James
Waking up to a harsh strike across the face with a pricey hardcover on potions on the one day of the week James allowed himself to sleep in may not have been most people’s ideal way to start the morning, but James couldn’t have imagined any way better.
Sure, he may have been ticked off at first when Moony slapped him across the face with it using what felt like an exuberant amount of force, but when Remus casually informed him who the blow was from James quickly decided he would happily bruise.
“Courtesy of Lily Evans,” Remus chuckled above him as James groaned and winced in pain, “-she doesn’t want your book,” he continued, “said I had the option of hitting you with it.” Remus tossed the book on his bed, smirking to himself as if he hadn’t just brutalized one of his best friends.
“And you took her up on that?” James couldn’t decide if he felt more betrayed by Remus or positively giddy from who had ordered his wake up call. Lily had gone to the effort to have him beaten by proxy, and to think Regulus thought that she didn’t like him enough for that.
James held a hand to his increasingly sore face but couldn’t find it within himself to be all that bitter about it.
“Sorry, mate,” Remus shrugged unapologetically and James felt a smile encroaching as he watched his friend sip his coffee without an ounce of remorse. Not that James would have wanted any, he was glad to have been stricken under the orders of Lily Evans. The only thing that would have made it better was if she’d have done it herself, though he doubted she was fond of him enough for that yet.
“Good friend, you are,” James tossed his covers off and grinned. This was what he called progress. Quick to throw on a shirt in addition to his pajama bottoms and at the very least brush his teeth, it was only minutes before James was out the door, slamming it closed with an optimism he hadn't felt in ages. His Maa was right, Lily was growing on him just as she had predicted. And maybe James was pushing his luck by going to thank her for his beating but he wanted to see her, and more importantly, see if she was sleeping. Surely Lily wouldn’t blame him for wanting to make sure she was taking care of herself.
James felt a sharp pang of worry run through him at the thought that she wasn’t as he walked the short distance between the boys and girls dorms but he forced himself to shake it off and focus on the positive. That Lily was sort of growing to be fond of him.
With that reminder James greeted the day with ease before he’d so much as showered and had his coffee, ruffling the hair of a second year new to the quidditch team that he happened upon in the common room, cheerily greeting, “Mornin’ Belinda!”
Belinda, a coily haired beater with a hell of an arm and plenty of freckles all but jumped from her chair when she heard him. James wondered if it was him or something else that made the girl so nervous. He hadn’t meant to jar her, only say hello, but he worried he might have anyway.
Turning to him with a bit of a blush, the second year stuttered, “Oh, h-hi James,” and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. James shot her what he hoped would be a reassuring smile and then, with a start she added, “and good morning!” She spoke a little bit more confidently. He grinned as the girl seemed to be more herself and cheerfully waved on his way out.
Satisfied with his running streak of positive interactions, James headed up the stairs to the girls dormitories with confidence. Already familiar with the location of Lily’s dorm it didn’t take him long to find it. After doing so James took a moment to sort out his hair before knocking at the door with unfaltered cheer.
A part of him wondered if Lily was already up and roaming the grounds somewhere, leading to a tug of worry that was already lingering in his gut, but James brushed it off in favor of a more optimistic viewpoint when he heard groans and curses from inside.
Rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet while he waited for a response at the door, James occupied his time by transforming the old candy wrapper in his pocket into a lovely bouquet of flowers upon realizing that he hadn’t brought her a gift. It took a few tries, but he managed it, standing there for several minutes to the sounds of rushed rummaging and what James thought to be a brief argument on whether or not to open the door. One that did not seem to be going in his favor.
Though miraculously, James was greeted by a groggy and irritated Mary McDonald in red and pink heart pajamas with her hair in a bonnet, offering him the glorious one word response of, “Yes?”
“And good morning to you too, Mary. Love the pajamas,” James grinned amiably as he spotted a head of bright auburn hair poking out from underneath blankets behind her.
“It’s early, Potter,” Mary yawned, none too pleased, “but thanks,” she spoke more cordially before turning away from him to yell, “Lils, get up, he wants to talk to you,”
James felt himself go a little red from how easily she had read his motive. He hoped Mary knew that he would be plenty happy to talk to her as well, even if she was rather to the point and not Lily.
Lily groaned and threw a pillow across the room, to which Mary ushered him in and then announced that she was going to the showers. James waved at her as he couldn’t help but wonder why she had so promptly left. The last time they’d spoken she’d cackled at him for a solid minute before slamming the door in his face, but maybe that was just her way of conveying that she didn’t want to be around him… James tried not to take that too personally.
“Go away, Potter,” Lily groaned as she opened one eye only to close it and turn her back to him, “I’m not leaving this bed,” she grumbled tiredly.
