The bombs

The house, if you could even call it that, was hardly what had been described. Even in the pouring rain you could tell the people inside were loved. If I was able to feel anything other than the wetness of the clothes sticking to my back, then I'd say it made me feel sick. sick because how was this fair. The warm fire lit in the living room compared to the rushed apparaton my brother had just gone through. Dragging him to the doorstep of the cottage was one thing. Seeing the distressed face of his best friend as he fell to the ground was completely another.

Like I said, I didn't have many thoughts at the moment, so recalling the exact things that were said isn't going to happen.

What I can tell you is that I felt so many hands on me. Once I was sat inside by the fire, they wouldn't leave me alone. I was thankful of course that they allowed me inside, but the people touching me had immediately grown too much. Through the sobs of my brother and the concerned questions of the others I spent the rest of the night in the room provided for me. The door was locked, and the blinds shut.

I sat on that bed for 54 hours.

I know you’d like to know who came in, you’d love to know what they said to me and how many times I looked at them. All the comforting hugs I was given, all the stares or the amount of times I saw a shadow sit outside my room. Trust me, I'd love to know that too. But when I woke up this morning that was all I could recall. I know that it happened. I know that I was outside the gates of my house and then I was outside the gates of the potters but after that I'm really at a loss.

Beating myself up about it won't do anything no matter how hard I try. So, as I woke up, and I mean really woke up, in the middle of the night. I opened my door to a silent hall. The room I was given was on the lower floor, so the floor did not creak as much. I made my way into the dingy little living room, fire no longer lit.
On the coffee table to the side of the room I could see his things splayed out, his schoolbooks and some clothes he was able to take from home. Already making himself comfortable in this new place. As well as I knew Sirius had slept like a baby for the past few days, he'd been happy, and he’d been talking.
I sat on the sofa opposite the table that held all his things. "Maybe if I'm farther away they won't feel as much like poison." I had thought.
Only to realize way too quickly that I said it out loud, confirmed by the realization that Sirius had already been sitting on this sofa.

“It doesn't work, they’re still looking at me, '' Sirius had said.
When I turned to face my brother, the only face I've really looked at in the past few days, he looked like stone. He had no emotions, and his voice lacked all comfort.

“I know exactly how you feel, I feel like it too. I thought I was ready to forget it, but these items are still pulsing with every ounce of her anger.”

He was looking back at me now, face still unwavering but a hint of something in the way he spoke. I leaned back into the sofa and brought my legs up to cross on the cushions.

“Do you think it's strange she hasn't come looking for us? She's got to know where we are.'' I asked him, in return he finally smiled.

“I think it's strange she hasn't come demanding you home, yes. She doesn't care where I end up Regulus.”

Which if I thought, was true, it was weird she hadn't come searching for me. And I was about to ask if he actually thought that, but other words came falling out of my mouth instead, like normal.

“Do you think Bella will be the black heir now?”

He scrunched his nose and crossed his arms, not very good at hiding his emotions for long.

“Has to be, doesn't it? Nars to be married to that Malfoy boy.”

I nodded at him and turned back to looking at his things.

“I guess the good thing out of this is I won't be married off to a cousin.”

Sirius laughed, and I smiled. He always took his body with him when he laughed, ready to fall off any surface and half the time needing someone to support his weight. It was no different when I made him laugh. It took him a minute to recover even though my joke was considerably un-funny.
He sat back up, holding his chest and a smile on his face I had previously thought was only reserved for his friends.

“Can you imagine if I was forced into having children with Bella, those poor ugly fuckers”

I hit him in the arm with the back of my palm, too much like my mother for my own liking. He pretended to wince and held onto it like it had started to bleed.

“Bellas pretty” I lied.

“Bella looks like her mother, and her aunt, and her aunt on the other side of the family and-”

I cut him off with another slap to the arm, nodding in understanding and disapproval.

“I got it, you may stop now”

“May i.”

