The sun is just setting over the horizon and Pandora is blowing the smoke out the open window of Lily’s car.
“Do you have to do this in here?” Lily wrinkles her nose at the smell, not taking her eyes off the road ahead.
“You know if you let me hot box—“
“Not in a million years.”
Pandora pouts and takes another drag. “You’re boring.”
Lily chances a glance over at Pandora, briefly taking her eyes off the road, “is that why you fell in love with me then?”
“Maybe you’re just a good kisser.”
“Har har,” Lily rolls her eyes. “Don’t get so high that you can’t play back up vocals.”
“I won’t,” Pandora sighs, snubbing out her joint in the ash tray Lily keeps in the car just for her. “Besides, you and Mary are doing most of the work tonight.”
“I still think we should have gone with the Michigan set-list.”
“Nah, they love our new stuff,” Pandora assures her. “Trust me, it’s gonna go great.”
Pandora is right, obviously. The tickets sold out three days after opening. And Lily knows that. But every time they perform she still feels like that eighteen year old girl, their first show together, where only four people showed up.
By the time they get to the venue, people are already joining the line to get in, meaning they have to sneak in the back. It’s thrilling, hiding behind pillars and dodging security guards. Eventually, though, they’re spotted.
“You two are an hour late! Mary and Marlene are ready to go on.” Dorcas—their manager—shouts at them from down the hall as they walk in.
“Sorry,” Pandora says, “there was traffic and—“
“Don’t care lets move,” she rushes them along to hair and makeup.
Emmeline, their makeup artist, does Lily’s hair into a simple braid with sharp eyeliner, and Pandora gets curls with soft pink eyeshadow.
Marlene catches them up on how dress reseal went as they get ready.
“One of the lighting boys was basically in tears because the people from last night messed with the switchboard.”
“I truly thought he was going to hit it with a hammer,” Mary adds, giggling.
“Poor Remus,” Lily sighs. “He must have lost his shit at the delay.” Remus is their stage manager, and one of Lily’s best friends from collage. He kept a tight schedule and didn’t like delays. He keeps everyones heads on their shoulders on show nights.
“Alright it’s game time,” Dorcas speaks into her mic as she enters the room, “lets get them on the platform.”
Lily, Pandora, Marlene, and Mary are shuffled onto a small stage where they’re to be raised up into the spotlight. Marlene gives Dorcas a quick kiss on the cheek before they go.
Already Lily can hear the crowd roaring.
***
The smoke from the stage is still clinging to Lily’s skin when she enters the backstage rooms. Mary is already sitting on the couch with her guitar strewn across her lap, playing chords from their last song of the night. Marlene is sitting with Dorcas at the back of the room, a giddy smile on her face.
Pandora on the other hand is in the arm chair in front of the old box tv, a book in her hands.
Lily smiles, taking the short steps over to where she is and dropping herself in Pandoras lap, forcing her to put her book down and kiss her.
“You were wonderful tonight,” Pandora murmurs into her mouth. “And you look beautiful.”
How can Lily not kiss her again after that.
“I think people really liked the show.” Lily can’t hide the giddy undertone of her voice.
“They got really excited when we played Nightflyer.”
“Getting to feature Mary is always a privilege,” Lily shoots a grin over at Mary who rolls her eyes fondly.
“You should lead sing more,” Pandora says to her.
“Maybe,” Mary bites her lip. “It was fun.”
“We’ll talk to Dorcas, I’m sure she’d love to work on a setlist for you,” Lily encourages her.
“We should find my brother, he’ll be itching to get to the after party,” Pandora gives Lily a quick push, making her stand. Lily pouts but does it anyways.
“Do we have to go,” Mary groans, “I just want a hot bath and to go to sleep.”
“I guess you don’t,” Lily shrugs, “but we’d love it if you did.”
“Actually,” Marlene slides onto the couch, “I make the rules and she has to.”
“Fine,” Mary sighs, “but I’m not driving.”
“I will,” Pandora says.
“Perfect,” Marlene grins, “I am getting drunk tonight.”
—
“Evan has truly outdone himself,” Lily says in awe. The house is lit up with pink mood-lighting and music is blasting so loudly Lily can feel it in her chest.
