Who were they?

"Through wading grass, the months will pass

You'll feel it all around

I'm here, I'm there, I'm everywhere

But you can't catch me now

No, you can't catch me now"

- Can’t catch me now – Olivia Rodrigo

2 years ago...

Regulus was 16 years old when he died. Then, he was 16 years 3 hours 2 minutes and 47 seconds old when he woke up again. Those three or so hours might not seem like much, there was a time he himself would spend the same amount just laying around doing nothing, but now, now it's different. Everything is different and he instantly knows he will desperately miss that time resting under the moon at night searching for stars, when his only problem was the question of his survival. But what is that now? Who cares about survival when you have already fucked up your only chance at it?

Maybe he should be happy, grateful even, but for what, being "blessed" to wake up? The snort he lets out at the thought has no humour in it. "The ones getting a second chance are the ones that get a new life, but not to be better or do better, they get it so they can experience the evil they didn't dare to at their firts one" - His brother said once. Regulus thinks he mostly just said it to make him feel better, but he can’t help but agree. The life after death is for the weak and selfish. This was after the night they lost their parents. He and his brother were sitting on the rooftop. It wasn't like before with their hushed laughter and playful bickering. The two sat in silence apart from those few sentences. One might think they were mourning, and they would be partially right, but the feeling wasn't for the two people who just passed and would never return. It was for themselves, for each other, for the life they could have had if things were different.

The actual act of Orion and Wallburga Black’s suicide wasn't anything too tragic. They all knew it was going to happen, their parents made that clear. Even celebrated their own death beforehand. Being all happy and proud about it, like it wasn't something to be afraid of, something gruesome and pathetic. Like that tiny little chance of being one of the chosen few to awaken in a new start, in a new chance, is worth it all or like it erases all their mistakes. Like this part of their life never happened. They were wrong, there is nothing glorious in death. It's not heroic, even more so when you cause it yourself. Regulus would know, being the one cleaning up after. He sanitized everything and throwed out anything that got blood on it, but he swears he can still notice an ironic smell when he spends enough time in that one specific room of the house.

Not anymore - he thought as he finally got enough courage to observe his surroundings. It was a clean room with fully white walls and no windows. Almost like a hospital room except all the machines, the smell of medicine and vomit were not present. At least it seemed a bit more sterile than a prison cell. Little consolidations...

Regulus was either placed completely alone in the building or it was in the middle of the night when everyone slept, based on the dark room and the soundlessness of it all. The sad part is, he had a feeling this time it would be his first guess that will turn out to be true. There's no silence this serene where people are involved, even if the people mentioned here are all already dead in a twisted, fucked up way.

Once he loved the quiet you see, when time stills, and he can live in the moment and think and just Feel. Now, however he tries he can't seem to do the same, and it's not because of the lack of noise or his sombre surroundings. The feelings just... do not come. Not the fear, not the resignation, not the anger or the sadness. Nothing. Like if his emotions were muted. They all seemed like a fever dream or a memory you thought you had but in reality, it was only your imagination patching up the blank spaces to hide the actual moment your brain tossed out as a coping mechanism.

He knows what that means, knows it all too well from the tales his parents told him sitting beside his bed at night. They passed on the story of the world, the system they lived in, and how this family was on top of said system. Of course, it was all their narcissistic imagination in the end but compared to Sirius, Regulus got easily fascinated by it all. He thought they did it as an act of love, because they cared. How foolish he was. That counted the last time he fell for their tricks, the last time he felt love for his parents. And maybe this is the last time in his life he will feel such fear. Even so, his hands are steady as he looks down at his arm with that little spark of dread he can muster.

It's not hard to find. The little black bar code sits snuggly on the inside of his wrist. It's really small, almost mocking him with the huge significance it has in the way his life will play out from this moment on. The same size as those coins Serius gave him sometimes to carry when he was disappointed, he wasn't let to help his brother hold all the groceries from the market, so he could feel at least a little useful.

182,47 it read. He was dead for 182.47 minutes.

Would his parents be proud now? The answer is no of course, he knew that for many years now. There was an age he would have broken down crying from that information. Those times have passed. There's no point in thinking about things that do not matter anymore. He is alive again, or more precisely he is dead, and anything else feels insignificant.

He is suddenly brought out of his thoughts by slowly approaching footsteps. The only noise yet still it wasn't loud, almost like a ghost. He naively hoped maybe they are not coming for him. He should have known the thought was futile, he was never amongst the lucky ones.

<<<>>>

Remus had a long day and it wasn't even noon. There were hundreds of new recruits he had to help get in shape.

Heh... new recruits, more like new weapons - he thought while lazily scanning through the paper in front of him. A bunch of names no one will actually remember. The number is surprisingly high. Mostly it's just lower ones luckily, so he won't have too much trouble then. The system doesn't seem to care that much about the weaker ones. Although they said something about the "the strong saves the weak” or it could be "helps", Remus doesn't really remember. To be honest he doesn’t actually have an idea where the lower class ends up. He does not care, it's not his problem.

