she was near another Death Eater.
She’d spied Macnair and Avery together in the dining hall. They’d looked her up and down and smirked, sending disgusted shivers down her spine. They were the other two who’d partaken in raping her when she was young. It had been a long time since then, but she’d never forgotten their brutality, and neither had they.
When she got back to her room, she took a quick shower and then sat down in front of her mirror. She’d learned to do her hair in the curls that Narcissa had shown her. She liked to do them, and then twist the front portion back and secure it in a half up half down fashion with an elastic band. She’d leave a long curl on each side out to frame her face. This way, her hair was out of her face for the most part. Her hair was growing long now. She wondered if it was a side effect of her magic.
For her makeup, she stuck to a blush and darkened her lashes. She also tended to put a light coat of a dark brown shadow on the crease of her eyelids, just to give some more definition. Today, she decided to place a thin line of the shadow on her lower lashline. It was barely noticeable, but she liked the effect.
She didn’t wear a lot of jewelry, but she liked the rings that Narcissa had laid out for her. It drew the attention away from the black bands on her wrists.
The bracelets hadn’t been a choice. She didn’t mind them, except for the fact that she could never take them off. She theorized that she could try, but if she wasn’t successful on the first attempt, she would be killed, because the Dark Lord would know.
She dressed for the day and laced up her boots. Before she went down, she looked at her appearance. She couldn’t believe how much she had changed in the short time that she’d had magic. She’d always felt like she was a stranger when she looked in the mirror, but now she felt like she was looking back at herself.
She went to her door and found Draco waiting for her there, like he always did. His eyes were shadowed and Amira knew that last night had been rough for him.
“Good morning,” he said, “I saw you running.”
She gave a small smile, “Good morning Draco, stalking me now?”
“No,” he blushed and the two of them went down to breakfast together.
When she entered the room, she held her head high, and walked to her seat without looking at anyone. That was what she normally did. Today, Bellatrix was already there.
“Amira, Amira, Amira,” Bellatrix sang when she sat. Bellatrix leaned in close to her face. Amira had grown used to her antics over the past week. “So pretty pretty pretty.”
“Still high from last night eh Bella?” a man called from across the table. The table jeered and made jokes.
“Oh it was beautiful, you should have seen it,” Bellatrix said whimsically, “So much red, so much blood. So many pretty screams.”
Amira didn’t respond and just nodded. She didn’t dare look over at Draco next to her.
The Dark Lord thankfully entered at that moment and interrupted their conversation.
The rest of breakfast passed uneventfully, like it normally did. At the end, the Dark Lord summoned Draco and Amira to his study. Amira was grateful they could go together, more and more the Dark Lord had been separating them as Amira became adjusted to having magic.
The pair waited patiently for him to speak.
“You need to learn to use a wand today,” the Dark Lord finally said, “I cannot put it off any longer.”
He slid over a box of wands.
“You can use those,” he instructed, “Just to do a couple of spells to learn the basics. Then, just focus on pretending to use the wand while casting like you normally would. I do not want you becoming wand dependent.”
“Alright,” Amira nodded.
“You are dismissed from normal lessons today, and tomorrow,” he said, “But tomorrow you’ll be going on a trip. Hence, the necessity of a wand.”
After that, with no more explanation, he dismissed them. The pair decided to go outside, and into the wooded section of the grounds again today as it was sunny and breezy.
“How do I choose one?” Amira asked him.
“I think you’ll be able to sense your best fit,” Draco said uncertainly, “It might not be perfect.”
She nodded, and Draco spread the wands over the ground. There were about fifty of them. She moved her hand over them slowly. She took in their feelings, and the energy that sat in them. Wands were interesting because they didn’t have active magic. Instead, she could feel the space for possible magic.
There were about four that stood out to her, so she picked them out and set them in a separate pile. Draco put the rest back in the box.
“These feel about the same,” she said. Draco nodded.
“Let’s try lumos,” he suggested. Amira picked a wand at random, and focussed on sending magic up through it, instead of through her hand.
She jumped back and dropped it as it burst into flames and turned into dust. The pair sat in a shocked silence.
“Well…” Draco said, before bursting into laughter. “There goes one wand.”
Amira giggled, “I really didn’t mean to.”
“Oh I know,” he said chuckling, “But that makes it better.”
Amira covered her mouth, laughing hard now. It was great when they got to be silly like this, when they were alone.
“Imagine, I’m trying to use a wand convincingly, and-” she mimicked an explosion with her hand.
“Yeah, that’d be really good,” he laughed. Amira loved to see his face turn upwards like that. “It might make them underestimate you, if they think you can’t even use a wand.”
“I’ll keep them guessing,” she joked.
“You do that already,” Draco pointed out, “No one’s shocked the Dark Lord as much as you.”
Their laughter died as they both faced reality again. Amira sighed and picked up another one.
“Wait,” Draco said, “Practice saying the words this time… and maybe do a little less?”
She nodded.
“Lumos,” she said, and then pushed the smallest amount of magic she could through the wand.
