No More, No Less
Caitlyn took a deep breath, feeling the familiar weight of the guitar hanging from her body and the smooth body of the mic in front of her.
She glanced at Vi, who shot her a charming grin and a thumbs-up as she readjusted her earpiece, right hand resting against the strings of the electric guitar. Then her gaze shifted to Powder — stage name Jinx — who gave her a wink and a thumbs-up as well, fingers poised along the neck of her bass, prepared to deliver the starting chords. Next to her, Ekko gave her the third and final thumbs-up she needed before shifting his drumstick to his left hand and raising it over the crash cymbal.
Outside, the crowd roared and cheered. The atmosphere was charged with tension as the music signaling the start of their very first world tour started to play. Caitlyn could hear the cheering rise by another octave — a testament to how far they’d come.
They had made it. After four long years together, L4SER had finally had their big break. After their latest album went absolutely viral, the band had skyrocketed to fame. Album sales — even old ones — reached peaks neither of them had ever thought possible. Social media followings erupted. Spotify and YouTube views and plays and likes and follows exploded.
They were on top of the world.
And they had been lucky enough to find a new record label that allowed them to start on their very first world tour after the previous one shut down.
Frankly, Caitlyn had never thought it could go this far. When she started producing music with Vi and her sister in college, she didn’t think it would actually amount to anything. Sure, they were all chasing degrees in arts, but none of them had ever thought of making music a full-time career.
Now, L4SER was living the dream.
Caitlyn glanced at Vi again — her best friend of six years — and the guitarist flashed her a chivalrous grin that made her heart stumble against her ribs.
Caitlyn felt her cheeks heat up. It was embarrassing, but six years of pining and yearning for Vi to be more than just her best friend hadn’t ever toned down. Not once. If anything, it had grown in intensity. From the very first day she stepped into her dorm room and saw that her roommate was a pink-haired guitarist who was also very much a puppy, she’d fallen madly in love and had yet to get back up.
She could still remember the first time she’d walked into that dorm room, the first time she’d laid eyes on Vi — the messy hair, the electric guitar slung carelessly over her shoulder. It was the first time in her life she’d felt like she was truly home. Except it wasn’t home. Not really. It was just the start of something bigger, something unspoken, something she’d never dared to voice.
But she and Vi were friends. No more, no less.
And there was no way Caitlyn was risking a six-year friendship over her stupid feelings and her equally stupid heart.
Vi was her rock, her anchor. The person who pulled every all-nighter with her, whether it was in college or songwriting. The person whom she could call at 3 in the morning to cry to, or invite out for a beer at 11 at night. The person who knew her address, her number, her email, her likes and dislikes and favourite coffee order by heart.
Most of all, Vi was the person who’d inspired most of her songs.
She’d written song after song for Vi, poured her heart into every line, every chord, every note. But there was a difference between singing about your feelings and actually telling the person who inspired them. That was a line Caitlyn wasn’t sure she could cross.
Caitlyn would never admit it, but their biggest hits from the day L4SER had debuted were all for Vi and about Vi. She wrote most of the band’s songs, meaning she’d been making Vi perform songs about herself for over half a decade.
And Vi had no idea.
The guitarist who was now grinning very charismatically at her from across the stage was the same person who inspired half her songs.
Caitlyn smiled to herself, hoping her makeup and stage lights could conceal the blood rising to her face.
She took a deep breath, listening to the steady beats of the metronome in her ears, and opened her eyes to the world as the curtains rose for L4SER’S very first world tour performance.
There I was again tonight…
~~~
Vi exhaled as the music died down and the last cheers of the crowd gradually faded.
The first performance of their world tour, and it had been…
Incredible.
Every chord, every riff, every solo… Vi felt it all in her bones. Nothing had ever been so special, so exhilarating to her. Nothing had compared to the excitement thrumming steadily in her heart each time she heard the crowd whoop and cheer.
It was amazing. She’d be happy to do it every night for the rest of her life, with Powder and Ekko and Caitlyn by her side, each of them bringing a piece of the puzzle and culminating in the miracle that was L4SER.
Vi sighed, wiping sweat from her brow and watching Caitlyn walk over out of the corner of her eye.
Resisting the urge to smooth back her hair, Vi stood up straight.
God, she’s gorgeous.
Even sweaty and tired from a two-hour show, Caitlyn was stunning — at least to Vi. Just as beautiful as she was the day she’d walked into the dorm room and Vi was prepared to fall on her knees to worship the goddess that was her roommate.
But it was stupid, to have a crush on your best friend and yearn for her for six years.
Vi was a coward. She knew that as well as anyone else did. Beating up a gang of thugs? No problem. Performing in a stadium with 70, 000 pairs of eyes on her? Sure. But talking to the most beautiful woman she’d ever met and confessing that she’d been in love with her best friend for six years? Not a damn chance.
She was too fucking gay for this. It was a surprise she had yet to drop dead from the number of times Caitlyn made sent her nervous system into overdrive just by looking at her.
She felt her heart skip a beat as those cerulean eyes met hers, shimmering a little with tears.
Vi smiled, forcing herself to form a coherent sentence. “Pretty awesome, huh?”