It's like that for everyone here you see. That’s just how life works in the nation of Azkaban. Everyday people die at one side of the region and every day some of them wake up, minutes or hours after at the border’s other side. You spent only a few minutes in death? - You're weak but lucky. You spent hours like that? - you are strong, lifeless and get the opportunity to train and became the perfect weapon.

The ones who have been living on this part of the walls for years have an already working system they follow each day. They know they are like machines but have no strong enough of a will to break the cycle. It's the same each time. Wake up, eat, go to the first task of the day. Most of them start at the assigned building or floor for the morning, wait for new arrivals to get brought in or for those already settled to wake up. It's kind of hectic since most of the dead don't spend more than 30 minutes being well... dead. Those are the better cases, the lower class. Being out for only a short time makes them more human, and adept in dealing with emotions, or more precisely, having strong emotions at all. They are immediately taken to some other place by the members of the Order, never to be seen again.

Remus once heard some middle class gossip about those lucky ones. Thinking or hopeing those escorted really get a second chance at life, a happier one maybe. Remus doesn't know why, doesn't understand how they could hope for something that does not involve them. Why would they ask for someone else's happiness when it's not significant in the big picture. You wouldn't know, you are too broken to feel the things they do- he often says to himself. Even at your strongest you are weak.

After lunch the rutin continues. The ones at the buildings switch to an other position at the training grounds, bringing their assigned group to help train, joined by the recently awakened new recruits. While the ones who trained in the morning go to a new location again. Like a big circle of sorts. There are a lot of assigned trainers and not many turn out to be in the middle class so the formed groups are kind of small and the time together is less hectic. Then there are the high class. The ones who spent 3 hours or more being dead. The ones who are more dead than human in every aspect. They seem like anyone else, but there are little tells signaling danger. Their eyes are empty but their body strong. One would say they look broken; Remus would disagree. As one himself for almost seven years now, he lived through the experience of it all. He knows that for something to break, it has to exist beforehand, but they are empty. There's nothing left for them, no feelings, no pain, no weaknesses.

There are only a few high classes he knows of, and they all have the same eyes as him. Those few stick together. Not because they want, but because it's their job, because it’s convenient. The ones that seem to have potential are instantly taken to a new building to wait for their wake where only the high class works. They also use different places to train, which are more suited to the capability of their bodies. When there are no new ones, they are required to help elsewhere of course. No one gets enough time to think here. You can't go anywhere wasting your time with thinking and waiting for something you're not even sure exists.

Remus's favourite time is when there are new high class weapons that needs to be breaked in. There is no useless small talk, there is no cheerful smiles and laughter he oh so desperately wants to be fake. Here they all understand the monotony of it all and just go do what they have to then do it again and again then again. Without getting distracted, without any life that reminds them just how dead they actually are.

Today it's Marlene who comes to fetch him from where he is trying to teach at least a little bit of self-defence to some middles who were only just left out of being lower classes. If only for a few minutes. There are even children here. One seems around 12 years old and the other he thinks, doesn't even reach 10. He almost feels pity for them. He only gives a small nod to Marlene before he turns around to go for his break and leave the group to her. He couldn't take more than two steps though when she suddenly grabs his arm to stop him.

"There's a new one, they are your responsibility this time." She huffs out softly letting his arm go.

There was no need for more information. That would be unnecessary since he already knows the procedure. She doesn't waste time either as she has already started a hand-on-hand combat demonstration with one of the older girls. Remus looked back as he made his way to the farest corner of the whole camp. Marlene was winning of course.

The high class building was at one of the edges of the whole reserve. The oldest and most isolated among all of them. Only a selected few were allowed in and out. The closest one can get without any title is if they get cleaning or some other useless duty there.

This is going to be the first one in the week. There generally are fewer high ranks than any other, but for the last month the number of more human ones expanded whilst any upper kind decreased exponentially and radically.

Remus went through the check in at the reception in a quick methodical way, as the man at the front knew him already.

"For how long?"

*Just hit three hours a minutes ago. The ones bringing him in assumed he will not last for that much longer." - He paused for a second -"Evan didn't even think he would wake up at all at first, his code appeared at exactly 117 minutes. Quite late that one " - whispered the man, as if it was some dirty little secret.

"If the code is still counting and the boy eventually wakes up, the previous happenings do not concern me at all." - Answered Remus flatly without looking up from the paper containing the new boy's information. The man visibly stiffened at his tone.

Remus never understood the reactions he brings out of others if he is being honest. He is not rude, on the contrary, he can be quite polite if he tries, he just says what he thinks, that's all. If someone’s unable to handle it, it is their problem not his. He can not and will not help the way the truth comes out of his mouth.

Before he could dwell more on the consequences of his words and actions, he lightly shaked his head to dispel any meaningless thought that could distract him. There is no place here for unprofessionalism.

