Tan Lines on the Cruise Ship

At long last. Remus was finally going to meet the woman who moved mountains, hung the stars, and apparently made food that turned you speechless with envy and wonder and ecstasy.

She was Euphemia Potter. Remus thought to himself quietly about what she may look like on the car ride to James’ childhood home. James was pretty tall himself, so Euphemia had to be tall too. She was probably glowing in every way. Her hair was most definitely strong and healthy, and her skin was probably youthful from the help of many cups of tea and the sunlight seeping her pores.

James screamed sun, so she would have to be even sunnier than that. The birther of fire and light and absolute radiance.

“Are you nervous?” Sirius asked, shooting a quick glance at Remus.

“Hm, a bit.”

“Don’t be. Even if you said something utterly appalling, Euphemia probably wouldn’t mind. She’s got room in her heart for everybody. A very accepting lady.”

Remus unclenched his anxious fist at these words, watching his fingers stretch. Breathe.

“This is just another normal Sunday for you, isn’t it?” Remus speculated.

“Not really.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re coming with. It’ll make this Sunday supper more entertaining. Plus, I like having you around.”

Remus’ fist curled again. “Thanks.”

Sirius took his hand off of the steering wheel, feigning a dagger at his heart. He was such an Oscar Wilde when he wanted to be. His flair for dramatics was unmatched by anyone else Remus had ever met, and he’d known some pretty dramatic queens in his day.

“What, you don’t like spending time with me?” Sirius asked.

Instead of answering, Remus shot towards the wheel, his body hovering over Sirius’ as he took over and began directing the car. Sirius didn’t really seem to mind that Remus was almost on top of him at this point, driving for him. He laughed and simply adjusted his hair as if it were his turn to play passenger princess.

“Relax, Remus, I’m not going to get us into an accident. My car has hands-free mode,” Sirius chuckled.

“Oh.” Remus took his hand off of the wheel.

“You’re dramatic.”

“I’m not,” Remus laughed. “And yes, I like spending time with you.”

Sirius perked up. “Oh yeah? Well good. I have a feeling you won’t be talking to many of the invitees tonight, so I’ll be sure to introduce you to everybody. And I’ll also be sure to talk to you when you decide to ignore all the new people you meet.”

Sirius knew him down to the very last detail. Remus nodded.

“Who’ll be there?”

“Let’s see, the usual lineup is… well, us, of course. Then you have my brother, Lily Evans - if you know her. Peter, a couple professors from the college James and his dad attended… there’s more, I’m just forgetting.”

“Sounds like a holiday. Your brother is seriously coming?”

Sirius shrugged. “James insists on having him come, thinks it’ll bring us together somehow. We already see each other for weeks at a time though,” Sirius whined.

“James is too helpful for his own good.”

Sirius laughed. “I know.”

He pulled into the laneway of a beautiful suburban home. It was definitely the type of home that had the typical great family standard: picnics in the backyard, neighbourhood barbecues, sleepovers with camping tents, Christmases that made you feel warm just thinking about them. Remus searched the house for a familial memory of his own but came up with nothing, for his own childhood home was shamefully not like this one at all.

“It’s massive.”

“It’s a Potter house,” Sirius said.

Remus followed Sirius up the walkway with trimmed bushes and little stone steps. When the doorbell chimed, a drunk-on-life woman came and answered the door with a loose yet courteous smile.

“Well, hello, boys!”

She was in fact not tall at all.

“Effie!” Sirius exclaimed, embracing her quickly.

“And you’re definitely, most certainly Remus. It’s so odd that I haven’t met you after all this time.” She smiled and extended her hand. “I’m Effie, love, it’s amazing to meet you. So tall.”

It was as if she could sense that Remus wasn’t the hugging type; call it her motherly instinct. Remus clasped her hand in his and shook it a couple of times. Her hand was warm and nourished and had done many a day’s work. When Remus let go, he found that his own hand smelled vaguely of lavender, like a lotion or oil.

But the rest of the house made much sense. It bore about a thousand candles, diffusers, incense sticks and the likes. It was like a hippie shop, or a little pot store.

And Clearly Euphemia loved being this housewife-type figure, because the amount of food displayed on the dining table for just one night was ridiculous. Still - how could he complain?

Sirius and Remus had arrived fashionably late, as was Sirius’ go-to. All of the guest list was there, including a rather dashing-looking Regulus who was doused in a flush of pink from whatever he was sipping. Remus had never really thought much about how Regulus looked, besides the fact that he was very similar in ways to Sirius. At the time, that was all he needed to know. But now he snuck an in-depth look at Regulus’ beauty. Where was Regulus’ little girlfriend already? With the smarts and the looks, he must have been just hiding her away at this point.

And then there were the older folk, most likely the professors Sirius had been talking about.

“Feeling overwhelmed yet?” Sirius asked, kneading his fingers into Remus’ shoulder with casualty.

“Nah. It’s like you said, I’ll talk to you all night.”

“You can follow me around if you want. I just want to say a quick hi to Reg.”

