No one ever found out who brought the Veritaserum to the wedding. The number one suspect was on her honeymoon, but all the evidence was circumstantial.
The wedding that celebrated inter-house unity - Gryffindors, Ravenclaws, Slytherins and even a couple of Hufflepuffs. It was also the wedding that shed new light on several of the guests’ life choices.
It could only have taken place at the wedding of Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood.
She said she wanted to marry Neville because she wanted to be Luna Lovegood-Longbottom; Neville just nodded and said, “Anything you say, darling.”
But everyone knew she was as besotted with him as he was with her.
For Luna, the wedding was a pretty traditional affair. They said their vows, sealed them with a handfasting and then Luna promptly said, “Let’s celebrate!” There were no nargles, wrackspurts, or any other fanciful creatures that Luna was always talking about. At least not yet.
Out of nowhere, the sound of basses, guitars and drums began to play, and lights went up on the far side of the room. Everyone yelled in surprise when they realised a special musical guest, the Weird Sisters, was the music for the reception.
Everyone was gobsmacked thinking that Luna had managed to snag the most famous musical group in Wizarding England. Fond memories of the Yule ball were exchanged amongst the guests.
And what never fails to liven up the party? A little bit of Veritaserum. It was actually a Ministry-approved, Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes product that had a short life and didn’t cause undue stress and strain on the imbiber.
That didn’t mean it should just be dropped in everyone’s drinks at a wedding, but it was.
A once adversarial, now tight-knit group of friends were for the most part at the wedding party’s table, magically extended to include husbands, wives and escorts, er... dates.
Towards the latter part of the evening, they were all sitting on both sides of the head table: Harry and Theo, Pansy and Lavender, Draco, Blaise, his, um, date, Ginny and Hermione. Four groomsmen and four bridesmaids. And a… date.
Said date’s curfew apparently kicked in around nine o’clock, and Blaise quickly saw his almost but not quite statutory companion back to her home and returned within five minutes.
“Whoa, there Blaise, did you even kiss her goodnight?” Draco laughed.
“I, uh, said I had a sore throat and I didn’t want to get her sick,” Blaise said sheepishly.
“You know, the next time you need help getting laid…” Ginny began, and then continued over all the laughter, “I know a guy…” More uproarious laughter as Blaise looked like he wanted to crawl under the table.
“Was it that obvious?” Blaise asked, “I’m losing my touch.” He shook his head ruefully.
“No, you’re getting old, it’s just your dick that still thinks you're sixteen,” Ginny comforted him.
“Hello! Hello, everyone! I hope you are all having a good time!” Luna had wandered over to their table, a tray of champagne flutes floating next to her.
Everyone greeted her; the women rose up to hug her, and the men kissed her hand.
“I’ve brought over some of Neville’s grandmother’s Dom Perignon that we saved just for all of you,” she said brightly, and directed the glasses towards their places. “I hope you like it!”
And then she was gone, like a spring breeze.
Everyone looked at each other, and then Harry picked up his glass and held it up.
“To the bride and groom!”
“To the bride and groom!” everyone repeated. After they had all taken a sip, someone tapped a glass with a spoon and others joined in.
Luna turned to them and then back towards Neville, who looked disconcerted. She quickly moved to his side and then pulled his head towards hers and gave him a soul-searing kiss. Applause erupted everywhere.
“That is some excellent champagne,” Draco remarked. He had drained his glass in one gulp.
Everyone agreed. They continued to drink and chat. After a few minutes the separate conversations devolved into one big group conversation full of those embarrassing question games that everyone played in school, only…
“Who here’s had anal sex?” Blaise blurted out, then, realising what he’d just asked, put his head on the table in utter dismay.
A chorus of “I have”s erupted at the same time. Everyone looked around, trying to see who said it. Blaise lifted his head off the table.
“Well, I don’t feel quite so bad now,” he quipped. “But I have no idea why of all the questions, it had to be that one.” He shook his head.
“The Weird Sisters sound a little off tonight, don’t you think?” Theo asked the group, oddly redirecting the conversation.
“I remember the massive crush I had on Gideon Crumb, the piper,” Lavender said. “Since he’s left, though, the band’s missing something.”
“Maybe they need something to fill the gap? Anybody know how to play an instrument? I’m sure we could conjure one for you?” Theo was not about to let this go.
“I can play the saxophone,” Draco said, then clapped a hand over his mouth. “What the fuck?”
Pansy almost fell off her chair in surprise. “Draco Malfoy! How did I not know that?”
“Yes, Malfoy,” Hermione joined in, “how are we just now hearing about this hidden talent?”
“No one was ever supposed to know,” Draco groused, clearly pissed that his secret musical talent was revealed, “it was as if it was pulled…” His eyes grew big with horror.