<<<>>>

Regulus left no time to hesitate as he leaped at the stranger the moment he started to open the door. The man obviously did not expect him to be awake, or even if he did, he wasn't ready to dodge the attack Regulus sent at him at the first glance. He could not jump out of the curse of the the fist flying towards his face, and grunted from the force of it hitting him square at the nose. Being punched did not affect him too much though, as he almost instantly went to grab Regulus arm from where it was still stretched out in front of him. Before he could reach him however, the other quickly darted to his left, ultimately dodging the attempt. With that momentum, he went for the stranger's knees, kicking him from the back, making them give out a bit under the intruder. Using that little time he just won, Regulus instantly charged for the entrance, eager to get out of this wretched situation.

He only just touched the the latch of the door though, when he was suddenly yanked back by his hair. It all happened in a blur as the man tossed him to the the floor with a thud, sitting on his hips, strangling his legs to the ground with his own and twisting his hands above his head. Regulus trashed around a bit, but he knew he had no chance getting out from under the other's hold on him. Why the fuck is he so strong?

Ne needs a B plan. Now.

"Hope you are comfy up there" - He tried to bring out his most charming smirk and a playful voice, but the man just quirked an amused eyebrow and left him without an answer. Quite rude if you ask him.

"So that's not gonna work either." - mumbled Regulus in frustration, seemingly lost in his thoughts, not even noticing he said that out loud until he heard a loud chuckle from above. "What's so funny?" He couldn't believe the man, he not only did press him to the ground and tower over him with that fucking ladder body of his, but now started openly laughing at him in a time this serious.

"Was that supposed to be an attempt to try flirt yourself out of the situation??" - His laughing was turning almost hysterical at this point, with his body shaking from the force of it. Sadly, the hold on his wrist still stayed just as strong without faltering even for a second. "Just wait 'till i tell this to Evan. Oh my god he's going to love it. You are hilarious man, also extremely stunning, so yes i am quite comfortable up here. I have such a nice view and all" – He tries to prove his point with an intentionally flirtatious wink. Idiot.

His dark brown eyes shined with mischief. Now that Regulus can look at his captor more closely, he is utterly handsome. Not fair. His dark brown hair hangs in messy locks against his forehead, nearly covering the silver metal pierced into his eyebrows. His lips streched in a boyish smirk and... oh, he has a lip piercing too...

"Worth a try. You cannot blame me when you look like a horny teenager, who just discovered what masturbation means.”

"Aw love, please don’t be so rude to me, i have a heart of glass you see. It breaks oh so easily.” He winked. "Fortunately for you though, i am pretty attracted to the mean type, so you can call me as many nasty things as you like. Do not hold yourself back dear.” – He whispered in his ear seductively while trying to drag his hand down his arms in a smooth motion, but as soon as Regulus could feel him loosen the grip pinning his own hands above his head, he instantly stirred into motion. He wastes no time as he started to struggle under him trying to gain at least a little bit of space to move. He kmows it’s futile, he just woke up from literal death. He should still be in bed feeling disoriented and confused about the situation.

That sounds quite nice actually, just playing oblivius while lying in bed in fake calmness. He wishes that was happening, but instead he just had to go and make himself an enemy, or a pray in the first possible opportunity that arised of chorse. But he couldn’t just wait for his own doom without fighting first, could he? He wouldn’t be Regulus Arcturus Black that way. Even then, he will not stop without trying his damnest to resist, who cares if it’s worth it in the end. He is petty like that. If nothing else, at least let him keep this one trait about himself, in this new life of death.

The stranger who he still does not know the name of looked pleased with his struggling, almost hushing him the way one would do to a frightened animal. Naturally he must have found himself funny as hell, the way he was still laughing manically.

"Move your fucking hands off me before i fucking kill you, you fucking psychopath!”

"Tch tch tch... that’s very severe word repetition, i fear. You should study a bit more sweetheart, being dumb is not too sexy, even for me.”

Regulus could feel his eyes twich from the amount of frustration he was experiencing at that moment. Wherever he ends up, he will think back to this time as the very moment he finally lost all remaining hope he magically had for humanity. it’s all gone, no one can make him like life again so just someone kill him please. Right this instant, if possible, he is suffering.

"Oh, don’t look at me like that, i did nothing wrong, I’m not your enemy. it’s all only fun and games.” Said the man with a shy smile. Yeah, not fake at all.

"Let me go then, if you really are that much of a good guy.”

"Oh, i never said i was good, i am just deciding you seem interesting enough to not make an enemy out of.” This fucking guy. "I can’t wait for the opportunity to kill you.” – snarled Regulus, venom dripping from his word. "I swear if i ever get the opportunity...”

"I am waiting eagerly, darling. Just don’t back down from that promise.” – Challenged the stranger.

