Sinnitus

“Rem. You need to leave the bed.” Lily said firmly, two hands planted on her hips. 

Remus groaned, rolling onto his stomach and planting his head against the pillow. Maybe if he pretended she didn’t exist she would leave. It was nice of her to try to get him up, but he wasn’t budging. It was much preferable to wallow in his own sadness than go wherever she planned to take him.

Sighing, Lily sat down next to him and pulled Remus’ face towards hers. “Look, I know you’re sad. But I bought 3 tickets, and Mary would be so pissed if I had to bring Petunia instead of you.”

He laughed at that, a slightly unnatural gesture as he hadn’t done so in a while. “Yeah, I can’t even begin to imagine Petunia rocking it out to heavy metal in one of her floral frocks.” They grinned at each other for a bit, before Remus eventually succumbed to Lily’s puppy dog eyes and heaved himself out of bed. 

“Attaboy!” Smiled Lily, giving him a slap on the back, “And also, you stink.” 

Sticking out his tongue at her, he checked the time on his phone. It was only 10am. “So, what kind of concert are we going to anyway?” Remus asked, scrolling through the very few notifications displayed on his lockscreen. He had little contact with anyone, but it was better that way. 

Lily bit her lip, failing miserably at suppressing a very large grin. “Guess!” She spluttered, looking at him with the widest eyes he’d ever seen. Before Remus got the chance to answer she squealed, “SINNITUS!” 

He stared at her in shock for a good few seconds, before jumping up in happiness, picking Lily up, and spinning her around the room in his arms.

“OH MY GOD, LILY YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON EVER!” He shouted, kissing her multiple times on each cheek. When they finally parted, he couldn’t stop grinning. He had no idea how she’d managed to secure the tickets.

The members were all about 19, the same age as Lily and Remus, and had still managed to gain a spot in the UK top 40 charts at 17. One of the members was even 16 at the time! Ever since the band first started, he and Lily had been diehard fans, though they only went to one of their concerts when they were both 17. Then- well, life happened, and they didn’t go again. 

“How did you even manage to get any tickets? The concert’s literally later today!” He babbled, still overjoyed at the prospect of seeing his favourite band now that they were big. 

Lily looked at him mischievously, scuffling the soles of her doc martens on the floor. “I may have come into contact with a friend of the members…” She murmured, winking at Remus. 

“WHAT? WHO?” He shouted, shaking his head vigorously. Never in a million years would he imagined how perfect this day could be. 

“While you were moping about up here on new years eve, Mary and I decided to go out to a pub on oxford street to celebrate.” She started, beaming down at the floor, “And, Well, I met this girl, right? We got to talking, and the conversation just flowed. She had all the same interests as me, also she was just really fun. So, I got her number. We’ve started talking regularly, and honestly, she’s a really good friend.”

“Lily!” Remus gasped, clutching a hand to his chest in anguish, “You’ve seriously replaced me with someone else?” 

She rolled her eyes, before placing both hands on each of his shoulders and staring straight into his eyes. “Remus, As if I could ever replace you. LIke it or not, you’re stuck with me for life. But, anyway, last week she asked what kinda music I was into. When I told her about my undying love for Sinnitus, she told me she was actually best friends with the lead singers’ brother!”

“What, Sirius Black’s brother?” Remus asked, his previous excitement fizzling out. It was still wicked that Lily was friends with the friend of one of the band members' brothers', but Sirius was his least favourite. He was obviously undoubtedly very attractive, Remus had to admit, but there was something about him. It was probably his background, as he had come from a very rich part of London and definitely didn’t need to fight for his place. He’d most likely had everything handed to him on a silver platter. 

“Yes! She said she would get me and my friends some tickets so we could go with her! And that, my dear wolf, is why you have to get your arse out of this house and make yourself look at least a tad bit respectable.” Lily demanded. 

She’d resorted to calling him “wolf” after they’d done a bit of digging on his name and found that Lupin was derived from the word “Lupus”, a latin word meaning wolf, and the name of a constellation in the shape of a wolf. They’d also found out that “Remus” was the name of a boy who’d been looked after by a she-wolf. Therefore, his name was literally wolf wolf. 

He walked over to the wardrobe and threw it open, frowning at its contents. It was bare save for a few grandad jumpers and some white t-shirts, though he didn’t really deem any of them “concert attire.” 

“You are in desperate need of a wardrobe makeover.” Lily said solemnly behind him, causing him to jump up in surprise. 

“Wha- How did you just appear behind me?” He attempted to ask, though it was hard as he was being pushed to the bathroom by a fiery redhead. 

Grabbing a towel out of the bathroom cabinet, Lily threw it at him. “Shower first questions later. When you’re done, we can go shopping for some new clothes.” She smiled decidedly, apparently satisfied with herself.

Once she exited the room, Remus turned the shower onto the hottest setting and stood under it, embracing the way it burnt his skin. In all honesty, he actually loved having showers. The scalding hot water cleared his mind completely, leaving only the pain of the heat to focus on. 

