Back to the Halls
“Atar, I will visit soon. Besides I’m pretty sure if the rumors I heard are accurate you’ll be busy making Shiny bump into things when he’s distracted by you, again.” Gilriant grinned when he saw the tips of Maglor’s ears redden. “It’s not like I’m trying to get him to do that.” The older elf scowled for a moment and sighed. “I still have some doubts I did the right thing but -” Harry went to poke his father in the forehead. It worked on him when Haldir used it so why not. “No buts. Don’t listen to your doubts, listen to your music. We are the truest we can be when we listen to our music. You taught me that.” With a grumble his father finally conceded, stepping back to let them go.
While he was curious (and entertained) Gilriant wasn’t sure he wanted to stay long enough to see how the weird little dance that his Atar and Shiny was progressing. Eventually news of Mellessin’s pregnancy would break through the community and he really wanted to be away from Imladris when that happened. Just on the off chance someone would publicly try to connect his presence with it. In the end it was the combination of having told Thranduil he would be only a couple of days and the itch that he felt that encouraged him to leave.
One thing he didn’t want to do, go orc hunting near Imladris when there was a pregnant elf there. He didn’t want that kind of darkness to leak out around the growing life. Oh if there was an incursion by any of the corrupted he would be right there to help cleanse the land from it. For now though, the encroachment of the Greenwood would provide him with plenty of opportunities.
He did have a gift to bring to the elven king that in part was going to end up being Fawkes apology. It was something they wanted and he had previously spoken with them about. It also needed to be put up soon, before the creep of winter started. Well he could put up a greenhouse in the winter but it would be much more of a challenge. Those supplies were set aside for Fawkes to fetch once they had a location. Phoenix teleportation did make transporting fragile panes of glass so much easier.
For now, the phoenixes flashed them into their room in Thranduil’s halls with some cocoa saplings. Gilriant looked around at the influx of flower arrangements that had somehow invaded the room and sighed. “Right, I think we should let the household staff know I’m not accepting bouquets for future reference.” At Haldir’s amused look he gave his friend a mock glare. “You know some of them could be for you. So perhaps you should tell them the same.” He could easily pick out the meaning behind the flowers and knew he’d have to have them redistributed elsewhere. For the moment he ignored it as they shifted the larger saplings to the exterior terraced area. Keeping only one of the smaller ones.
Glancing at the ice phoenix he smiled. “Hedwig love, will you see where Thranduil is and if he’s agreeable to seeing us?” The King had gained a good general understanding of Hedwig. Gilriant wasn’t sure if it was one of the older elf’s abilities, his friendship with the phoenix, or just some mutual understanding of fabulousness. Either way it came in handy as she trilled her agreement and vanished in a swirl of sparkling snowflakes.
Haldir was inspecting the flowers, “We could just completely pull them apart to dry the petals for other uses too.” With a thoughtful hum Gilriant moved over to look. “That’s not a half bad idea. Just tell the staff we have more than enough supplies for a project and we don’t need them to bring us more.” Tilting his head the marchwarden smiled. “So going with the complete ignorance defence?” The young elf gave him an innocent look. “You mean that’s not what these are for? True I’ll have to show them which of these flowers are not going to be at all useful.”
He started pulling out and making a pile of the flowers that held only romantic meanings. Separating out a single example of each and making a pile of the rest. Haldiring started assisting, making quick work of pulling the bouquets all apart. “Fawkes, care to dump these in the compost heap?” With an amused trill the fire phoenix fluttered over to assist. “Thank you my friend.”
Just then there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Gilriant called out cheerfully. A member of the household opened the door just in time to see the rejected flowers disappear in the flash of flame. “The King invites you to his study.” There was a pause. “Is there an issue with the flowers Prince Gilriant?” The young elf flashed a bright smile. “Oh most of them are perfect for a project I have in mind. Don’t worry about the mess in here for now. I’ll be stripping them down for various parts and Fawkes will take the refuse to the compost. I have plenty of flowers for now. ” He waved a hand at the individual flowers laid out. “Unfortunately I do not have use for any of these flowers at all moving forward. If you could let whomever is supplying us with flowers know that, and that we have more than enough for some time, it would be appreciated.” The staff member inclined their head and moved to collect them. “Of course.”
