Lily
Lily Evans was never a fan of sunsets. It was an odd thing not to be a fan of, like not liking Fridays or free baked goods, but to Lily sunsets always symbolized the end of things. Everyone ogled at how pretty they were, but as Lily saw it they were just an overrated way to transition from daytime to the pitch black nothingness of night. The eye in the storm where you think everything’s going to be alright and then it isn’t. Fool's gold. And Lily was never a fan of things that pretended to be something other than what they were. That preened and peacocked like sunsets did.
Similarly, Lily was decisively not a fan of her boarding school’s designated golden boy, James Potter. A flighty, reckless, and rather arrogant jock that for some inexplicable reason everyone seemed to find overwhelmingly attractive and charming.
Everyone save for her and one of her favorite study partners and closest friends, Regulus Black. Intelligent, articulate, dryly witty, and actually quite thoughtful and sweet once you got to know him, Regulus had been Lily’s partner in advanced potions for six years straight despite being in opposite houses, and one thing they were in total agreement on was that neither of them saw any of the appeal of the man that the rest of the school wasted so much time fawning over and seemed to be practically in love with.
How Potter could regularly harass the younger students and whoever he held some personal grudge against all in the name of ‘pranking’ and ‘good fun’ and get away with everything by simply flashing a smile was beyond them.
And that was not to mention his unbearable group of friends; Sirius, Regulus’s older brother, who was loud and obnoxious in every way imaginable, Peter, who was basically just Potter’s yes man, and Remus, who… admittedly wasn’t that bad.
Remus and Lily actually liked a lot of the same books and music, and he was fairly enjoyable company on his own. Really only miserable when paired with his friends.
But the worst thing about James Potter was his relentless obsession with two people that couldn’t be any less obsessed with him. No matter what Lily and Regulus did to shake him off, Potter would still pop up at the least opportune times with ridiculously expensive flowers, poorly written poems, or exuberant amounts of their favorite sweets (which neither of them appreciated him figuring out) like he was in some cheesy rom-com where they would eventually fall for him after his countless hijinks and annoyances finally wore them down.
So the two of them had a rule, or a policy when it came to Potter. For one, that whatever James got them they would immediately throw out (best not to allow themselves to get sucked in by the chocolate frogs), and two, to dismiss him as quickly and cleanly as possible. Over the years they had found that the best reaction with Potter was no reaction at all. He was like an untrained dog that kept showing up at their doorstep. One that Regulus and Lily very much wanted to be rid of.
But the problem was, Lily was starting to find that untrained dog slightly less of a nuisance than she used to. If she didn’t know better, she would even say that she was now enjoying the annoying little detours in her day that she had gotten so used to over the years. She had always felt a little bad about throwing James’s gifts away directly after receiving them—felt it was wasteful, and perhaps a little bratty too—but lately she had secretly been holding on to them for a day or so afterwards before dooming them to the trash bin.
It irritated her to no end, and she’d ranted to her roommate and best friend, Mary about it, but she had been no help at all, simply shrugging and saying,
“It wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you liked him. He’s loaded y’know,” while she sat on her bed twisting her long curly hair into two separate braids with beads intertwined in them.
And yes, Lily did know. Everyone knew. The prick spent money as if there was an endless supply of it. Dropped his hundred dollar bills then let whoever found them keep them because he would, “probably just drop ‘em again anyway”. It was one of the things that irritated her most tremendously about him. That he had money to burn and he was so absentminded and negligent with it. That he so carelessly and irresponsibly flaunted his grandiose wealth and used it for no other purpose but to further his own ends.
She rolled her eyes at Mary, who raised her brows all-knowingly at her, like she knew how Lily really felt and was using it against her without even needing words to do so. Mary was far too good at that.
Lily plopped down on her bed and narrowed her eyes at her bitterly.
“I’m not even really falling for him, I bet. I’m just tolerating him better because he’s being all thoughtful now but that’s probably only because he’s been talking to Remus about what my favorite books are and all that. And because his dad’s into potions. I don’t like Potter, I like Potter’s dad,” Lily reasoned. She was referring to James’s newfound knowledge of her interests, and the rare potions he had given her that were made specially by his father, who of course, owned and operated a potions conglomerate.
“Well Fleamont is pretty hot,” Mary added as she tied off her braid with a pink and purple hair tie, letting the band snap loudly as she did. “I saw him at a PTA event carrying all these boxes-” Mary hummed contemplatively, “but Euphemia’s definitely hotter. No question.”