The quick hi was most certainly not quick. After Remus had been asked his drink of choice, and after being served about three of them, he was feeling more up to socializing. He studied Regulus’ every mannerism with intent, drinking in the boy’s beauty with a straw. His head was all out of sorts for this boy.

“Anyway. And then Sirius had to explain to Walburga - why one of his socks was perfectly intact, while the other was completely rigid. You couldn’t even put it on if you tried. Which, believe me, our mother made Sirius try. It obviously didn’t work,” Regulus recounted, laughing to himself. His laugh was pretty pitchy, too, like Sirius’ high laugh.

James practically spat out his drink, finally managing to squeak, “that’s vile!”

The general consensus in the house was more drinks for everybody. A conversation like this would have normally made a sober Remus run for the hills with sheer discomfort. But now? He laughed so hard he thought his guts might spill out of him, along with the noticeable amount of alcohol he’d consumed in the past 45 minutes.

“I can’t believe you end up exposing, like, my deepest and darkest secrets every single time we come over here,” Sirius complained, shaking his head with distaste.

“If we get to hear your dark secrets every Sunday then I’ll need to start coming more often,” Remus said, sipping.

“I’m not the only one with secrets,” Sirius slurred a little. “Regulus has many too. Let me see…”

Regulus’ head shot up, and Remus couldn’t tell if the pink in his cheeks was from drinks or from potential embarrassment of a bad story.

Euphemia came around with a large tray balanced atop her palms. Its contents were various, and each of the foods packaged neatly atop smelled delightful. The boys grabbed some stuff to snack on and she went and set the tray down, returning to sit beside Regulus.

“What did I miss?” she asked, settling in.

“I was just thinking up a good story to tell everyone about Regulus. A secret,” Sirius said, setting his drink down beside him.

It was pretty spooky how comfortable everyone was with Euphemia’s presence. Regulus allowed her to play with the curls on the ends of his hair.

“Oh!” Sirius popped. “Got one.”

Everyone perked up, their ears excited to catch the latest of what goody two-shoes Regulus had done for once.

“When Regulus was fifteen, he hid makeup in his room. Eyeshadows, lipsticks, quite literally all of it. And one day he wasn’t careful about hiding it. When he left for school and came back in the afternoon, our mother was sat at the dining room table with all of it just laying there. And do you know what he told her?”

Remus glanced over to James, who didn’t look too well. It may have been time to swap James’ beer with a glass of cool water.

“He lied. He told her that he had a secret girlfriend, and she had left her makeup on his nightstand one night. She was pretty ruffled, but at least Reg here is a good liar.”

Regulus rolled his eyes. “No, Sirius. That was you, remember?”

Sirius jolted forward as if resurfacing from water. “My makeup?”

“Your makeup, your secret girlfriend, your good lying skills. All of it.”

Remus could feel his own skin start to turn feverish. Maybe it was Sirius who needed to have his drink swapped for water.

“Regulus remains a mystery,” Euphemia teased.

The conversation died to quiet hum, and everyone shared little anecdotes here and there until Euphemia’s real feast was ready. The whole lot gathered around the table like one big family - and in a way they were. Everyone knew each other (for the most part), and Remus had even talked to some of the professors. They told him that he was interesting, and would make for a potential applicant at their college. It was all incredibly exciting.

Going back to school - did Remus want that? He had a stellar job ahead of him, working alongside people he admired.

But the idea of college could open up so many other opportunistic doors… driver’s ed, a real job, his own house. All to himself. He could hermit away and never have to deal with anyone else.

Then there was the whole bed-sharing situation. He’d have to scrap these ideas for now; nothing but silly dreams ahead of him. In front of him now was food, and lots of it.

Remus had never seen meals so colourful in all his life. There were fiery foods of red, orange and yellow, like curries and steamed vegetables. Everything was hot to the touch and practically burnt his tongue off, but he couldn’t care less. It was simply too good not to eat three helpings of everything.

After the food was all cleared and the dishes washed, Sirius took his place beside Remus back in the living room. It was now 9:00 at night. The lamps bathed everyone in a colour like candle wax. Stars twinkled through the huge window. The whole house smelled of lingering spices in the air from a hearty meal once enjoyed.

Alcohol had been swapped for tea and water but Remus still felt the effects.

“Is it weird if… if I say you did a good job or something,” Sirius muttered.

“With what?”

“Well, I’d like to think I know you pretty decent by now. I just think it took guts to drag yourself here, straight out of your comfort zone. You should be proud.”

I don’t know if I really ever get proud of myself, Remus wanted to say. That didn’t feel right. This night called for the softest of words and the fullest of hearts. Besides, who was he to shun a solid moment between him and his closest friend as of late?

“Thanks.”

Sirius tilted his head so that his smile looked lopsided and silly. In some ways, Sirius was just like a dog. But most of the time, Sirius was just Sirius. There was simply no other way to put it.

He fluttered his lashes and brushed loose strands of his hair away, only for them to slip back down in front of his eyes. Like spilled ink over parchment. Without even thinking, Remus brushed his hair back again and for a split second he felt at peace.

Until the horror struck him.

