First Year Blues
I have been dreading this day for a long time. I will be going away to school for seven years. Not just any school, an ancient horrifying castle which I’ve been told has a mind of its own. I have wondered why my mother would inflict such cruelty on her only daughter, but she told me it is for my own good. I don't buy that. I can't buy that. Because I know what is waiting for me once I board that train, travel across the dark waters and finally enter the grand hall. When my name is called, they will know just who I am. When they call my name, any chance I had at a normal school experience will be shot dead.
The train station looks exactly as a train station might. I can't really see what all the fuss is about. People in power suits and runners. Families who look like they want to murder each other and irritated guards dealing with tourists. My mother ushers me along with the bustling crowd. She insisted on pushing my trolley cart for me. My new friend-Cordelia sits atop my trunk, tail tucked under her head. My mom grabs my arm to stop me.
“Okay hunny, what you have to do is run right through that wall.”
I follow her eyes to the wall that comes between platform 9 and 10. I look back at her with a hand on my hip.
“Be serious.”
She laughs and brushes my hair away from my face. She holds both of my arms and gives me a serious look. The kind I hate because it means things are going to get awkward and emotional and I just hate that.
“You are so much like your father, did you know that?”
I sigh and because I can’t help it- I smirk ever so slightly.
“How could I not know? You tell me just about every day.”
“He would’ve liked to be here, Margot. This day means a lot to him.”
I shake her hands off of me. I scan the crowd for any dodgy eyes. A girl with wild curly hair catches my attention instead. She is pointing to the wall for her parents, who seem totally lost. Muggles.
“I’d have liked for him to be here too.” I say.
“Me too. Oh gosh, look at the time! You’re gonna be late.”
She pulls me into a hug despite my attempt to spurn the gesture.
“So… run? At the wall?”
She nods. I take hold of the trolley and find a path through the people. I get myself set up as if I were in a race. I brace myself for the impact. Smooshed brick wall face isn’t a great look for my first day. Just as I am about to take off, I look back to my anxious mother. I imagine my father there beside her, waving me off. I run back to her and hug her as tight as I possibly can.
“I’ll see you for Christmas.” I whisper.
I run back to my cart. I grip the handle like it’s keeping me from falling through the floor. I take a deep soothing breath and feel a little stupid. They wouldn’t have a bunch of children going through this thing if it wasn’t safe? Why should I be afraid? So, I walk towards the wall at a brisk pace. I can hear my mom laughing at me as I cross through to the other side.
-
I come through the other side to discover a cherry red train, blowing fluffy clouds up into the abyss. Children run after each other, holding onto their owl cages and their robes dragging on the ground. Their parents hurry after them, some with smiles and some with frowns. I look around searching for some sense of direction. I notice a few kids leaving the carts to a man dressed a bit like a bellhop. I follow suit.
I join the line behind a gaggle of redheaded children. The two in front of me are calling out to another boy on the train. They speak in turns, one after the other. The boy in front of them is obviously more reserved. Posture uncomfortably straight. He must be their father. Suddenly his head whips around, eyes screwed up. If he is their father he must use a wonderful moisturiser.
“Is it really so difficult for the two of you to behave yourselves for five minutes?”
The two boys look at each other in delight. I see now how unbelievably similar they look!
“Yes Percy.” Says one.
“It is just too difficult.” Says the other.
The one closest to the train grabs hold of the window ledge. He dangles like that just to make a big show of it.
“Get down from there Fred!” Their brother shrieks.
Fred pulls himself through the window. He reaches a hand down for his partner in crime.
“He just can’t help himself, that one.” The other twin takes hold of his brother's hand to hoist himself up.
“When I board that train you are in the deepest of trouble!” Percy yells, face becoming red.
The boys snicker, looking down at their stuffy brother. I can’t help but laugh a little with them. Eventually the line moves up. Percy hands off his cart and makes an awkward apology for his brothers. The man in the little red hat shrugs it off with a smile. Percy steps onto the train and now it is my turn. I push my cart up beside him and he begins unloading it into a dark hole beneath the train. He picks up Cordelia and hands her to me.
“First year?”
I look at him dumbly for a moment before nodding. He smiles politely.
“Just this way.” He holds out his arm, leading me to the staircase. Oh god. I thank him and grab on to both of the railings. I look up towards the warmly lit cabin. Echoes of laughing students drift by my catatonic state. It’s stupid to be scared to walk up a couple steps. Afterall, they wouldn’t have all these kids do it if it wasn’t safe. These kids aren't me though. Their fathers are not my father. I could run off, back through the wall and back home into my mothers arm. She ‘d only send me back. Unless I really begged.
