comfortable silence
"You can shower first, if you want," Emmeline offered as they went up the stairs to their room another school day behind them, and Mary gratefully nodded.
She had found some kind of routine in her new life, it seemed. Her classes weren`t too boring and in her free time Mary spent her time with Emmeline and Marlene. She had found that living and going to school with the same people made it more difficult to escape than she wished it was.
She did like her new roommates. They were… different. While Emmeline and Mary had a lot of things in common, Marlene and Mary seemed to be complete opposites most of the times. Mary didn`t mind.
Mary tried to limit the times she escaped to someplace no one would find her, but the past few days she had been itching to leave way more than she normally did. It was`t that she didn`t enjoy talking to her classmates and getting to know them. She liked speaking with people. To her, it was a habit, an instinct.
Her parents had often taken Mary to one of their partys and then had told her the names of the familys that had also attended.
„The Martin`s are best at speaking nonesense“, or : „The Anderson`s, they all know what their doing.“
Mary would nod. Half an hour later she would bump into Anne, the daughter of the Martin`s. Mary and her would start talking and Mary would find that Anne did not talk nonesense, atleast not always.
Mary would watch Mr.Anderson looking at his expensive watch all afternoon while he stood his wife talking to other important people, pearls of sweat forming on his forehead. It didn`t look at all like he knew what he was doing.
The thing was, people most of the time weren`t what everyone thought they were. More importantly, different family members could be- well, very different.
The thought had made Mary smile. That every person was different, that there was always something that could surprise you about them. She hadn`t told her parents about this.
Lately, she hadn`t had the chance to really enjoy any of this. Her classmates were nice and came up to her and of course there was Emmeline and Marlene, but still Mary always looked for a way out. It felt like an itch under her skin she couldn`t get to, no matter how hard she tried.
Showering made her feel a bit better. For the first time today, she could enjoy being alone. Inspired by the choir, she played her Beatles tape on low volume.
As the water poured down her face, some of her thoughts became clearer as well. She had been irritated and tense the past few days. She should be used to these drastic changes by now, changing schools wasn't new to her. Her urge to avoid people normally wasn`t this big or hard to resist. It shouldn`t be.
Her parents made their children change schools as often as a family of spies that were afraid to blow
their cover, afraid that the life they created for themselves would be uncovered. Mary should be used to it by now.
This change of schools was different though. The decision had been desperate, it was her parent's desperate attempt to cling to their cover, their façade. Her parents weren't spies, but their work did demand a certain image to be upheld.
Mary ran her fingers through her wet hair. She knew to follow their expectations, they didn't surprise her anymore. She expected she would change schools again, but she never expected boarding school.
Eileen was too young for boarding school, otherwise she would have been sent her as well.
Her parents had seen their decision as crucial, their last hope. After their fight with her brother-
Mary abruptly turned off the shower. She shouldn't be this irritated, she should be used to this.
Especially her first day, she had acted impulsively, doing and saying things she normally wouldn't. it had given her a weird thrill every time, like she was playing an insanely good guitar solo she normally only listened to.
What a stupid thing to think. She couldn't even play the guitar.
She stepped out of the shower and put on her pyjama and got out of the bathroom.
Marlene was still not back from practice, and Mary wondered how someone could spend their time running after a football for this long. Mary admired the people who could put all their energy in their sport, but she just wasn t made out to do the same.
Emmeline got out of the bathroom and went to her drawer while Mary lay on her bed, playing with her rings. Should she be making conversation? What should she ask? Talking with both of them was easier than just one. She couldn`t just zone out every once in a while while the other two talked.
She looked over to Emmeline. She was leaning over the drawer and putting her stuff in order. She tucked her hair that had come loose behind her ear. She seemed relaxed. She seemed as though she wasn't panicking whether what she should say. In fact, Emmeline spent most of the day quiet, only speaking when she really wanted to. Was this comfortable silence?
Mary needed to stop thinking this much. She gave Emmeline one last glance and put on her headphones to listen to the playlist she usually listened to.
Mary and Emmeline carried on like this for a while, Emmeline going through her things and tidying up, Mary watching her and listening to her music. As she did, Mary noticed Emmeline to be a little tense.
Eventually Mary took of her headphones to tidy up some of her own stuff. Every now and then giving her a nervous glance.
"Everything ok?" Mary asked because she couldn't take the silence anymore. Emmeline looked at her like she had been busted while doing crime.
"I talked with Peter," she suddenly blurted out.
Mary looked up to her, a bit confused.
"On Sunday, when we tried to sabotage the prank, I got to the room and he was already there because Marlene forgot to distract him and then we just started talking about the computer club and we kind of forgot about the prank. Snape almost saw us," Emmeline said, avoiding eye contact. Her words were spoken quickly and nervously, not calm like they usually were.
"But he didn't, right?" Mary asked, trying to calm Emmeline down.
"No, it was fine, we ran before he could but." she was searching for the right words. “I am not like Marlene, I don't... talk, but he was there and we're both in the computer club and I-" Emmeline stopped herself. Her cheeks had turned red and she still wasn't looking at Mary.
"Hey, it's alright," Mary said. She got up and sat down next to Emmeline. "Marlene screwed up too, right? She said we would get them next time."
"Emmeline, it's fine," Mary insisted. Emmeline still wasn't convinced. This was about more than just the prank. "What do you mean you don`t talk?“she asked.
“Marlene, she likes talking. She's good at it. Sometimes I do it too, but I don't know, I'm not... I like silence, too. But with Peter, I-" she cut herself off again. "Sorry. I am talking nonsense, you-“
“I get it," Mary said, and Emmeline finally looked up at her, "Sometimes talking with people it's... difficult. So, I just listen to music. … It's my kind of silence, you know?"
Mary didn't know it was true until she had said it. It scared her to realise how true it was. She looked at Emmeline.
Had she said the wrong thing? But Emmeline was smiling at her. Like everything else about Emmeline, her smile was shy, but genuine.
“I think I do,” she said.
For a while they just sat there in silence while Mary wondered about the last time she had had someone to do that with. Silence was never enough with people, there was always something that entertaining or interesting
that you needed to say.
It was kind of insane that Mary didn't feel this pressure now, but it seemed Emmeline was someone you shouldn't underestimate. Making someone feel at peace must have been one of her superpowers.
They got up again and went to their beds and waited for Marlene to return.
Mary's eyes wandered about the room she had come to like over the past few days when she remembered the fourth bed that still wasn't occupied. She had meant to ask about it, but had forgotten it in all the stress of the first few days.
"Wasn't there supposed to be a fourth girl in our room?" she asked Emmeline. Emmeline opened her eyes and looked at the bed next to Mary's.
"I've been wondering about that, too. Apparently, there had been another girl they hadn`t been sure about. Another girl was listed as our new roommate, but she hasn't arrived yet. Maybe they forgot to put her off the list," she shrugged.
Mary nodded. Before she could think about it any longer, Marlene entered the room. She was still wearing her sportswear; her hair was sweaty.
"How was practice?" Emmeline asked.
"Good. Were practising for the game against Slytherin and it's looking pretty good. We re going to kick their asses on Sunday," she said. Her mood was considerably better than it had been in the last few days after the prank. Mary suspected it was because of practice.
The girls all finished their routine and went to their beds. It was already late, but Mary still couldn`t seem to fall asleep. Right when she was about to, her brain conjured up another thing to think endlessly about. Eventually, she gave up and settled on listening to music.