“Lovegood! What. Did. You. Do?!” He jumped up from his chair and was across the room in four long strides. Luna turned around, her face the vision of innocence.
“Why, Draco, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the bride said, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. “You have quite a lot of wrackspurts, though. You should see about trying to get rid of them.”
And without waiting for a response, she turned back to her groom. Draco started forward, but stopped when he heard one of the Weird Sisters call his name.
“Draco Malfoy! Yer friends tell me you’ve been holdin’ out on’em! Come on up ’n play with us! I’ve got the perfect spot for a saxophone solo!”
Draco clenched his fists and stared daggers at the table. His eyes lit on Pansy, who could not hold back the enormous shite-eating grin on her face.
“Et tu, Brute?”
“I couldn’t help it, Draco,” she said, trying not to laugh. “The band was actually talking a minute ago about missing Crumb, and I told them you could play.” Then she pulled an alto saxophone out from behind her back. “I conjured it from a napkin.”
“I am seriously regretting my poor life choices,” he shot back. “Such as becoming friends with all of you.” All Pansy did was laugh.
At the same time this was happening, the band had enlisted the rest of the guests in their chant, “Draco Malfoy! Draco Malfoy!”
Pansy held out the instrument and, with one look at Hermione, who was chanting as enthusiastically as everyone else, he rolled his eyes, and exchanged his formal robes for the sax.
Cheers went up throughout the room as Draco shook the hand of Myron Wagtail, the lead singer.
“Cheer up, mate,” he said, “you never know; this might be a night you’ll never forget.”
“Oh, it already is, it already is.” Draco walked over to where the other band members were and they gave him a rundown of their next set.
***
When he finally begged off the second to last song in the set, the band once again yelled his name and thanked him for doing a bang-up saxophone solo on “This is the Night.”
He made it back to the table and sat down next to Hermione. They were at the wedding without a plus one, the only single attendants, so they knew they’d end up together. Draco was really hoping that inspiration would strike that night and Hermione would finally see in him something more than a friend, but after being forced to play on an instrument he hadn’t seen or touched in years, let alone played, he was writing the night off as another in a series of failures to get her to see him.
“Well, I’ll never be able to attend another Weird Sisters concert, ever again,” Draco pouted. He picked up his refilled glass and began to drink, but stopped himself just in time. “Wait, did you drink any of the champagne?”
“Draco, you were incredible! What are you talking about? And, yes, of course I drank it,” Hermione said. “It was fantastic. Why?”
“Oh, because I’m pretty sure Luna spiked it with Veritaserum.”
“She what?” Hermione was horrified. “She can’t do that, it’s illegal.”
“Not real Veritaserum, it’s that stuff your ex, What’s-his-name, sells. I would never in a million years have admitted I knew how to play the sax.” He took a sip.
“If you think it’s drugged, what are you doing?” Hermione tried to wrestle the glass from him but he chugged it before she could stop him.
“I’ve already drunk it and been fucked over by it, what’s another sip?” Draco set the glass down and crossed his arms. “Hear anything good while I was gone?”
“Well, now that you mention it, Lavender did say that she took ice-dancing lessons as a kid. We were talking about things we did before Hogwarts after your confession. She seemed rather embarrassed by it, just like you,” Hermione mused. “Oh, and someone asked who was the most boring sex partner, and Ginny said Marcus Flint. Oh.” Then she slid her half empty glass away from her. “I think you must be right. It’s something in the champagne.”
“Hey, Malfoy!” Harry called out. “How was the music gig? You sounded a little rusty. Are you sure you’re ready to go on the road?” He laughed at his own joke as he winked at Draco.
“Circe’s tits, Potter,” Draco retorted, “with friends like this who needs enemies?” He snorted and started playing with a napkin.
“What are you talking about? We were your enemies!” Ginny cackled and slammed the rest of her drink. “OK, who here thinks they’ve had the best sex ever?”
Everyone groaned and the answers just came rolling out of their mouths like drool from a baby.
Theo said hands down it was Harry, who blushed and tried really hard not to reveal his answer. But he looked straight at Hermione, who was also struggling.
“I can’t say…” he was starting to get tied up, until Hermione put him out of his misery.
“Me, it was me,” Hermione said. That shut everyone up for a brief moment. “When we were on the run, and Ron had left us. It was pity sex on both our parts, but boy, it was good.” It was her turn to look like she’d seen a ghost and clap her hand over her mouth. She snuck a sideways glance at Draco.
Even Theo, who should have been indignantly self-righteous, just said it was the best hetero sex Harry’d ever had, and preened at the obvious conclusion. Draco saw the opening and took it.
