Chapter 2
As Antinous followed Poseidon, he noticed how all the servants worked in unison, not batting a single eye as they remained focused. His gaze lifted up to the sea god, then down to his body. Scars? He hadn’t noticed them before, due to the bizarre circumstances.
Antinous was really distracted all he could hear was Poseidon saying what each room was, yet he hardly I understood that.
They looked fresh, but from where? Who had the guts to challenge a god like that? Unknowingly the dark-skinned man stared very obviously as he cocked his head. “Do you enjoy staring at everyone you see?” Poseidon questioned, causing Antinous to snap out of his thoughts.
“I don’t know what you mean…” the mortal muttered as he stared down at the ground, rubbing the back of his neck. Though his chin was lifted as Poseidon looked back at him.
“Your attempt at deceit is a miserable experience, I can practically feel your eyes” the sea god confessed as he rolled his eyes, cupping Antinous’ cheeks as he admired his lips.
“You speak of me as you don’t do the same” the dark-skinned man answered as he grabbed Poseidons’ wrist, trying to pry his hand away from his face.
“Perhaps I enjoy admiring beauty” the sea god chuckled as he pulled his hand down, letting it slump down his side as the two continued walking. “Though I doubt it’s the same for you, but then again you are full of surprises”
“You are a beauty indeed, though that’s not what’s intrigued me” Antinous confessed, he wasn’t lying. Poseidon was beautiful, he was a god after all.
“The perhaps you’d bless me with what you were intrigued by?” The god of the sea questioned as a hand snaked around the dark-skinned mans’ was its pulling him flush against his body as they walked.
“Your scars” Antinous spoke up, he had ignored the fact that Poseidon had pulled him closer. Though he didn’t ignore how Poseidon immediately stopped in his tracks and stiffened, his gaze darkening as he glared at the mortal. Antinous paused as well, his heart pounding in his chest as a wave of anxiety and fear washed over him
“It would do you well to think before you ask” the god of the sea snarled, while baring his teeth, as he let go of the dark-skinned man. Antinous stared at the god for a moment before anxiously nodding, guess he really did need to remind himself that this was indeed a god he was speaking too. A ruthless god.
Once again the two walked down the halls, in silence this time. Poseidon did not grab at Antinous as of before clearly scars were a touchy subject for the two.
The silence was suffocating the dark-skinned man, he hated this. He felt like he was being shot over and over again. It burnt. It stung. Antinous felt like he was drowning again. He licked his lips, a sick coppery taste filled his mouth as he did so, almost as if blood. Yet it wasn’t. Right?
The dark-skinned man stopped in his tracks as he let out a choked cough.
“What’s wrong with you?” The sea god questioned, he didn’t seem to worried, more so on the annoyed side as he slowed down. Expecting the dark-skinned man to catch up. Though he never did…
Antinous couldn’t breath. Couldn’t think. Couldn’t see. Couldn’t see Poseidon…
He hunched over and clutched his neck.
“Are you messing with me?” The sea god questioned once more as he finally whipped his head around to stare at the dark-skinned man. Silence. The god spoke nothing. He seemed shocked.
It ached badly, more than any other time.
“Is this some kind of joke?” Poseidon questioned as he walked on over, not laying a hand on Antinous. Would a god dirty himself by touching a bleeding mortal? Perhaps. But not so soon.
As another cough tore its way through Antinous’ through there was a soft splash on the ground as a red liquid, dripped down his mouth. What was happening? Was he dying? Made sense. He had an arrow embedded in his neck. And that arrow seemed to have caused his neck to bleed again.
“Mortal?” The sea god questioned.
Antinous couldn’t hear properly. He just heard ringing. He felt faint. His legs trembled beneath him as he gasped for air.
“Antinous?” Poseidon said as he slowly grew more anxious while his expression more troubled. With reluctance the god placed a hand on the dark-skinned mans’ back, trying to decipher whether this was a joke or not, which was stupid considering Antinous was spitting out blood.
“C-can’t…” Antinous rasped, his voice trembling with fear as he clutched onto the sea gods’ arm with desperation. He felt like he was dying.
“Fuck…” Poseidon grumbled as he sat Antinous on the ground, the sea god paced around as the dark-skinned man clutched at his neck, in desperation. This was new to Poseidon. He has had mortals before. But none with an arrow embedded in their neck and Antinous was already pushing it, since somehow he survived the arrow.
