Obsession
Next morning, he woke to Sirius throwing a pillow at him. “Oi Prongs where were you last night? When I woke up, I saw you weren’t there.” James looked around as if searching for an answer: “Um… yeah I just needed to take a walk I guess, couldn’t sleep…” “I see. Anyway, what are your plans to get Evans this year?” James and. Sirius laughed together as James seemed to be thinking. “Well, maybe I’ll just act like nothing, y’know, not really ignore her, but just no more big proposal you know? Maybe she’ll notice me then.” Sirius put a hand to his chest dramatically “Yeah maybe, but Jamesie, are you feeling ill?? No more bothering Evans??” And Sirius burst out laughing while James playfully glared at him. “Well Pads, we’re talking about my dating life, but what about you? I saw you talking with McDonald during the feast, and she certainly looked interested” said James with a smirk. Sirius blushed a bit. “Yeah, well you aware that the bloke I fancy doesn’t fancy me back, so I’ll have to settle for another girl or guy instead” he said with a sad smile. “Well I know nothing about that Pads, you really should just ask him.” Sirius laughed ironically. “Yeah, so it can break our friendship? What a genius you are.” James sighed and didn’t answer. “Let’s go down to breakfast, we’ll talk about it later.”
They descended into the Great Hall where they sat at the Gryffindor Table. They were laughing and chatting with their friends when James looked up at the Slytherin Table. He was looking for someone in particular and he found him. Regulus looked like he didn’t really have a good night of sleep and had a scowl on his face. His dark curls were framing his face and he was glaring at his breakfast. When he saw James looking in his direction, he threw a death glare at him which could have frozen anyone in their place. James just continued to look at him and sent a small smile to him. Regulus looked even more upset and turned his attention to his breakfast which he began to stab angrily. James had to contain a laughter and got back to his own breakfast. He was only half-listening to what the other were saying as he thought back to what Regulus told him the night before in the Astronomy Tower. He needed to help him, to get him out of the hell he was living into, and out of the fear and insecurities he had. He didn’t really know how to do that, but he knew one thing: he could be extremely clingy and annoying when he wanted to, and he was going to use his gifted talent on Regulus, in the hopes of saving him.
While he was lost in his thoughts, the students were given their schedule, and everyone got up to go in the first class of the year.
Before lunch, Regulus had a free period which he intended to use to go to the library. He was almost there when he found a little Hufflepuff girl, probably a first year as she seemed really small, crying in the corridor looking lost. As a prefect, it was his duty to help her, even if he probably would have even if he wasn’t one, so he approached her slowly. “Hey, I’m Regulus. I’m a prefect. Why are you crying?” The little girl looked up to him. “I… I’m lost… I don’t know where is the classroom I’m supposed to go to…” “In which classroom are you supposed to go?” “Trans- Transfiguration class…” Regulus was soothing, sweet and calm. “Hey, don’t worry! I’ll bring you there, okay? And I’ll let Professor McGonagall know why you’re late okay? Calm down, it’s okay, it happened to everyone.” he said with a slight smile. The girl sniffled and smiled shyly at him. “Really? Thank you…” As they walked to the classroom, the little girl clinging to his hand, Regulus asked “What’s your name?” “Sarah, Sarah Bones.” “Very well. Well, see, we are here, it is the Transfiguration classroom.” He knocked on the door and entered when he heard the teacher’s voice inviting him. “Hello Professor McGonagall. I’m sorry to disturb your class, but Sarah here got lost, and I don’t think she should be punished for being late Professor.” Said Regulus with a kind smile as he pushed the little still stuck to him to go take her place in the class. That’s when Regulus noticed James in the classroom, he remembered that Sirius had mentioned he was a student assistant in Transfiguration, who was gaping at him. Apparently, he was awe-struck by the sight of Regulus being kind to a First Year and helping him, and even more by the sight of this same First Year holding his hand and clinging to his hand like her life depended in it. Regulus glared at him (again), and was then brought back to reality by the voice of his teacher. “Indeed, thank you Mister Black, you may go.” “Of course, Professor, thank you.” And on those words, he left the room, not before glaring one last time at James who was still staring at him in disbelief.
The rest of the day passed by very fast to the last hour of class of the day. James was going to Potions class while Regulus had Transfiguration.