“That was almost helpful, Mare,” Lily groaned and climbed over into her friend's bed, which was directly across from her own.
“I’m just saying, she works out,” Mary countered easily.
“So does James, but he’s an arse,” Lily picked out a sparkly purple bead for Mary to weave into her hair and handed it to her.
“Oh it’s Jaaamess now,” Mary twirled one of her braids around her finger tauntingly then tossed it over her shoulder, batting her eyes dramatically for emphasis.
“Oh, fuck off,” Lily huffed.
“No, tell me more about James, the arse who works out,” Mary prodded and Lily felt her face go bright red as she laughed and hung her head in shame.
“I meant to say Potter,” she weakly defended.
“James who gives thoughtful gifts, that you’re tolerating now,” Mary continued, using Lily’s own words against her.
“Oh my god, fuck off.” Lily partially buried her head in her hands.
“He’s hot, rich, and obsessed with you, Lils! He has been for years. If you like him just admit that you like him! Just imagine how many books you could buy with his black card!” Mary was starting to sound a bit exasperated now. And fine, maybe Lily did like him a bit. But it was an infinitesimal amount, hardly worth noting, and James was ‘obsessed with’ Regulus too, and he probably only was because they were the only two people in the whole school that didn't worship him like some kind of god.
James liked the chase, the withheld approval, he didn’t like them. So there was really no point.
“I don’t,” Lily emphasized, “and whatever, Marlene agrees with me on this. That I don’t have to admit shit and it’s just a passing infatuation. I don’t actually like him. It’s Stockholm syndrome.”
Now Mary was the one rolling her eyes, like Lily had just said something completely idiotic but she loved her anyway.
“That’s because Marlene is in denial about her own feelings for Dorcas. The blind leading the blind,” She threaded a hot pink bead through her hair before finishing off her very y2k looking braids with a look.
“Marls and Dorcas hook up though, that’s different,” Lily argued, but Mary just raised her brow in a very ‘are you serious’ way in return.
“Same denial,” she held firm, pulling out her yarn and crochet needles to start some sort of project. Lily jumped at the opportunity to change the topic and escape Mary’s spot on judgment.
“What are you making?” She questioned, perhaps a bit too eagerly, because Mary gave her a look that told her she knew exactly what she was doing.
“A sweater for you that says ‘I’m pitifully in love with James Potter and refuse to admit it, thus dooming myself to a life of incessant denial and zero free books,” Mary shot back easily.
Lily huffed, “that wouldn’t all fit on a sweater,” to which Mary shot her yet another ‘try me’ type of look before Lily groaned in defeat.
“Fine. I like him a little. Happy?” Lily admitted begrudgingly. It felt uncomfortable, like turning on the shower only to get doused in ice cold water. Mary grinned and leaned back on her pillows victoriously.
“Very,” She nodded, “I’m actually making a crop top that says ‘I’m always right’ on it.”
“Mhm,” Lily shot her an unappreciative glance.
“Can’t wait for the wedding,” Mary teased once more as Lily headed over to her one bed once again.
“You’re sincerely the worst.”
. . .
The next morning Lily was up early. She was always up early, as she tended not to be able to sleep once the light first shone into her bedroom, but that day she had woken up practically before the sun rose.
At 5:30, nearly three hours before class started, and two hours before the library opened, Lily decided to take a walk around the grounds.
Initially she thought doing so would be harmless, that she could try to enjoy the sunrise in peace then find somewhere quiet to read, but she made her first mistake when she accidentally (or maybe not so accidentally) wandered into the quidditch grounds. It wasn’t like anyone would be there this early, she had recklessly told herself.
Except that someone was.
Through the early morning fog and remaining darkness as the sun took its time finding its way over the nearby mountains, Lily could only just make out a figure in bright red zipping around in the sky ahead of her. It was light enough out to decipher the basic shapes and colors, but not the many of the details, and as the figure lowered to the ground Lily felt a slow motion kind of dread and anticipation build as she regretfully recognized who it was.
At first it was the caramel colored skin where the red and gold uniform ended that tipped her off. Then the glint of a captain’s badge on the uniform, the ceaselessly messy brown hair and brilliant white smile like Lily had just made the loser’s day by appearing in the middle of a quidditch field at dawn. Lily could see her fate coming but couldn’t stop it, and embarrassingly enough, she didn’t think he was that much of a loser anymore. An idiot, definitely, but something else too.