Fuck, James couldn’t help but think, she was gorgeous. Auburn hair astray and messy from sleep, so many freckles James wondered if he’d ever be able to kiss each and every one, and Lily’s features were relaxed in a way James had rarely seen them. He’d hardly ever seen her so blissfully at ease. Something stirred in him as he realized how desperately he wanted to see Lily that way all the time.
“You two are delightful in the morning,” James said facetiously and sat himself next to Lily on her bed, “-glad to see you sleeping. I’ll let you get back to it, but first I wanted to thank you for putting a hit out on me earlier. Oh, and give you these,”
Lily creaked open her eyes and James gestured to his transfigured flowers. Irritated, but not as much so as James would have expected, she sighed heavily and sat up, tossing him an unappreciative glare before stating, “they’re lovely, Potter. Thank you,” and taking them from him with notably little reluctance.
“Would you find a vase?” Lily rubbed underneath one of her eyes and sat up more fully, her voice softer and slightly scratchy in the morning, perhaps not quite on her game yet, thus the miracle of her offering James anything but semi-reluctant rejection.
Stunned by her acceptance of one of his gifts, James didn't realize until it was far too late that his jaw had dropped so lowly it had practically hit the floor. Though instead of closing it, which might have been the more reasonable response, James found himself blurting, “I transfigured them out of an old wrapper in my pocket,” at what felt like perhaps slightly too loud of a volume.
Rubbing the back of his neck he added, “so you know I didn’t spend any money on you. ‘Less you count the price of the candy, which you probably will, but I don’t remember how much that was so-” James shook his head to try to make at least some sense of what he was saying, “uh, point is- I dunno, I think I lost my point, but I modeled ‘em after the ones my mum has in her garden,” he pointed to the delphiniums, freesias, and orchids Lily was holding, “I can get you the real thing if you like. They’d be free too, I uh, help my mum grow em,”
James felt a heat rise to his neck and cheeks at the admission, only now realizing he’d been rambling about his Maa for several minutes. Not that he was ashamed of her, but he didn’t typically tell Lily all that much about himself, much preferring to get to know her instead, especially when she didn’t seem to have much of an interest in him quite yet. He helped his mum in the kitchen too, but James figured he probably shouldn’t mention that either.
Despite his blubbering Lily only hummed, looking over him as if she was contemplating something. Likely whether or not to shove him out the door, but James’s gut told him there could be something more mixed in there as well.
Lily narrowed her eyes towards him, then after a minute or so of silence spoke, “That won’t be necessary, but I-” she winced, “appreciate the gesture. Um, you’re welcome to… stay, if you’d like,”
Frozen by the offer, but all too willing to take her up on it, the only thing James could manage was a jarred and disbelieving, “really?” To which Lily cracked the smallest of smiles and nodded, reaching into a drawer on her bedside table and taking out her hairbrush.
“Well you’ve already woken me up,” she spoke almost pleasantly, “there’s no going back to sleep now,” James watched in awe as she leisurely began brushing her hair, wondering briefly why she’d feel the need to as he thought her hair looked attractive enough before.
He contemplated whether or not it would be right to take her up on her offer, everything in him screaming that he’d be a fool to turn down any opportunity to spend time with Lily, but a deeper part of himself still stung with concern and anxiety for her. He wanted her to take care of herself, his worry insisted, that was more important.
“You should, though, sleep,” he decided, with a smile adding, “rumor is it’s good for you,” James scrambled to think of ways he could make sleeping sound enticing to her, maybe a magical heater in her mattress to make Lily’s bed feel nice and cozy. Maybe that was why she had trouble sleeping, maybe she got cold at night or her pillows were uncomfortable, in which case he would be glad to buy her new ones.
It was silent for a moment before Lily hummed, unconvinced. Then with a snarky quirk of her brow and a poorly hidden smile, Lily remarked, “well you should never listen to rumors, Potter. They’re hardly ever true,”
James chuckled lightly before leaning closer to her, “well this one is,” he tried his best to convince her.
Though Lily only stared at him flatly and James forced away the crease in his brows with his fingers before sighing, “Do it to prove me wrong then. Try sleeping for a week and if nothing’s different you can have anything you want from me. Promise,” James gave her time to consider it while he went about finding a vase, even going as far as to pull the covers back over Lily as he got up. Upon finding one he filled it with water and was sure Lily was about to tell him to fuck off when instead he heard,
“Anything?” Her voice softer than he’d anticipated it to be, tired probably, or maybe even unbothered by his presence.
James turned around in an instant and nodded in confirmation, “anything, Evans. The world is your oyster,” he knew he sounded a little too eager, but for Lily Evans, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. James cracked a smile, hoping she’d take him up on his offer.
Lily hesitated, face contorting slightly as she looked to be deep in thought before she held her head in her hands and mumbled, “Okay,” only semi-reluctantly.