Dusting his hands off, Gilriant gathered up one of the small saplings and headed towards the door, Haldir following him. “We don’t need a guide to the study, thank you again for letting us know.” With a little grin the young elf sauntered down the hall. “Interesting to see if people persist after that.” The archer observed, “They should at least not try to just leave them for you. I can’t say I am a fan of that many cut flowers.” “Neither do I, better to let it grow where it was. Or as a living potted plant.” A small sigh escaped Harry.
The door to the study was open when they reached it, as they stepped inside they could see Hedwig perched on Tranduil’s shoulder. “You know she wasn’t half as critical about my wardrobe before she started hanging out with you.” The King just lifted an eyebrow and waved a hand. “Well I’m glad I was able to show her true elven fashion then. Go ahead and shut the door before you take a seat.” His gaze rested briefly on the sapling Gilriant carried before looking at the prince.
“While you certainly are allowed to travel around as you need to, I do appreciate advance warning if you are going to be gone for periods of time.” Inclining his head in acknowledgement, Gilriant responded. “I do apologize again for that. One of my family members was having a personal crisis and Fawkes took it upon himself to fetch me for them. I’ve discussed with him that it was inappropriate to whisk me away like that outside of true emergencies. He did come up with an apology gift for you.” Thranduil tilted his head, “Oh?”
“I assisted Fawkes in negotiating a trade for the remainder of the items needed to build you your own greenhouse.” The young elf smiled, “He’s going to help play transport for some more delicate items for the supplier as needed for a certain length of time. For your greenhouse everything is set aside and he will transport them to wherever you determine is best for it. While I also brought multiple cocoa tree saplings in various stages of growth, they still will take time to fully mature. We can easily use some of the space around them for you to grow fresh greens for this winter.” He offered the small sapling to Thranduil who reached out and took it. “An acceptable apology gift then. I take it you will be in charge of building it, you have my thanks for that.” “Of course -
The door opened and Legolas stepped in, a bright smile on his face. “You are back.” “Yes they are, now perhaps you’ll stop sulking.” Thranduil commented dryly as the woodland prince closed the door and moved to take a seat of his own. “I was not sulking.” The king just hummed in response before returning his attention to Gilriant. “If you do go for a short trip, you might as well take him with you.” “Ada! I was not that bad.” It gave the young elf a feeling of warmth that they were comfortable enough for a bit of family bickering around him.
“Well you probably would have been helpful on the plant search we did around Imladris.” Both the King and Prince refocused on him for that. “Did you find anything of interest?” Inclining his head, Gilriant continued. “I did, a rather useful and remarkable find. A magical variety of Rowen, called a Wiggentree. Besides providing ingredients for different types of helpful potions it also is a tree of protection. The corrupt cannot stand it. We only found one, but it was already growing at an accelerated rate. Next fall there should be berries so more trees can be planted. We did transplant it to the middle of the city for ease of cultivation. However it will be most helpful when we can grow many around borders.”
“Most helpful, but you only found one plant?” Legolas frowned, “We found many when we looked through the Greenwood, and we haven’t even covered all of it yet.” Gilriant looked over at Haldir who lifted his eyebrows then inclined his head towards the royal pair. “Yes, well, there are likely a few reasons for that.” He let his gaze move between the King and Prince. “With the Greenwood being larger, higher probability of finding plants thriving on the energy. The tree is also going to be a bit more magical than the plants we found so far, so it would need larger areas to gather energy from.”
“And the last reason?” Thranduil asked patiently. “The power was needed to support something else. My friend Mellessin is pregnant. She gave me permission to share the news with the two of you right away.” Their eyes widened at the news and Legolas broke into another smile. “That is wonderful news. She and Lindir will make excellent parents I am sure.” Gilriant smiled back, “I agree. Obviously everyone was very happy about this.”
Thranduil eyed Gilriant, “You did not want them to announce this while you were there.” A statement more than a question, but still the young elf answered. “No.” Legolas’ face scrunched up in confusion. “Why not? It is something to celebrate.” The King continued to steadily regard the younger prince. “I would imagine because it is possible your friend’s gifts and actions helped make it a possibility.” Harry tilted his head in acknowledgement and Haldir took a turn answering. “Yes. Though we cannot know that for sure, unless it happens again. Obviously there are likely a few contributing factors. It would not be good for someone to immediately jump to that conclusion. Which is why it's not being widely announced yet.” “That and I don’t exactly want to be mobbed by couples hoping for a child when I can’t exactly define exactly how it came about.”