“You mean you’re the only gay sex Potter’s ever had,” he smirked, and raised his now empty glass. He went to drink and realised it was empty.
“Right. Yep. That’s exactly what I meant,” Theo agreed and reached over to plant a big sloppy kiss on Harry’s lips. “Best sex, gay or otherwise for me, though.” And they looked at each other so lovingly that Pansy and Lavender gagged.
“OK, Malfoy, what was the best sex you ever had?” Harry’s shite-eating grin immediately told the table he knew.
It was Lavender.
And all of a sudden, money was exchanging hands.
Draco groaned and threw everyone a look of utter disgust. Except Lavender, who blushed.
“I think I threw up in my mouth a little,” Blaise said.
“What’s the best sex you’ve ever had, Zabini?” Pansy asked.
A quick look at Ginny meant Blaise was not going to get rescued like Harry was. He sighed.
“It was Weasley.” He looked back at her and laughed at Ginny’s expression of surprise. Again everyone looked like nifflers caught in a gold vault.
“Which one?” Theo interjected.
Blaise rolled his eyes and said, “Ginevra, you dolt. I don’t play both sides.”
Pansy poked Blaise. “I can’t believe you never told me, Zabini,” she said petulantly, “I’m hurt.”
“Yeah, well, no one was supposed to know,” Zabini said, as he subtly moved closer to Ginny. “But, maybe we can try and see if it’s still good?” He nudged her and she had the grace to blush herself.
But then she stood up, grabbed Zabini by the hand and dragged him to the entryway, waving at Luna on the way out.
“Your aura is glowing, Ginny!” Luna waved goodbye.
The table of friends collectively shut their mouths and pulled their gazes back to the table.
“Okay, okay,” Harry said. “How about worst sex ever?”
Before he even got the last word out of his mouth, Lavender shouted out, “Ron Weasley!”
Pansy burst out laughing. “Every time she said ‘Won Won’, Theo would make me kiss him!” She tried to stop before she finished, but the words just kept tumbling out of her mouth.
“Parkinson! I knew I should have made you swear a vow!” Theo blushed. “Don’t listen to her, Harry.” He turned to Harry, laughing nervously.
“Oh hush, Theo! Leave Pansy alone, you oaf,” Lavender nudged him in the shoulder.
Hermione looked at Draco. “Do you wanna get out of here?” she whispered.
He looked at her, only slightly shocked. He’d seen the way she was looking at him while he was playing. She’d been biting her lip, trying not to catch his glance. He knew from years of watching her, that finding out something new, something that she had absolutely no idea about, turned her on. He hadn’t expected it to be a saxophone. Nor had he expected her to be so blatant about it.
Maybe that Veritaserum look-alike wasn’t so bad after all.
Without hesitation, he stood up and held out his hand.
“Hey, where are you going?” Pansy pouted. “Everybody’s leaving and I’m just going to be sitting alone, being fabulous , with no one to see!”
Lavender immediately kissed her on the cheek and laid her girlfriend’s head on her shoulder in mock sympathy.
“I’m going to make Granger forget about Potter,” Draco smirked.
As Harry started to protest, Hermione looked straight at him but said to Draco, “Well, there better hadn’t be any half-assed foreplay, then.”
She winked as Harry crossed his arms and pouted in his seat. It was now Theo’s turn to comfort his partner.
“It’s okay, Harry, you weren’t meant to have fantastic hetero sex, ” Theo said sincerely.
Everyone laughed while quickly and quietly, Draco and Hermione made their way to the doorway. They had almost made it their escape when Luna called out to them.
“Hermione, I hope Draco’s foreplay is still chef’s kiss!” She looked at them mischievously.
As soon as they made it outside, Hermione pushed Draco up against the side of the building. He put his hands up in surrender.
“What—?” he didn’t get to finish.
“Luna? LUNA? What? When? How-no never mind, I don’t want to know how.” The idea that Draco and Luna had, at one time, had sex just about broke her brain. She took his shirt in her fist and pulled him down to her level. Seeing where this was going, Draco pulled his arms down to encircle her and crashed his lips into hers.
Or did she crash her lips into his?
“So, you and Potter, huh? Half-arsed foreplay?” Draco smiled against her mouth.
Hermione blushed in the evening light, eyes sparkling as he pulled away to look at her. “Wait, didn’t you and Potter have the best sex ever?”
“Well, I really don’t have much to compare it to, so…” she faded away, now red with embarrassment. The Veritaserum imposter must still be working.
“Oh, never fear, Granger,” Draco said, knowing then and there what he needed to do. “By sunrise you’ll know exactly what it’s not, ”
With a smile, and eyes anticipating the next few moments, Granger grabbed his hand again, almost dragging him to the apparition point.
“Well, what are we waiting for?”