Regulus was sure he would continue pestering him, so it came as a surprise when the man finally let go of his hands to push himself up from the ground. It came as an even greater shock how after steadying himself and shaking the dust from his clothes, he brought his arm forward, right in front of where Regulus was still sitting to offer him a helping hand.

For some unknown reason Regulus do not want to start discovering now, he took it to pull himself up with the added strength from the other.

The snarky retort he was prepared to spat at him however gets stuck on the tip of his tongue as a third voice start speaking out of nowhere.

"Barty. Last i checked this was my workplace not yours.” Interrupted the individual currently sanding in the open door. The scratchy deep male voice totally did not make him jump thank you very much. He does not get scared. He apparently could not get scared. There has to be some other explanation of course.

"Aw my dear friend Remus, i just wanted to introduce myself to the new guy, there is no harm in that, is there? It’s so hard to find anything entertaining here these days. Do you want me to die from boredom??” – the man called Barty seemingly wasn’t at all surprised by the new person’s presence. He just throwed his body around like an overly dramatic child whose toy just have been taken away.

"Firstly, we are not friends. Secondly, you are already partially dead so that statement just makes you look even more of an idiot than you already are. Thirdly, i do not care what you do with your life as it does not involve me.” The newcomer’s, Remus’s voice was a lot calmer and more collected than Barty’s, who sounded cheerful, full of emotions. Remus’s compared to that sounded unnervingly lifeless. In a contrast, his other features seemed unfairingly softer. From the big baggy grandpa sweater to his fluffy light brown hair falling around his face. Not even the many scars littering around his face and body – nearly anywhere Regulus could see - compared to the deadlines of his eyes.

"Go pester Evan instead. I will not bail you out if they find out you got in here again without permission.” – With that he finally turned to Regulus, signalling he was done with him. Fortunately, Barty had no claims to continue the conversation either, so he went to exit the room with a salute. He could not hold himself back though, as he blew one last kiss at them before disappearing through the door.

"Don’t even mind him” – acknowledged the brown haired. "Now, let us start. You can call me Remus, and you are Regulus if I’m not mistaken” Remus didn’t even give him time to answer as he continued.

„I’m here to ask some questions so it’s easier to calculate where you stand as of now and how we should proceed. It’s in your best interest to answer them truthfully” Regulus decided to make himself comfortable in one of the chairs near his bed, and gave the man a simple nod, knowing what being violent led to only a few minutes ago. It’s time to observe now.

"Do you know what is happening to you?”

"Yes” - huffed Regulus rolling his eyes. "it’s not like it’s so hard to figure out.” – he gestured to his marked arm provokingly, but Remus just hummed completely unbothered by Regulus’s frustration.

"Do you know the circumstances of your death? The place, the time, how it happened?”

"No” - He lied. There is no way he could forget, not even if his body forced him to. Remus gave him an approving nod, so it must have been the right answer anyway.

"Do you remember anything at all from your previous life?”

"Not really” – Not much lying this time. – "I- For a second i could. Right after i woke up, but it’s getting all blurry as time passes.”

"You do not have to think too much into it. All new recruits are the same after waking up. The new life erases the old one, so the memories can’t stay either. That’s just how things work here. You will get used to it.” – What if i don’t want to get used to it?

This time it’s Regulus’s turn asking a question. "Where are we exactly?”

"At one of the three ’New Life Resorts’ of Azkaban. More specifically in the building for the high class. You said you are aware of what’s happening here so i will just assume you know what high class means. This building is for them, for the likes of you and me.” – He said nonchalantly, while writing something on the paper in his hands.

"We have no more time for questions, dinner is starting in five minutes. after that we’re going to run some physical tests on you, then you can ask away if by that time you still have ones unanswered.” He stood swiftly and gestured for him to follow.

<<<>>>

Regulus had a weird feeling walking through the corridors, following after Remus. The whole building was massive, like a maze, but it lacked any human presence. They were walking through at least the fourth hallway at that point and did not run into anyone at all. It made sense as Regulus did discover earlier how quiet the place was, still he did not realize the size of the whole construction. If he had more time to actually appreciate the architecture, believe me he would, because it was positively breathtaking. The perfect interconnection between modern art and those old renaissance temples. Extravagantly decorated pillars, big open spaces, and stained-glass windows letting the sun bring some light in.

Regulus breathed in sharply as they finally made their way outside, both intentionally ignoring the receptionist staring at their backs. The garden was huge, and when i say huge, i mean enormous. It was sectioned into five parts. The overall place had an irregular pentagon shape, with a building placed in every corner. Between their sides were little parks littered with different kind of plants and trees, the first place Regulus could call slightly lively. The middle part held a huge contrast. it was completely empty. Even the grass was missing, being covered in small pale rocks instead. Behind the area layed a tall lattice fence. Not as tall as the one Regulus could see in the far distance though. The wall there was gigantic. The gap between him and that wall was so vast, crossing it felt impossible.

