First Year- Padfoot
In Gryffindor tower, in the common room, around the fireplace, Remus sits on the sofa with the Daily Prophet in his lap. There isn't much going on in the magical world outside at the minute but Remus reads it anyway just in case.
When he sits like this with his posture straight and his legs crossed and his bouncing foot, Remus feels like someone important. He feels like he should be smoking one of those big, thick cigarettes and drinking the alcohol that Lyall and Hope keep locked in a cabinet. They always drink it strangely though, pouring the tiniest little bit into the biggest of glasses and sip on it over the course of an hour. Remus will drink it cooly like them, although he thinks their methods are terribly inefficient when they can just pour a full glass and swing about fifteen of them down in half the time no problem.
Lyall got in the papers one time a few years ago. He'd been part of a big takedown or something in London and although he wasn't mentioned by name in the article, he was featured in the accompanying cover picture with his name in the little text that says ‘Pictured from left to right: Lyall Lupin,’ and so on. Hope had it framed immediately.
She wants to be in the papers one day too. Remus really thinks that she and Sirius would get along brilliantly, both being as into the big screens as they are and all; Hope loves a good movie.
Music is playing on the record player- something lively and something Remus hasn't heard before. He was trying to make a dent in some of next week's homework but between reading page after page about things he doesn't understand or zoning out and bouncing his foot to the beat of the music, the latter sounds more enjoyable.
Peter's also procrastinating just as much as he is, while Sirius is up and dancing about. Romulus is too, only he's more swaying in place with Steven tucked sleepily in his arms. James isn't here as he's stuck in another detention but if he were, he'd be dancing too. The only reason Remus isn't is the plain and simple fact that his brother already is.
The alterior homework-doing option is drab but the only one he has because he can't possibly dance when Romulus is too- that's indirect interaction but interaction nonetheless and Remus can't be the one to ruin the five day streak of not talking to each other seeing as he's winning so far. Somehow.
It's Romulus' fault that Remus can't dance but it's not his fault that the homework is dull but Remus is going to say it is anyway. It's Herbology work and Romulus loves the class- there, that's a connection so it is his fault. All it is is drawing some stupid picture (drawing! Connection again!) of some stupid plant.
So he moves onto Transfiguration homework which he also abandons after a few minutes; essay work. It's unreasonable, in Remus' opinion, to assign such a thing so early in the year to kids so early in their Hogwarts education. He'll make Lyall complain or something.
He doesn't even touch the Care of Invisi- Magical Creatures work. Either he'll do it over the weekend or he'll take the scolding for not having it done. Chances are, Kettleburn will just forget he ever assigned anything. Idiot.
All of Remus' letter home on Monday consisted of complaining- about the jam, about the teachers, about Romulus and about the girls. Looking back, Remus regrets only the girls as they are actually very sweet.
His parents didn't buy a thing of what he said in that letter, especially the part where he said verbatim, “Romulus and I have disowned each other. When we come home, we'll have to sort out something so that we will never have to cross paths EVER. I think that Romulus should live in the garden and I should take our room for myself.” They told him to calm down. Unreasonable, really, but it makes Remus feel a little bad for them both seeing how clear it is that neither of them have a brother. They'll never know the red-hot, pure and blinding hate that Remus feels when he sees his.
It's now Friday. Both of the twins have managed to say everything they've wanted to say to each other either through messages delivered by the boys, or in the “tell Romulus…” format. Remus is still winning though. Like in the way that he doesn't know why it's okay for him to have a favourite subject but not Romulus, or why Romulus is at fault for Remus' overload in homework because of his own procrastination, Remus doesn't know how he's winning, he just knows that he is.
Maybe it's his spitefulness. Had Remus been the first one to start dancing, Romulus most likely would have gotten up.
But that's not how the evening went and Remus is bored. Not that he wouldn't stay seated for eternity if he really has to.
Peter is up now too which just makes Remus look like no fun. He's gone up to Romulus and gently pets the top of Steven's head as they've found that he's more liberal when he's tired and having just been jumping around like crazy with Lily’s kitten Gary (seriously, can nobody name animals right anymore?) for the last hour, he's exhausted.
Gary- for a change- likes Remus. He's quite like Lily in the way he likes everyone and has amazing, bright green eyes although he has shiny, black fur and little white boots.