Before she knew it James Potter was hovering on his broom right in front of her and she didn’t know what he was. Only that he was grinning right at her and her stomach felt all fluttery for no good reason.
“Come to watch me practice, Evans?” James twirled on his broom to question, looking positively giddy. Too giddy for Lily’s liking.
“Just walking by, actually. If I knew you were going to be here I would’ve gone somewhere else,” Lily countered, but she was lying and she knew it. And she didn’t sound quite as harsh when she said it as she meant to. If anything she sounded like she didn’t mind being there at all. And if she was honest with herself, she kind of didn’t.
“Cordial today, hm?” James went back to hovering in front of her. Lily shot him her hardest and most Regulus-like glare. But it softened at the end and she didn’t mean for it to.
“Blame it on the early hour,” She responded with the same amount of accidental pleasantry.
“You’re an early riser too then?” James carried on the conversation. And of course he would, Lily rolled her eyes internally, he was always extending their interactions as much as he could, trying to learn more about her like he was writing some kind of documentary. Or maybe he was just being nice.
“Not typically this early, but-” Lily caught herself before she could fully fall for it. Merlin, James was good at wrapping people up in his charms. “I shouldn’t be talking to you,” she decided as she forced herself to turn around.
Unfortunately James was on a broom so he flew around in front of her with ease.
“Why’s that?” He questioned, hovering two feet or so from her as she walked forward and keeping her pace. Embarrassingly enough, she only got as much as a couple of steps away before she stopped again. Gave in and answered his question.
“I just- I should know better I suppose,” Lily rather thoughtlessly admitted. She really hadn’t meant to be as honest as that, she hadn’t even meant to answer the question, but there was something about James and the way he spoke so openly and genuinely that made him dangerously easy to talk to.
James chuckled somewhat dryly, and hopped off his broom in one smooth motion, ruffled his hair which was already messy enough without him sticking his hand in and messing it up more, Lily noted.
“Well, I’m not sure whether or not to be offended by that, but I’m always a proponent of not knowing better, so…” He extended his hand out to her, wearing a crooked smile on his face that Lily made the mistake of finding cute, and held his broom up like he was about to get back on it. “If you want to take a break from knowing better…” he trailed off, and Lily inexplicably dreaded the possibility of denying him. She didn’t want to wipe that hopeful smile off his face. But she held her hands up and backed away nonetheless.
“Oh there is no way I’m getting on one of those death machines,” Lily insisted on holding firm. Expectedly, James pouted a little bit, but unexpectedly, he didn’t push it, just shrugged and wiped the sweat off his forehead with the bottom of his shirt and exposed his abs in doing so. Lily grimaced at the sight, fuck him for that.
Why the man was built like a Greek god was a question Lily doubted she would ever get an answer to. Regulus had a theory that he did it to spite them, and in that moment Lily found herself a hundred percent agreeing with it. Because no part of that motion had been at all necessary.
“I’d keep you safe up there, but,” James shrugged again, “your loss, I guess.”
“You’d keep me safe up there?” Lily repeated questioningly, and she tried her best to shove down the butterflies that had risen when James had promised that he would with as much surety as he had.
“I wouldn’t let you fall,” James confirmed, so genuinely convinced of it that she was sure there wasn’t a single doubt in his mind that he would. And rather terribly, it was actually sort of endearing.
“There aren’t exactly seatbelts on those things,” Lily countered, because there weren’t, and she couldn’t easily allow herself to get onto a broom with James Potter; the guy who had just flashed his abs and given her butterflies, and was so convinced that he would keep her safe that she was starting to believe him.
“That’s what my arms are for,” James grinned rather cockily, flexing his arms muscles as he demonstrated how he’d hold her on his broom with an invisible implied Lily sitting right in front of him on it. Ew, Lily almost winced, she was starting to remember why she didn’t like Potter.
“Arms that could move,” Lily tried to push back. She could not get on that broom with him, she forcefully impressed upon herself.
“Mine wouldn’t,” James promised, and Lily knew she was screwed because she believed him. But how could she not when he spoke with so much sincerity and compassion that it was making her insides weak?
“I’d fly low to the ground. Go slow,” James went on. He was closer now, just a step closer and he could touch her, could probably reach out and do so right then if he wanted to because he was taller than Lily and his arms were longer too. Lily didn’t know what she would do if he touched her. “I’d take care of you. Promise I will,” he finished with intent.
