Prank Snape I
212 DAYS BEFORE:
TRANSCRIPTS FROM JAMES POTTER’s PHONE FROM OCTOBER 12, 2023
THE MARAUDERS GROUP CHAT:
prongz:
operation pranking Snivellus is a go!
wormiie:
the problem now is the execution
how will we do it?
prongz:
wym?
padf00t:
we just change his shampoo bottje with th stuf
rly not that hard worm
wormiie:
yea but that is impossible
we cant replace something that aint their
prongz:
💀💀
you did NOT just say that
wormiie:
its true
padf00t:
AJAJKLLSJAJJA
poor Snivellus never used a shampoo in his life
prongz:
greasy hair
padf00t:
greesy hair lmao
couldnt be me
mooony:
What’s the plan?
Whose putting it in?
padf00t:
MOOOOONY!!!
mooony:
Hello love
padf00t:
where are you?
mooony:
library
with lily
prongz:
red is with u?
mooony:
ah bien
History essay
wormiie:
wait when is that due??
mooony:
tmrw
wormiie:
SHIT
I did literally nth
mooony:
I’ll do it for you, Wormy
wormiie:
THANK YOU MOONY
padf00t:
:(
but that means you wont hang out with me
mooony:
We already went on a date recently
padf00t:
to that stupid movie
mooony:
One that you would’ve liked if you were ACTUALLY watching it
padf00t:
YOU WERENT WATCHING IT EITHER
prongz:
ohhhh
lovers quarell
padf00t:
STFU ur still single af
prongz:
OUCH
I will get someone smday!
just so u know!
mooony:
Lets get back to the original convo
whos doing the replacing?
wormiie:
oh right
were still on that
padf00t:
dips not it!
im not going to snivellus dorm
mooony:
wormy?
wormiie:
i already help make the stinky slime moldy residue
Im too involve
mooony:
hmmm
And I really need to work on both my AND wormy’s essay
so
prongs i think you are on your own
prongz:
:(
great
making me do this just before my trip home
what amazing friends I have
padf00t:
AWW THANKS PRONGZIE!
prongz:
🖕
padf00t:
rude!!
PRESENT:
DETECTIVE HENRY: “Wait- this is the first prank, correct?”
JAMES: “Yes.”
DETECTIVE HENRY: “Then according to some of those messages, it’s the one that failed?”
JAMES: “That’s generally how it goes, yes.”
HENRY: “Well Mr. Potter, I still don’t understand the prank concept.”
JAMES: “Really? Do I have to fucking spell it out to you?”
HENRY: “…”
JAMES: (sigh) “We made a residue of moldy bread we left out for a long time and some slime and stuff to switch into his shampoo bottle. Since he’s, you know, Snivellus. Smelly and stuff.”
HENRY: (hums, jotting it down) “Then why is this the favourite out of the two?”
JAMES: “Because it was light harded. It wasn’t as dangerous as the second one.”
HENRY: (blunt) “What was the second one?”
JAMES: (blank face, silent) “…”
HENRY: (little frustrated by non answer, change tactics) “Who came up with the first prank?”
JAMES: (quip) “Remus.”
HENRY: “Remus Lupin?”
JAMES: (witty) “Only Remus I know.”
HENRY: (starts on the offense, pushing) “Knew, Mr Potter. You killed him.”
JAMES: (tense) “I didn’t killed him.”
HENRY: (not believing him) “Right. You’ve known Mr. Lupin for a long time, yes?
JAMES: (annoyed) “This has nothing to do with the prank.”
HENRY: “I said, you’ve known Mr. Lupin For a long time?”
JAMES: (obeying reluctantly) “Yes. Since primary.”
HENRY: “Same for Mr. Black and Mr. Pettigrew?”
JAMES: “Known Pete for the longest. Since we were babies.”
HENRY: “You loved these guys, yes?”
JAMES: (passion in eyes) “They are my best friends.”
HENRY: “Were, Mr. Potter. You killed them.”
JAMES: (angry) “I didn’t killed them!”
HENRY: (deadly calm) “Lying will get you nowhere in this case, Mr Potter.”
JAMES: “I’m not lying!”
HENRY: (enacting) “We have witness evidence of a survivor. We have DNA. The only thing we don’t have is the bodies that you hid.”
JAMES: (stunned) “…”
HENRY: “And somehow all of this is connected to the disapearance and eventual murder of Severus Snape”
JAMES: “…”
HENRY: “And somehow, the remains from body was found at a cemetery. The body has clearly been there for almost a year, and I have a stinking suspicion that that’s where the other bodies might still be.”
JAMES: (scoff) “…what are you implying?”
HENRY: “I think you’re a serial killer, James Potter, who managed to get four victims.”
196 DAYS BEFORE:
TRANSCRIPT OF VOICE MESSAGE FROM PETER PETTIGREW TO JAMES POTTER ON OCTOBER 26
[Peter Pettigrew]: James, check the news. Snape has been reported missing.
(Sent 12:34, October 26)
[Listened at 12:36, October 26]
PRESENT:
JAMES: “Who— Who’s the witness?”
HENRY: (rolls eyes) “You know who, Mr. Potter. Lily Evans. You’re girlfriend of three months.”
93 DAYS BEFORE:
JAMES: “Lily, will you be my girlfriend.”
200 DAYS BEFORE:
JAMES: (pulling the wagon) “Where do you want to go?”
REMUS: (immediate) “Children House Cemetery.”
PRESENT:
JAMES: “…”
HENRY: “Anything to say to that, Mr. Potter?”
JAMES: (suddenly smiling and chuckling at himself, shaking his head) “You don’t know anything. I didn’t kill anyone.”