“Though I doubt that would be extreme as you are already a person of interest to many, I can see why you would want to avoid additional attention.” Thranduil nodded even as Legolas gained a faintly displeased expression. “I would agree with that. There are a few that are uncommonly rude to you.” Haldir’s expression had a hint of humor shining through as he replied to the Greenwood’s prince. “Well I do believe you did an excellent job of discouraging one of the rude ones at least.” Gilriant gave the marchwarden a look. “I think we are starting to veer slightly off topic here. The point is, best to keep the focus on having a happy and healthy new baby than the focus being on me.”
“You just want people to fuss over Mellessin and the baby instead of you.” Haldir shot back with a gentle smile. “That may be true but also completely besides the point here.” Gilriant waved a hand in the air. “While I cannot control what other people do, I can certainly choose how I react to it. For now my choice is to focus on my responsibilities and what I need to do to grow into the role I accepted for myself long ago.” Any humor slid away from the young elf at that last admission.
“I surmise there is more that is needed for that.” Thranduil stated, watching the young elf with a calm expression. “Yes.” As Gilriant resisted the urge to get up and pace, Hedwig launched herself from the King’s shoulder and landed on the young elf’s knee. He gave her a small smile and reached to stroke her feathers as she shifted to cuddle up to him. “I don’t think I’ve ever shared Hedwig’s story with anyone.” If the other three were startled by the apparent change in topic, they did not show it. “I know she is important to you, and was reborn from her first life into a new form. That she used to be a snowy owl.” Haldir replied.
“In truth, she was my first friend and first gift given to me that was meant to make me happy.” Hedwig hopped up to his shoulder so she could preen Gilriant’s hair. “I was eleven and just introduced to the human magical world in the place of my birth. Wizards trained owls to deliver mail for them, and she was a post owl. Which is one of the reasons she’s rather insistent on handling my correspondence now. It is something familiar to us both and she takes pride in it. Granted her ability to find anyone anywhere is a trifle easier to do now than then, but still she always managed it.” The ice phoenix fluffed out her crest feathers in pride, the young elf smiling softly at her and continuing to stroke her feathers.
“I feel I need to forewarn you that many parts of this story are not easy for others to hear.” Gilriant shifted his gaze between the three. “Noted,” Thranduil replied, “Please continue.” Focusing back on giving Hedwig attention, the young elf picked the story back up. “I wouldn’t say everything was perfect between us, but she was loyal, and saved my life in many ways. My mother’s human relatives did not treat me well, and by extension her as well. They would have preferred her locked in her travel cage at all times, and our first summer back from my school they did just that.” She gave a reassuring croon to him. “One of the many reasons I am glad no one can ever keep her locked up again.” His gaze flicked to the solemn elves. “Phoenixes can be magically bound but only during certain times in their lives and only by those they are bonded to. Since I will not, she will always be free as she wishes to be.”
“This is important to me, as this is how she died. We were escaping those targeting me and she was in her cage for her safety as a large white bird that would have been recognizable as mine. Snowy owls were not native to the area I lived in. She was the only one I knew of. Either way, it was meant to keep her safe. Instead she was struck by a spell likely intended for me and died. I cannot say if she was flying free if she would have survived simply because she was so recognizable as mine. But I would have rather she had been flying free than die in a cage.” He closed his eyes even as she crooned comfortingly at him.
“She deserved better, and I will make sure she gets it now that we are both given that chance.” At the feeling of his arm being squeezed, he opened his eyes to meet Haldir’s. His bonded always gave Gilriant strength and comfort, whenever he needed it. This time was no exception and the young elf managed a small smile before continuing the tale.
“When she died, a part of my heart died with her and whatever innocence was left within me shattered as well. Little as it was due to my mother’s human relatives and the Headmaster of my school. One more death on top of all the others I had endured. What was left of me was the soldier that the same Headmaster wanted to shape me into. The warrior many of that world expected me to be, and the role I willingly left behind once that war was over.” A bitter smile twisted on his lips. “And that is also the part of me I need to be fully balanced in my chosen role.”