Caitlyn’s voice was shaky, but the smile on her face told Vi everything she needed to know. “You have no idea.”
Ekko and Powder were laughing as they walked over, the older boy trying to tap on Powder’s head with one of his drumsticks. The blue-haired girl gave him a playful shove and skipped over, nearly hyper from the adrenaline.
“That was insane,” she said, panting hard from jumping around and dodging Ekko’s sticks. “I mean… the atmosphere, the crowd… can you believe they knew every word of every song we performed?”
“It was crazy,” Ekko admitted. “I didn’t… think we’d ever make it this far.”
Caitlyn exhaled, wiping the tears from her eyes. “I know,” she said, voice raw with emotion. “I know… I didn’t… I’m sorry, I’m just…”
She laughed shakily and shook her head. “I just… love you guys so much.”
Vi chuckled, doing her best to hide the ache in her chest and bite back the words on the tip of her tongue. “Love you too, cupcake.”
It was three words. Three simple words that were a common exchange within the group. But Vi knew it never came out the way she wanted it to. It was never received the way she meant, the way she wished. I love you was a severe understatement for the words she really wanted to say to Caitlyn, in the way she really meant.
She had no doubt in her mind that Caitlyn would never see her the way she wanted. The spark between them was only visible to Vi, a secret only she carried. Caitlyn was too pure, too perfect for someone like her — someone too cowardly to even speak the truth.
And she knew that for as long as she was going to hide behind her cowardly mask, the words would always be bitter on her tongue.
No amount of song or music or world tours could change that.
Vi watched as Powder and Ekko ran backstage toward the changing room, chasing one another around, dodging the technical staff and stage managers and generally trying not to break anything. She refocused on Caitlyn, who was wiping the last of her tears from her eyes.
“Come here,” Vi said, and she pulled Caitlyn in for a hug. Caitlyn’s body melted a little against hers, nothing but a quiet sniffle between them.
Vi sighed, stroking her thumb gently across Caitlyn’s back and wishing silently she could hold Caitlyn there forever and protect her from… well, from whatever she feared. The haters. The paparazzi. The gossip magazines and rumours flying around about her dating this guy and that guy.
Caitlyn pulled back, and Vi straightened.
Powder and Ekko’s chatter faded into the background as Caitlyn’s eyes lingered on Vi, who was grinning at her with that same half-shy, half-cocky look. It was like they were speaking a language only they understood, a language the rest of the band couldn’t begin to translate.
Vi knew that the world tour was just the beginning. A new chapter. But deep inside, she wondered: could it also be the end of the unspoken feelings she’d buried for so long?
~~~
Caitlyn’s heart hammered in her chest, and she didn’t quite know if it was from the adrenaline of the performance or the lingering warmth of Vi’s embrace. It was almost too much to process — the crowds, the music, and, of course, the unspoken tension between them. It felt like something had shifted between them in the last few minutes. The connection was undeniable, yet Caitlyn couldn’t shake the fear that it was all just in her head.
She stepped back, trying to clear the fog in her mind, but those silvery eyes were still there, watching her closely. They always seemed to catch her off guard. It was like Vi could read her every thought, every hidden emotion.
“You alright?” Vi asked, her voice low, casual, but Caitlyn could hear the hint of concern beneath it.
Caitlyn nodded, though the smile she gave was shaky. “Yeah, just… it’s a lot, you know? All of this. It’s kind of overwhelming.”
Vi smirked, her usual cocky grin in place. “Tell me about it. We’ve been working our asses off for years, and now we’re here. It’s crazy.”
“It really is,” Caitlyn said, her words barely a whisper. She felt something stir inside her, but before she could process it, Powder and Ekko burst back into the scene, their usual energy shaking the atmosphere.
“Hey, don’t leave without us!” Powder yelled, grinning like a kid at a candy store. Ekko was right behind her, his eyes bright and mischievous.
Caitlyn and Vi both chuckled, the light momentarily pulling them out of their heavy thoughts. But as Powder and Ekko continued their banter, Caitlyn couldn’t help but glance at Vi, her best friend, the woman who made her heart race with every glance.
Tonight, something had shifted. She wasn’t sure what, but somehow she’d felt Vi’s presence by her side much stronger than before, how both guitar lines melded so perfectly despite the chaos of the crowd. Perhaps it was the adrenaline making her thoughts run wild, but the words that ran through her head every day — accompanied by the image of a cheekily-grinning Vi — seemed to demand her attention much more than usual.
Caitlyn stole another glance at Vi, feeling her muscled forearms under her fingers. Just like that, her heart began to jog in her chest — not a sprint yet, but that wasn’t far off.
The effect this woman had on her was absurd.
But could she risk it? Could she jeopardize everything for something she wasn’t even sure Vi felt?
As the chaos around them settled into a quiet hum, Caitlyn caught Vi’s eye once more. It was like everything else in the world faded for a moment.
For the first time, Caitlyn felt the weight of her feelings, pressing down on her chest. The music, the applause, the endless miles they would travel — none of it mattered. Not as much as this.
Vi had no idea how Caitlyn felt. No idea how much she longed for something more, something that was both terrifying and beautiful in its possibilities. And Caitlyn wasn’t sure she could keep hiding it much longer.