“Okay?” James grinned more widely than he had all morning, “So what do you want?” As far as James was concerned this was better than the Christmas he had gotten his first broom.
Lily rolled her eyes at him with a bit of a groan but answered, “for you to stop terrorizing the lower years,” she narrowed her eyes at him, “permanently,” she accentuated. Then, a tad more sheepish than James would have expected and after quite the considering pause, she more quietly added, “and maybe, if Reg is okay with it, for you to um-, -kiss me,” she nearly whispered the last part, shy in a way he never saw her be, and without any prompting or prior thought to it James found himself back on her bed sitting beside her with a hand running across her shoulder.
Half of him was sure he hadn’t heard her right and she really didn’t want him to kiss her, but his instincts had already kicked in and he rubbed her back comfortingly as he assured her, “consider it done, Evans. No more pranking the lower years and I’ll kiss you anytime you want. Just out of curiosity though, why would Regulus need to be okay with it?”
At that Lily pulled away from his touch, shooting him a harsh glare before standing up, folding in on herself, and stammering, “because I- he’s my- person, I guess,” she blushed heavily at the mere mention of him, before continuing, “-and it’s really none of your business, Potter so you should see yourself out,” she waved her hand to create a gust of wind that shoved him out of the newly opened door, leaving James smiling to himself as he regained his footing.
Why had she gotten so nervous when he’d brought up Regulus? James contemplated. He knew they were friends, and that they both absolutely loathed him—though he was working on changing that—so was it that Lily thought Regulus would judge her for it, for wanting to kiss him? James doubted that seeing as he’d kissed Regulus plenty of times.
Fuck, he missed Regulus, he thought as he began to walk back down the stairs, he missed Reg’s sweet little waist that curved in so perfectly when he put his hand there. He missed his even sweeter cries, feeling Reg’s tidy silken curls in his hands as he fucked him, the game they played of false reluctance and the way Regulus would always fold after he’d tired himself out fighting him. James had never had anyone as good, as gorgeous, as wanton in their wanting.
He missed the scratches down his back after their time together, the bruises that would fade after a day or two that Regulus had so graciously left him. He missed Regulus’s wit, his intelligence, and sharp tongue, and how he gave it all up to James at the very crest of his pleasure.
Lately all James had been was worried and horny, so uselessly concerned for Lily and her refusal to let him help her, with no outlet for his frustration as he used to have. Nowhere for his feelings to go but inside him, boiling over like a pot he had taken his eye off of, just for a second but now he was falling apart.
It seemed all three of them were. Regulus being just as much of a mess if he’d been reading things right, nervous and even more edgy around James than usual. Lily was exhausted, possibly beyond repair, though at least she had agreed to try sleeping regularly for a week, and if James was lucky perhaps for more than that, but he didn’t tend to get lucky with Lily. Except for the oddity that was that morning, when she had accepted his flowers, invited him to stay, agreed to his bargain, and then to top it all off bashfully asked him to kiss her.
He hadn’t, and it was possible he wouldn’t be able to, but Lily had only shoved him out when he had asked about Regulus, which led him to wonder if the reason Lily had acted all fluttery and nervous was because there was something going on between her and Reg.
That thought got James hornier than he would have liked to admit and he soon found himself shoving down a boner as he tried not to keep picturing the two people he had spent years pining for intimate in a way he never could be with them.
He could always tell that he cared about each other, that underneath it all they both wanted to be more than just friends. And if James was right then that would explain the kiss he had witnessed between them in the great hall, the subtle gestures Regulus was always making for Lily’s benefit, and the way he had played coy with him in the gift shop when James had mentioned that Lily might have been seeing someone, why Regulus had been playing coy in general.
It was just a theory, and James was usually wrong, but it was all but confirmed when on his way out, half-strutting down the stairs, James noticed a familiar figure with feather soft curls and piercing gray eyes carrying a tray practically overflowing with food. A plate of nearly everything they must have had at the great hall that morning with a few cups of tea and a plentiful pile of chocolate croissants dead center that James knew Lily always dove for when they’re set out at breakfast.
Too much food for one person, James began to contemplate before he got wrapped up in the angelic curve of Regulus’s waist, how sweet and small it was compared to the rest of his body. The brilliant focus in his storm grey eyes, with just the slightest hint of blue. The slight parting of Regulus’s pretty pink lips that looked even prettier spit slick and wrapped around the tip of his cock….
James shook himself out of his thoughts only to find that he was already half hard from them. From the simple sight of Regulus falsely put out and pacing up the stairs then down again. Then up once more before his well hidden nervousness turned into a steely stare that struck James like a bolt of lightning he’d gladly be struck by yet again.
