When Regulus turned sixteen, he was alone for the first time. He didn’t celebrate. Even if he did, he wouldn’t have had anyone to celebrate with. On the night of his sixteenth birthday, he crawled up onto his roof and cried, alone under the stars.
When Regulus turned seventeen, he planned to do the same, but he didn’t. Barty and Evan snuck over, climbing up to knock on his bedroom window, and took him out clubbing in the dead of night, allowing him to celebrate with a family he made instead of crying alone, mourning the only family he lost.
When Regulus turned eighteen, he celebrated by running away, taking everything of value to him and moving it into Barty and Evan’s apartment. They bought him a raspberry chocolate cake and they ate it on Evan’s couch at midnight.
When Regulus turned nineteen, five new people joined his birthday celebration, going over to Evan, Barty and Regulus’s apartment with gifts and sweets. Dorcas and Marlene, Lily and Mary, Pandora, they were just as important to him as Barty and Evan at this point. They all sat on the living room floor, sharing a bottle of champagne as they nibbled at slices of blueberry cheesecake and watched movies. After everyone had retired for the night, the girls having left and gone home, Regulus cried in the kitchen over an untouched plate of cheesecake, missing the one lacking person from the celebration.
When Regulus turned twenty, he didn’t celebrate. He holed up in his room, champagne and store-bought apple pie in hand, and cried over a brother that he was seeing for the first time in years. The girls all stopped by, trying to support him, but he turned them away, even going so far as to throw the bottle of champagne at Barty, narrowly missing and crashing against the wall, alcohol dripping down. They shared cruel words, but Barty still came by the next day, apologizing and hugging Regulus tightly as he cried.
When Regulus turned twenty-one, they went legally drinking. Barty and Evan found the bar, and they went together, with the addition of two new members: Sirius, and his then boyfriend, Remus. Things had finally started to become better between Sirius and Regulus, and it gave the night a hopeful air. Regulus ended up sleeping on Sirius and Remus’s couch, and they even took the time to make him breakfast the next day, hungover and exhausted.
When Regulus turned twenty-two, he had a brand new boyfriend who was beyond sweet, letting him sleep over at his apartment. James was the sun, and Regulus was in love for the first time. He and Sirius had both started going to therapy, fixing their relationship. His life was finally reaching a point of happiness, full of friends and family, and he had even opened his own business, a bookstore and cafe, with Dorcas. Regulus, James and all their friends ordered in pasta, and ate slices of chocolate cake (Remus chose it. He knows his chocolate), and binge-watched The Office until Regulus fell asleep on James’s shoulder.
Now, Regulus was turning twenty-three, and he’s finally happy. Actually, he’s never been happier, waking up every day in James’s bed before going to work at his store, which had only thrived in the past year. But he wasn’t going to work today. None of them worked on their birthdays.
Regulus, unfortunately, woke up alone in bed, clinging onto the lingering warmth from James’s side of the bed. He could hear their bedroom door creak open as he buried his face into James’s pillow. It smells like spiced oranges, like James.
“I know you’re awake, love,” Regulus heard James say, fondness in his voice. Regulus smiled into the pillow.
“No, I’m not,” He mumbled, his voice rough from sleep. James chuckled.
“Then I suppose you don’t want birthday breakfast-in-bed?” James said sweetly. Regulus groaned and sat up.
“Fine, fine. I’m awake.”
James walked over, smiling as he held a platter of what looked like blueberry pancakes. Yum. James pressed a kiss to Regulus’s head. “Happy birthday, my love. Eat up.” Regulus smiled thankfully.
“Thanks. I love you,” Regulus said sweetly. James pressed a soft kiss to his lips.
“I love you too, Reg,” he replied, smiling fondly at him. “I’m sorry, love, but you’ll have to eat quickly. You know how everyone is about birthdays.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “Especially mine.”
James softly kissed his forehead. “Especially yours.”
James sat and talked with Regulus while he ate. James made the best blueberry pancakes. Light and fluffy, sweet, syrup covered. James leaned over and pressed soft kisses to Regulus’s head every once in a while. After he ate, Regulus rolled out of bed, kissing James softly before getting ready for the day.
Regulus’s birthday was always a busy day, full of friends and affection. They had people to see, friends who had so much love to show him. The first people Regulus saw for the celebration were, though not intentionally, Sirius and Remus, who were standing outside the door as Regulus and James were walking out, Sirius bouncing on the balls of his feet.
“Happy birthday, Reggie!” Sirius shouted animatedly, hugging Regulus tightly, making it difficult to breathe.
“Yeah… Great… Sirius, you can let go now,” Regulus said, stiffly patting his brother on the back. Sirius chuckled and let go, Regulus gasping for air. “Thanks, Siri.”
“Regulus,” Remus said, looking down at Regulus. His brother’s boyfriend was frankly, fucking huge, towering over them, casting out a long, lanky shadow. “Happy birthday.” Regulus smiled.
“Thanks, Remus,” Regulus replied, smiling. He didn’t know Remus as well as he could’ve, but he didn’t mind him. They only really talked when Regulus was at Sirius’s, or on double dates. Still, he appreciated the tall, older man, who was always very kind to him. And he helped Regulus form a local book club.