Lily isn't doing her homework either although it's because she's distracted by Gary kneading her thigh sleepily, rather than spiteful sibling rivalry or the dullness of the work. Every so often, Remus reaches across the sofa to pat the cat's fluffy little head.
“Here.” Lily says after the fifth reach. She picks Gary up and passes him to Remus who hasn't the faintest idea on how to hold a cat. But there's one in his hands all of a sudden and Remus could die.
Gary doesn't stir or fuss; he sort of just dangles as Remus holds him by his armpits. His eyes are half-lidded and his little legs are curled up and Remus can feel the soft vibrations of the purrs against his chest when he brings Gary in.
“Can I keep him?” Remus quietly asks Lily like he's holding a sleeping baby not to be woken. She shrugs and shuffles closer to glide her finger over Gary's exposed stomach.
“If you'd like. He has tendencies to poo in shoes though.”
That's alright, he'll learn a few spells. Shouldn't be too difficult, or too much of a problem if it is- this cat is most definitely worth it.
The record skips and interrupts the constant music for a moment. Remus looks up out of reflex and catches his brother's eye by accident. What a stupid, stupid person. Holding a cat too- just who does he think he is?
Remus gently places Gary back onto Lily's lap and closes over his books and stacks his parchment, blindsiding the homework altogether.
As if on cue, there's a grinding sound of wood on stone and James comes running into the common room with a big, toothy grin. He hurdles over the back on the sofa and sits where Lily moved from.
“I've done it.” Is all he says.
‘I’ve done it’ can mean anywhere between ‘I’ve gotten myself expelled’ and ‘I’ve cured lycanthropy’ when it comes to James, especially when he's got that smile stretched from ear to ear. It's a catching expression because everyone- even Lily- leans in.
“Done what?”
“Well let's see, shall we?” James scoffs. He raises his hand to count on his fingers. “I only found the Slytherin dorm,” Jesus. “And I've got the password,” Christ. “And I've got an idea.”
Remus knows he probably shouldn't feel as excited as he does about this. In the three weeks that James has been in school, he hasn't managed to have a single Friday evening not been spent in detention. It doesn't bother him because he and everyone else knows that he's not a bad kid, he's just… loud.
Anyway, Remus can see a future of evenings spent doing lines or chores in empty classrooms on the horizon. Sure, it's not great but my, it is intriguing. And it's not like one revenge-prank is going to break the camel's back.
“What?”
“Where?”
“How?”
“What are we going to do?” Although Remus already has a few ideas of his own like a jam explosion of their own. But blackcurrant or blueberry jam so they can't even enjoy the taste. And send it all flying around their wretched dorm so they have to run to get help themselves rather than have it come automatically like the Gryffindor’s had with McGonagall only being across the Hall. The more he thinks about it, the more Remus sees how poorly executed Monday's jambath was. He's sure that they- a group of inexperienced eleven year olds- can pull something greater off.
James rubs his palms together like an evil genius (or the evil genius’s nefarious, semi-intelligent son) and widens his grin into a smirk. “It’s-” And stops. He looks to Lily beside him who cautiously glides her fingers down Gary's back.
“Maybe we should go upstairs for this.” James corrects himself, looking at the boys who all seem to agree. “Unless, Lily, do you want to join in?”
His hopeful voice would be enough to get Remus to join in if he already hadn't but it doesn't look to be having the same effect on Lily. Even Gary gets up, stretches a little and scurries off. Steven stirs around in Romulus' arms and is off just as quickly.
“Absolutely not.” Lily insists. “What did the Slytherins ever do to you?”
Remus sees her talking to one of them sometimes; maybe pranking whoever it is is a bit of a sore subject to be bringing up in front of her.
“Weren't you there on Monday morning?”
“That was a harmless prank, Potter, I'm sure it's much simpler to just get over it.”
“Let them get away with it, you mean.” Sirius pitches in, crossing his arms but standing down when he gets a taste of Lily's angered look. He now looks like he's seen a ghost. Well, he has; Nearly Headless Nick and Peeves and all those folk. A new ghost.
“I mean it's just a bit of fun, you don't need to go all war-mode on them.”
James blushes- the backlash of his war declaration on Monday has been brutal and yes, Remus did get to see his face when he realised the girls saw because he was right next to him when Marlene was the very first to make fun of him.