Regulus scoffed to ask, “what do you think you were doing in the girl’s dormitories, Potter?” An accusation, really, that let James know regardless of what his answer was, he was already guilty.
“What are you doing in the girls' dormitories?” James pivoted.
“I asked you first,” Regulus irritably grumbled. He looked like he would have crossed his arms too if he wasn’t holding a cornicopia’s worth of food in them.
“Mm, you did sweetheart,” Regulus raised a brow at him expectantly, the aristocratic arch alone easily enough to make James fold. Shamelessly admitting, “I’m missing you in my bed if I’m honest, love. Tell me, is there a reason why you’ve been runnin’ away from me so much lately?” He leaned over him slightly on the banister, hoping to milk even the slightest bit of information out of Regulus about whatever was going on between him and Lily.
Regulus however, froze, anxiously stepping away from him and uttering, “I- things are different now, Jamie,” before gathering more composure and stating, “I’m bringing Lily breakfast,” Regulus turned his nose up at him haughtily then brushed by James with a indisputably attractive sort of spite. James was almost in the clear to take care of his re-emerging hard on when Regulus stopped and turned back to him, narrowing his eyes harshly before asking,
“You were just with her. Weren’t you?” Much more a statement than a question and James could only watch as Regulus sighed and made his way down the stairs, gesturing with his head for James to follow.
“How could you-” tell, he was going to finish but Regulus had already scoffed and rolled his eyes at him, annoyed as Regulus answered,
“Your stupid fucking smile. You get this ‘Lily just talked to me’ grin going. It’s pathetic,” he tutted at him as if James was barely even worth the explanation, seemingly irritated to have had to give it. His words stung, but fuck, Regulus was gorgeous when he was condescending.
Regardless, James made an effort to lessen what had previously been a fairly wide smile. He knew that all of it was just a game, the insults typically just precursors to sex that they weren’t currently having, but every once and a while Regulus’s remarks got to him. Knives James usually enjoyed suddenly cutting his skin. Especially now that they weren't having sex. Especially now that the insults weren’t a precursor to it.
James reminded himself that he was enough and that Regulus’s bitter words only came from the hurt he was feeling inside. Hurt that James would love to help Regulus through… his mind drifted, but he doubted the angel-faced boy would ever give him the chance.
When they reached the common room Regulus set down his tray, casted a few charms over it to keep the food warm and protected then sharply directed his attention towards James, gritting his teeth and sighing lightly before speaking,
“You know, the fucked thing is, I don’t mind,”
Regulus gestured for James to sit down in the chair across from him, an opportunity James gratefully seized to use the pillow there to cover up the inconvenient bulge in his pants that seemed to arise whenever he was in the slytherin’s presence.
Regulus sat down across from him stiffly then leaned forward like a displeased king pondering whether or not James should be beheaded. Fuck, that was hot, James pressed the pillow down more firmly over his dick, maybe he wanted Regulus to have him beheaded… James briefly wondered if he should be concerned about that, but was soon torn back to the reluctant words Regulus had released earlier.
“Really?” James cocked a brow curiously at Regulus. Regulus, who offered him nothing more than a flat ‘obviously’ sort of look that gave James exactly no answers or further information. Was he giving James permission to go after Lily?
A moment passed before either made any remarks, something unusual passing between them, Regulus silently laid bare to him, biting his tongue but unhesitatingly vulnerable as he leaned ever so slightly towards James. Eyes wide with turbulence swirling inside them like ocean currents. James noticed the small shades of blue in Regulus’s sterling silver eyes, the hesitation in them, as there always was, and unthinkingly James found himself reaching out a hand to him. Then missing as Regulus forcibly moved himself away.
He was putting his wall back up, James could tell.
“I think you could be good to her,” Regulus spoke carefully, “if she wants you to be,” he finished. James could only gape at the admission, at the near permission Regulus was granting him. But before he went any farther with anything he had to be sure that was what it was.
Shaking himself out of his stupor, James mustered, “look, cards on the table, I’m fuckin’ whipped for Lily, and she kind of just insinuated that she might like me too, so if she does, and you’re cool with it, I’m beyond down. But Reg, it’s not just her, it’s-”
James hesitated before continuing, before placing some kind of condition on Regulus’s consent or making the already uncomfortable boy any more than he already was. Still, something rose in James that enabled him to say,
“-It’s always been you too, and I don’t want to see what happens with Lily if it means not being able to continue things with you,” he leaned forward to lay his hand over Regulus’s stiff and trouser covered knee, to squeeze him there—earnestly, James hoped. He hoped he could do anything to soothe the boy across from him, who looked so rigidly strung he may not be able to breathe.