That meant it was functioning well, trapping them in and leaving the living outside. If he concentrates hard enough, he can still foggily remember looking at the same wall from the window of his room at Grimmauld place, thinking about all the things that could be going on on the other side, never believing he will eventually get to see it himself. Foolish thinking on his part he can admit that. Life’s not that easy. But for one, those memories are some he will happily forgret in the next few weeks or so.

"The big one you can see over there is the main building. It’s for the members of the Order of The Pheonix. We are not allowed there so don’t even think about going anywhere near. I only ever saw lower classes being led in there after waking up.” Explained Remus, startling him out of his thoughts while pointing ahead of them at the biggest building. It’s not easy to miss being the fanciest of all five of them. "The other two right to its’ left are the common grounds for all recruits. That’s where the cafeteria is. You can also find different kinds of training grounds there, and a medical centre you can go get patched up if ever needed.”

"If it’s so much of a common ground why don’t i see a soul in our 2 km radius?”

"While it is true that anyone can use those facilities, we have our personalised ones. I’m sure you’re not mental enough to forget the one we just exited is for high classes. Only the likes of us can use it. That is where you will mostly train and spend the nights too.”

"Excuse me for not being convinced about those rules when the literal first thing i saw after waking up is a man who is apparently not allowed being there is entering my room.” It’s not like it mattered to Regulus, he was not unfamiliar to breaking rules. Yet the chaos of it did not help his confusion one bit.

"I meant it when i said not to think too much into it. Barty is a middle class whose emotions are clouding his judgement, so he thinks it’s an excellent idea to sneek around whenever he wants to see Evan, our doctor working alternately here as a high one himself or at the common grounds.” Regulus thinks it is a perfectly reasonable idea, but he doesn’t dare telling that to Remus.

"Going back to your previous question, it is empty here because everyone is either already at the cafeteria or is having duties in their respective building that overlap with lunch time, so they won’t be attending. Or some people are just so busy practicing they forget to eat”

"Hm. What is the other building? The one on the headquarters’ right.”

"It’s for the middle class, similar to ours, but those bunch is a mess. They are usually not at their building but trying to chase the high ones out of the general facilities by ridiculously attempting to colonise there, as if it’s not us purposefully avoiding that place anyway.” He replied, a frown making its’ way to his face. „Sometimes i really can’t understand their actions.”

While talking they made their way across the garden, slowly approaching the entrance where Remus was leading them. Regulus could now clearly hear the noise coming from inside. It wasn’t anything loud per se, but a sheer contrast to the silence of the room he woke up in. The doors immediately opened to a spacious area covered with chairs and tables, and a tall staircase at their opposite. The tables were already full of enthusiastically chatting and talking people. Except for one long table on the far side.

"That is our table. High classes stick mostly together to avoid unnecessary awkward conversations. Usually there are more people sitting there but lot of them are sent out on missions at the moment.”

"On missions? To do what exactly, look for berries? Last i checked the war ended almost two years ago. I get that it needs time and precautions are important, but still.”

"I do not know the exact details, but the good thing is, it’s none of our business. Stop asking for every little detail. Those are insignificant. You will get used to not caring about them eventually, so it will be easier if you start get familiar with that mindset early on.” Why would I get used to such thing?

Regulus didn’t get the chance to process what Remus just said, he was too busy staring. He had a fair number of surprises today, which were already a bit too much if you ask him. But this, this was one he never expected, taking his breath away immediately. He stood frozen still in front of the table, looking at one person particularly. He should have foreseen this... It was so obvious but somehow, he still forgot about the chances of seeing familiar faces here. But last time he checked they were alive, everyone he cared about were still living on the right side of the wall, where they should be. He was wrong as it turs out. When did this happen? How did i not know?

“Nessa...” He gasped out. This was his cousin. Someone he spent most of his childhood with and cared about deeply. She died. She died without him knowing about it even happening. Should he feel happy seeing her again? Should he feel relief she got here instead of dying permanently? Or should he be enraged and feel remorse in her stand for the future she has to live in a place like this, without hope, love and the want to continue on existing? In the end he feels nothing of the sort except the initial shock. This is just all too much.

“Uhm... sorry but do I know you?” Her eyes only showed confusion, no recognition at all.

“Do you not remember me?”

“Should I?” They didn’t have many similarities in their appearance. Instead of his short frame and structured but soft features, she got beautiful long legs and a charismathic appearance. Their personalities on the other hand resembled one another in many ways due to spending time together so much as children. Both being the youngest of their respective families made them what they used to call ‘allies’. They learned early on just how sassy and stubborn they both can be and while that should have led to arguments, somehow it didn’t. Time went on and both grew into teenagers. Their friendship went through some hardships. The Noble and Most Anciant House of Black was never a place for care and love, so their companionship slowly grew into mutual understanding and respect, but their sentiment never lessened, just evolved due to the expectations of the family. So why is it different now?

“I am your cousin, your favourite one as you used to say.” He still had hope. If he could just make her see a bit clearer maybe...