Content with his cleanliness, he stepped out of the shower and gingerly rubbed himself dry with the towel Lily had left for him. Her and Remus had basically become siblings at that point, they shared everything with each other, materialistic and non.

Looking in the mirror, he tutted. There was a bit of stubble growing on his chin, and his eyes appeared bloodshot and heavy, though all he’d been doing for the past few days was sleeping. 

There was also the large scar laid across his nose. Though, he thought, there wasn’t really much he could do about it. After a few attempts at splashing his face with water to wash off the remnants of sleep (none fruitful), Remus wrapped a towel around his waist and walked into the kitchen. 

As soon as he entered he recoiled back into the doorway, blushing furiously. “M- mary! Lily didn’t say you were here yet.” He muttered, poking only his head out to look at her. 

“Pregaming.” She smirked, raising a can of gin and tonic. “I still don’t get how you’re ok with Lily seeing you half naked, though when it comes to me, you’re a pussy?” Lily laughed heartily at this, nearly spilling her drink as she shook. 

Remus scowled, rolling his eyes at Mary. “So, you excited for Sinnitus?” He asked, hoping to move on from the terribly embarrassing topic of his nude body. 

“Am i excited to see Sirius Black hot and sweaty, jamming out on a guitar? Fuck yes!” She scoffed, raising a glass to Lily who politely clinked back. Sadly, Mary didn’t share the sentiment when it came to Sirius. 

She sighed, getting that far away look in her eyes that was previously reserved for Avril Lavigne. It was completely ridiculous.

“Thinking about Sirius Black hot and sweaty are you?” He grinned jokingly, as she threw a dirty tea towel at him, narrowly missing his head.  

Remus stared at her in mock anguish. “I could’ve been killed by that!” He gasped, glaring disapprovingly at the curly headed girl. 

“Oh, that would be a good one for the Guinness World Record, wouldn’t it? “First death by tea towel.”” She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink, making a shooing gesture towards him.

Remus pouted, giving what he hoped was a scowl whilst trying not to laugh. “Fine, I’ll go get changed. I’ve loved talking with you guys half naked though.” 

“Yeah, you should do it again some time!” Mary bit her lip, before both of them gave into the laughter that’d been hanging above them. 

Lily groaned loudly, slamming her head on the table. “Oh my god, both of you are like insufferable little children.” She grumbled from her arm, before raising her head up slightly off the countertop and glaring at Remus, who was laughing even harder. “Just get changed quick, we’re leaving as soon as you’re done.” 

He cheekily obliged with a quick salute, practically floating to his room to get changed. It was so nice to talk with Lily again, Remus had forgotten that warm feeling she always managed to instil into him. He loved talking to Mary, of course, she was his best friend. But it was different with Lily. They were siblings. As long as she was there, he always knew that he’d never truly be alone. He supposed that was a nice thing to carry around with him. 

***

Lily, Mary and Remus stood in front of Portobello market, hands linked together. Ever since Lily had been allowed out by herself, she and Remus had been going there everyday, trying out the different food stalls, wrapping scarves around each other and attempting to look like an old russian woman, or trying on rings and always leaving with something new. 

The place itself was beautiful. Everywhere you looked there was a pop of colour, and every single corner you turned there was a new stall selling anything from vintage jackets to little trinkets with the union jack on them. It was everything anyone could ever need in one place. 

Though, As they joined the throng of shoppers, he started to doubt that coming here was actually a good idea. Every sound was amplified, he could feel his arm hairs rubbing against the sleeves of his jumper, and he desperately tried to hide his shaking hands into his jean pockets. He could hardly remember the last time he’d been around so many people at once. The knowledge that he would soon be in a crowded park with nothing but people and loud noises did not help the matter at all, and he felt his heart beat rapidly quicken to match his racing thoughts. 

Just as Remus was about to turn and flee, he felt a soothing hand on his back steering him onto the pavement behind a market stall. 

“It’s ok, I’ve got you.” Lily whispered into his ear as he fell against the brick wall, panting heavily. Much to his embarrassment, he found both her and Mary looking at him concerned. How much of a loser was he if he couldn’t even be around people without panicking?

“We don’t need to stay, you know. You can just wear some of the clothes you already have. We- we don’t even need to go to the concert! I’m sure a chinese and a rom com would be just as-” Mary rambled, eventually coming to a stop when Remus gently touched her arm. 

He straightened up, composing himself. It was just Portobello, he’d been there millions of times before. “I’ll be fine, I think I’m just out of practice with being around people. Anyway, I saw a wicked denim mini skirt somewhere over there that would look amazing on you.” 

She visibly relaxed at this, her tensed shoulders slackening ever so slightly. “Oh, right, ok. Let’s have a look at this so-called “wicked” skirt then shall we?” 

They interlocked arms, walking towards the skirt Remus had pointed out. He hadn’t really seen it, but needed a quick topic change and the skirt was the first thing he could think of. It was a micro one, with a white heart with wings printed onto the back. He suspected it was vintage 2000’s. Fortunately for him, Mary adored it and apparently, “Just had to get it!” without even trying it on. 