But Regulus only tightened more at the gesture, stiffly stating, “well, then you should know that- Lily and I are… dating,” he swatted James’s hand away and made to stand up, “and I have to bring her breakfast,” he spoke dutifully, and with that Regulus picked up his tray and strode away about as quickly as he had appeared, leaving James with an only half faded boner and a hell of a lot of confusion.
. . .
Though Regulus and Lily were missing during breakfast, they were at lunch, and no amount of quidditch banter with Sirius or wizard’s chess with Peter could distract James from his newfound knowledge that his two biggest crushes were together.
From just how obvious it was now that James was properly paying attention. From the way Regulus reached his arm around Lily to grab her some food then conveniently left it around her waist. Regulus who hated PDA and had major issues with physical affection.
From the way Lily smiled and leaned into him, giving Regulus the smallest peck to the cheek. One that made him flush afterwards, and left James swirling with a combination of lust, jealousy, genuine happiness for them, and an inability to take his eyes off of anything that wasn’t the two of them. So beautiful together, and happy in each other's company. The ease with which they interacted was so natural that it left James feeling like the odd man out.
Something he usually wouldn’t mind if he still didn’t have even the slightest shot with them, but now… between Lily so gingerly asking if he would kiss her and Regulus all but giving him permission to, and unsure if the two have them had actually discussed it, James felt like a list of terms and conditions unpleasantly threatening to break up their bliss.
In a way it was easier when he knew that they hated him, when he could fuck Regulus rough and watch him go retreat back into his loathing. Sure, it hurt every time Reg would leave his room immediately after using him and refuse to let James take care of him like James knew he needed, but at least then James knew where he stood. Now he was in freefall with no one to catch him if he fucked up.
He was stuck caring for two people that both did and didn’t want him to take care of them. A liminal space James couldn’t survive in if he tried. And while part of him knew that there were pieces of all three of them missing that would only be whole if they let him in, another took one look at how gorgeous Regulus and Lily were together and wondered who he was to intrude.
The message was only seared in as he watched Lily unabashedly kiss Regulus on the cheek and instead of sharply yanking away as he would if James tried such a thing, Regulus smiled and leaned into it.
The most beautiful sight in the world, and James was sure he had absolutely no place in it.
. . .
Late at night, James felt rather somber as he put on his pajamas and he heard before he saw the noisy opening of his door. Frantic, in fact, as James turned around to see a panicked Regulus pacing in and out of James’s dorm as if he wasn’t sure coming in was a good idea. His hands pulled anxiously at his curls before Regulus stopped and shook his head then decided to come into the room.
Shutting the door behind him, Regulus moved quickly towards James then pulled out his wand to stick it firmly underneath James’s chin. He held it there for several seconds before stating,
“If you say anything about this I can and will use all three unforgivables on you to ensure you have a slow and painful death,” his voice cold and eyes menacing amidst his panic. James genuinely felt a shiver run down his spine before he refocused on the panic that Regulus was so clearly struggling to hold in while he did his threatening.
“I’d never dream to, love,” James patted next to himself on his bed, hoping to entice Regulus to sit and calm his nerves a bit, “now what can I help you with?”
“I-I’d like to stand,” Regulus wrung his hands out with unsurity, “Lily’s sleeping. I don’t know why but she’s sleeping. Um- but that’s not what I came here to talk to you about. It’s-” Regulus paused then hesitantly went to sit down, smoothing out James’s comforter and making sure he was a good distance away before doing so.
“Yes, love?” James smiled at him and made no move to breach it in hopes of making him more comfortable.
“You can’t make fun of me if I tell you,” Regulus all but demanded with a huff.
“I promise I won’t,” the words came out of James’s mouth like water flowing faster than he could keep up with, a raging river that only knew desperation for Regulus to give in.
“And you can’t be crude about it,” Regulus determined, steely and stern as he made it clear that it was non-negotiable.
Usually James might quip something along the lines of how he couldn’t promise that, but before he could even think something devout inside him had him saying, “I swear.”
Regulus narrowed his eyes at him, likely trying to determine if he truly meant it before emphasizing, “you can’t be crude about her,”
“I promise I won’t be,” James nodded, understanding a threat when he heard one.
“If you are I’ll cut your tongue out,” Regulus spoke with seemingly every intention of doing just that.
“Agreed,” James responded perhaps a little too quickly.
“You can’t be crude about Lils,” Regulus once again determined, all but holding a knife to his throat as it was clear to James that nerves must be running through the boy like a wildfire.
Letting out a breath James responded, “Reg, I swear I won’t be. Now would you mind telling me what brought you here?” Regulus paused for a minute, contemplating it before uneasily blurting,
“Look, I- fuck, this was easier when I practiced it. I kind of… need your help,” he winced, “Lily’s wonderful, clever, gorgeous, she’s… she isn’t the problem. I- she’s asleep right now because-” Regulus hesitated, closing in on himself. He was embarrassed, James could tell.