His gaze flicked up to Thranduil’s and held it. This was one he believed would understand that part of him better than Haldir or Legolas could. While both were warriors, neither had faced true war. That was an entirely different kind of experience. “For all that I have focused on the positive side of my role, the cleansing, protecting, and life energies, that is not all I am. If I cannot find a way to balance this part of my past and myself, I will not reach my full potential.” “Faircoivar,” Legolas said softly.
“Just so, I am after all a chosen of Death. That is what unlocked the remainder of my heritage and allowed my passage to Ea. Which in truth death is just a part of the greater balance of all things. This is why I am the Keeper of Balances. Yet how can I be such a thing if I cannot balance out myself?” His gaze moved over to Legolas and then back to Thranduil. “I need to be able to actively deal with orcs. Being more connected to the more compassionate side of myself is a weakness I cannot afford to have during those times.”
Thranduil regarded Gilriant steadily before he spoke. “I do believe what you need is my active involvement.” The young elf blinked in surprise, exchanging a glance with Haldir before responding. “I had only intended to ask for permission to seek out volunteers to go orc hunting. Because of how I can sense corruption, we are guaranteed to find them.” The King dismissed that with a flick of his hand. “No. What you need is blooded warriors that can handle that kind of combat as well as anything that might happen with you. You need me because you will listen to my commands. Anyone else and I fear if they go against what you think you should do you would simply disregard and continue on. I have both the rank and experience to get you to heed what I say.”
When he looked like he might protest, Haldir interjected, “I believe he is correct.” Gilriant’s head whipped around to look at the marchwarden. “I can shut down your active abilities that are connected to nature, that is not what you are going to be doing. You were a leader in the past war you were in, so there is a limited number of people you would listen to now. Especially when many in that war proved to be poor leaders. You would likely listen to Elrond or possibly Glorfindel but . . . “ The young elf sighed, easily completing the thought. “They are needed in Imladris and I did not want to expose the death side of my abilities to the growing life.” “You know enough about King Thranduil to listen to and respect his commands.”
Still frowning, Gilriant looked back at Thranduil as the king added, “What you wanted to do is too dangerous. Both for you and my people. I will not allow it. Furthermore, for the beginning of this those two will stay here. Hedwig can always fetch Haldir if something comes up that he is needed for. You need to function without that support nearby.” The young elf exhaled, the hand on the arm of his chair gripping it tightly. “You have a point.”
“You know how to listen to the land, you know how to listen to instinct. I will teach you how to shut those off and listen to others and experience. If you want to lead, you must also know how to follow.” Gilrient clenched his jaw and then forced himself to relax. “This is your realm, your people, I will follow your rules.”
“Good.” Thranduil sat back. “Not that I would have allowed otherwise.” He studied Gilriant for a moment, then picked up the sapling and gave it to Legolas. “You two, go find a place for the Greenhouse.” He looked at the youngest of them. “You, go get your full armor on, we are going to start some training now.” The King then got up and swept out the door to get his own gear. The youngest elf stared for a moment. “I guess I’m going to go get my gear.” Hedwig trilled some encouragement, staying on his shoulder as he left. The two remaining ellons looked at each other.
“He’s going to try to goad Gilriant into reacting with anger.” Legolas tipped his head to the side and answered. “Likely. If he doesn’t manage it today then he will keep pushing until he does. My father is quite good at making people angry.” Haldir nodded. “Good. I can’t do it, his family would be poor choices for it. If he wants to balance all aspects of himself, he needs to know how to deal with that as well. While I am not happy he wishes to exclude me from the orc hunting, I believe I understand what the point of that is as well. Hedwig, through, will be going, and Fawkes can stay with me for the duration as a backup.” No one would be able to keep her away after all.
Standing up Legolas headed to the door. “Let's go find the gardeners as well for finding this greenhouse location. As they will likely be the ones tending it.” Haldir nodded, following him out. “Then I can try to show you the proper way to shoot a bow, as you keep being so stubborn and sub-par.”