“What would Zeus do…?” Poseidon muttered as he blocked out the pained gasps from Antinous, it was surprising he was still alive, “No…Zeus would let them die unless it was Ganymede” he added, curse his brother for being so useless. “What would Amphitrite do?” The sea god muttered once more, his wife was smart. Their relationship wasn’t love, it was power.
“Amphitrite..what would you do?” Poseidon said out loud, before his eyes lit up with an idea, “Ambrosia, does it work on dying mortals? Worth a shot…” the sea god sighed out as a bowl appeared in his hands and he crouched down next to the dark-skinned man.
“Just eat this, would you?” Poseidon breathed out in annoyance as he brought eh bowl to Antinous’ mouth, receiving a pained glare. It was a miracle how this mortal could be so rude to a god, especially when he was in the middle of death.
Antinous didn’t protest, and just ate from the bowl. It was painful. His throat burned. He felt like throwing up. Bile riser in his throat as he let out a gag. Though nothing came out, other than another spray of blood on the ground.
“Don’t choke” Poseidon sighed out with a grimace as he rolled his eyes, this was a pathetic sight.
“A-a bit ha-rd!” Antinous coughed out, splashing blood on the ground, as he glared at the sea god, if he was gonna die might as well annoy a god in his final moments.
“Keep eating” The sea god hissed in annoyance as he pushed the bowl closer to the dark-skinned mans’ mouth, every divine piece of him wanted to drown this mortal till he learnt respect, but it was still so fun.
Once again Antinous choked, but he had finished the ambrosia and now just sat there. His breathing returned back to normal as the pained lessened.
“Have you returned from the underworld?” Poseidon half-heartedly joked as he stared at Antinous, who sat against a pillar, legs out in front of him.
“Y-yes, though I can’t say if it’s a punishment or b-blessing” the dark-skinned man answered, his voice was still hoarse and cracked every now and then.
“Will that be a regular occurrence?” The sea god questioned as he lifted an eyebrow and cupped Antinous’ cheeks, inspecting his face and neck.
“How is one supposed to know?” The dark-skinned man mocked.
“Don’t test me, and I suppose you should know…” Poseidon answered, “You’ve almost died 3 times in less than a moon” he added, as he released Antinous’ face before a rag appeared in his hand. “Wipe your mouth” he ordered, as he gave the dark-skinned mans the rag.
“Well I was supposed to die each time, we still don’t know who I survived the arrow, but you saved me from the water” Antinous said as he grabbed the rag and rubbed blood from his mouth.
“Neck too” the sea god spoke up, causing Antinous to sigh in annoyance before wiping his neck too. “Shame you ruined your clothing so soon, though more red suits it”
“Don’t try to make this a good conversation…” the dark-skinned man sighed out as he rubbed his head, he had a migraine.
“Or what?” Poseidon chuckled as he stood back up, Antinous just remained quiet and looked away. “Up you get, I’m not risking that happening again so you’re going to be dropped off in my room, while i go do things”
“Why you’re room?” The dark-skinned man questioned as he weakly stood up, his legs wobbling as he leaned against a pillar.
“I do as I wish and you are my property, and plus you wouldn’t want to be in a room with all my servants right?” Poseidon questioned with a snarky smile as he lifted Antinous’ chin.
“I hate that you’re right…lead the way your highness” the dark-skinned man groaned as he mockingly bowed.
“How can I be so sure you won’t collapse?” The sea god questioned with a sly smile as he held Antinous’ cheeks.
“I’ll be fine” the dark-skinned man managed mutter out with a rumble of his chest as he limped past Poseidon.
“So eager to get to my room” the sea god joked, “You don’t even know the way”
“I’ll find it” Antinous answered as he continued limping.
“Say, let’s make a little deal” Poseidon said, as he caught up with the dark-skinned man, Antinous perked up at the mention of a deal. “If you manage to find the room, I won’t take you with me to what I have to attend, but if you can’t find it you’re coming” he explained.
“I don’t see why not” Antinous sighed out, he loved a good bet every now and then. And honestly he didn’t want to go with Poseidon. He wanted to sit down. His body ached like crazy, since what happened before, though the ambrosia soothed it somewhat.
“Good choice mortal” the sea god questioned as he followed behind Antinous.
