Goodbyes are hard
Gilriant fidgeted as he sat on the ground getting ready for his lesson. Haldir lifted an eyebrow as he watched the elfling. After a moment Harry sighed. “The group from Lothlorien is going home soon.” The marchwarden inclined his head in agreement and waited patiently. “Your brother is going home, aren’t you . . . do you want to go home with him?” His expression cleared with understanding.
“While I will miss Rumil and do miss Orophin, I will see them again sometime. Right now you need me here and I chose to be here.” Gilriant twisted his hands together. Seeing him not quite convinced, Haldir continued. “Yes there will be times I want to be among the trees again, but I do not think you intend to spend all of your life solely in Imladris.” As the elfling shook his head no, the marchwarden smiled. “See, there is no conflict here. Elves have long lives, while it is true many spend most of their lives in close proximity to their families it is also common to spend years, even decades not seeing each other. As you grow older the time will seem to pass more swiftly and it truly will not feel as though we are separated for too long.”
Haldir tapped his chest. “As you have your bonds with your family, I have mine as well. I can feel them here, and will know if something is truly wrong.” He smiled. “I do believe if there was a problem, Hallows could get me there quite swiftly.” Gilriant nodded. “Yes! She would and could and I um . . . Hedwig used to carry my mail. So I asked her if it was okay and I introduced her to Rumil. So she can take letters to him really fast and since she knows him, he can call her to get one from him.” He gave a little shrug. “Actually she might just show up if he has one for you. Or me, he said he was going to send me letters too from him and Orophin.”
His eyebrows rose at that last bit of information before settling again. Well his brothers likely knew the implications of his choices. This would be a sign that they were okay with it, even approved in some fashion. “You see, he would not have said that if he took issue with me staying here. Does that quell your fears?”
At the trace of uncertainty left, Haldir added. “If I ever feel the need to go home I will tell you.” As Gilriant’s expression smoothed out. “Thank you for doing that with Hedwig. It is very much appreciated.” The elfling brightened. “Of course!” The marchwarden nodded. “Now are you feeling ready for your lesson?” The young one nodded and focused on what he was to do this day.
***
“Well after seeing your boat, I did not know if I should give this to you or not, but I have decided to do so.” With a smile Cirdan offered up a miniature boat made in the elven style. “Oh I love it!” Gilriant took it eagerly and looked it over. It didn’t take much examination of the details to realize that it was likely fashioned exactly the way a full sized ship would have been.
“This is, this is . . . it must have taken you forever to build it.” Gilriant stared up at Cirdan wide-eyed. The shipwright just smiled at him. “I started building it when Ulmo told me of you. You are my son’s grandson. I cannot yet visit him or gift him anything, but I can do things for you. While I do not often leave Mithlond, I will come and visit when I can. I hope you come when you start traveling around. I would also like it if we exchanged letters.” The elfling stared up at him, eyes blinking.
Gilriant carefully set the boat down and then lifted his arms up to Cirdan. The shipwright easily lifted him up in a hug, cuddling the elfling close. Much to his astonishment, he felt it. That bond of kinship winding together between them. It may be a small thing now, but with time and nurturing it could build into something far more. His arms carefully tightened around the young one and he pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Thank you.”
***
Gilriant stood in the middle of the flat space, Fawkes glimmering with light on his shoulder. A shining spot as darkness settled around them and the stars started to come out. This was the same spot he originally summoned the Starlight Wolves, and this is where he called them to. Haldir was nearby, if outside the circle, as was his Atar and brother. Mithrandir was a last minute addition, but the elfling thought it may be a good idea to include him. King Thranduil and Legolas stood close to him. Hollows sat to his right, and Tindil stood to his left.
With a faint smile the Keeper turned to Hallows. “Summon the pack please.” The moon-bright wolf tilted her head back and howled. The sound with its musical tones rang through the night. It was quickly answered by a chorus of howls and soon they flowed into sight. The small motes of white on their dark-gray pelts were not nearly as bright as the last time Thranduil saw them.
The pack surrounded the Keeper, all trying to greet them and some even trying to lick their face. The musical laughter of the young one sounded in the air. “Okay okay, yes I’m happy to see you too. Anything you need to report?” They settled in a half circle in front, the biggest one staying in front of the elfling looking into their eyes. “Is that so, well good job to you all. Thank you Remus.”
They placed their hand on the wolf’s head between his eyes as he bowed it down for the elfling to reach. Silver light twisted free from the Keeper and sank into the wolf’s pelt. As they did so, the white spots on the wolf’s coat started to shine brightly, resembling the stars the wolves were named for. When he stepped back, another stepped forward and the process was repeated. Though there was a small pause when the darkest coated one tried to wash their face again. “Sirius, alright alright I know you love me, now hold still.” They finished and the six wolves' pelts once more all shone brightly.