Placing a hand on Regulus’s knee, James nodded for him to continue. Regulus seemed to relax a bit at the touch then haltingly uttered,
“-the problem’s me. I’m not good at being- you know, on top. So I came to you because you’re fairly good at that and, uh- I need you to teach me how to be too,” he spoke quickly and quietly but James picked up every word. Regulus, whose head was lowered and cheeks were bright red with embarrassment, refused to meet James’s eyes after saying it. But James didn’t need him to, all he’d needed was for Regulus to be honest, and Reg had superseded him in that regard. He’d been vulnerable in a way he almost never was with James, and without the presence of sex to excuse it. As far as James was concerned, he had never been more proud of him.
“Alright,” James spoke softly so as not to startle Regulus, to try to keep him at least a little bit at ease, “I’ll help, love. Though I personally think you’re at your most beautiful when you aren’t ’on top’ as you put it,” he lifted Regulus’s chin gently, smiled and scooted closer to the boy to continue, “and I also think that Lily wouldn’t want you to change yourself trying to please her. That if you let her see you like I’ve seen you she’d find you just as stunning as I do.”
A moment passed between them, Regulus raw and open to him, leaning into James’s touch with the utmost vulnerability and such a repressed need. His eyes locked on to James’s and refusing to leave him, indecision and emotion flowing through them in waves. A beautiful parting of Regulus’s lips, then,
“I want to make her happy,” the boy’s words soft yet determined, unsure of himself, yet still so devout to the woman James could tell he was so dedicated to. Then, with slightly more surety, Regulus spoke,
“I want to try it my way first. Then- maybe later I can try your way too. I- I want her to um-” Regulus cleared his throat and hesitantly broke eye contact, James’s hand long having fallen away, “-feel good. I don’t want it to just be me, you know.”
As if she couldn’t, James wanted to scream, as if anyone lucky enough to be in bed with Regulus wouldn’t have the most earth-shattering sex they’d ever experienced, regardless of who was in charge.
As if Regulus wasn’t a porcelain and onyx Adonis with lips as sweet and addicting as cinnamon, James helpless not to dive in for more. But James knew he couldn’t dump all of that on him. Not when the beautiful broken boy in front of him had come to James so hesitantly for guidance. So he opted instead to pull Regulus towards him, arms holding him close to his body, forgoing words for action because fuck, if James opened his mouth right then he would ruin it all.
James was a bull in a china shop and Regulus was in a state of such fragility. For once, James had no idea what he was doing until out of nowhere Regulus murmured,
“Lily told me about her wanting to kiss you,” blasé as he pushed himself more calmly off of James’s chest. Matter of fact as he continued, “I told her she could. But I want to be there while you do it,” Regulus seemed to have regained most of his composure.
“She’s worried about it,” Regulus spoke before James had the chance to respond, frowning to himself intently, “she shouldn’t be,” he went on, “it’s not like I haven’t. But you have to be good to Lils,” Regulus’s sternly determined, “she’s letting you kiss her, and you can’t take advantage of that,” he was standing now, harshly dictating to James from above, features hard with a protective ferocity that James considered himself lucky to witness.
He was glad the two of them were together, James couldn’t help but think, it was obvious how deeply Regulus cared about her.
They were a striking pair, a cozy little club that James was confounded he was being let into. He didn’t have the intellect or the grace that both of them had. The easy rapport and tucked away smiles, things he’d never dreamed of actually experiencing. Wanted, sure, and went to great lengths to attain, but it was all so different now that he had a real chance at it.
It was terrifying, and yet that only made James want it more.
. . .
Agreeing to go slow, James had arranged to meet Regulus and Lily by the lake. On the shallow end by the forest where you could go swimming, although you ‘technically’ weren’t supposed to. But James wasn’t much for rules and had long decided to take that one as a gentle suggestion.
Having arrived early for once in his life, James made sure to reinforce the spells he had laid to keep away any mermaids or otherwise harmful sea creatures from that section of the lake.
He personally didn’t mind the odd venomous octopus grabbing onto him when he went for a swim, knowing it was likely just saying hi, but Moony did and so after a bout of cursing at him James had installed the spells to avoid such incidents in the future. James had a hunch that Lily and Regulus would also mind, and would feel free to curse at him, so he figured it best not to take his chances.
After doing so he returned to the shore to wait for them, and suddenly felt aware of his appearances in a way he rarely had before.
See, James had always known he was good looking. He’d been told by his parents and plenty of others that he was handsome. He kept himself in good shape, and had gotten a fair amount of compliments about it, but he had never paid them any mind because his Maa had told him that it was what was on the inside that mattered.
