Learning and Letters
Someone was staring at him. That wasn’t exactly a new sensation for Harry. Not even a new sensation for him to wake up to. He wasn’t entirely keen on letting go of the comfort of the best sleep he had since . . . actually he wasn’t sure if he’d ever slept that well. That fact was enough to startle him into opening his eyes.
For a moment it seemed like he could see the delicate arches and the green leaves of the silver trees crystal clear. Harry blinked and his vision was just the normal blur. He could see various tiny blobs of light moving around. Okay then, definitely more than a dream last night. Sitting up he groped around for his glasses before remembering the old house elf had taken them. “Kreacher?”
As soft pop next to him, “Master is awake! Kreacher will get him breakfast, yes.” The glasses were pressed to his hands and Harry slipped them on. Then had to blink at the sight of the far cleaner than he typically was house elf. On top of the cleanliness he was wearing, not a dirty pillowcase, but some sort of odd, uniform? The crest of the House of Black prominently placed over the upper left side of the being’s chest.
While he was still processing this Kreacher popped in and out several times setting up a breakfast tray in front of him. He was apprehensive what the house elf might decide was an appropriate breakfast for him. Molly Weasly in the past tried to stuff him with as much food as possible. Eggs, sausage, oatmeal, juice, pancakes, often a full english and beyond was on offer. She seemed to be dissatisfied when he couldn’t eat all of it. Harry was pleasantly surprised at the offering of toast with butter he could choose to spread on it, fruit, and tea. Nothing too heavy, nothing that would overwhelm him in the morning. Doing a quick internal check he decided it would be okay to eat first and take care of other necessities second.
After being on the run during the horocrux hunt with limited amounts of food, a childhood of only getting just enough to survive on, eating could be a challenge. Far too used to small amounts of food. This light offering in the morning was perfect. A thin scrape of butter on the toast with a drizzle of honey from the tea things, and a piece of fruit from the selection? That seemed perfect. Much to his surprise once he got that down he was still hungry and helped himself to more of it. When he picked up the cup of tea and sniffed it, a pleasant herbal not quite floral scent teased his nose. Taking a careful sip, he further relaxed as the pleasant taste danced on his tastebuds. “This is amazing Kreacher, I’ve never tasted this kind of tea before. What is it?”
From his place observing Harry, Kreacher beamed a smile. Which quite honestly was more than a bit creepy in its own right. Well he already put up with the creepy staring, (after his experiences with Dobby he was toughened up to odd house elf antics,) so a creepy smile could be tolerated. Either way he did not want to disrupt this burgeoning accord between them. “Master likes? Good yes, is special tea blend for Black family. Kreacher making long time.”
“You blended this? Excellent job, I’ll drink this just about anytime.” The house elf beamed again at the praise. “Kreacher will draw up bath for Master and lay out clean clothes.”
Looking at his rumpled self and thinking back to the last time he actually had a bath. Harry nodded. “That would be great thanks.” Plus there were other things he had yet to attend to this morning. He could wait long enough to finish the tea.
After Kreacher popped away, Harry turned his focus to the little lights perched on him and around the room. Some were moving lazily around. “That dream, that was real?” He felt more than heard some sense of agreement. The warmth and welcome from last night still wrapped around him. The little light that shifted with blue and silver-white colors rose up in front of him. The wizard smiled as the faint sensation of being hugged encircled him. “Grandfather.”
It was the sensation of reaching out. Harry towards his ancestor and his grandfather reaching back. Touching and connecting, yet it carried emotions and not words. “If you are trying to say something, I can’t understand you, yet.” Of this he was quite determined to figure out a way to communicate while they were both awake. Which meant, more research.
Finishing up his tea he got up and moved towards the door, more than a few of the lights going with him. He stopped and frowned, turning slightly. “Yeah no, I am perfectly capable of using the toilet and cleaning up all on my own. You can stay here. I will be coming back.” Harry got an sense of amusement from them, but they did indeed back off.
Leaving the room he paused to look back at the emblem on it. It was important somehow, he knew. Inhaling he stepped away. It would be there when he went back. It had to be. Stepping away made him feel, cold somehow. Harry didn’t like it.