Keeper stepped back slightly and waved for Thranduil and Legolas to move forward. “I think you know who these two are. Please try to be on your best behavior as they wanted to meet you.” What exactly consisted of the pack’s best behavior was difficult to say, for with that permission they immediately mobbed the pair. Considering how big the wolves were, that could have been intimidating, if they were not so good natured.
King and Prince found themselves face to face with the large Starlight Wolves. The creatures radiated nothing but goodwill and light. A laugh escaped Legolas when the darkest pelted one insisted on trying to lick his face too and in general check him out all over. The largest was more restrained but he too was checking over Thranduil, even as the elven king inspected the pack alpha. Hands on muzzles and stroking the fur. Tails wagging in enthusiasm as the pack and royal pair got to know each other.
When Thranduil turned to look at the Keeper he inclined his head. “I am satisfied. Your Starlight Wolves may enter the Greenwood and interact with my people.” The pack seemed to understand him, milling around with tails wagging. They turned their attention to their summoner who was smiling.
“My thanks King Thranduil.” They placed their hand on Hallow’s back. “Go now my Starlight Wolves. Cleanse the corruption, protect the innocent, protect the traveler, guard what is good. Help me spread what is good throughout the land.” Smiling even more strongly now they continued. “Protect the Greenwood and those that dwell within.” The pack and Hallows howled, filling the air with the musical sound of the pack call. Then the pack turned and flashed away, taking the strength of the Keeper with them.
Harry promptly sat down, legs folding under him. Fawkes fluttering off his shoulder and landing on the ground with a concerned croon. Legolas, being one of the closest, quickly scooped him up and held him close. The elfling patted him. “M’fine, just tired. I’ll be good after sleeping.” Haldir approached and reached a single hand to lightly touch Gilriant’s forehead. Fawkes swooped up to land on the marchwarden’s shoulder, keeping a close watch. “He speaks the truth, Prince Legolas. This, by design, takes much of his energy to spread it out in the world and make his presence less visible. He cannot make free use of it himself until he is much older. When that point will be, will depend on multiple factors.”
“I’m a fast learner,” piped up the elfling. Haldir gave him a faint smile. “That you are. Now though it is time for young ones to be asleep.” Gilriant made a sleepy sound of protest, hand tightly gripping Legolas’ tunic. “Comfy.” Haldir’s gaze flicked between the two before he gave a slight headshake. “I know you are, but you need to recharge some, and it is best if your father is there for that. Or I could get your brother or Lord Glorfindel.” After a moment's contemplation Harry let go of the elven prince’s shirt. “Atar.”
Maglor had moved up behind him, and at the request he reached out to take his son. After a moment’s hesitation, Legolas handed him over. The elfling curled up in his father’s arms. The bard turned and started walking away with him. “I like the green-leaf-star,” he mumbled. “Has a strong heart, good heart.”
“Oh? Maglor replied, “Well you should tell him that, when you are more awake.” Elrond fell in step behind them while Mithrandir waited for the rest.
Haldir studied the royal elven pair. “He is most vulnerable at this time. I know I do not have to tell you to keep this quiet.” Thranduil gave the marchwarden an affronted look. “Of course not. Neither of us would put him at risk.”
“I did not think you would. I have only found that an unspoken truth can lead to misunderstandings.” Haldir gave them a bow and turned. “Come I will lead you back to Imladris.”
***
The elfling sat on Mithrandir’s bed, watching the wizard pack. “You’ll be coming back?” The istari smiled. “Yes, as the leaves stop falling and the snow begins I will be back. I often spend my winters here as travel is most difficult during that time.” Gilriant nodded his head in understanding. “That makes sense.” He paused and then continued. “I know Curunir is your friend, there is something I’m supposed to tell you.”
Mithrandir stopped and turned to give the young one his full attention. “I am listening.” Gilriant inhaled, closing his eyes. “You must remember when one looks into the unknown, they do not know what is looking back at them. What can See them or what they might say. Find the eye, close it, lest corruption be spread.”
The gray wizard listened and inclined his head. It was very likely the young one was referring to the palantiri. “Even a useful tool, in the wrong hands, can cause more harm than good.” He responded quietly. “Very well, I will keep this in mind, thank you.”
***
Good-byes were hard, Harry decided. They were sad things because endings could be sad. Objectively he knew that they weren’t necessarily forever. Gilriant still struggled with them. Which is how he ended up in his brother’s study curled up in his lap while Elrond hummed and rocked him. “It's okay to be sad when someone leaves.” Came the gentle voice of the elven lord. “What can help, is looking forward to when you will see them again.”