He still remembered his mother gently patting his cheek when he was five and saying, “you will always be handsome, beta, but you are so because of your heart, not your face,”
He remembered her telling him again in fifth year when he was in the kitchen with her and Sirius had joked that James could get any girl he wanted with the way he looked and just as James was about to laugh along with him Effie had swatted him with a wooden spoon and told him in no unclear terms that it was his character that mattered, and that he’d do well not to forget that.
As far as James had been concerned, he had a good heart, so therefore he must be fairly alright, but now, faced with the dawning reality that he could potentially be with the two most brilliant and effervescent people he had had ever met, James was suddenly worried about his hair. If he should have used more product, or worn a different swimsuit.
He’d worn his best one. No stains or anything, but what if they noticed the zit on the back of his neck or thought he looked weird with his hair wet? What if he was actually able to get a chance to kiss Lily and she decided she didn’t want to because of his BO? James may smell fine now, but he might not an hour from now.
Just as he was about to cast some precursory spells to make himself smell like lavender for the rest of the day Regulus and Lily arrived, Reg in all black with seemingly no intention to swim based on his apparel and Lily in a dazzling dark green two piece with a too big for her cardigan draped on top. The two walked hand in hand, Regulus pressing a small kiss to Lily’s temple the moment they saw him and murmuring something in her ear that James couldn’t hear from so far away.
Reassurance, maybe? James guessed, Regulus had mentioned that Lily had been nervous about the whole ‘kissing him’ thing. James was left in awe as they walked over to him. They functioned as such a unit, even dressing similarly, and the slightest bit of envy struck him as James noticed that Lily was wearing Regulus’s sweater. The ‘R.A.B.’ like a knife in his side reminding James just how clearly they belonged with each other, and he found himself rather surprised when Lily all but bolted towards him, smiling widely and tugging Regulus along with her.
Before he knew it Lily was tossing off Regulus’s cardigan and sprinting to the edge of the beach to him, excitedly asking, “can we really swim in it?” While Regulus carefully folded the cardigan she had discarded a few feet away from her.
“I’ve never broken a rule like this before,” Lily grinned out towards the water before turning again to James, “is it safe?”
Nervously, James bowed to her and gestured towards the water, answering, “I can assure you that it is, m’lady,” and watched Regulus immediately roll his eyes at him.
Lily, however, laughed lightly at him and responded, “why thank you, my liege,” before more seriously asking the both of them, “you’ll go in with me?”
They both answered around the same time, Regulus with,
“Lils, I told you I wasn’t swimming,” and James a little too eagerly nodding,
“Absolutely,” leaving Lily to all but pout,
“Please, Reg. It’s no fun if you don’t go in,”
Regulus insisted, “it’s against the rules, mon fluer. Rules are there for a reason,” tone firm but reluctant enough that James could tell he was going to give in sooner or later.
At this Lily argued, “We wouldn’t be doing this if it was really ‘against the rules’,” then wrapped her arms around Regulus’s shoulders to tug at his curls and more quietly ask, “Please? So I don’t have to swim alone with Potter?”
James briefly wondered if Lily thought that he wouldn’t hear it, or simply didn’t care if he did.
Regardless, her words had Regulus quickly stripping to just his trousers and huffing, “under protest,” rather indignantly. Lily issued him a sweet kiss to his cheek that James noticed Regulus’s lips turn ever so slightly upwards at before she stepped back to say,
“You’ve just made my day,” Regulus clearly did all he could to suppress a smile, likely due to James’s presence. It was then that Lily turned to him and with a grin leaped into the water, gesturing for the two of them to follow.
James needed no further prompting, instantaneously swimming up next to her—Lily just far enough out to where their feet couldn’t touch the sand—but Regulus was more reluctant, frowning to himself and only going to the point where the water met his hips, watching the two of them from a distance.
Regulus may have been farther away, but from how close James and Lily were he found himself enamored by his opportunity to see her in such great detail. Everything from the way her wet hair stuck to her fair and freckle covered skin—hair an even more vibrant red than usual—to her striking emerald gaze that she was trying very hard to avoid pointing in James’s direction. Uncertainly focusing on Regulus, as if silently asking him something and seconds later the boy was joining them deeper in the water.
Kissing Lily tenderly in front of James, almost as if he wasn’t there, then pulling back with a hand resting on her cheek before stating, “it’s alright with me, Lils. You know it is,”
James quickly began to feel like an oddly placed piece of furniture as Lily brought herself closer to Regulus with brows furrowed to utter,
“I just don’t want to mess anything up between us,” her voice low and concerned in a way James so badly wanted to take it upon himself to change. But he couldn’t, only Regulus could.
“Mon fleur,” Regulus spoke more softly, reassuringly, in a way James had never heard from him, “you couldn’t mess things up with me if you tried,” Regulus cradled Lily’s face then maintained eye contact with her in which the two seemed to come to an unspoken sort of understanding, one that James wasn’t the least bit privy to.