Romulus- yuck, Romulus- speaks up for the both of them. “It's just a bit of fun, Lily. Harmless just like what they did to us.”
Peter nods. “You sure you don't want to join? We could use some more brains in the operation.”
Lily scoffs. “I can tell.”
“No, I mean-”
“I know what you mean.”
Lily’s going to be someone very important when she grows up. Remus would say Minister of Magic but of course, she's too smart for that and too smart for anything below. He hopes she likes the idea of being a teacher- it'd be nice to have someone to talk to when he's one too.
In a huff, Lily stands and smooths down her clothes. “I'm going to bed. Goodnight, Remus.” She says to him and him only. Huh. That's kind of funny. Very… very Remus-is-my-favourite of her.
“Night.” He tells her just before she retreats upstairs to her room. The boys give him astounded looks.
“How did you get into the Slytherin dorm?” Remus resumes, passing off their bewilderment. It's really not that big of a deal that he's better friends with a girl than they are.
James eyes him oddly but he's not one to stutter or stumble or even hesitate over his words. “Followed one of them and heard them say the password. Easier than I imagined it'd be, actually.”
Yes. Maybe a little too easy but it's hardly their problem. Remus is just glad that the Gryffindor common room entrance is along the landing and void of any hiding places for the same strategy to be used against them.
“And I didn't get into it,” James corrects him. “I think we should all do that together.”
“To fill their dorm to the brim with some more lousy jam?”
“I don't think we have the skill set for that just yet.” Peter speaks up. He's right. They'll figure something out.
“Tomorrow.” Sirius says. “Let's do it tomorrow.”
Not by tomorrow though.
Sirius is definitely going to be an actor when he grows up. Or something even bigger and better with expectations and dreams as wild as his. Remus almost asks him how he can be this go-getting but instead he settles on-
“Are you mad?”
“What else are we doing tomorrow, Remus? It's Saturday so it's not like we even have classes- all the free time in the world!”
James clears his throat. “It'll have to be in the day; Filch caught me out after curfew, gave me another detention for tomorrow night.”
The four of them take turns hitting him over the back of his head for that. It's probably fine as they're probably going to get detention anyway, but what else is their first prank going to be if not an opportunity to learn from their mistakes? It's quite educational if you really think about it.
The common room offers them nothing else to do, so the boys chase each other up to the dorm to muck about in there. Sirius stays behind to grab a quick glass of water and Peter only stays in the dorm for a minute before leaving for the bathroom with a change of clothes. He'd spilled soil all over his robes (soiled himself as Romulus so eloquently put) earlier in Herbology and had been going about grubby like that for most of the day.
James sits on his bed and presses his posters and cards a little firmer into his section of wall. He's got all sorts hung up already- Muggle bands and artists, Quidditch teams, vinyl covers, Chocolate Frog cards. Remus only has a few of his rarest cards up (Sirius doesn't have any whatsoever and was given the boys’ duplicates) and a lousy Welsh flag he'd drawn on an equally as lousy slip of parchment. He'd have asked Romulus to do it but of course, he only got the idea this week that they haven't been talking from Peter who set up his big, polyester Polish flag to wave out the window. James tore his little Spanish flag sticker off of his trunk and stuck back on the door, even Sirius is bloody French; Remus is beginning to feel insecure about his not-mainland-European heritage.
Now, for the third night in a row, Remus begins his not-so-inconspicuous inconspicuous search for his missing list of passwords.
That first night he realised he'd misplaced it, God, the Sorting Hat would have needed therapy if it read what was going through Remus' mind.
Such a simple thing to remember one word every fortnight although it's quite challenging for Remus, apparently. As is not losing the godforsaken list.
Sure he'd checked everywhere already, Remus frantically checks again. His pockets, under his duvet, under his pillow, in his trunk, around the place- subtle like that.
Worst case scenario- someone undesirable finds it before he does and the common room is burgled. No one will know it was Remus who was foolish enough to write a list so damning; that's the absolute worst case scenario. That's where the boys figure out it was him and replace the flag outside with him, dangled out the window by his tie.
Best case scenario… it's hard to think of one at the minute seeing as he has started to panic a little again.
Something hits the back of his head and drops to the floor with a light crackle! Remus turns.
“I found your passwords already if that's what you're looking for.”
Romulus points at the balled up page now at Remus' feet.