He then proceeded to go through his morning routine plus a bath the quickest he could. Finding the clean clothes Kreacher laid out he frowned a little. Nothing he had ever seen before. Some sort of tunic thing and pants. Pulling it on, Harry found it pleasantly comfortable. Tucking his feet into the slippers he hurried back to the room. A sigh of relief when yes, he found it again.
Opening the door the little lights swirled around him. A happy laugh escaped Harry as some settled in his hair and on his clothes. The silver-blue-white light of his Grandfather staying close and hovering around him. Just the sense of belonging and welcome here a very heady feeling. One that he never wanted to end.
Tucked into a corner by the bookcase was a big comfortable looking armchair. A small table next to it had books piled on it. Polaris’ light circled Harry and head him over to the chair and books. “You want me to read these?” The young wizard moved over to chair and picked the first book up curious. Opening it up, it looked like some sort of language primer. Kreacher popped in with another wood tray, parchment and quill. “Master should learn ancestor’s language yes. Some books not translated to English.” Apparently no question on the House Elf’s mind that Harry should want to learn it. In truth he absolutely did. Especially since he could almost hear words coming from the lights around him. Words that sounded nothing like anything he had ever heard before.
“But Grandfather could talk to me just fine in my dream.”
Kreacher’s eyes gleamed at this statement. “Was dream talk. Mind to mind, not need ears to hear.” Well okay then. That made sense. Sort of. Either way, it's not a terrible idea to learn the language. “Is two languages, Kreacher gave most common language first. Then older language. Learn common first. Then Master can learn older and read old journal.”
“Two languages?” Harry blinked. “That’s going to take awhile. But you said there were some books in English for me to read?”
“Yes, Kreacher brought them. That way Master not break brain trying to learn all language at once.” Harry shot the house elf a wry look and replied dryly. “Thanks.”
He looked at the book and then went back to Kreacher. “I have a question. You said something about an oath last night.”
Somehow the little being managed to look guilty. “Yes Kreacher did. Master does not need to worry about oath. Master is too young. Master also needs to learn first.”
While such a statement could and would have made Harry angry in the past, right now it just caused an amused huff to escape him. “Kreacher, I am adult now.”
“Master is an adult by Wizard standards.”
Harry blinked, then tilted his head thinking. “By wizard standards, but not by something else?”
The little being gave Harry a calculating look. “Master reads, Master learns, then Kreacher talk about oath.”
While it occurred to him that he could demand an answer from the House Elf, that was not the route he wanted to go. For one, he didn’t want a slave. Secondly it would surely sour the improving relationship between the two. Third, he really liked the consideration in the food and tea offerings Kreacher had provided lately.
“Alright, I read and learn, and then we will talk about it. Just, we will be talking about it, and not years from now.” Considering the amount of knowledge he may need to dive into Harry wouldn’t discount weeks or months (although he would prefer sooner.) His ability to be patient may not be able to last that long.
Besides, Harry was looking forward to studying. Which would probably send Hermoine into shock. This was his choice, no one was trying to dictate anything and he didn’t have the pressure here to conform to someone else’s idea of who he should be. What he should be good at or know. He could just be . . . Harry.
A flicker of guilt went through him at the thought of Hermoine. He hadn’t exactly been good about checking on her. Or any of his other friends, or letting them check on him. It was, painful, to think about because of those that were no longer with them. Harry really didn’t feel up to visiting any of them. But, he could write letters. He even already had the parchment ink and quill here.
“Kreacher?” The house elf’s ears pricked at his name. “Could you please make sure some letters are delivered for me when I am done writing them. Maybe pick up any return letters from those people specifically? Also if we have any etiquette books on goblins, could I have one of those as well?” He was going to potentially need to go into the bank eventually. Might as well send a missive ahead asking for an appointment to discuss the, em, issues there might be.
“Kreacher can take care of letters, and Master wants to send letter to Gringotts?” The house elf clarified. “Yes.” Harry gave the little being a rueful look. “They may be a bit upset with me and I want to take care of it.”