Later, much later, Haldir found Gilriant stewing as he soaked in hot water. “Got a work out then?” The younger elf shot him a baleful look before closing his eyes and exhaling. “Yes, sorry. Just trying to recalibrate.” The woodland elf leaned against the wall with a calm expression on his face. “Why were you getting so angry about Thranduil insisting on handling things his way?” Tilting his head to lean against the edge of the tub Harry took his time answering. “I’m not entirely sure.”
“He was allowing you what you essentially wanted, just on his terms. He is the more experienced fighter. He’s going to know things about it that many do not, and could not teach you. It’s actually a sign of how highly he regards you that he’s taking this personal interest.” At Gilriant’s narrow eyed look he continued. “You are not going to be able to do everything on your terms. Isn’t part of why we came here so you could have those different experiences?” “Yes,” came the clipped response as Harry hauled himself out of the bath. He accepted the towel Haldir passed over and started to quickly dry and dress.
“I don’t know entirely why I find it mildly infuriating, but I do. I can’t quite shake it and I need to just, calm.” Haldir watched as Gilriant chose one of the sleeveless tops along with the armbands from his cousin and the circlet his Atar made. Freedom of movement while still showing rank. It seemed that would be the favored appearance. It also showed his impatience as the young elf didn’t seem inclined to let his hair dry all the way. Just enough to be dealt with. A couple of quick braids on either side of his head combining in the back left the rest loose. Snatching up his violin case he swiftly made his way towards one of the outside areas he could play. Barely acknowledging the fact that Legolas had been waiting outside their rooms and simply joined Haldir striding in the younger prince’s wake.
Pulling it from the carrying case, he made quick work of tuning the instrument before just putting his bow to the strings and playing. After he finished the first song, letting the music drain away the extra tension. After a time he opened his eyes and realized Haldir and Legolas settled within his line of sight. He offered them a small smile and mentally sent to Haldir. Thank you for putting up with me, I love you. The marchwarden smiled warmly at him in return. Then he let himself just play.
There was something different building inside him now. He could feel himself reaching, following the flower of music. There was something more there so he kept playing. Not pausing when others, including Thranduil settled around him to listen. Feeling the music flowing he felt something just click into place. He started to sing, then play.
I pirouette in the dark
I see the stars through a mirror
Tired manufactured heart
Beats 'til the song disappears
He could feel the interest spike around him. It wasn’t often that he chose to sing and play. The unfamiliar song drew attention. He ignored it all. The audience didn’t matter, just the song.
Somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
Shatter me
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
The violin soared and sobbed, notes plucked and played with the bow. The emotion flowing easily into his voice and from his instrument.
If only the clockwork could speak
I wouldn't be so alone
We burn every magnet and spring
And spiral into the unknown
Somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
Shatter me
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
Was he afraid? Of what he might be capable of, yes. That is at least part of where the anger came from. Yet if he kept it all contained,he would never move forward. Only stay stuck in place.
If I break the glass, then I'll have to fly
There's no one to catch me if I take a dive
I'm scared of changing, the days stay the same
The world is spinning, but only in gray
If I break the glass, then I'll have to fly
There's no one to catch me if I take a dive
I'm scared of changing, the days stay the same
The world is spinning, but only in gray
A faint line appeared between his eyebrows as he focused on the song. There was something he could feel building under the music itself. Winding up higher and higher, tighter. Funneling the emotions, the frustrations, the anger, and yes the fear.
Somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
Shatter me
Somebody make me feel alive and shatter me
At the last lines he tilted back and let that tension fly free, aimed into the sky. Power rippled through the air causing birds on nearby trees to take flight in alarm. The audience had turned to look at the birds and then back at him. Tilting his head to the side he considered. “Interesting. So that’s what that feels like. Hmmm, I will need to make sure to not channel it off for performances.”
“That would be preferable,” Came Thranduil’s dry tone. Gilriant just looked back with a raised eyebrow. “I did not ask for an audience now did I? If people choose to come and listen while I practice, that is on them.” The King inclined his head in acknowledgement of his point. “Still, be careful with that.”
Gilriant knew exactly why Thranduil asked that. There were potentially survivors here that music had been used as a weapon against. “Of course. The last thing I would want is to alarm someone.” After all, these were his people too.