What first goes through his head is triumph because Romulus is speaking to him which means Remus wins. A little childish, he knows, but he can't help but smirk slyly knowing that this makes the score- more or less- a million to nil at this point. He even almost laughs in his brother's face when he sees Romulus slowly realise that he's lost.
Then, he feels relief because he'll be able to sleep proper tonight with the reassurance that Slytherins aren't going to come in and smother him in his sleep (and not in the funny way).
Finally, it's embarrassment. Embarrassment that he has to be handed something as stupid as this by someone as stupid as Romulus. And with James right there too. Maybe the window dangling is a better fate.
He hunkers down and picks up the bundled up paper.
“Pretty dumb to put all the passwords on a page and just lose it.” Romulus points out.
“I obviously didn't mean to, did I?”
“What is it?” James asks.
“Remus wrote all the passwords down and lost the page.”
Well, if he puts it like that, Remus just sounds like an idiot. He really didn't mean to.
“So I wouldn't forget any and get locked out! I'll be getting rid of it now, thank you.”
Remus unfolds the paper only to rip it up into halves and halves again.
“What if someone not in our house found this?” Romulus asks. He sounds like Lyall right now and Remus is not enjoying it.
“What if a Slytherin got their slimy hands on it?” James joins in and he just sounds disappointed. Remus enjoys this even less
.
He turns again and goes for the bin next to his desk. Romulus gets there before him and kicks it over.
“Wait!” He tells Remus. The week-long stint of silence is, as usual, ignored. “I read something cool.”
Romulus spins on his heel and goes to his bed, feeling about for his wand in the folds of the bedsheets. Like Remus'- like everyone’s (bar Sirius)- his duvet is all over the place, mostly kicked to be close to falling off the end of the bed.
Similarly with the donuts for breakfast (that is becoming awfully regular now), they don't neglect to keep the dorm uncluttered because they're not bothered or anything. They do it because there's no parents around to impress or do it for.
“Put all that,” Romulus jabs the air towards the shreds of parchment in Remus' hands. “On the floor.” And gestures to the section of wood between them. Remus does as such.
“Incendio!”
Nothing happens. He's not sure what's supposed to happen but Remus feels inclined to take a few steps back, as does James.
“Hang on-”
“Incendio!”
The forcefulness in his voice carries through into the spell and the little scraps of paper burst into wild flames.
James panics first. He screeches and jumps as far away from the fire as possible.
Remus mirrors him after it set in that his brother just lit a fire in their- now that he's really looking at it- flammable dorm. There's clothes all over the place and wood and more fabric and children. Romulus has effectively created a crematorium. Brilliant. Remus would say he should work in one of those when he's older but he's also effectively snuffed the chances of them getting any older than this.
The fire is small enough to be stamped out.
“What are you thinking?!” Remus bellows over the roaring and searing flames and heat. He can see the smoke trail up to the ceiling and stack up, filling his lungs also. Smoking big cigarettes doesn't seem so brilliant anymore now that his chest is tight and throat is closing up.
He gasps. “Put it out!”
Romulus fumbles with his wand, almost dropping it into the bonfire before shakily pointing it back at the now-ash paper.
“Water!” He shrieks. “Water!”
Water does not come and the fire rages on.
“What's the spell?!”
“I don't know! Say it in Spanish!”
“Latin, you idiot!”
“James!”
James is as far away from the fire as one can be while still being in the room, wrapped around one of the posts on Peter's bed.
“Don't bring me into this, I don't know it either!”
“Try something!”
Another few seconds pass until James begins to approach the blaze. He adjusts his glasses to sit right again on his face and fixes his hair and does everything before taking his wand out.
“Agua!”
To Remus' surprise, that actually doesn't work.
“Um- agua, por favor!”
When nothing happens a second time, James begins to panic again. He skips and jumps about and eventually runs to the door, swinging it open and leaving.
“Fire! Sirius, fire!”
See, the problem with starting a fire with a spell that hasn't been taught yet is that a counter-charm has also not been taught. This makes Romulus only half smart.
Maybe Lily is right and they do need more brains on the operation so Remus doesn't really understand why James calls Sirius and not her.
James doesn't re-enter the room so the twins keep trying, throwing in whatever Spanish that James said just in case it takes a minute to get right. There's a part of Remus that wants to just give up and let the caste burn. At least he'll be able to safely blame it on Romulus.