I rolled my eyes while looking back to the pile of things abandoned on the table. The more I looked the more I noticed it wasn't just Sirius things laying on the table. There were folded chaser jerseys, cut flowers, workbooks and left over plates from what they must've had for supper.

“You know they're not going to be my family, right?” I asked into the air.

Sirius had just started to stand up when he heard my question, he turned a bit to look back down at me.

“You just coming with me changes so much reg, i don't expect anything else out of you.”

I dismissed him with a nod, and I was again left alone. He was too far gone by the time I realized I didn't want to be alone, so I sat on the sofa curled into the spot he had just occupied.

It wasn't just the thought of being a family with them that scared me, but also what we had discussed prior. My mother wasn't coming looking for me. Dismissing Sirius entirely was expected, but me? I know I had disappointed them, sure. But even if I had, they still needed an heir. And if not for the heir part, then they should still want their son.

Soaking in Sirius’ warmth, staring at the remaining items of the evidence of a family, I understand that the closest I'm going to get to being loved, is being warm.

----------------------------------------------------

If i thought the warmth of the fire while standing in the rain was the most cozy feeling ever i had to be wrong. I mean I don't even think sirius knew what the word warmth was when describing this place.

The morning after our late night conversation it was like the house had been painted in sun. the first time i've really come out of my room, and yearning to return to it like i was some kind of vampire.

As soon as all four of them saw me i was being jumped again. The mother, I don't remember her name, had both of her hands, shooing everyone else away from me and sitting me at the counter. She placed a plate of food in front of me with a smile and forced everyone else out so they weren't watching me eat.
I watched as Sirius and the other two walked into the yard and the father started grabbing brooms out of a shed. The woman grabbed my attention again with an outstretched hand.

“Euphemia dear, but you may call me Effie.” she spoke.
Her voice sounded like honey. She looked like the house did too. She was lighter skinned but still darker than me, long braids sweeping the counter, and probably the most important thing you'll ever learn about Euphemia Potter, is that her voice held the exact opposite of what my mothers always did.

Which is why I took her hand and responded. “Regulus black, you can call me Regulus”

She nodded at me with a laugh of her own but not continuing on the topic.

“You've eaten the food we kept putting by your door I hope?” she asked me while pulling a few glasses out of the cupboard.

I started eating my food and politely nodded.

“Yes ma'am”

She gave me a weird eye before returning to that wondrous smile again.

“None of that please, no “ma’am” if you can help it and no denying food again please. You can stay in that room for as long as you'd like, but I'd like more confirmation than just empty plates to know you ate it.”

I finished my plate while watching her pour and make lemonade with her hands, my eyes wandering to her wand that sat not even a foot away. My mind wandering to her need for conformation on such silly matters.

When i didn't give her a way to know i understood her she looked back up at me as she placed one of the glasses in front of me.

“These are for those boys who are going to come barreling in all sweaty and disgusting.” she informed.

Like a switch to her words they all stormed through the back door, Sirius leading and the other two behind him.

I was well ready to retreat back to the safety of my room when I got the smallest hint of James staring at me. Or was he smiling?

I guess that can be my excuse as to why I stayed in my seat, I had to see if he had meant to smile at me.
“Morning Regulus”

Okay so yes, he had meant to smile at me.

“Oh don't just nod reg, talk please” sirius said from the seat beside me. His front half slumped on the counter and his sweat was slowly forming on the marble.

“Sirius would you get up you slob” I had answered.

Sirius ignored me and instead looked over my shoulder, following his gaze and again turning in my chair. James was still standing and awaiting my response.

With a nod, “James”. And I went back to drinking the lemonade that Effie had used to befriend me.

With a pat on my shoulder Sirius sighed and got up from his chair. I could see him grab James by the arm and the pair disappeared into the hall. The only sign they had been there being the everlasting pool of sweat Sirius had left on the counter top.