The house elf’s eyebrows went up before he popped away and then back a few moments later with a book in his hands. “Master should read this, then write a letter to Gringotts.” More studying. Well if it helped lessen the potential conflict he would do it. “Thanks Kreacher, I’ll write the letters to my friends first. They might be worried about me. And I really don’t want to deal with any Howlers.” Especially if Molly got it into her head to try to send one. Not that it would get through the townhouse’ wards but still, no need to torture some owls over it.
Funny how much more clear his head felt today. Yesterday he wouldn’t have even thought to send the letters out. Or that people might be worried about him. Well Polaris did say something about him being hurt and trying to help him. Or maybe it was just the room. Either way he was feeling better than he had in a very long time. “Thank you Grandfather.” Harry smiled at the silver-white and blue glowing light. “I don’t know what you did, but you are helping. I feel better already.”
He got back warm emotions and more of those almost words. Those language lessons were very important. But first, letters.
Dear Hermione
I’m sorry I haven’t been around. I hope you can forgive me for hiding away in Grimmauld Place. Locking down the wards meant that I didn’t have random owls with mail for people wanting things from me. Or any howlers for when I can’t give them what they want. It was easiest to just shut everything out. I should have gotten word out to you sooner. I hope you can accept my apology.
Everything was just so overwhelming that I needed to take time to myself. I wanted a chance to figure out what it means to be Harry Potter. Everyone seems to have these expectations on what I am supposed to do. I think that’s been true for my entire life. Between those fictional books people took as real, whatever the Prophet published about me, or whatever people thought I was up to. Or even from what my parents were like. Seems like no one stopped to think that I never knew them. Wasn’t raised by them, and definitely wasn’t raised knowing anything about the magical world.
You’ll be happy to know that I’m working on filling in those holes in my knowledge. I’m reading all kinds of books and accounts. Looking to sift the fact from the fiction. I had two books about the same subject that said the exact opposite things. So I’m learning to see what bias looks like. Its about time I decide for myself what I believe. Rather than just accept what other people tell me. I hope that makes you proud. I’m doing better studying things at my own pace than I’ve ever done inside a classroom. I may not be taking another year at Hogwarts, but I am still learning.
Oh about Kreacher. Yes he’s still my house elf. Did you know that house elves need a healthy bond to regulate their magic? Without having a bond with a wizard or other magical source they get really sick. I think you are right there should be laws, but ones aimed at regulating how house elves are treated. Making bonds that aren’t tantamount to slavery but more a partnership. I’m going to do my best with Kreacher. Apparently I’m doing something right because you wouldn’t believe how clean and nice the house looks now. I’m not asking him to do it, he just is doing it.
He’s also really happy I’ve been looking into the family history of the Blacks. Which is some really cool stuff. I don’t know how much I’m allowed to share with someone outside the family. I will say I think that the truth of it is much different than the public face the family had lately. Or at least the public perception of them. I’ll check later to see what I am allowed to share and what I’m not. Just know that some of the history of the magical world might be really different than what we have been led to believe.
I hope your studies are going well, and that things at Hogwarts are going well. I know you are putting everything into them. I hope there aren’t any bad memories from the war causing you troubles there in the castle. Please write back and let me know how you are doing, you can call on Kreacher. Don’t worry I asked him for help, I didn’t order him.
Your friend
Harry Potter
The first letter finished, he set it to the side. That was both easier and more difficult than he thought. The next one would have a totally different tone.
Dear Ron
Hey mate, how’s auror training going? Are any of them like Mad Eye and yelling constant vigilance at you? I know you're up for the challenge. Especially after all the adventures we have been through together. You have a great strategic mind and I know you can put it to use there. You’re going to be a great auror.
It’s just not for me. I’ve had too much fighting that the thought of any more makes me feel pretty awful. Better to have someone like you in the job. Someone more than capable of taking on the challenge.
I’m sorry for not reaching out sooner. I wasn’t handling everything well and needed time and space to get my head on straight. Still working on that, but starting to feel better. If you have the time to send me a note back I’ll ask Kreacher to get it from you. He’s been doing a lot better too. Weird I know but brilliant at the same time.
Mostly I wanted to let you know that I’m okay. Doing better now. That I’m grateful to have you as a friend. And there is the end of the emotional stuff. Leave that kind of stuff for Hermione. She was always better at understanding it than either of us.