Harry’s voice was quiet. “But what if I don’t?” There were plenty of people in his life that had just left in one form or another and never come back again. “Then you will still have your memories of them to treasure. Those that live in our hearts are never truly gone from us.” Quietly reassuring, but still difficult. “Not the same as having a hug, yet a different kind of warmth you can hold on to.” A gentle hand carded through his hair. “What are you looking forward to when they come back?”
Come back? That was a different idea to focus on. Harry turned the idea over in his head, considering what could happen. “I can show them what I have learned?” Elrond gave an approving hum. “That’s a good idea, show them how much progress you have made.” Gilriant lapsed into thought, slowly unwinding from his tight curl. “Have fun doing new things together?”
“Another good thought. Work on ideas for things to do when they come back. It's okay if you can’t think of anything now.” Elrond’s voice continued to be gentle and positive. “M’sorry for getting so upset.” Now his brother shifted to look him in the face. “And what did I say about emotions?”
Dutifully, Gilriant repeated, “That it is okay to have emotions and not know how to handle them. That even if I was an adult, I’m not now, and have to teach myself how to handle them all over again.” Elrond nodded and smiled at his brother. “Very good. It is far better for you to experience emotions, even when it is difficult, than to suppress them completely. Even adults will take time to process and deal with their emotions. Sometimes they have to focus on what they are dealing with at the moment, and process later.”
The elfling considered that, turning over in his head. “So part of growing up is learning how to cope with your emotions, what is appropriate for expressing them, and when to express them.” Elrond inclined his head. “Just so. I’m happy that you have been listening to what I have said. Now remember that it's going to be a little more difficult for you because you have switched back and forth. You also lived through some difficult experiences. By talking about them with me, it will help you process them and be able to cope better.”
“Ugh,” Gilriant flopped back, confident that Elrond would keep him secure. “I don’t like talking about them.” His brother hummed thoughtfully and then asked, “Why don’t you like talking about them?” Harry stopped and thought about the question rather than just protesting. With his brother’s persistent manner, he wasn’t going to be allowed to just ignore them. Not being honest wouldn’t help him get through it any faster. He heaved a sigh.
“Because I didn’t stop the bad things from happening.” Elrond nodded again. “I can see why that would be distressing. I have an idea. How about you pick one memory at a time and we talk about it? We can go over what happened, why it happened, what if anything you could have done. Would it not be better to learn from it to prevent what you can from happening again?” And there his brother went, being sneaky by using logic against him. He couldn’t exactly argue the point. “I hate logic.” Elrond answered him in an amused tone, “You are not the first to tell me that.”
***
Gilriant wasn’t sure why Maglor brought him out here by the rushing water to practice until he put the bow to the strings of the violin for the first time. It was not a pretty sound and he winced. His Atar just smiled. “Everyone sounds like that the first time they try. The violin can be difficult to master. It will take time for you to be able to produce smooth sounds. If you keep at it, you will learn.”
“Just like anything I have to start small and work at it. If I just stop I will never get any better,” Gilriant recited back. It was something he’d been reminded of frequently. “That’s it exactly.” His Atar said proudly. “You know what you want to do with it. So you tell me, do you think it's worth putting in lots of work to get there?” The reply was swift and sure. “Yes.”
Maglor smiled. “Then we will get there together. It doesn’t help that it's a little bit too big for you. Unfortunately it is the smallest one I have. Expect it to take years to grow into it. Expect it to take decades to truly master and find that voice you want. Celebrate the small accomplishments as we make our way to the large. Small steps can build into something large.” Right, this was a long term goal, not a short one. In the end it would be worth it. Gilriant put the bow to the strings and tried again.
***
“My Prince, it is an honor to meet you.” He’d been called up to his brother’s office. It appeared that the contingent of guards that Thranduil had sent finally arrived. Gilriant admitted to feeling more than a little uneasy about the whole thing, but the elleth in front of him seemed kind enough. There were half a dozen of them that had arrived in full armor. As one when they saw him they dropped to one knee. The elfling wasn’t entirely sure if this was a fealty thing or like when other adults put themselves on his level. He gave his Atar an uneasy look, only to get a smile in reassurance.
“Please rise, you do not need to kneel to me.” While most of the guards got to their feet, the one that first addressed him stayed where she was. “If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay as I am for the moment as we speak.” Gilriant studied her for a moment and then nodded. “Thank you. I am Maethel, in charge of those that volunteered to be your personal guard.” Tilting his head to the side he questioned. “Volunteered?”
“Yes,” she agreed. “When our King let it be known what this was for, many volunteered for this duty and we were selected from among them.” Okay, well at least they volunteered for the duty rather than just being ordered here. “As we understand that you will not be commonly leaving Imladris, we will be petitioning Lord Gorfindel to put us in service so we may help protect your home. We understand that you have teachers, we would like to assist them as well if we can.”