He had touched Sirius. For the first time, ever.

“Sor-”

“Let’s go home.”

“We can’t. We can’t drive, we’ve both been drinking.”

Sirius swore under his breath. The gears were too spent to turn in his head, and he let his cheekbones collapse into his open palms with the air of utter dramatic defeat. “We could get an Uber to come.”

“We could walk.”

“That’s so far,” Sirius complained. “I’m gonna call an Uber.”

“Can’t ask you to do that,” Remus said. “Let’s walk. I have a surprise.”

He knew it was childish, but he also knew that the word surprise was like a direct switch for turning on Sirius’ excitement.

“We’ll walk,” Sirius declared.

The two of them said their goodbyes and their thanks before escaping into the night. It seized them with its cool summer breeze, held them captive in the glow of streetlamps and various strings of lights and lanterns about the suburban neighbourhood.

“So,” Sirius began. “So.”

“So fucking impatient,” Remus whispered, laughing once.

He pulled from his pocket a plastic bag bearing two thick joints. Like a police dog, Sirius could identify the smell from just one inhale, and he lit up.

“You’re the best,” he sighed.

Once they were a measurable distance away from the house, Remus lit the tip of one and let the smoke enter his lungs for five long seconds before he exhaled, slow. Sirius did the same.

“It’s so smooth,” Sirius marvelled, eyeing it and then passing it back to its owner.

“Can’t believe we’ve never smoked together and it’s been a month already. James says you’re big on this kinda thing.”

Sirius laughed. “He means to say I have an addiction. In friendly, James Potter terms,” Sirius rebutted.

Remus inhaled for the third time, getting closer to the end yet still not coughing. “Is that…”

Sirius finished the joint from Remus’ fingers and finished the sentence for him too. “Is it true? It depends who you ask. James and Regulus seem to think so. I don’t know.”

Sirius wouldn’t look at Remus. His posture was uncertain, his words spacey and hesitant. Remus wanted to remove whatever weight was burdening his friend, yet at the same time, having Sirius cracked open now might have been a good thing. Or maybe that was manipulative of him. He, too, didn’t know.

“Sorry I asked. It’s not my place,” Remus finally decided.

“It’s okay.”

Remus took the joint from Sirius’ fingers and crushed it into the ground with the toe of his shoe. He wanted to lighten things up. “That was a lot of fun, back there. The Sunday supper thing.”

“Yeah? You liked hearing all of my dirty secrets exposed?” Sirius challenged.

“Not just that. But yeah, you surprised me.”

“Which part?”

“Well the stories themselves were shocking, but not the parts like… like about you wearing makeup.”

“I told you I wear makeup all the time, though.”

“That’s true. Are you wearing any right now?” Remus asked.

“A bit, it’s very minimal though. I can look beautiful with or without it.”

That’s true.

“Did you even have a girlfriend to blame at the time?”

“No, not even. But little did my mother know…”

“... What?”

Sirius looked at Remus for the first time since they’d stepped out. His eyes were red and they blinked so slowly. “Well, I’m gay.”

Remus began to laugh for some reason. It was as if he’d vowed to make the worst fool of himself each and every time he was around Sirius.

“Wasn’t it obvious?” Sirius asked.

“Now that you say it, yeah. I’m just an idiot. Plus, I wasn’t really exposed to that kind of thing when I was younger,” Remus explained.

“Homophobic parents?” Sirius offered.

“Something like that.”

⊹₊ ⋆

“Hey.”

Remus startled awake, his eyes just able to take in James’ form which loomed over the bed accusatorily. The shared bed, that is.

“How much did you guys have to drink? You both ended up plastered in Sirius’ bed when I got home last night,” he said.

Remus sat up properly, his arms stretching back to support his weight. “Uh… a lot, probably. We smoked on the way home, so…”

James frowned and shook Sirius until he grumbled and got up.

“What?” Sirius spat. He rubbed his eyes and stared at James for a few blank seconds before realizing.

Remus had to admit, he did a horrible job of hiding the fact that James had caught them. Maybe his supposedly great lying skills didn’t work in the mornings.

“What happened to knocking?” Sirius added.

“Oh my god, we’ve lived together for the longest time. This is nothing,” James said.

Clearly mild and unbothered, James returned to the kitchen to brew up a hangover-cure sort of breakfast. Sirius rustled around with his hair and rubbed at his eyes until he seemed pleased with his looks, and he turned to Remus.

“What did he say?”

“Um, he asked how much we had to drink to end up in the same bed. I told him about the weed,” Remus explained.

“Oh,” Sirius sighed, getting up. “We’re probably fine. I just really don’t want anybody to get ideas. Especially not James, it would make everything awkward.”

Remus agreed silently. Things would be awkward, sure, but at least Sirius hadn’t argued against the arrangement. He was better than that. They’d continue to sleep together, and Remus would continue with his nightmare-less nights.

He smiled and stared at Sirius who was blissfully unaware of how intense he was. He burned pure white, all the time, amidst the blackness of the sky. A star, yet a constellation, yet really just a twenty year old.

⊹₊ ⋆