Your friend
Harry
There, another one done, two left. Two very different letters to write. Neither would be easy but better for him if he wrote them. Better to know and reach out, than leave things half said.
Dear Ginny
I honestly don’t know what to write to you. You deserve better than me shutting myself away and then not meeting you in person. Unfortunately a letter is all I have to offer you right now. I’m sorry for that.
While I am not so self absorbed to think you have to be waiting to get back together with me, I wanted to make sure that you weren’t. Better to clear the air right? I don’t think I’m going to be getting into a relationship with anyone. Not for a long time. I don’t think I should have started anything with you in the first place. I think it was that I wanted to feel normal, and that I belonged. I do love you, but as a friend. Nothing more.
I hope that you are having the best life. I hope you get that spot on the Holyhead Harpies and become an absolutely quidditch star. It's something you worked so hard at, and knowing you still are. I know you can make whatever you want out of your life. I know you will.
Your friend
Harry
There, that was both difficult and a relief. Painful, and a release. Maybe some people would consider it rash to tell her not to wait (or really self centered) but she shouldn’t be hanging out hope. One last one to go.
Dear George,
I can’t even begin to imagine what you are going through. I don’t want to make you feel worse or make things more difficult for you. Which means I don’t know what the heck to say about it other than I’m sorry. Which fixes exactly nothing. I should have reached out sooner than now to check on you. I’m sorry.
I don’t doubt your ability, but I am hoping everything is going okay with the shop for you. I’d offer to come in myself but I’m not exactly up for being out in public. If you need more funds invested, I’ll be trying to sort out my stuff with Gringotts soon. Whatever you want to do though know I’ll support you in it. Not that I’m trying to throw money at it. Just, I’m at a loss how to support you and I want to.
I found an old book of Sirius’s with prank ideas and other things. If you would like it, I’d be happy to send it along. I’ve got other things of his and don’t need it. If you can make good use of it, I’m sure it would have made him happy.
Have you heard of anything like a dedicated mailbox? You know, send letters directly to someone so you don't have to deal with owls and wards? If you have, let me know. For now let Kreacher know if you have a letter for me and he’ll make sure I get it.
I believe in you
Your friend,
Harry
Taking all the letters he sealed them with some wax and some sort of stamp thing to use with it that popped up on the tray. Kreacher really did think of everything. When he set them down again the house elf popped up and grabbed them before popping away again. Sending them off made Harry feel lighter somehow. Some of the weight he’d been carrying around dissipating.
Was it really that simple? It's not like he could write a letter to everyone. He’d be doing nothing but writing letters. But maybe at some point he could write an open letter to the Wizarding public. But it's not like he really owed them anything. Just one way to deal with things and maybe take more of that weight off. Something to think about. Just not right now. Harry had hit his limit on that for now.
Instead he grabbed the book he asked Kreacher for. Best to make sure he wasn’t insulting the goblins before he wrote a letter to them. It wasn’t far into his reading that he was extremely grateful he asked for this book first.
Right, when he was done with the Gringotts letter he’d make sure Kreacher added some sort of basic etiquette book for the wizarding world into his pile. That would be for later. After he got through the things he needed to do, he fully planned on studying the things he wanted to for a bit. He just needed the wizarding etiquette book before he planned on going out in the public again. Which Harry didn’t particularly want to do anytime soon. So that would be a later him problem.
High quality parchment, ink, quill, sealing wax and a different stamp thing from the first one Kreacher gave him for the personal correspondence appeared on his tray. The house elf really was on top of things. Harry knew the power of having one on your side. Looks like he definitely had that again. One that was eccentric in his own way, and quickly becoming just as valued.
Very, very carefully he wrote out that letter and addressed it. This time Kreacher popped up and took it in hand, giving Harry a little bow. “Thanks Kreacher. Honestly you are being amazing help.”
The little house elf puffed up at the praise. “Kreacher is proud to serve the House of Black.” Then popped away to deliver the letter.
Now Harry got to get back to what he wanted to do. Study, learn, and unravel more of the mysteries. Which was pretty much how he spent the next couple of days. Of course being served meals that Kreacher somehow just knew what would satisfy him. More sleeping in the room at night and talking with his grandfather.
Then the summons from Gringotts came.