“Sorry but I think you have mistaken me for someone else.”

“You must remember. We used to hang around a lot when our parents had one of those horrible family meetings. Every time we went to hide in the garden under the trees. You loved it, especially when we – “

“No, I really don’t - “

“We also studied together most afternoons. Had the same tutor too. Sirius always wanted to prank the poor man and only you could talk him out of it.” If maybe he could just make her see.

“Sorry, I- “

“Or that one time-“ Just maybe if...

“That’s enough!” It was Remus this time, stopping him with a firm hand on his shoulder. “Even if you had a past with her, it’s just that, a past. Nothing more nothing less. She clearly doesn’t remember, and neither will you in a few weeks.”

“But- “

“No. That’s just how it works here. You will get used to it so just… try to ignore it until then.” I don’t want to get used to this. How could I get used to this?

With the hand already on his shoulder, Remus led him to an empty seat, right across from Narcissa. He went along dazedly trying to get a hold of himself and this whole situation. They sat in an awkward silence for a bit, before Remus finally had enough.

“Well, it seems you already know about Narcissa- “

“Wow you noticed?” Clear sarcasm all the way baby.

Remus only deadpanned back at him “Quit the attitude it’s not a good look on you.”

“I’ve been told otherwise”

Remus of course just ignored him. “So, as I wanted to say before you interrupted.” He gave him a pointed look “You know Narcissa and myself but not anybody else, so just let me quickly introduce you so we can finally go get our food from the kitchens.”

That’s when Regulus realized she is not in fact the only one eating there. To her left sat a girl with blonde hair and fierce eyes staring into his soul. Right next to her was a guy who didn’t seem to care about their conversation as he just casually continued eating. He also had blond hair just a different shade.

He watched Remus gesture to the other girl. “Guys, this is Regulus, 182,42. Regulus, that’s Marlene McKinnon, 196,55. You will see her a lot around here. In training it’s either gonna be me or her dealing with you in the beginning, just until you get hold of your tasks and role.” Marlene gave him a small nod as acknowledgement. “The other one is Evan Rosier, 211,7. One of our resident doctors. Hopefully you won’t see him as often but let’s not be that naïve.”

“Oh, the one that Barty guy was talking about.”

Evan quirked an eyebrow at that, an amused smile ghosting his lips. “Should have known he wouldn’t miss an opportunity to mess around. What did he do this time?”

“He came in my room straddled my waist and pinned my arms to the floor.” Regulus intentionally left out the part where he attacked the guy before all that happened. Details.

“Heh, yeah that kind of sounds like something Barty would do. He is eccentric but harmless, don’t worry. All bark no bite, unless you actually upset him. Then… running is your best choice” Okay, creepy. Even so, Regulus officially liked him more than the girl. She looked like she would murder him, and let’s be honest, she probably could.

“That’s just how he is to you. Only you. Crouch once tried to bite me because i took the last piece of pizza roll he wanted.” Compared to her look, Marlene had a soft, calming voice.

“His teeth aren’t sharp, the most it would have caused you are a few scratches.”

“What kind of argument is that? You are not proving your point, Rosier.”

“Not trying to, Mckinnon.”

No talking after that. Again. They had an awful lot of awkward silences for a group claiming they sit together to avoid awkward situations.

Remus finally decided this was enough of an introduction and stood to lead them to where they could get themselves lunch. Regulus was about to follow when an approaching siluette caught his eyes.

The stranger man was coming straight to them. After an already shitty day Regulus was ready for the next confrontation. What was patience at that point? He does not know her. It soon became clear however, that he was not who this person was coming for. He must have been a lower class as he was clearly seen him slip from another table. He was taller than Regulus but not by much, also a bit more muscular. Other than that, tho? He was kind of disgusting, the type of person you can clearly tell does not care abou hygiene all too much. And now this exact man was standing right behing Nessa. She did not show if she cared about his presence simply ignored the situation, but Regulus noticed how she went stiff for a second. Strange.

“Nessa, do you know him?”

The man did not let her speak. “Of course she does. We know each other quite intimately at that, if you know what I mean.” He winked at Regulus. He fucking winked.

“Nessa, do you know this guy?” – Still no answer.

“Oh, don’t be a bummer man, it’s just a joke. Or you lot can’t even take those? I’m only here to escort this fine woman to somewhere more private, so we can… talk for a bit” Regulus settled on ignoring him for the moment.

“Nessa?” She didn’t look at him, but started to stand up from where she was sitting.

“Wait- “

“Regulus, it’s okay”

“That’s not what I asked. “

“The answer to that question has nothing to do with you”

“It absolutely does if you are uncomfortable. I just want to look out for you and make sure everything is okay.”

“My wellbeing is none of your business. Even if it was, this situation is perfectly fine.”

“You sure about that? You seem quite stiff.” Now he was starting to get really concerned.