Pandora grabs her hand, speaking close enough so Lily can hear her. “Let’s Dance!”
They make their way to the dance floor, letting themselves get lost in the music. Having the popular reputation they do, it’s not often they can truly be themselves in public and put their guard down, but Evan always has good security, and so tonight they dance.
Lily gets a little too drunk and Pandora calls them an Uber to take them home.
“I wish every day could be like this,” Lily says into her mouth as they pile into the car.
“They can if we say yes to the tour Dorcas wants us to go on,” Pandora murmurs back.
Lily hums, closing her eyes, letting the gentle swaying of the car lull her to sleep.
“Ma’am?” Her eyes blink open like glass shattering; all the blood rushing to her head. There’s flashing lights illuminating the space, and she’s staring out of a broken windshield into the eyes of a woman wearing a jacket that says paramedic.
The pain takes a moment to kick in. Her breath coming in tight gasps as she registers her arm is twisted around wrong. She’s dangling, her head nearly touching the top of the car.
“Listen, we’re going to get you out of here, ok?”
“I don’t—“
“I know sweetheart,” the woman says, voice a honey sweet tone. A thin, fragile connection to sanity. “We’re going to have to take the door off, okay?”
“This isn’t my car,” she says stupidly. “It’s—the driver, where—“
“Don’t worry about that right now, okay? Just breathe. We’ve gotten the other girl out already.”
“Oh god,” she sobs, “My—she’s my—“
“She’s alive, they’ve taken her to the hospital. It’s just you and me right now, ok? What’s your name?”
“Lily.”
“Alright Lily, I’m Poppy.”
Lily can’t help but laugh, “like the flower?”
“Yeah,” Poppy smiles sweetly at her, and Lily can almost forget about her arm.
“My—my sister used to call me that. When we were kids.”
“Really?”
She can almost see it. “With that hair, you’ll grow up to be a poppy,” Petunia would tease her.
At one point she almost wished her parents had named her that. Then her and Petunia could both be flowers, and maybe they wouldn’t fight so much.
Someone says something to Poppy, a deep, gruff voice and Poppy snaps something in return before turning back to Lily.
“Listen, I want you to close your eyes for me Lily. It’s going to be a bit loud, okay? And then we can try to get you out of here.”
“Okay,” Lily can hear her voice shaking. It almost doesn’t feel like hers. Not her body, not her life.
She was with Pandora, and that was real. All this? Its just some fucked up dream.
Lily closes her eyes. The screeching metal sounds like the time her and Petunia took a train to Amsterdam. The memory blends together. Petunia slapping at her hands where she’s holding them to her ears as the train goes by, and Lily sticking her tongue out at her in return, putting them back on.
And then—
They unbuckle the seatbelt. “Stop!” Lily shouts, hands pulling at her, breaking her fall and pressing in and. tearing at her, ripping her apart. “Oh god, please stop.”
“I know sweetheart,” Poppy soothes.
Lily’s looking up at her now, she can feel the tears streaming from her eyes. The stars are out, she can see them past Poppy’s head.
“It’s her leg,” that gruff voice is back and Lily can see him now. He’s got dark brown eyes and a crease between his brow that’s so much like James Potter. She hasn’t called James in a few weeks, him being on his honeymoon and all.
Funny, ten years ago it would have been her she pictured on that honey moon.
“I can’t feel my legs,” she slurs, “that’s—its bad, right? That I can’t.”
“We’re gonna get you out of this, ok Lily?” Poppy says instead. But her voice quivers slightly. “Just stay awake for me.”
But Lily is already slipping below. Her life swirling around her.
“You know you’re supposed to throw it,” her sister scolds her.
“Oh.” She looks down at the tennis ball in her hand, and their childhood pit bull—Mavis—staring up at her expectedly. His head tilted to one side.
“But how do I know she’ll bring it back,” Lily questions.
“She’s smart,” Petunia assures her.
Lily throws the ball.
And gasps awake, choking, thrashing. Blinded by fluorescence.
The doctors take out her breathing tube, and Lily fights them every step of the way. They talk to her, but she doesn’t understand them.
She just knows there was somebody.
She was fighting for somebody.
“You know you’re supposed to throw it,” her sister scolds her.
