Chapter ten
As the group played their games, and chatter filled the Gryffindor common room, Holly found herself sitting not on the outskirts of the group but rather on the floor in front of Remus. She had no idea how she had gotten there, and truthfully she might never have noticed the move if Remus hadn’t reached forwards to begin playing with her hair. He had been quiet, nearly silent, the entire time they had been sitting together. The other boys didn’t seem worried, but they kept shooting him glances as if to say, ‘You still okay?’. Holly had wondered if maybe he was sick, as his eyes seemed a bit more sunken in and tired than usual and his hands shook just the tiniest bit when he held them out. If Remus was sick why wouldn’t he visit Madam Pomfrey? She didn’t have a clue, and as the night went on she made an effort to ignore whatever was going on with Remus. His sightless stare out the window, his shaky hands, she decided to ignore it all for now. He wouldn’t want her to say anything in front of everyone, and she knew he got sick often. Weak immune system or something, he had told her once. However, as the group continued chatting and playing games (They had moved on from Exploding Snaps to a riveting Wizards Chess tournament) Holly had just about forgotten Remus was sitting behind her entirely. Until he leaned forwards and snagged a strand of her hair between his fingers.
She froze immediately, her breath catching in her throat. Holly was not a fan of being touched. Casual bumps or hand grazes were fine, but being touched intentionally immediately had her gasping and shaking in a small corner somewhere. It’s like her entire nervous system and brain shut down every time. Remus, who was now twisting a small braid into her hair, didn’t notice. He didn’t seem to notice the way her entire body tensed, or the fact that she had stopped breathing. She was blinking rapidly, tears pricking her eyes, choking her. She was going to lose it in front of all of her new friends and they would never speak to her again. Her breathing started coming again, heavily, and she tried to close her eyes but was unable to. She couldn’t move, or think or breathe- God why wasn’t she breathing?
“Darling,” A voice cut through the haze in her mind and her eyes snapped to the side where Black was looking at her. His eyes were intense, and shockingly understanding. Absently, her brain compared them to Regulus’. “Darling, why aren’t you playing with my hair?” Sirius batted his eyes and shoved his head onto Remus’ lap making the boy chuckle.
“Can’t go three seconds without all eyes on you, huh Pads?” Remus said, but Holly could hear the smile in his voice as he detangled his hands from her hair and moved on to Blacks’. Her eyes fluttered closed for just a second in relief. Had Black seen her panic? Had he noticed what she tried so hard to hide? And more importantly, had he intentionally helped her without causing a scene? The thoughts plagued her as she opened her eyes again only to be met with the intense gaze of James Potter. He was looking at her, concerned, as if he had noticed too. Had everyone? Holly looked around, but the rest of her friends seemed to be as casual as ever. They were playing their game and chatting, not one of them studying her the way Potter and Black were.
She felt the headache coming and closed her eyes tightly. She’d have dreams again tonight, she was sure of it. She always did when this kind of thing happened. Standing she faked a yawn.
“Sorry guys, I really should get back now. I have Astronomy tomorrow night, and I’m exhausted. Besides, the later I’m out the more likely I am to get caught by Filch and his rat.”
The group chuckled a bit at that and James stood, shooting Sirius a look.
“I can help with that part at least,” He said, turning back to her with a grin. “I’ll walk you to your dorm.”
“Potter that isn’t really-” But he was already on the move grabbing a cloak of some kind out of his bag and waltzing towards the door. With a final wave over her shoulder, Holly took a deep breath and followed him.
“Potter,” She called as she caught up to him. “This really isn’t necessary. I can manage the castle on my own.”
The boy in question grinned at her, a warmth radiating off of him. It seemed to her that James Potter was always warm.
“Don’t be ridiculous, I don’t mind. Besides, everyone wants you to get back safely and they’d feel horrible if you got detention or something.”
Holly hummed in response as they began their trek to the Hufflepuff dorms. James had the cloak he had grabbed tucked under his arm, as they walked and she studied it for a moment. Why had he grabbed it? They continued walking in silence for a few minutes, before he finally spoke.