Fireworks exploded from the top of the wand and shot around their heads, so she ended the spell quickly. She stared at the wand angrily.
“Two things,” Draco said slowly, “Less power. And you can’t delay like that after you say the word.”
“Right,” she said grumpily.
She took a breath, and began to push a whisper of a breath of magic into the wand.
“Lumos.”
The wand finally lit up like it was supposed to. She didn’t hold the spell very long as Draco clapped. She rubbed her temple.
“That gives me a headache,” she complained. It also made her fingers itch to do more.
“Let’s do levitation, and… summoning, and then you can be done.” Draco compromised.
Amira agreed. In the process of levitation, she broke another wand straight in half, and sent some rocks flying so far into the sky that they didn’t fall back down.
When she tried to summon something, no wands were damaged, but she almost concussed herself with the force that a branch came soaring at her.
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Draco decided, “It might be better if we get a wand made for you, but I don’t think you’re meant to do magic that way.”
“No,” Amira said and stretched. “That was awful.”
She felt pinched and restrained. Her head was throbbing. Her fingers were desperate. She could barely focus.
“I need to let some magic out,” she told him, “It’s angry.”
“Erm, alright,” Draco said, “Go for it.”
Amira turned towards the trees facing away from the rest of the grounds. She sat down in the grass and placed her palms on the ground. She closed her eyes and simply pushed. She had no intention. She just let it do as she pleased.
She heard Draco gasp behind her. She kept going. It just felt so good. Remembering his warnings, she stopped after a bit. She opened her eyes.
The ground was covered in assorted small flowers. They were twisting up the trees and hanging from the branches. There were vines, and little pastel balls of floating light. Butterflies and bumblebees floated around the new patch of life.
She stood, and felt the now familiar light-headedness return. She turned to Draco, “Do you like it?”
“It’s amazing,” he said, and then he looked down at her, “You’re amazing.”
His praise on top of her high made her feel incredible. She smiled widely. She barely resisted the urge to take his hand or touch his face.
“Are you feeling good?” he asked her, taking in her big smile and her bright eyes.
“Yeah,” she breathed, “It just feels right.”
She ignored the way her fingers were itching. She had done enough. She was content to take in this blissful feeling of joy. Something about the nature of what she created was making her feel lighter than air and more wholesome than normal.
“No more though, okay?” he checked gently. She nodded.
“Okay.”
Then she giggled and walked backwards into her flowers. She went to one of the trees and took off her robe. She wanted to climb the tree. She’d never done it before, but she knew that she could. It would be fun.
“Amira?” Draco asked behind her as she grabbed the lowest branch. She pulled herself up instead of answering him.
She climbed with more grace than she’d expected. This tree was large, and sturdy, and it had convenient branches for her to go higher and higher.
“Amira, please be careful,” Draco called from below. She heard rustling and saw that he was climbing up after her. He’d taken his robe off as well, and rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt.
“Are you chasing me?” she teased. He just shook his head as he carefully advanced up the tree towards her. She reached a branch with a good place to sit and a good view. It was up at an angle, so she carefully sat with her back to the trunk, bracing her legs on either side so she wouldn’t fall. There would be room for Draco to stand comfortably next to her this way too.
Draco caught up to her. Amira took in the way his cheeks were flushed and his forearms were flexing as he grabbed the branch over her head for stability. She ignored the dark mark on his arm.
“This is fun,” she breathed. They were close together because of the lack of space on the branches.
“Fun,” he muttered, shaking his head, “You’re crazy.”
“It’s not my fault,” she fake pouted. He rolled his eyes fondly. She looked out over the grounds. From here, they had a unique view of the manor and the strolling albino peacocks.
“It’s beautiful,” she murmured.
Draco didn’t say anything. She turned back to him to find him watching her. Her heart sped up when she realized their proximity. He was standing slightly over her, and he seemed so very broad.
“Thank you,” she said in almost a whisper.
“For what?” he asked. His voice seemed rougher than normal and it made her feel warm.
“For being my friend,” she said, “I don’t know how I would do this without you.”
It was the truth. She’d thought about it many times. The last several weeks would have been unbearable without him. He’d helped her in more ways than one.
“I feel the same,” he admitted.
“What?” she asked.
“You help me more than you could know,” he said, looking past her, “You show me that there is still good in this world.”
She blushed and looked down. He took his free hand and cupped her chin ever so gently and tilted her head up.
There was a charged moment between the two of them where they stared into each other’s eyes. Amira noticed his eyes flit down to her lips and back up, prompting her to do the same. She leaned imperceptibly closer on instinct. She didn’t dare do more. She wasn’t ready yet. And he seemed to know it.
After a few more long moments, he pulled away and dropped his hand, a soft smile on his lips.
“We need to figure out how you’re going to pretend to use a wand,” he said. Amira let out a breath as he began to climb down. A silly smile crossed her face. She ran a hand over her face and then began her climb as well.
Now she felt giddy from Draco, and it was so much better.