And then he was touching her. James had his hand resting tenderly on her arm and his eyes were filled with an unquestionable devotion that Lily had never seen before in anyone else’s eyes, and suddenly she trusted him. She wordlessly and inherently knew that if anyone was to drop her it wouldn’t be James Potter. That for all his arrogance, he was earnest, and there was some part of her that wanted to be the center of that earnestness. So maybe she was tired of knowing better, she decided. Just that once. Just to see what it was like not to.
“If I do this, it means absolutely nothing and we never speak of it again,” Lily gave him her terms and conditions, acted like she was still considering it a lot more than she was, let herself pretend the answer wasn’t obvious to save her pride.
James nodded almost immediately.
“It means nothing and we’ll never speak of it again. Got it,” he agreed.
“I’m not done,” Lily held her finger up. “Absolutely no twirls, trick moves, or dives without warning. I do not want to die falling off a broom.”
James was eager to agree once again.
“Don’t worry Evans, James Potter’s state of the art Nimbus 1,000 is the safest broom in the world,” James started showing off the broom like a model at a car show and Lily couldn’t help but laugh a bit at it. “Now equipped with additional safety features such as extra strong seatbelt arms,” James continued and Lily rolled her eyes.
“And no talking in third person, Potter. Now move, I’m getting on your death machine.”
James easily made space for her then scooted up closely behind her, wrapping his arm firmly around her waist, and Lily could tell he was already taking his job to keep her safe very seriously and they weren’t even off the ground yet.
James used his other arm to hold onto both her and the broom, ready to guide it upward at her command, secure and patient as he waited for it.
Lily adjusted some on the broom, giving herself just enough space from him that she could feel comfortable with, seeing as he would soon be her only assurance that she wouldn’t fall to her doom and end up with a tombstone that read ‘death by James Potter’.
“Okay,” she nodded tenously when she had gripped the handle of the broom tightly enough to guarantee she actually stayed on it. James nodded back then kept his word and brought the broom up slowly. As they rose in the air Lily started to realize that James most likely knew what he was doing, and probably wouldn’t swerve unannounced and drop her. The tightness of his hold and the careful confidence with which he moved told her that.
“We can go faster now, if you want,” Lily suggested when she had gotten comfortable, and James leaned into her a little closer then sped up, tightening his arms around her slightly before taking her in a loop around the field and flying past the tri-ring of the goal posts.
Usually James was fairly talkative, in fact she typically couldn't get him to shut up, but now James seemed so focused on what he was doing that he was dead silent, and it was throwing Lily off.
“So, um, how long have you been flying for?” She asked, trying to start up some conversation so she didn’t have to focus solely on the warm feeling of his arms around her and the unnerving oddness of Potter being silent.
James slowed down practically to a standstill before answering, and Lily could feel his hair brushing briefly against the side of her face as James looked downwards as if he was making sure that she was still secure. Only afterwards supplied her with,
“Been on a broom pretty much since I could walk. Wouldn’t think you’d be interested in that though,” Lily furrowed her brows and almost turned around to face him.
“I am-” she couldn’t help herself from saying, blurting, really, and a bit too loudly, “-interested.” She lowered her voice, “I know I reject you a lot but I’m-” Lily forced herself to stop there. “You’re not the worst, Potter,” she ended up revealing. She could practically feel James’s grin on the back of her neck after she said it.
“I want to get down now,” Lily decided before she could admit anything else she would later come to regret. James Potter was far too easy to admit things to, and if she stayed on the broom with him much longer she was sure she’d end up admitting that she was actually starting to find him more than tolerable.
James wordlessly lowered them down, then got off the broom first when they got to the ground and helped her off without being asked. But he still had a stupidly large grin on his face and Lily just knew he wasn’t going to let her admission go.
“So you don’t hate me,” James stated like it was the best thing he’d ever heard in his life. Like she had made his day and maybe even his whole year by implying that she didn’t absolutely despise him.
“You’re not the worst,” Lily repeated, but for whatever reason she didn’t want to dim the brightness in his eyes, so she caved. “Fine, Potter, I don’t hate you.” Lily turned around and left James grinning like an idiot only seconds after the words came out, tossing her hair over her shoulder like she hadn’t just turned to absolute mush because of him and didn’t dare to look back because she knew if she did she would be resolutely done for.
But the truth was that Lily was melting for James, and she knew that she could absolutely never tell Regulus (or anyone else for that matter) just how much. She wasn’t sure that she even knew the entirety of it herself.