When James noticed the younger student, he went up to him immediately. “Hi baby Black, how is it going?” Regulus just glared at him. “What do you want Potter? Make fun of me because of what I said yesterday? Or maybe expose it to the all school?” James was looking at Regulus surprised and frowning. “Um, why would I do something like that baby Black?” “Don’t call me that! And I don’t know, there’s a big list. I am a Slytherin, I do not have the courage to leave my house, I will probably be forced to get a Dark Mark…” he said sarcastically. “Do you really think I would speak to anyone about the things you told yesterday? Well, more yelled but anyway” Regulus sighed. “Well I don’t know; you tell me Potter.” “Of course, I wouldn’t! But hey, I was wondering Reg, since when do you smoke?” he asked with a smirk. “I told you, don’t you call me that! And I don’t see how this is any of your concern.” “Well baby Black, I’m quite surprised that someone like you who is always following the rules could smoke and even more a Muggle cigarette. So, since when?” Regulus looked annoyed. “Jesus fucking Christ Potter, don’t call me that! And I’ll have you know that, in case you didn’t notice, Sirius does smoke. So, I do too. It’s like a brother bonding thing.” “A brother bonding thing? Like, really?” Regulus rolled his eyes. “Well I have a class to attend Potter. Bye.” And he just left, letting James on the spot. The last hour passed quickly, and finally, everyone was in the Great Hall, eating dinner. Sirius and Remus were talking to Lily and Marlene. Meanwhile James acted like he was listening to them whereas he was lost, again, in his thoughts; about, again, Regulus (and he was thinking that it was starting to sound like an obsession even in his own head).
“Oi James, do you agree?” James looked at them sheepishly “Um… sorry, what did you say?” Sirius answered him looking more than eager. “We thought we could throw a party at the end of the week to ‘celebrate’ the first week of school.” Remus smirked at him when he said this.“Well for you Pads, more likely to forget about the beginning of the school” and everyone around them laughed knowing it was true. “Well sure Pads we could. We definitely should.” The rest of the evening was spend talking about the organization of the party, where would it be (Gryffindor Common Room), with who (the whole school obviously), who would fetch the drinks (James, because he had his father’s cloak), the snacks (Peter), who was taking care of the music (Remus, who else?) and the invitations (Sirius).
Around midnight, they all went to bed, and James couldn’t help but take a quick look at the map, just to look. He was about to close it when he saw it again. The name Regulus Arcturus Black, alone in the Astronomy Tower. He didn’t really know what to think. Should he go there again? And why was he suddenly obsessed with Regulus while he didn’t know him? He even used to not really like him… He reflected about all of that for a moment then he shrugged, got up and left the room with the map. He merely avoided Filch on his way there but finally he got safely to the Tower. He got silently up the stairs and opened the door. Regulus was there again, smoking like nothing else existed whilst reading a book opened on his lap. His dark curls fell in front of his eyes but he didn’t seem to care. James barely had the time to take a step that he heard Regulus’ voice, who hadn’t even look up. “Well Potter, you seem determined to see me today. Don’t you have someone else to stalk? Someone like Evans for example?” he said sarcastically. “Well Reg; not my fault you’re always where I go.” “Yeah, like I would purposefully put myself in your way. You’re right.” His voice was dripping with sarcasm. James rolled his eyes. “Don’t think I’ll go in a place where you are on purpose Reggie. I like coming here, it’s always so calm.” “Don’t call me ‘Reggie’. And yes, it’s true. It’s always so calm until you come along.” “Aww Reggie no need to be that dramatic you know? You sound so much like your brother.”
Regulus sighed and blew the smoke in James’ face. “What do you want Potter?” James dissipated the smoke with his hand, and he smiled “Aha! You didn’t say anything when I called you Reggie! Anyway, I think that I can… help you.” Regulus rolled his eyes and said in his most sarcastic tone “Well sure, the great James Potter can help me.” James was about to say something when Regulus talked again “Oh, and don’t call me that!” James sighed and looked at him in the eyes. He was able to notice the beautiful gleam in Regulus’ eyes, a sort of silver grey, metallic, but also some bluish undertones. Beautiful.
When you looked closely, you could a lot of difference nuances and colors in the iris of his eyes, but there was something else, well hidden, but still her as if crying for help silently. It was a pain, a call for help that Regulus thought he couldn’t ask out loud.
“Regulus… Let me help you. What you did for Sirius, it proved that you are a good person. A good brother. And way braver than you think you are. Now, let us do the same for you. We can help you!” And that’s when James saw it, the walls that Regulus had built around him to keep him from feeling anything began to shatter. He could now see clearly in his eyes the pain and the vulnerability. The only thing he wanted was to go to him and comfort him, telling him that it would be okay. Hugging him, holding him and protect him until everything was gone. There was no trace of sarcasm left in his voice. “You don’t understand. I can’t… I can’t just leave! I’m not Sirius, okay?!” His voice was slightly trembling, his eyes reflecting his fears, glittering with tears. James got closer to him and approached to hug him. Regulus flinched at the contact but let James hug him. The latter said in a soothing voice: “Hey, it’s gonna be okay, I promise we’ll help you and you’ll be free.” “I can’t be freed from them” said Regulus as a single tear fell from his eye. “Yes, you can and you will!” Suddenly, Regulus seemed to realize in what position he was and with who as he pushed James away and immediately, his walls were back in place. “I have to go Potter. Have a good night.” He picked up his books and he left swiftly the Tower. James didn’t quite understand what just happened and he went back to his dormitory another time lost in his thought because of the same person.