“You’re holding up the line!”
I turn and see a boy with shocking white hair, frowning frighteningly at me.
“Sorry.” I mumble.
I hear mutter something about ‘Muggles’ to his friends. I don’t pay it any mind, there are many worse things to be called. I finally walk up the steps and onto the train.
Every car I pass is full of kids who seem to already be the best of friends. I’m praying there will be an empty one I can hide away in. The longer I can avoid people, the better. Though, perhaps it is no use. What point is there to hide away when I will have to live with the judgement for the next seven years anyway. I might as well rip the bandaid off myself, at least then I can choose when and where it happens.
-
Every car I pass is full of kids who seem to already be the best of friends. I’m praying there will be an empty one I can hide away in. The longer I can avoid people, the better. Though, perhaps it is no use. What point is there to hide away when I will have to live with the judgement for the next seven years anyway. I might as well rip the bandaid off myself, at least then I can choose when and where it happens.
I slip into a car that thankfully holds only one other girl. The curly headed one I saw earlier guiding her clueless parents. She smiles politely at me as I sit down. I turn to the window, hoping she is the silent type. We seem to fly by, I’m sure we’ll be there in no time. Great.
“I’m Herminone Granger. Lovely to meet you.” She holds her hand for me to shake. I weakly take it and give it a shake. Her eyes quirk down to my hands, confused on the lack of enthusiasm.
“You are?” She looks at me expectantly.
“Margot” I say, hoping that will be enough to satisfy her curiosity.
“Margot who?”
Obviously not. This is it. I have to leave my safe haven and enter the hell I’ve been wishing I could avoid. But it has always been inevitable. I take in a sharp breath and brace myself.
“Margot Black.”
She jumps back before she can help it. She attempts to move to the cushion furthest from me but it isn’t very slick.
“Do I smell?” I can’t help myself. Her immediate negative reaction really rubbed me the wrong way. Her eyes widen and she bites her lip. She shakes her head.
“Do I remind you of someone you hate?”
She shakes her head again. I smile and cock my head, waiting for her reply.
“Well, your dad is…”
“Mhm.”
She searches outside the compartment door, praying someone will walk by and save her.
“You should be a little more polite. Mostly because it’s a decent thing to do and also because I know someone who killed a few people.”
She gasps and throws a hand to her mouth. She is truly frantic, like I would even know how to curse her. I reach into my jacket pocket. She stands, hands on the door. I pull out a bag of sweet shortbread. I hold it out to her. She turns at the crinkle of the plastic.
“I’m only joking, you know?” I say. She stares at my offer, nose turned up at me. I pull the bag back and take a biscuit for myself. I bite into it and it crumbles onto my shirt. The dry biscuit melts in my mouth. Butter seeping into my tongue. I wipe the crumbs off. “Are you going to sit down?” I ask her between bites. She sits on the very edge of the seat. So straight I wouldn’t be surprised if her spine was a broom handle.
“You’re rather rude.” I tell her.
Her cheeks puff up. She crosses her arms, face snooty, snooty, snooty. “I’m rude!? You said you were going to kill me!”
“I didn’t say I was going to kill you. I said I knew someone who had. Well, I haven’t really. I was only messing with you.”
“You…, you haven't?” She squeaks.
I shake my head.
“Are you not really a Black?”
I pop the last piece of shortbread in my mouth. “Oh, I am.” I say with a mouth full of crumbly bits.
She sits up, eyebrow raised. She leans into me. Obviously being correct is more important than her alleged safety. “If you aren’t a Black, how could you not know someone who has killed someone?” She queries.
I shrug, allowing her the choice to get it. And she does. She is rather clever, I have to admit. Her jaw pops loose and her mouth hangs open. She smacks her chin to close it. I chuckle.
“HM!” She turns off to the side, face pulled taut in the centre.
I tuck the empty bag back into my pocket. I wipe my hands off. “Do you know what I think is funny?” I ask and she huffs. “I think it’s funny you’re acting very mighty, when you judged me on the spot because of my name. Very funny.” I give my words a bitter end.
She relaxes her face. She seems apologetic but she doesn’t say anything. Instead; she grabs her things and exits the train cabin. Fine! Don’t need her negativity stinking it up anyway.
My eyes slowly blink open. My head heavy against the frosted glass window. The once bright world has become a twilight ocean all over. As I begin to wake and recognize my surroundings, I can only sigh. It wasn’t a dream. My small encounter with that girl was just the beginning of this nightmare. In the distance, a scary amount of bricks tower and group together making an unnatural structure. Hogwarts. We’re almost there…
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