“Yes, I am, thank you very much, now fuck off if you may, you are making this bigger than it really is.”

“So, you say, you want to leave with this man?” In his mind that just couldn’t be it.

She noticeably hesitated so he spoke for her. “Of course she wants to”

That made her snap back at the man. “This is not about what I want.”

“Is he or someone else making you?” What the hell is going on?

“No that’s not – “

The stranger interrupted the girl again. “That’s enough man, she is just a little confused” He turned to Narcissa. “It’s okay beautiful, you do not have to worry your pretty little head, leave this to the men here, I will deal with it quickly so we can- “

“I wasn’t fucking talking to you. Also don’t you dare speaking to her like that ever again, she is not a fucking inbecile.” Regulus felt himself lose his temper. He could not believe the audacity.

“Again with the jokes man, not cool”

“I will fucking show you ‘not cool’. Nesse please tell me you don’t want this man, you can tell me, it’s okay.”

This was the moment she finally had enouhg. “Could you stop already?? I do not know what I want okay?”

“What- What do you mean?”

“It's just- You are fairly new, so you are not that familiar with how things are here, but this is the way things work at the facility. You will get used to it.” I do not want to get used to it.

“So, this system just casually let’s people do whatever they want against others will?” This all felt absurd to him. He knew it would be different from the tales he was told but this, this is not normal even for them.

“Will you fucking listen? It is not against my will.”

“Well, you do not seem like you want this so can you blame me for doubting?”

“Don’t act like you know me! How could you know what I want, when I don’t even know it myself?”

“How could you not know if you want something or don’t?

“Becaude this all feels insignificant! The fact is that I do not care. It does not matter to me, even if it did, I don’t have strong enough emotions towards it to help me decide. I do not have disgust or hate, I do not feel thrill, satisfaction, or passion of any kind. The one thing I know is acceptance, which you too now are trying to take away. It is not him who is disturbing me but you. I’ve done my routine well enough until now and there was never a problem, but now you just show up to remind me exactly how awfully dead I am” She was panting by the time she finished shouting at him.

“See my man everything is fine here, so if you could just leave us?’ This mutherfucker again, I swear to God…

“You-, how could you do this to her? How can you take adventage of her, use her like that knowing she will not say no to you, because she can’t? You are supposedly the more human here, but you are just simply cruel. You make fun of us for being lifeless, but the the only things making you more than us is greed, lust and – “

“Regulus, stop this! I didn’t ask for your protection. This is not your fight to take, so stop being difficult. I do not need your sympathy or pity. “

“I am just trying to help Narcissa, this is not you!”

“Yes, you are right It really is not, because the version of me that you knew of is dead. Has been for almost half a year now.”

Ugh he didn’t know how to explain to her this is not how it should work. Even if the feelings are muted, they are still trying to guide her. The system and that bastard just manipulated her to the point where she believes she is not capable of making decisions of herself.

“Look dude, this is getting out of hand, you are getting the people around here a bit disturbed so- ughh- “Regulus saw red.

This time the man was silenced by the fist colliding with his stomach instead of heated words. Regulus could feel and hear the commotion around them. People must have heard them shouting and now came to watch what was actually happening, like a damn show. He did not care about them, his only goal was to beat up that disgusting man as much as he could. They were at the floor now, him on top still giving punches with all the strength he got. He could feel arms on him from behind trying to get him to get off the other. In the end it was Remus and Evan who convinced him to stop and take a few staggering steps backwards. His vison was blurry from the adrenaline, but he could still see as Narcissa bent over the stranger, placing a hand to his bruised face.

He needed to get out of here. Now.

He yanked his wrists out of Remus’s and Evan’s hold and ran. Where? He had no clue. Regulus just wanted to get as far from them as possible.

<<<>>>

Remus found Regulus in one of the small parks between the buildings, sitting on the ground, his back leaning on a trunk of a tree. The commotion he caused was huge. It’s not every day something like this happens. Right, everyone can be a bit rough around the edges but not like that. This was out of routine. He was sure the Order also has already heard of it and was in the process of sending someone for him. That’s why he wanted to find the younger first, before he gets himself in even more trouble.

As he got closer, the tears in Regulus eyes and his erratic breathing also got clearer. the poor boy was on the edge of a panic attack. If he noticed him approaching, he did not give a sign of it.

“Regulus…” Tried Remus tentatively, but nothing, so he decided to sit next to him. Not too close, only so the black haired could get used to his presence. In the end it was Regulus who broke the silence first.

“I don’t understand. How could someone not know their own wants and needs?” He seemed so small and lost saying that, like he really couldn’t fathom a possibility where people’s minds and ambitions are so lost they don’t even remember having them in the first place.

“I know it’s hard. Seeing this around you. you are also too young to deal with death and its’s consequences, but when you get used to it – “

“NO! Stop it! I do not want to get used to this, I will not get used to this!” This stubborn boy. Remus could not blame him though, everyone had a reason and everyone had a right to mourn themselves and their futures here.

