My idiot
James p.o.v
I watch my feet dangle in the sea as I sit at the dock. I sighed as the water ripples by my movements. My mind wandering to my best friend and his brother worried about their condition but I was too much a coward to visit them on their sickbeds, part of me wished to go them, hold their hands or kiss Regulus his forehead. Regulus promised we would talk about what was going on between us but I feared his feelings had disappeared after I caused his brother to almost die. Because no matter how you see it Sirius got hurt because of me. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be the one to comfort the Black brother to make sure they were okay cause I caused them the pain they were in now. So the part of me that blames myself outweighs the part of wanting to sit by their side. “I was looking for you.” A familiar voice spoke from behind me and when I turned my head I was met by a sad looking Regulus, the burn on his face was a stark contrast to his otherwise pale complexion “Why are you here james?”
I look back to the water ashamed “I am glad you are okay.”
“Is that all you have to say to me.” I could hear the hurt in his voice.
“I am sorry reg.” I managed to croak out.
“For what?” I hear the confusion in his voice as he takes a seat next to me “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“If it wasn’t for me, Sirius wouldn’t be dying and you wouldn’t be hurt.”
“Oh James.” He whispers placing a hand on my knee, I swallow as I look at his hand “Sirius isn’t dying. I saved him and there was nothing you could have done to prevented Sirius getting stabbed. My uncle is a clever man he know how to exploit people’s weaknesses. He was losing against me and he knew he needed something to sway me, So he used you. He probably guessed by the way you guys came to my rescue that I had people I cared for and he just grabbed the nearest person in his reach. It could have been anyone but he just happened to get a hold of you, my brothers best friend and the guy I think I am in love with. “ He squeezes my thigh “What happened wasn’t your fault, we are all alive and well, we defeated my uncle and saved Kyoshi island. Don’t blame yourself for a situation you didn’t have any control over. You have to respect yourself more Jamie, you are not always the one to blame. I do not blame you and neither does Sirius. Hell the others probably just think you are an idiot for wallowing here in self-pity when you could have been there for my brother and I, for Remus who was falling apart because of his unconscious boyfriend, for Dorcas who sees us as her little brothers, for Lily who had just managed to get Mary back only to fear losing us and they could’ve comfort you and shared your emotions“ I look up at him to see tears brimming in Regulus his eyes “Stop blaming yourself and say something please, hug me, kiss me just give me an reaction instead of this silent treatment.”
I raise my hand as I softly let my fingers caress the burn on his cheek, guilt flooded my insides “I am sorry.”
“Not your fault.” Regulus bit his lip “it will heal.”
“I don’t know if I deserve you or Sirius his friendship.” I breath out “I do not know if I am worthy of friendship or love. I feel like everything I touch turns to dust, that I’ve been cursed. I am afraid to love because everyone I ever cared for so deeply died and I couldn’t lose you or your brother aswell. How can I protect an nation if I can’t even save those I love.”
“You can’t save everyone.” He tells me “I know that more than anyone as the avatar but I know you will do your best to save them and that is what makes you you James. You care about people no matter what and you feel so deeply for them that if someone gets hurt you feel guilty for pain they experience and that is beautiful but also unrealistic. I hate to see the man I love think so little of himself while I think the world of him.”
“Love?” I question him.
Regulus smiles at me leaning in a bit closer “I think I am in love with you Prince James.”
“I think I love you to Reg.” I breath out before closing the distance between us. The kiss was slow and filled with adoration. It felt like Regulus wanted to show me that I was worthy of his love, that I was worthy of him. I sighed in the kiss content before deeping it. I could hear Regulus groan as the sound vibrated against my lips. I pulled away looking in his eyes “I am sorry.”
“Stop apologizing.” Regulus whisper before pecking my lips again “Start believing in yourself.”
“I really thought Sirius was going to die and then you fell out of the sky, I have never been so scared before in my life.” I grabbed his waist to sit him in my lap. His feet on either side of me
“But you didn’t lose us.” regulus raises my chin so our eyes could meet, he leaned in for another slow kiss until he stood up and held out his hand to me “Your time to wallow has come to an end, we are going back to the mayors house and eat something besides I think you will want to see Sirius since he is awake as well.”
I abruptly stand up “he has woken up?”
“Yes he has and he told me to knock some senses into you, he guessed you would be blaming yourself about what happened to him and it seems he was right.”
I chuckle “Sirius and I did share a prison cell together for years, you get to know someone.”
“So it appears.” Regulus smiles as I grab his hand “I should also probably explain how Sirius is still alive seeing as the wound should’ve killed him.”
“I thought your spirit power healed him or that you are a healer just like Sirius.”
“No I am not a healer but I did get help.” He replies “Come let’s go the other are worried about you as well.”
“I have been acted like an idiot haven’t i.”
“yes a bit, but you are my idiot.” Regulus teases.
“Yes I am yours just like you are mine.” I kiss the knuckles of his hand before we continued our way to the house. I felt lighter than I did before and promised myself that I would look at the situation first before putting the blame on myself.