Chapter 02
From:[email protected]
To:[email protected]
Subject: Does being lonely mean being alone?
Dear R,
I didn’t expect a reply, but I find myself glad that you did. Sure, I was hoping for one, but I didn’t necessarily expect it to happen.
I must say I’m honored to know that in the middle of a Saturday night, when you could have been doing dozens of more interesting things, you chose to write to me. I suppose, in a way, you’ve already answered one of my questions without actually answering it. Maybe stories really are a way for strangers to connect somehow, in whatever way that may be.
Please, don’t think you’re being silly. If anyone should feel that way, it should be me, after all, who leaves an email inside a book hoping to get a response? I’d say no one. And yet, I’ll leave that feeling behind, because it’s not foolishness if the goal was achieved. I want you to know that your words echoed in my mind, and I truly appreciated every letter and every comma you addressed to me. Sometimes, I feel like being understood is rare thing.
Now, to answer your question: what is loneliness to me?
I think loneliness can be many things. Sometimes, it can be an exile, or perhaps a shield. Ambiguous, isn’t it? I don’t think loneliness is necessarily about the absence of people. In fact, I believe that’s the greatest misconception of all. Does being surrounded by people mean we’re incapable of feeling lonely? But does being lonely mean being alone?
I think I was born alone. Well, not exactly, not in the popular sense of the word, but I believe I was born a solitary soul. And I don’t say that to sound melancholic or anything like that. “Alone” is not a synonym for sadness.
I think that today, for me, loneliness would be more about the absence of perspective. But that doesn’t mean it’s inevitable, I believe loneliness can take many different forms, and not all of them are necessarily bad.
At the same time, I wonder... was loneliness imposed on me? Like you said, if it’s something we choose, does that make it voluntary?
If I made you think before, now you’ve placed something in my mind as well.
Maybe loneliness isn’t just the lack of perspective but rather the lack of understanding. And I don’t know if I should say this, considering this is the first email we’re exchanging, but from one stranger to another, ironically, you made me feel understood, and for that, I must say thank you.
You say you’re waiting for my reply more eagerly than you should. Well, know that I’m responding with more enthusiasm than I expected.
And by the way, I apologize for the delay in replying. I’m still adjusting to a new time zone.
A.
P.S. I agree that it’s fair for you to have created a new email. Also, I have to ask, how old are you? It seems safe for us to know that.
*
From:[email protected]
To:[email protected]
Subject: What makes us lonely?
Dear A,
I must start by saying that I’m very happy you replied. I don’t think I’ve ever refreshed my inbox as many times as I have in the past six days while waiting for your response. Is it embarrassing to admit that? Well, if it is, I don’t mind.
You mentioned feeling honored that I wrote to you in the middle of a Saturday night, but really, how could I not?
Now that you’ve answered, I think I’ve found something fascinating about exchanging words with someone I don’t know. A different kind of freedom, no judgments, no preconceived notions.
I liked the feeling of receiving an email from you. By the way, was this the first time you’ve done something like this? I mean, leaving a message for someone in a book? If it wasn’t the first, has anyone ever replied before?
I love the idea that stories can connect people, even if they don’t actually know each other. That’s kind of the purpose of books, isn’t it? Someone wrote something decades or centuries ago that can make someone feel seen. It’s comforting to know that people don’t need to meet to connect, perhaps it’s a reminder that sometimes even lonely souls don’t stay alone forever.
What you said about loneliness stuck with me: an exile or a shield. I wonder if, at times, we don’t try to make it both at once. You mentioned that loneliness could be a lack of perspective or understanding, and whether that isn’t indeed an imposition. Perhaps some loneliness is imposed, and others are embraced, until they become part of us. And who are we without them?
What makes us lonely, after all? I think I like to believe that maybe loneliness is just waiting.
From one stranger to another, you also made me feel understood, even if I didn’t realize I needed exactly that.
Thank you for this, and I hope the new time zone is being kinder to you now… which leads me to ask: where are you now? I mean, you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, but if you can, I’d love to know in which corner of the world my words find you.
R.
P.S. I’m 35 years old, how about you?
P.P.S. If I may ask one more thing, is there a woman on the other side of the screen too? I have a feeling it is, but I’d like to be sure.