“Oh.” She looks down at the tennis ball in her hand, and their childhood pit bull—Mavis—staring up at her expectedly. His head tilted to one side.
“But how do I know she’ll bring it back,” Lily questions.
“She’s smart,” Petunia assures her.
Lily throws the ball.
The next time she wakes up the room is dark. There’s someone sleeping in the chair by her bedside, and she is able to make out the face of James Potter, half covered in some raggedy blanket, hair as messy as always, and most importantly, not on his honeymoon.
“Where—“ it’s grating, the pain of trying to get her mouth to form words. The pain is slowly trickling in. Far away, but inside her still. She can’t get away from it’s claws.
James doesn’t stir. He’d always slept like the dead, so Lily takes a moment to look around. Darkness filters in through breaks in the blinds, and even the hallway is dimmed, so it must be very late.
Pandora. Her mind supplies.
And suddenly Lily can’t get away from the smell of Pandora’s hair, the taste of her words, if we say yes to the tour Dorcas wants us to go on.
But Lily has never wanted to say no more.
No more cars, no more shows. Just her, Pandora, and a lake house in the middle of nowhere.
“You’re awake,” James is sitting forward now, eyes rapped on hers.
“Where is she.” Lily doesn’t waste any time.
“Three rooms down. Regulus is with her.”
“I need to—“ she hates how it comes out like begging. “I need her.”
“Lils,” James’ voice comes out soft, “I—you need to know something ok?”
The pain is echoing around her head, and she can barely find him in all the noise. “I just need to see her, James.”
“We’ve been trying to get you into the same room,” James places his hand just inches near hers, and she’s grateful for it even if she’d try to bite it off if he came any closer. “There’s just some complications with her surgery so—“
“James,” her voice comes out frightening. “Stop it.”
“Ok.” His eyes are serious on hers. “When you were trapped, they couldn’t get your left leg out. It was crushed.”
“Oh.”
“Lily, we will all be here okay? Dorcas has already refunded the tickets for the next two months of shows—the venues have all let it go due to the seriousness of the situation, so they’re giving you guys your money back to pa for medical expenses.”
Really, she’s not hearing a word he’s saying.
We’re going to get you out of here.
They didn’t get all of her out, but she supposes that doesn’t matter much right now. Pandora is alive. That matters.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“Pandora will be fine,” he says in his James-the-prefect voice, the kind he used to use to comfort the younger kids at school. “It’s you we were all worried about.”
Lily frowns, “your honeymoon?”
“I’m glad we came home,” his eyes are warm on hers. “Lils, everything is going to be okay.”
“I don’t feel okay.” The world feels tinged at the edges. There’s something metallic on her tongue. “I just want to see her James.”
“You will,” James’ voice cracks. “Lily, I promise you will.”
Lily feels herself falling back asleep, and she lets it take her.
“You know you’re supposed to throw it,” her sister scolds her.
“Oh.” She looks down at the tennis ball in her hand, and their childhood pit bull—Mavis—staring up at her expectedly. His head tilted to one side.
“But how do I know she’ll bring it back,” Lily questions.
“She’s smart,” Petunia assures her.
Lily throws the ball.
When Lily wakes up next, the sun is out. She’s lying in a hospital bed, an IV connected to her hand and something around her nose breathing air into her lungs.
Someone is sitting next to her, an old woman with grey hair flowing in curls around her. She’s reading a book.
“Where’s Pandora,” Lily croaks out. “Oh god, I need to see her. She was next to me in the car. I—“
“Hey,” the old woman takes her hand. It’s—Lily’s hand is different too. Older. “She’s just down the hall, okay? You both made it out.”
Lily study’s the woman. “Who are you?”
“I’m just a nurse,” the woman says, but her voice trembles. Lily must be more hurt than she’s letting on. The pain feels ancient now, though.
“Where is she, I need to see her.”
“She’s just around the corner, okay?”
“We had—I want to say yes to her.”
“What?” The girl tilts her head.
“To Pandora, to the tour. I—I was so scared of change. But she’s right…we deserve it every day.”
“Deserve what? Hey, Lily? C’mon, deserve what?”
That voice.
oh,
she knows that voice.
Lily can feel sleep pulling her under already, but when she wakes up, Pandora will be there. She can feel it.