Lily continued her walk around the grounds until the library opened, when she grabbed her books from her room and popped by the Great Hall to grab a few muffins before making her way there to meet Regulus for their morning study group.
Though it wasn’t a ‘group’ technically. Groups typically required more than just two people. But Remus attended frequently enough, and Regulus’s friend Pandora was sometimes invited too, so she and Regulus called it a group. She met him right as the library opened at their table in the restricted section and routinely set one of her muffins down in front of him. They technically couldn’t eat in the library, and typically she was one for following rules, but Regulus frequently forgot to eat in the mornings and likely wouldn’t altogether if it wasn’t for her, so she made an exception.
Regulus looked up and nodded at her and Lily sat down across from him and began on her muffin, as was their routine. They had both recovered from eating disorders in the past and now made a habit of eating together when they could to make sure neither of them skipped too many meals.
Regulus picked at his muffin disapprovingly after taking only a single bite and furrowed his brows rather haughtily at it.
“Is this… pumpkin?..” he grimaced, and Lily smirked to herself at how snobby and pretentious he sounded. Like he was declaring his food unworthy of the ancient and noble house of Black.
“It was that or gluten-free pumpernickel, milord,” Lily answered as she pulled out her potions book.
“Ah, I see…” Regulus begrudgingly took a few more bites of his muffin, tearing it off in pieces with his fingers but clearly holding down a gag after one of them.
“I saw Potter earlier,” Lily mentioned offhandedly when she had half finished her own. She wasn’t sure why she wanted to talk about him, but inexplicably, she did.
Regulus quirked a brow, looking very aristocratic in doing so. Glared at his muffin like it was the bane of his existence then took a swish of water before starting on it again.
“On the field, I was up early and he was there, and…” Lily winced in preparation, paused in hopes of delaying it. Regulus suddenly looked very interested, putting his muffin to the side and focusing intently on her. Lily facepalmed.
“I said he ‘wasn’t the worst’,” She almost groaned, deciding to keep it to herself that she’d also said that she didn’t hate him. That was a little too shameful to admit. Why she’d even admitted the first part was beyond her, but it was too late to take that back now.
“Potter? The living embodiment of the phrase ‘the worst’ and all it contains?” Regulus questioned with very heavy disgust. Picked once more at his muffin then seemingly decided it was unworthy of him and shoved it aside. Lily pushed it right back at him and tried not to burn up from the shame of having softened to James Potter of all people.
“Oh just shut up and eat your food lord picky,” she rolled her eyes pointedly.
Regulus very begrudgingly ate his muffin but eyed her suspiciously the entire time. They ate in a comfortable silence as they usually did, but this time it held a slight air of peril, Lily having admitted her massive mistake and Regulus clearly contemplating something that was likely related to it.
There was some judgment, but Regulus also seemed… genuinely worried. Like Lily had contracted a terrible case of mono and that was why she was acting the way she was. For Lily’s own sake, she prayed that that was what it was.
Eventually, though, Regulus did speak up, and when he did it was with a mixture of wariness and extreme concern.
“Did Potter slip you something, Lils? Hex you?” He prodded with heavily creased brows. It was kind of sweet actually, Regulus’s very genuine concern for her, except that Lily hadn’t been hexed, or slipped anything as far as she knew, so really it was just embarrassing on her end. “What was the last thing you ate? I swear, if one of his cronies-” Regulus continued more angrily but Lily cut him off with a quick kiss, Regulus’s lips soft and indulgent against her own. Familiar and tasting of pumpkin. Lily pulled back and shook her head.
“I haven’t been hexed. Or poisoned, although I almost wish I had been.” At least if she had been hexed she could blame her butterflies and slip ups on that. Right now she had no one to blame but herself.
And Potter. This was just as much Potter’s fault as it was her own.
“But it isn’t as if I’m in love with the idiot,” Lily defended somewhat weakly, not appreciating that she couldn’t get the sentence out with as much pure disgust as she typically would have been able to. That the statement didn’t feel as outrageous as it used to before that morning. As it should be. Because even tolerating James Potter was unimaginable, let alone liking him. Which she very decisively didn’t. Her hatred had just shrunk slightly in the dryer and now she couldn’t get it back to its original size.
It was a passing illness. Like swine flu.
Swine flu with a six pack, perfect hair, and empathy, but swine flu nonetheless.
This too shall—and better—fucking pass.