“I’m sorry, I truly am, but sadly it’s not your decision. You cannot do anything to stop it, nor can i”

“Remus please I can’t do this, I can’t turn out like that too. They are just machines dressed as humans, but their hearts are not a sign of their humanity but a symbol of their imprisonment.” He turned to Remus to look him straight in the eye. “Will I be like that too? Someone who does not have morals and use that to other’s doom or will I turn out the victim of it all without realizing? I know about the no emotions and lost memories thing, but this is different! They are only shells of their old selves if that even exists at this point. This is not okay. Will I lose myself too? The thing Is; I don’t want to. This is supposed to be my second chance but if I get used to living like livestock what will be left of me?” Poor boy looked so desperate, breathing loudly and gesturing around himself, like that would help getting his point across.

“Remus, please- “

“I’m sorry”

“Remus, I’m scared-”

“No, you are not.” That is just not possible.

“But I am! I am so fucking scared to grow into a body without a soul.” His hands were turning white from the force he was fisting them, his whole body was a shaking mess, and his voice was cracking from his sobs. Remus didn’t want to pity him, but it was so hard when all he could see in the boy was himself on the exact day he got here after waking up.

“I know it’s hard to process and this is a lot on your first day so the feelings can get a bit confusing but- “

“Don’t you fucking dare invalidating my feelings, you have no right to do that!”

“You are right I apologize, but I know what I’m talking about. Even if it feels like it, you are a high class, so you are physically incapable of feeling fear.”

“Will you fucking listen to me for a second instead of just saying that like a mantra??” The desperation in his voice ultimately got Remus’s attention and shut him up. “Don’t you realize how you are part of the system? How you are just as much manipulated into dismissing your feelings as everyone else? I get the part where the temporary death messes with your emotions, but even if your mind forgets your body does not! It is not your decision to lose them all, but it can be yours to relearn them! So why does nobody try?”

“That’s not so simple Regulus.”

“You think I don’t know that? But when were anything in life easy? Should I just give up on myself because I’m told to? I don’t get why Is everybody so afraid of death when you have already experienced it”

Remus knew he had a point, but it was so fucking hard to admit. He lived here for almost seven years. He didn’t know how, but he survived until this day. He did it and he was proud of that achievement. Faith is not kind to children on this side of the wall you see. So why is it now that this boy comes in and turns his life upside down. Why does he have to face the truth that it could have been different, when he already accepted his faith. Just maybe if they met before... In deep down he knows it wouldn’t have made a difference, had he known Regulus as a child. He was naïve and the only thing he wanted was to hide in the corner, away from everyone. But could it maybe make a difference now?

He was yanked away from his thoughts and brutally tossed back into reality by the approaching footsteps he could hear in the distance. Shit. The Order must have been looking for them. The sudden change in his mood catched Regulus’s attention too, as he was now looking around them searching for the source. Luckily, they were still hidden behind the wall of the buildings, so they still had a little bit of time before getting found, but not much.

“Regulus, listen to me. Even if you do not understand and do not want to accept things here, when they bring you away for questioning about the incident in the cafeteria, you have to pretend it was an accident, okay?“ He whispered in a serious voice.

“What why would i- “

“No Regulus I am serious. This is important. You don’t know how they will react. You are right we are just macines, but they are the ones operating said machines. All you get in life from now on depends on them. All they want from us is precision and monotony, and you are an anomaly in that part. You know what normally happens to anomalies don’t you?”

“I can’t just play pretend for the rest of my life Remus!” He whisper yelled back frustratedly.

“I do not ask you to do it your whole life Reg. You need to feed them some bullshit and get them off your back early on, so they won’t be looking out for you in the future. Just this time, you hear me. Think of it in the long run. I know you are stubborn, but you have to listen to me this time.” His tone started getting urgent. It won’t be long until they get discovered.

“So what should I tell them? That I got feral for a moment or something?” He let out a humorless snort, but hearing Remus’s silence his espression turned to disbelief. “You can’t be serious.”

“Oh but I totally am. You don’t exactly need to play ‘feral’, you just have to convince them it was not your mind doing all that but your body. If you can make them believe you are just a bit confused after waking up and your body and instincts are too strong to control, they will not see you as a threat but a weapon, an opportunity.” Remus let out a resigned breath. He knew this will be the moment life will really turn around for them, to a new beginning, be it good or bad. He knew he wasn’t ready, but he still did it, because in the end he also knew he was weak, he still had hope. “If you really want to break out of the cycle, the best way to do it is from right under your captors’ nose.”

This wasn’t an actual declaration, he wasn’t entitled to accept the younger’s decisions or even understand them, but Regulus recognized the hidden support in his words. Remus saw the spark in his eyes, the determination he didn’t know was possible for someone on this side, and at that moment, he knew he will not regret this decision, regardless of how their futures meight turn out.

“Let’s make death worth it!”