The stall owner hastily said that she could try it on later and return it if it didn’t fit her, no repercussions. Remus suspected that it was more than just a kind gesture, he certainly didn’t imagine the way he’d been looking at her current mini skirt as she was talking. 

After browsing for a while, They went to some sort of fortune telling stall. Remus had never really been one for telling the future, though he couldn’t help looking eagerly at the different symbols as Lily talked to whoever owned them. 

He would’ve been completely content just browsing for a few more minutes, but she called him over eagerly to speak to the woman. 

“This is Sybill. We went to college together, how cool is that?” Lily announced, showing her off like she was a prized possession. Which, Remus had to admit, he would do as well. It felt like an honour just being in her presence. 

Sybill was enthralling, to say the least. She was the most beautiful person he’d ever met. And, that meant a lot, seeing as he was gay. It was odd, she was pretty in an other-worldly way. Like an alien queen or something. Her long dark-brown hair framed her face, floating down past her cleavage, probably going down to her waist (though Remus couldn’t see that far down).

She also had the phases of the moon tattooed along her long brown arms, neighbouring some constellations Remus didn’t know the names of but swore he’d learn. The dress she was wearing was midnight black, dotted with stars and more constellations. Two crescent moons were painted onto her forehead, centred around a full one. Her eyelids were painted a shimmery white, contrasting perfectly against her dark skin. Everything about her was enchanting. She sat in a black and white wheelchair, also painted like the night sky. 

“What is your name?” She asked politely, pulling him out of the trance he’d been stuck in. Her voice was haunting, eerily smooth, like it slid up her throat and fell elegantly out her mouth. 

Remus blinked for a second, taken aback. “R-remus Lupin.” He finally stammered, matching her smile with one of his own. 

Pulling back the short sleeve of her dress, she showed him a constellation inked onto her shoulder. “Lupus, the wolf.” Sybill smiled at him, showing off rows of perfectly white teeth. 

“Would you like to know your future?” She asked ominously, taking a pack of tarot cards from the table separating them. 

Lily, who had been texting someone for the past few minutes, looked up and gave Sybill an apologetic frown. “Sorry, we’d better get on. It’s been lovely speaking to you again!” She said, grabbing Remus' hand in her own.

“It has.” Sybill declared, calmly laying out the cards in front of her as they walked away. 

Once they’d gotten within a metre away from her Remus panted heavily, feeling as though he’d finally been given permission to breathe. “God, she’s amazing.” He whispered, as Lily nodded vigorously in agreement.

“Mary said she was getting us a drink, and to meet her by that one coffee shop a bit further down.” She said, pulling him along with her as they skipped towards it. The atmosphere around them was still lively, but he felt calmer within it. Like, he wasn’t just observing, he was part of it. That somehow made being there more tolerable. 

Remus spotted Mary immediately, holding a bottle of prosecco in her hand and three plastic cups in the others. She grinned mischievously, beckoning them over with the hand that held the cups. Lily and him both picked up their pace simultaneously. Neither of them were stupid enough to leave Mary alone with a glass bottle for too long. 

She enveloped them in a tight hug as soon as they got close enough, kissing both of them on their cheeks as many times as possible before Lily pushed her back. 

“Care for a drink?” Mary drawled, attempting (and failing horribly at) an upper class accent and handing him and Lily a cup filled to the brim with the sparkling beverage. 

He frowned at it. “Not very manly is it?” 

“Oh, like you drink pints of guinness! You’re lucky I didn’t get us the proper champagne glasses, would look like even less of a bloke.” She laughed, taking a large gulp of the drink. 

Once again, they went hand in hand through the market, occasionally fawning over some article of clothing that they thought he would look good in. Nothing actually caught his eye, until Lily pointed out a vintage black leather jacket, with stars running up the sleeves. 

He walked up to it, hesitantly feeling the material beneath his fingers. It felt good, and it looked even better. 

“Oh god, Rem, you have got to try that on.” Mary gasped, grabbing it off of where it hung and handing it to him. He bit his lip, deliberating. It was a killer jacket. But, it just seemed like the thing that he couldn’t pull off. Like it would look cool on anyone else, and he would just look like a kid playing dress-up. 

Pushing his worries to the back of his mind, he threw it over his shoulders. It fit perfectly, loose enough that it left a little room to breathe but also snug enough that it didn’t hang off him. If the girl’ face were anything to go by, it either looked amazingly cool or completely ridiculous. Remus assumed it was the latter.

“It’s probably not-” He started, but was cut off by Mary. 

“Remus, you look fucking hot.” She gasped, clutching onto Lily excitedly. 

He walked around to the mirror placed behind the stall, staring at himself in it. Honestly, he thought he didn’t really look half bad. Definitely not good enough to be called “Fucking hot”, but he looked alright. 

“Fine, I’ll get it.” He concluded, suppressing a grin as the girls squealed and embraced him in a large hug. 

“SINNITUS, HERE WE COME!” Lily screamed, jumping up in the air in excitement.