The dark-skinned man ignored Poseidon as he continued limping down the halls. He could feel the sea gods’ eyes staring him down, it was unsettling yet somewhat comforting, it was hard to explain. But Antinous liked it.
“Are you sure you don’t want to give up?” Poseidon questioned as he followed close behind, a mocking smile on his face.
“Give me a few minutes” The dark-skinned man grumbled as he continued limping, his neck still hurt.
“Very well” the sea god chuckled as he went quiet and kept following Antinous. Silence washed over the two as the soft sound of shuffling could be heard as they made their way down the halls.
Eventually Antinous stopped in front of a room. Larger and more fancy doors compared to other places in the palace. “Here?” The dark-skinned man questioned as he looked up at Poseidon.
“This your final guess?” The sea god questioned as a smile played on his lips, while he stared at the door.
“Yes, I’m too tired to move either way…” Antinous muttered as he leaned against the wall for support, he wanted to sit down.
“I suppose it was an easy guess, a room more stunning compared to other places” Poseidon sighed out in defeat as he opened the doors. “And it would do well for you to properly recover before I start taking you places, wouldn’t want the wrong god to get his hands on you at the wrong time” he continued as he entered the room, expecting to be followed.
“Are all gods sadistic?” Antinous sarcastically questioned as he entered the room. A large bed in the middle of it, as jewels and shells decorated the room. The light shade of shining water from a window, which begged the question? Were they actually underwater? How was Antinous breathing?
“You speak of us as if you are any different” Poseidon spoke up, “If I do remember correctly, you were the one plotting to assault a certain queen” he added with a very visible eye roll, before Antinous could reply he was cut off by the door slamming closed by itself.
“Perhaps I did…” the dark-skinned man sneered as he bared his teeth once he recovered from the shock of the door slamming shut. He didn’t want to think about Ithaca at all. Which made his mind go back to how he was breathing and if they were actually underwater?
“What question burdens your soul now?” The sea god questioned as he settled back on the bed, hair falling down to cover his eyes. “Or perhaps you wish to spite me? You have quite a tongue on you”
“Are we underwater?” Antinous questioned as he looked up at Poseidon, who was letting a soft chuckle.
“Yes” the sea god answered bluntly, “And if you’re curious as to how you’re breathing, I am the god of the sea…I can part the water for you and some of my other servants, though I usually gave them air bubbles, but it’s easier to just part the sea”
“Uh huh…” the dark-skinned said as he slowly nodded.
“Come sit down, you act as if you’ll collapse” Poseidon spoke, as he patted the bed. Begrudgingly Antinous limped over na chopped onto the bed, it was a relief. His legs really needed a break. “Say when I leave to attend to my duties, I’ll be gone for a short amount of time though for you it’ll be a long time”
“And how long is that?” Antinous questioned as he fidgeted with the arrow in his neck.
“A week at best, though it would give you some time to get used to this place and fix your attitude” Poseidon said, his voice slightly flaring up when talking about Antinous’ attitude, “And don’t play with that” he added as he tore the dark-skinned mans’ hand from the arrow lodged in his neck.
“It’s my neck” Antinous grumbled.
“And this is my domain, anything in it belongs to me” the sea gods replied, causing the dark-skinned to quiet down as his hands slumped down on the beds. “Don’t be so gloomy, it ruins your face” he teased as he lifted Antinous’ chin.
“Well sorry I’m not about rainbows with an arrow in my neck and almost dying for the third time” The dark-skinned man grumbled as he pulled his face away.
“Once again mind your tongue” Poseidon sighed, “Remember if I’m to take you around, it would do you well to hold your tongue while in the presence of other gods, some won’t tolerate such disrespect from a mortal”
“Well it’s not like i’m going anywhere now” Antinous muttered as he laid back on the beds, it was comfy. Comfier than the one from before. He felt like he could just pass out right then and there, though he couldn’t tell if it was the comfort or the exhaustion talking.
“Even then, I am still a god” Poseidon said as he stared down at him. “Test me too much and I won’t hesitate to be rid of you, understood?” The sea god threatened, his eyes boaring holes into Antinous’ head.
“Yes…” the dark-skinned man mumbled, as he tried to ignore his head pounding in his chest.
