attempt....please don't
he felt his throat close up, his heart feel heavy. it was hard to breath. everything was moving so fast but at the same time not moving at all. his thoughts were going dark.
'stupid'
'why cant you do anything right?'
'why cant you say anything normal?'
'everyone hates you'
'noone would care if you died'
'what if you just kill yourself'
'JUST GO DIE IN A DITCH ALREADY'
'CANT YOU SEE? YOURE A NOBODY! THE ONLY THING THAT MAKES YOU SPECIAL IS YOUR NAME STUPID TSUSHIMA'
'MORI IS THE ONLY ONE WHO EVEN WANTS YOU AND ITS ONLY TO USE YOU'
'THE ONLY USE YOU HAVE IS FOR DEATH. YOU'RE A DEMON, A PLAGUE, SENT TO THE WORLD BY THE DEVIL HIMSELF BECAUSE EVEN HE DIDNT WANT YOU'
'why.....why dazai? why would you do something so....horrible?' it started to turn into his friends voices...hermione
'do-do we mean nothing? just pawns to your stupid game?' draco
'i knew it. you arent human. just a demon' pansy
'i thought...i thought that you were a good person dazai?' ron
'sn-bos-dazai. how could you?!' fred
'i thought that you were a fun kid like us?! how could you' george
'how could you do something like that?!' fred and george
'osamu....no. tsushima. how could you? i thought...i thought that when i said id be on your side i could trust you. but. you proved their point. you ARE a demon. i hate you' blaise....
'you dont deserve to be saved.' professor snape
'why....i didnt deserve to die....' madam pomfrey
'YOUR FRIENDS HATE YOU. THEY WOULDNT CARE. JUST KILL YOURSELF ALREADY. YOURE ANNOYING, ARROGANT, WEIRD, UGLY, THE WORLD IS BAD BECAUSE YOU ARE IN IT'
dazai found himself walking outside. he could go into the city and buy drugs to overdose. it was the easiest way. his thoughts filled with torture the whole way there. it all flew past so fast.
he found himself in a drug store. buying tylenol and other types of medicine. the person at the counter looks at him in a funny way. was it because of his uniform? oh no. what if they could see how horrid he was? they had only just seen him and their day was already bad wasnt it...
he found himself in an alleyway. alone and dark. he didnt feel real. everything felt heavy. no matter how much he tried he couldnt even cry. he wanted to feel emotion so badly. even just a little....
'useless creature' he unscrewed the top
'why are you even here you demon?' he spilled them into his hand. 12 pills
'go back' his mind raced. he'd done this before, why was it so hard this time?
'GO BACK-' is it because there's noone here to stop him? he could finally die.....he could finally be free
'GO BACK TO WHERE YOU BELONG IN HELL'
he slammed his hand into his mouth feeling the coldness of the pills running down his throat. some of the pills stabbing into it making him swallow several times. at first he didnt feel anything.
of course he knew that a overdose on Acetaminophen (tylenol) wouldnt take affect for 24 hours so he knew he wanted to speed up the process. and after a while he felt the affects.
he felt nauseous. his liver hurt. and he took more and more pills. he felt his brain become foggy. his head hurt. his vision was blurry. and he felt his consciousness slip away
'finally....'
what he couldnt hear, however was a womens scream and then the loud sirens of an ambulance.
what he saw next was not expected. it was not hell, unless hell was bright and comfortable, and it wasnt heaven, he knew he wouldnt end up there, and it wasnt anywhere else.
it was bright. it was white. the bed was-wait. the bed? he felt his hand move down the side....buttons.
damn it. he was alive. and worse? in a hospital. fuck you world.