“So,” Sirius said, grinning. “Do you have some time to hang out? Y’know, some brother birthday bonding time?” Sometimes Regulus really did understand the comparisons between his brother and a small, hyper dog. He was always so eager to spend time with Regulus, practically wagging his tail. Maybe just making up for lost time. Regulus unfortunately shook his head.
“Sorry, Siri,” Regulus said. “I have to go. See you tonight?”
Sirius pouted, momentarily disappointed, but he nodded. “Yeah, of course, Reg. See you tonight.”
Sirius held Regulus’s hand as they left the building. They hugged tightly before Sirius got into the passenger seat of Remus’s worn pickup truck. James held Regulus’s hand as they walked to James’s car. Regulus didn’t have one of his own. He didn’t want one either. Regulus despised driving, hated the overwhelm of it. He was much more willing to let James drive him places, which he was quite happy to do.
Regulus always went to Barty and Evan first for his birthday. They still lived in that same apartment together, though they were engaged now. They always went out with Regulus for his birthday, making sure he was happy.
James dropped Regulus off outside of Barty and Evan’s apartment building. James doesn’t mind Barty and Evan very much, and they had long stopped antagonizing James, but he knew that Regulus spent his birthdays with them on his own. They were his best friends. He liked to spend time with them.
“Reg!” Evan said, swinging open the door before Regulus was able to knock. “Happy birthday! B, Regulus is here!”
“Happy birthday, Reg!” he heard Barty call out from within the apartment. Evan smiled and led him in, where Barty was sitting on the sofa, channel surfing. Barty turned to him, grinning. “I picked out some board games and a playlist. Pandora’s bringing food.”
“I already ate,” Regulus said, met with Barty’s glare.
“Regulus,” he said. “It’s a fucking board game party. We’re going to eat chips on the floor, and drink soda from plastic cups.”
Regulus conceded, chuckling. Barty pulled out a mancala box, slipping the cover off. He pulled out the board and opened it. Regulus grinned. He loved mancala. He always won.
Pandora showed up soon after with a puzzle of butterflies and colorful flowers, ending Barty and Regulus’s third round of mancala, much to Barty’s joy. They worked on the puzzle together while Cavetown played in the background. More accurately, Regulus and Pandora did the puzzle while Barty laid on Evan’s lap and distracted them.
Regulus left after about an hour and a half, the puzzle mostly completed. Lily liked to treat him to lunch on his birthday, just him and the girls. She always picked the best places, little cafes, or expensive bistros. She was very thoughtful about it. This year, she picked a small cafe on the corner of a nice, clean street.
On Regulus’s right sat Lily, of course, with a sage-colored paper bag, undoubtedly filled with books she had picked out for him. On his left sat Dorcas, a small jewelry box in hand. They undoubtedly had more gifts to give him, but they would wait until tonight for that. Both of them sat with their partners at their sides, Lily with Mary and Dorcas with Marlene.
“Happy birthday, Reggie!” Lily said, wrapping her arms around his neck. She was always very affectionate with him, very sweet. “I hope you like this place! Me and Mary found it a couple weeks ago, and I thought it’d be perfect!”
Regulus smiled at her. Their friendship wasn’t one that was expected, but it was one that was incredibly precious to him. “Thanks, Lils. And I know I’ll like it. I always do.”
Lily grinned at him. “Gifts now, or after we eat?” Regulus shrugged.
“I don’t really mind either way.”
“Gifts now, then,” Lily said, lifting the gift bag onto the table. Dorcas put the jewelry box down on the other side of him.
“Mind if I go first, Lily?” Dorcas asked, fiddling with one of the gold bands on her many braids. Lily and Dorcas were always fairly predictable with what they got him. Lily always gave him books to read, and Dorcas always gave him jewelry, either store-bought or ones that she made.
When Lily stayed silent, Dorcas smiled, popping open the jewelry box. “Happy birthday, Reg.” Inside the box was a long silver serpent, curved in a circle. Regulus gingerly took it from the box, slipping it onto his wrist.
“It’s beautiful, Cas,” Regulus mumbled, feeling a grin pull at his face. “I love it. Thank you.”
Dorcas grinned a little sheepishly. “I know you like snakes, so I figured I’d use that as inspiration, and I ended up finding this little guy. I thought you’d like him.”
“I do,” Regulus said softly, smiling at his friend.
Lily slid her gift bag in front of Regulus. There seemed to be two books this year instead of one.
“Mary and I both picked out a book for you this year,” Lily said as Regulus took out the two books. In one hand, the Difference Engine, a average sized book with a primarily brown cover. In the other, a thick book, a collection of Shakespeare’s best works.
“Let me guess,” Regulus said, smirking. “The Difference Engine is from Mary, and the gigantic collection of Shakespeare works is from Lily?” Lily grinned and nodded.
“I figured you’d like something a bit theatrical,” Lily said. She wasn’t wrong. Regulus had always been rather fond of theater. “Mary thought you’d like a more modern read.”
“Well… Thank you, both of you,” Regulus said, smiling. “I appreciate them.”