“Good, now-“ Poseidon was cut off by the bedroom door slamming open as a woman walked in, Antinous’ eyes widened as he immediately sat up. A dark blue chiton with wave patterns across it, while pearls adorned it. Eyes as blue as the ocean. Hair as dark as the night sky that fell down her shoulders before trailing down her back like a jellyfish. A crown on her head, and a pearl necklace, with a grey diamond shaped earrings with a blue gem in the middle, that was as blue as her eyes.
“Amphitrite-“ the sea gods began to speak, but was once again cut off.
“This is the mortal you’re so absorbed over?” She questioned as she walked over and stared at Antinous.
“Yes and it would be nice if you knocked before so rudely barging into my room” Poseidon grumbled as he glared at her, only to receive a glare back.
“Why is that? You never seemed to care, why does it matter now?” The goddess of the sea questioned as she put on hand on her hip and lifted Poseidons’ chin with the other. The dark-skinned man just sat there, what was he meant to do? He was in the presence of two gods!
“Perhaps I’ve changed” the sea god answered, his voice now low and silky as he leaned into her touch. Antinous was really confused.
“Perhaps…” Amphitrite repeated, before pulling her hand away and staring back at Antinous. She was just beautiful as Poseidon. Truely a goddess indeed. “When you said you had a new cupbearer, I expect someone more…feminine”
“And why is that dear wife?” Poseidon laughed out as he stood up, watching Amphitrite inspect Antinous.
“You have a taste, and I’ve never heard of anyone choosing a cupbearer so…masculine?” The sea goddess explained as she cupped Antinous’ cheeks and turned his face to the side, he glared at her in annoyance, but stayed quiet. He didn’t know Amphitrites’ temper and didn’t want to test her. “And he seems like he has quite a tongue, he looks like he wants to punch me”
“You’re not wrong, he does have quite a tongue, but we’re working on it” Poseidon answered with a sly smile, “And is there a problem with my choices?”
“You never gave me an explanation as to who this mortal is, you just came one day with him unconscious” the sea goddess sighed as she released Antinous’ face, almost immediately the dark-skinned man mumbled to himself and rubbed his jaw, causing the two gods to smile smugly.
“What is there to know? I found him and he’s my cupbearer now” Poseidon vaguely explained, Amphitrite sent him an unamused frown as she glared at him. “His name’s Antinous” the sea god answered as he trailed his claw down the dark-skinned mans’ cheek.
“Stop touching me” Antinous grumbled as he pulled his face away.
“A bit disrespectful” the sea goddess chuckled in amusement, “If you ever take him to Olympus, make sure he watches his tongue…your brother would never let you live down a disrespectful cupbearer” she purred as she kissed down Poseidons’ jaw.
Antinous just sat there in silence, what was he meant to do in the presence of two gods?
“Oh I’m aware, and I won’t allow him to disrespect in such ways” Poseidon answered, in a low and sultry voice as his hand found Amphitrites’ back. “Understood?” He questioned Antinous.
“Yes…” The dark-skinned muttered, he was somewhat speechless. He didn’t quite know Amphitrites’ temper yet though he didn’t want to witness the two gods making out…for now…
“Zeus might have his eyes on him” the sea goddess whispered into Poseidons’ ear, the sea gods’ anger flared up as he held onto his wife tightly.
“Which is why! He will be by my side at all times” Poseidon said as he glared at Antinous who just begrudgingly nodded.
“Zeus will find a way to get you away from him” Amphitrite continued.
“That’ll be a problem for later when I take him to Olympus, at the moment he’s staying here and recovering from 3 near death experiences” Poseidon sighed out dramatically.
Antinous grumbled to himself, he didn’t like being reminded of those experiences. Having an arrow in his neck should’ve killed him, jumping in the water should’ve killed him, and before the bleeding should’ve killed him. But it didn’t. He was saved twice by Poseidon and hell he still didn’t know how he survived the arrow.
“Do make sure you teach him some respect” The sea goddess sighed out exasperatedly.
“Yes yes” The sea god shrugged off as he flicked his hand.
“And make sure he doesn’t lay a hand on any of the maids, or I’ll personally dispose of him” Amphitrite threatened, “I don’t need to be losing more…”
Antinous felt a shiver go down his thigh. Respect. How strange. How was he meant to learn to respect the very type of people he used to always put down? How was he meant to hold his tongue in front of ignorant gods? All he saw were some self absorbed beings and would let his tongue loose. Though, he had to control it. They were stills gods. He could be killed in less than a second.