“Even if it's just to be practice pells,” one of the guards behind her added. It seemed the rest agreed as he looked up there were some good natured grins. “Just so,” Maethel agreed with a nod. “We all have different areas of expertise, but if nothing else we can make good practice dummies. Especially Gonben there.” She waved a hand at the ellon that spoke. “He’s very good at it.” There was some good natured laughter and Gilriant found himself relaxing by degrees.
“Prince Legolas may have had a hand in our selection as well as given us some advice before we left.” Maethel admitted. “So we are prepared to fit ourselves around your life here, not interfere with it.” That sounded promising, and he trusted his friend’s judgment, so he would give it a chance.
“Okay that, that sounds good. Maybe we can go get to know each other a little?” He looked back to his Atar and brother for approval. “That sounds like an excellent idea,” Lord Elrond agreed. “Why don’t you take them to one of your favorite spots and talk. I’ll let Lord Glorfindel know to expect you later.”
“Of course.” Only now did Maethel rise to her feet. “Lead the way my prince.” A small sigh escaped the elfling. “I don’t suppose I could get you to stop with the prince thing could I?” The elleth just smiled. “Prince Legolas did warn us you might try.” Gilriant grumbled slightly and then started for the door, the guards moving around him to follow. “You all like trees right? I can show you my favorite trees to climb.”
***
Crabandil waited in the tree where Hedwig told him too. For whatever reason she had insisted he needed to be in his fledgling raven form and waiting here. Well it had the added bonus of amusing him while he watched some of the elves try to figure out where he had currently gotten off too. Hearing the ice phoenix’s trill, he looked up and spotted a couple of ravens following her. They landed in the tree by him and looked him over with interest as he quorked an excited greeting.
“Fledging elf-raven, very interesting yes.” To his surprise these ones spoke Sindarin. “Agreed,” answered the second raven. “Will be fun to teach! White bird say likes to play games with elves, we help.” The first cuffed the other with their wing. “Teaching, then games.” The second one just quorked a laugh. “Can do both!”
Oh this was going to be fun
***
Legolas was sitting down to breakfast with his father when Hedwig arrived in a burst of snowflakes. Trilling a greeting she landed on the table by him and held out her leg. It had been fitted with a special set of jesses and a letter attached to that. “Ah, thank you.” He reached to untie the letter then looked over to Thranduil. “Hedwig used to carry all of Gilriant’s mail in the world they lived in before. Apparently she gets rather upset if he tries to send it any other way.” Hedwig gave an approving trill and hopped over to his plate when he offered some of his own breakfast to her.
“According to Gilriant, she knows me well enough that she could find me anywhere. And if I do not want to risk her ire, I should call for her when I have a letter to send to him.” Thranduil gave her a thoughtful look. “Is that so? Well she is a rather elegant creature. I wouldn’t want to upset her.” Giving him an interested look in turn, Hedwig gave a flap of her wings and launched up and landed on the elven king’s shoulder.
Rather than looking annoyed as some might expect, instead he smiled offering her some fruit off his plate. She took it with the air of a queen accepting her due. “Yes, quite a beautiful and elegant creature.” Hedwig fluffed up her feathers and trilled happily at him. Cocking her head to the side she trilled a question. “Well of course you can stay as long as you like and explore. Shall I arrange for a tour after breakfast?” She bobbed her head in agreement.
***
“Do I have to?” Gilriant grumbled, giving Haldir a look of one being betrayed. The marchwarden just smiled. “Sadly yes, it is getting far too cold for you to run around without them. We are elves, not hobbits.” Heaving a sigh the elfling sat down and started putting on shoes. It was going to feel odd after running around barefoot so long. Only after he was well shod did they leave to go to their lessons spot. They still took the same pose, sitting on the ground cross legged and facing each other. That had not changed.
“As the seasons change, so will the energies of the earth. You know it has been preparing for the long sleep of winter.” Gilriant nodded his agreement. “Yes it has been slowing down? Harder to move?” Haldir inclined his head in agreement. “Exactly so. Which is another reason why it's important to have the control and separation between you and nature. Otherwise it would make you slow and sluggish. Since we are elves, that could affect you very badly.”
Gilriant nodded his understanding. “So don’t sink into the energies, just take what I learn from the surface.” Haldir hummed thoughtfully. “Yes for now. Further in the winter is not a bad time for you to start learning control as it will be slow to respond. So easier for you to tell the difference between what is you, and what is of the wild.” The elfling almost bounced in excitement. “Really?”
Haldir smiled. “Really. You are making good progress otherwise I would not have told you this. So a new challenge for you today.” Gilriant perked up even more at that. “Today, instead of closing your eyes when you focus, I want you to keep them open. When you have mastered reading nature’s energy that way without reaching for it, you will be ready for the next step.” Dipping his head in acknowledgement the elfling started with focusing on his breathing. He would learn this too.