“So. You don’t like people playing with your hair then?”
Holly tried not to freeze up, she knew this was going to happen. Taking a deep breath she looked at him and narrowed her eyes.
“I’m not fond of being touched. Especially when I don’t expect it.” Her voice wavered slightly, but the judgment she had been expecting never came. Instead, James smiled and looked at her reassuringly.
“I understand,” He said, “Padfoot used to be like that too, and my family is very touchy. Lots of hugs ya know? He’s more adjusted now, but sometimes he still gets uncomfortable like you did.”
Holly tried not to let anything show on her face. She couldn’t think of too many reasons someone might “get uncomfortable” like she did when being touched, and when thinking of how Black had looked at her with understanding earlier, and the news of his disownment last year, a knot began to form in her stomach. And with the way James was looking at her now the knot tightened. To his credit, he didn’t pry. Instead he began moving forwards again, leading her to the Hufflepuff dorms. He didn’t say anything, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. A certain warmth radiated off of James Potter. She struggled for a moment to think of a situation where she could feel uncomfortable with him. The longer they were near one another, the more Holly realized how perfect James actually was for Lily.
They arrived at her door with no encounters from the staff. She hesitated and looked at him, not quite meeting his eyes.
“Ah- thank Potter. For… you know.”
“Anytime Elwood. I’m here if you ever need anything alright? Anything.”
His words traveled through her like an electric shock. She nodded, opening the door to the common room. After walking in, she sat in the entry for a moment and processed. James Potter was a good friend. He treated it like a job almost, always knowing what to say, or do. She was confident, given the chance, he would be good to Lily. This made Holly feel a bit better about the whole “getting him and Lily together” plan.
After collecting her thoughts for another second, Holly walked down the short hallway that led to the Hufflepuff common room. While the Gryffindor common room was nice, the Hufflepuff one was spectacular. It truly was the perfect common room for her and her housemates. The room was round, with low ceilings covered in different kinds of foliage. Tiny yellow flowers decorated the vines that wrapped around the exposed beams and lights tangled into them as well, providing a soft, twinkling hue. The room’s floor was a grey stone, however plush and mix-matched rugs covered the space, creating a warm, homey feeling. To go with the rugs, mix-matched armchairs (that were criminally overstuffed and comfortable) were scattered around, some patched with black or gold. Hufflepuffs were not big on needless waste, and to combat this, often had second hand things like chairs and rugs. Her favorite spot in the room was a large mustard colored armchair. It was big enough for two people (or one to spread out on) and sat just next to the large fireplace. The mantle was a honey colored wood, with badgers and vegetation carved into it. On it sat a few framed photos, some moving, some not, and some plants in copper pots.
The plants of the common room seemed to be their own entity. They were often exotic or interesting gifts from Professor Sprout, or things that had been planted long ago. Nearly every available space of the large room had something growing on it, with the walls being covered in vines, and flowers on every table. No one was quite sure how they all stayed alive, but students would care for them from time to time if they noticed anything that needed to be done.
While Holly loved her common room, she was exhausted and chose to head to her dorm room. All the dorms’ doors were a light wood in a circular shape. They were embedded in the walls, and a bit difficult to find if you weren’t sure where to look. The vines covered every entrance and to get to her own room, she tugged on a large iron loop in the center of the door.
Inside of the dorm there were three bedsteads, made of copper and polished, caramel colored wood. Each of the beds had patchwork quilts all of which were incredibly soft. Her own bed had a small stuffed bear on it and a large pillow with a muted yellow pillowcase. Holly stumbled forward to her bed, and after pulling her off her pants and tie. Then she collapsed with a deep sigh. She closed her eyes, burying her face in the pillow, but before she could drift off to sleep a voice sounded out in the quiet room.
“Glad you made it home, Holls,” Mia murmured.
“Did you wait up for me?”
Mia ignored her and rolled over, the blankets ruffling around her. “Go to bed.”
Nothing else was said, and Holly sighed. She had quite a few more classes tomorrow then she did today and she was already dreading it.