“Do you plan to leave soon?” She questioned her husband, drawing the dark-skinned man out of his thoughts as he stared at a Poseidon curiously.
“Sadly yes, though as much as I wish to postpone it, Zeus has been more temperamental lately and I wish not he curses the tide” the sea god explained, Antinous continued to stare at him. Was Poseidon really gonna leave him here alone so soon? Just when he woke up? Antinous wouldn’t be able to handle that. He didn’t know anyone. He hardly knew Poseidon, yet he trusted him the most.
“Was it the week?” The dark-skinned man questioned as he raised an eyebrow.
“Yes the week, and when I come back I expect you to be as obedient as everyone else here” Poseidon purred as he cupped Antinous’ cheeks.
“We’ll see…” Antinous wanted to say, but his bit his cheek resisting to blurt out his snarky reply.
“How sweet” Amphitrite spoke sarcastically as she rolled her eyes before kissing Poseidon, “I’ll be around” she added before leaving, the door closing by itself with a loud thud.
“You’re leaving so soon? I thought you might go in a few days” Antinous immediately spoke up as he glared at the sea god.
“Oh don’t be so dramatic mortal, it’ll be the day after tomorrow for no more than a week, you’ll survive” Poseidon answered as he rolled his eyes.
“I’m not dramatic!” The dark-skinned man snapped as his body tensed. The sea god glared at him, eyes boaring holes into Antinous’ head as he silently reminded the mortal who he was talking to. “Sorry…” Antinous muttered as he shrunk back into the bed and stared down, this was pathetic.
“You really need to learn to mind your tongue” Poseidon sneered as he relaxed back into the bed, “A week is not much mortal”
“You are a divine, time is but a blink of the eye” Antinous answered, “I’m a mortal, time is as slow a night at sea”
“A night at sea, how ironic” Poseidon joked causing the dark-skinned man to groan in annoyance, before shutting up as he corrected his tone. “When I’m gone you’ll be taught some manners and try not to bother my wife too much”
“Who’s teaching me manners?” Antinous mumbled as he slumped back down onto the bed, spreading out like a starfish. In Ithaca he would’ve easily covered a bed, but down here everything was better. He hardly covered half the bed.
“Those two maids from before” the sea god answered bluntly though he seemed distracted as he studied the dark-skinned mans’ face.
“What?” Antinous sneered as he shot back up, he really didn’t want those two to teach him. He had been fairly rude to them before, not that he cared and frankly he didn’t want to be taught at all. Poseidon just glared at him in response, confirming his words.
“What’s their names?” He muttered, if they were going to teach him he had at least heard their names once, though he would probably forget it quickly. He never paid any mind to peoples’ names, and definitely not maids.
“I honestly can’t remember” Poseidon mused, causing Antinous to sigh in annoyance. “I’m sure you can ask them and find out” he teased.
“Yea yea…” the dark-skinned man sneered as he scrunched his face.
“Oh don’t be so gloomy, look on the bright side” the sea god chuckled, he realised in the mortals’ misery. “You’re alive and will remain alive as long as you don’t test me”
“Death would be freedom at this point” Antinous confessed as he hung his head low, dreadlocks falling down to cover his face.
“Say you look quite exhausted dear” Poseidon began as he leaned in closer, his hand reaching out to toy with one of the dreadlocks covering Antinous’ face, “Some sleep would do you well…” he purred, while his gaze darkened. He had no lustful intention for now. He just enjoyed seeing the saw the mortal would tense up and shiver while he gulped.
“I could do well with some sleep too, and my schedule is free for the day” the sea god stated while he traced down Antinous’ scarred eye, not so subtly questioning the story behind it.
“I suppose you do know best…” the dark-skinned man weakly mocked as he grimaced, resisting every thought to pull a way from the gods’ touch. He didn’t know why he just didn’t pull away. He had done it before and Poseidon didn’t seem to mind. Though Antinous didn’t find this uncomfortable, he found himself resisting a darker urge to lean into the gods’ hand. Antinous mumbled something to himself as he shook these thoughts out his heads.
“What occupies you now?” Poseidon questioned as he cocked his head with curiosity.
“Everything” Antinous answered.