“We’re glad, Reggie,” Mary said, smiling.
They happily ate their lunch together before Dorcas decided excitedly that they should check out the local shops and buy Regulus some new clothes. Regulus shrugged and agreed, letting his friends drag him out of the cafe and onto the street.
He let his friends drag him from shop to shop, buying him new clothes and accessories. After the first hour or so, it became painfully aware that they were trying to keep him away from the apartment. They were never particularly good at hiding things from him, but he let it happen. Eventually though, he grew tired of shop after shop, item after item, and he just wanted to go home. His friends gave in, all piling into Dorcas’s car to drive back to James and Regulus’s apartment.
When Regulus opened the door, colorful decorations were hanging from the ceiling. James was standing with Sirius and Remus in a corner, all holding a can of beer in their hands. On the other side of the room, Barty, Evan, and Pandora also stood, holding their own drinks.
“Happy birthday, Regulus!” They shouted together, joined by the girls standing behind Regulus. He grinned. He knew this would happen, but that didn’t make it any less special to him.
The girls pushed him through the door, making him join the party. The playlist was the same one Barty had played at his apartment that morning. Lily went to fetch him a drink, not a beer, but a cold blackberry sparkling water.
Regulus walked around, spending time with his friends. He sang karaoke with James, did shots with Barty and Evan, let Pandora braid his hair. He kissed James with alcohol on his breath, and danced around the living room with him, laughing. He sipped tiredly at drinks in the corner, Lily and Mary sitting at his sides. He let Marlene sketch on his arm while Pandora and Dorcas bickered over his hair as Dorcas tried to undo the braid Pandora had made. It was fun, and he enjoyed the time with his friends, but he grew tired of the attention, of the noise. He found himself leaving to go up onto the roof of the building to enjoy the quiet and the fresh air.
Regulus sat quietly on the rooftop, gazing at the stars. It had been years since his birthday had been spent gazing at the stars, though this time it wasn’t in longing and loneliness. He just enjoyed the serenity of it, the gentle quiet. He heard a door creak open, Sirius emerging before sitting down next to him on the roof. He held out a cigarette for Regulus. He took it hesitantly between his fingers. Sirius took out one for himself, lighting it. Regulus slipped his cigarette between his lips, Sirius reaching over to light his as well. Regulus inhaled, and when he breathed out, smoke exited his lips. He turned to Sirius with a small smile.
“Thanks,” he said. Sirius nodded silently in return. They both looked up at the stars.
“Happy birthday, Reggie,” Sirius said, almost a whisper, staring up at the stars. Regulus couldn’t help wondering if he stared up at the stars in the time they were apart. For him, it had been the only thing keeping them connected.
Regulus moved over slightly to lean his head on his brother’s shoulder. “I love you, Siri.”
Sirius threw his arm over Regulus’s shoulder, holding him close. “I love you too, Reggie.”
They sat there under the stars for a bit, pointing at constellations as they breathed in cigarette smoke. They found each other in the stars, just as Regulus had done in the years before Sirius had returned to his life. This time Sirius was with him, just like when they were kids, telling each other stories in the dark.
Eventually Sirius coaxed Regulus off the roof and back to the party. His friends were drinking, and singing, cans of beer in hand. They welcomed him back in with tight embraces and friendly hands on his shoulders. They sang loudly, drunk off their asses as they danced clumsily around the room. Lily giggled drunkenly on Regulus’s living room sofa, leaning onto Mary’s shoulder. Dorcas and Marlene sang dramatically, an angry heartbreak song that blared so loud that Regulus was sure his neighbors would be pissed. He didn’t really care. Evan, Pandora and Barty sat in a line, braiding each other's hair with sleepy smiles. Barty’s eyes kept drifting shut, slipping into sleep. Remus grabbed Sirius’s hand, dancing in circles with him around the room. James found him and did the same, a hand on Regulus’s hip.
The party had to end though, his friends slipping into the night, one by one. Evan led Barty and Pandora out first, Pandora still trying to put little braids in Barty’s brown hair. Dorcas and Marlene were next. Regulus could see them fall into Dorcas’s car where they would likely stay until morning, when they sobered up. Remus had to carry Sirius out, his legs hiked up around Remus’s middle, and his face buried in his neck, undoubtedly asleep. Mary and Lily didn’t leave, passing out on the sofa for the night. Regulus didn’t have the heart to wake them, not when they were curled into each other so sweetly. He could wake them in the morning.
Regulus crawled into bed with James, both of them smelling of alcohol, but Regulus didn’t mind as he stared up at the ceiling, James clinging onto his side. James murmured sleepy ‘I love you’s as he pressed drunken kisses to Regulus’s neck. Regulus whispered it back, stroking at James’s hair until he fell asleep. Regulus remained awake, staring at their shadowed ceiling.
Seven years ago, Regulus had been alone.
Six years ago, he finally made friends.
Five years ago, he was free.
Four years ago, he was growing.
Three years ago, his wounds were reopened.
Two years ago, he started healing.
One year ago, he was finally stable.
Now, on his twenty-third birthday, with two of his friends asleep on his couch and his boyfriend asleep by his side?
He was happy.