It was beautiful though, he thought, how the two seemed to speak their own little language. How much trust and love they obviously shared for each other. How Regulus claimed to be having issues being intimate with Lily but from what James had just witnessed they seemed to be doing just fine… but James had promised to help, to teach Regulus how to take the lead and figured that was something he should make good on, so wanted or not, he had to intrude.
Regulus slowly let his grip on Lily go, nodding towards James and all but summoning him over, his arm still wrapped loosely around Lily’s waist.
James was arguably too quick to respond, breaching the distance between them and fitting his arms around Lily in seconds before looking to Regulus once more for reassurance, receiving an almost mechanical nod in return. Lily was flushed and visibly nervous between them, Regulus holding her from the side and James in front, biting her lip slightly and it was instinct that led James to use his thumb to put a stop to it. Brushing it lightly over her lower lip and shaking his head, lowly uttering,
“It’s alright, Evans. I’ve got you,” his head lowering closer to her as he realized that he was cradling her cheek just as Regulus had done earlier, Regulus who soon after whispered,
“We’ve got you,” an unexpected addition that came with a light kiss to Lily’s temple and had James reeling at how quickly Regulus had let him into the fold. How Regulus of all people had skipped over any hesitation and referred to James as if he was part of the group.
Lily looked noticeably more comfortable now, body soft and easing into his embrace, and over her shoulder, Regulus used his free hand to gesture for James to get on with it.
But James liked to take his time, wanted to cherish every moment he had with her, relish the feeling of Lily’s smaller body against his own, admire every one of her features and commit them to memory and ensure that she was at ease before he kissed her.
Turning his attention back to Lily, he noticed that she had turned her attention to him too, eyes wide and slightly wanting, lips parted ever so slightly, and it was then that he lifted her chin up to meet him and kissed her.
Slowly at first, gently and waiting for permission, one of his hands moving to her hair, the back of her neck to hold her there, waiting for Lily to reciprocate.
It took only seconds before she did, gasping lightly before pressing more firmly into him and kissing him back with an enthusiasm James hadn’t expected but absolutely wasn’t opposed to. It was as if she wanted more of it, and James was all too happy to give that to her.
It was then that James could think of nothing but Lily Evans. The way her lips moved against his own, parting happily when he prodded with his tongue, how she welcomed him in all his exploration and let out the sweetest of sounds James immediately wanted more of. The softness of her skin as she clung to him, holding him closer until semi-reluctantly she pulled away from him, looking to Regulus now, who was still right by her side.
His eyes were gentle and lacking any jealousy as he spoke, “You can keep kissing him if you’d like. It’s one of the few things he’s quite good at,” then leaned in to give her a short but tender kiss of his own, voice sincere when he said, “Enjoy yourself mon fleur, I want you to,”
At Regulus’s approval Lily smiled and seemed to melt like goo into them, raising a brow at James to hum,
“What do you think, Potter? Would you care to continue?”
James all but dove back into her, answering her question with yet another kiss, warm and wanting as his hands wandered down to where her waist met her hips. A perfect divot to squeeze her in a desperate act for more. Kissing Lily Evans was like heroin and James was already addicted.
To think that he may only be able to kiss her this one time… no, he couldn’t let that happen. The thought only drove James to kiss her more passionately, to express years of longing through a low groan that left him when Lily unexpectedly bit at his lip.
Soothed it over with her tongue then had James biting hers back, a chuckle leaving him as he uttered, “fuck, Evans. You’re good,” but before he could soothe over the small hurt just as she had done to him Lily was leaving him, attention all on Regulus now as she kissed him sweetly as if in compensation for kissing James. Humming happily into him as Regulus wrapped both arms around her and indulged her every whim.
“You’re lovely, Reg,” she spoke with incredible fondness, then over her shoulder, “and Potter, that wasn’t half bad,” with notably less.
“Thank you,” she spoke to both of them, a mixture of sweetness and gratitude mostly but not completely angled towards Regulus, then pulled at Regulus’s arm and went back to shore with him.
She waved amiably enough to James once out of the water but seemed to be desperate to make a quick getaway as Regulus attempted to wrap her carefully in a towel but she pulled him away before he could.
He’d be sure to fuss about it later, if James knew Regulus as well as he thought he did, and it seemed he wasn’t far off the mark as he watched Regulus insistently covering her up again from the distance, Lily more accepting of if now that they were farther away.
All in all James wasn’t sure what to make of what had just occurred, Lily kissing him the way she had then all but sprinting away from him, but stranded in the lake without actually having gotten the chance to swim in it James figured he might as well consider it progress.
An odd sort of progress, but he had kissed Lily Evans, so it was progress nonetheless.