“Of course” the sea god sighed before relaxing back onto the bed. “Rest if you can, I can assure you I won’t do anything for now, I am just as tired” he continued. 600 stab wound. 600 stab wounds bothered him. There was faint pain from them. A trident. His trident, use against him…
“And you say I’m occupied…” the dark-skinned man spoke up, tearing Poseidon out of his thoughts as he blinked. “I suppose I can trust you this once…” he muttered as he rolled onto his side, his back facing the sea god.
“Trusting a god is foolish” Poseidon answered as he laid on his back, his eyes shamelessly scanning Antinous’ half exposed back.
“I am indeed a fool…” the dark-skinned man confessed quietly as he remained on his side, shifting slightly as he tried to get comfortable with the arrow in his neck.
“Yes you are…a loud, disrespectful and arrogant fool indeed…” Poseidon mocked, he was trying to tear himself away from those 600 wounded aching. The thought of them sent a shiver down the sea gods’ spine as he rubbed his temples anxiously.
Antinous remained quiet, the criticism was one he wouldn’t have taken back in Ithaca. Back there he would’ve dealt with the perosn himself. Thought this was a divine criticising him. A god. He couldn’t quite tell if he longed for death at the moment. The sweet relief of being sent down to the Underworld where he belonged.
Before the dark-skinned man could spare another thought there was soft breathing from the god beside him, looking over his shoulder Antinous was surprised to see the sea god already passed out. How nice. How nice it would be to sleep with such peace. No aching pain of an arrow. The constant feeling of fear in case he had encountered another death experience
It was pathetic indeed. He was pathetic at the moment. He hated this. He hated how he missed the some of the suitors. He hated how much he missed Amphinomus and Eurymachus. Amphinomus…that soft hearted man. And Eurymachus…sly snake…
Antinous’ adams’ apple bobbed as he gulped, why did he miss them? He hated them. He hated everything and everyone. He missed them, because he was stuck here, isolated and lonely. That was all there was to it. Right?
The dark-skinned man was drawn out of his thoughts by his neck throbbing, he stifled a groan with his hand as he rolled onto his back. Spread out like a starfish again, though careful as to not touch the sleeping god.
He stared at the patterned ceiling, it was therapeutic. His eyes tracing over each pattern as if counting sheep, while he was distracted from his throbbing neck. And it worked just as well as his eyes began to droop shut, before snapping back open and closing once more. Though exhaustion continued to creep up as he struggled to remain awake anymore, before he was eventually engulfed by a therapeutic darkness.
Poseidon smirked to himself as he stared at the mortal, who knew it was that easy to trick him? Though Antinous was far from the correct mental and physical state at the moment, so that definitely had a play in this. Or he was just really dumb. That was an option too.
“How sweet…” the sea god muttered as he hand raked over the dark-skinned mans’ sleeping face. His face looked much softer now, though still tense and strained, he didn’t seemed burdened as much as when awoken. Poseidon continued to observe the mortal, “A tongue indeed…” he thought to himself as he reminisced in the mortals’ disrespect.
Such disrespect indeed. It made Poseidon chuckle before it trailed off as his gaze darkened. Antinous’ attitude…it remained Poseidon of…him…
The sea gods’ heart fell down into his stomach as he tensed and shivered in fear. No. He was imagining. They were different mortals. And both Poseidon and Antinous had suffered from that mortals’ actions…
Poseidon drew his hand way from the dark-skinned mans’ face before rolled onto his side facing away from him. He couldn’t bare the memory. His body throbbed once more as he anxiously tried thinking of other things. He didn’t want that memory. And the fact Antinous had asked him about his scars before didn’t help.
The sea god rubbed a hand down his face, he was stressed and too tired to move. He’ll be sure to find Amphitrite later and have a stress reliever. Though he was drawn out of his thoughts by a loud snore from Antinous. Great. So he snored now. This was going to be an interesting arrangement.
Poseidon didn’t think of counting sheep as a child did. He didn’t stare at the ceiling as Antinous did. He thought about horses instead. He counted horse just as he did as a younger divine. An embarrassing secret, but comforting. Everyone had secrets after all.
The sea god blacked out with ease, faster than Antinous managed to do. The mortal and god laid there in bed together. Sounds of soft breathing and snoring filing the room. Tomorrow was the first day Antinous would spend fully conscious…