Peter comes running in with a mouth half-full of toothpaste that drips down his chin when he yelps. He takes his own wand out but doesn't cast anything because, y'know, he can't.
The fire is kept to the pieces of paper and doesn't look to be spreading to the wooden floor.
Sirius comes in next with James using him as a human-wall, holding onto the back of his shirt and peering over his shoulder like the fire is going to attack or something. There's more people at the door who had come at the cry of a fire; some are older and probably able to turn the flame into a bunch of bubbles with a small nod of their wand but Sirius strides forward before they can, opting for something more hands-on. Even only half full, Sirius’ glass of water is more than enough to extinguish the fire which is exactly what he does.
“How cool am I?” He asks when it's done, grinning madly at the boys and then the small crowd outside the dorm. “Must I save the day every day?”
Remus' nightly letter home does not include the preceding arson close-call.
°•°•°•
In the morning, the boys all wake late, Remus being the last one up. Romulus does the honours of waking his brother by sending a pillow full-force at his face and pressing it down until Remus is up and chasing him about, completely forgetting to be tired. The others are used to this by now and just let Remus come as close to breaking Romulus' arm as he can.
Since it's Saturday, robes and house colours aren't mandatory so- even after their daily murder attempts- Remus gets Romulus to mirror what he wears- a pair of blue jeans and a plain grey t-shirt. Yes, he knows that he was just complaining about lack of individuality and whatnot but this is different. It's always different, not hypocritical.
They go down to breakfast rotating around each other so as not to give anyone any clues as to who is who; even Sirius has trouble with telling them apart this way. The one and only downside to this is that the girls now think that Remus has also turned into a bumbling, agreeing-without-questioning-or-hesitating idiot whenever one of them speaks.
Everyone in the Great Hall is dressed regularly which Remus loves about weekends- being able to see people's personalities through their clothes. It's getting colder now and Remus admires those still holding onto the almost-heat by wearing shorts; had his knees not been so odd and knobbly, he’d be doing the same.
The family owl, Pixie, flies in with the hoard of owls and lands on Peter’s head. He winces and flaps his arms about like he’s trying to fly off too until Romulus picks Pixie up. She’s only tiny and the letter attached to her foot is close to the total height of her. Remus sees people around them receiving packages and he shudders at the thought of the poor thing trying to carry anything heavier than a few pieces of paper.
The letter the boys get back from Hope and Lyall is simple, copying Remus' format of a general summary of their day and few questions and reassurances. Hope describes in her half of the letter (in substantially better handwriting, by the way) the “little bits and bobs” that she's done around the house; “Little” for her means repainting the entire hallway and replacing all the windows. In his half, Lyall describes the aid he provided his handyman wife by passing (and not dropping) the screws.
They wish their boys well at the end of the letter and Remus exhales a breath he didn't realise he had been holding- imagine if they knew about the raging and relentless fire that Romulus started. He’s very proud that he finally doesnt have to lie about whose fault it was. He’s impatient as anything but he’ll wait for the perfect moment to bring it up to their parents. Oh! Maybe he’ll use it as blackmail until that time comes.
The discussion at breakfast surrounds retaliation planning. The unanimous agreement is that jam-dumping will be involved but an argument breaks out on the topic of blueberry jam- Remus, Romulus and Peter say that blueberry jam is the worst thing known to man while James and Sirius take the opposite side; Remus is heavily considering just getting rid of them at this point.
“What are we going to achieve with that?” Peter asks when Sirius swipes a jar of jam off of the table. “There’s hardly enough in there for my toast.”
“We can make it bigger like whatever McGonnagall did for that bucket the other day. You can do that, can’t you, James?”
James shrugs and leans in to suss out the jar. Peter is right, it's tiny but Remus doesn't know, maybe that's better for transfiguring it. “Probably.” James says. He takes the jar out of Sirius’ hand and brings it for a closer look. “But I don't know, I don't feel right about wasting some perfectly good blueberry.” This induces another argument to break out. Insults are thrown, lives are threatened, it settles down once breakfast wraps up.
The boys follow some Slytherins out of the Hall with the hopes of being led right back to their common room. However, they're older and immediately start making their way outside and to Hogsmeade (Remus cannot wait until they get to go too).
So instead, James takes the lead and brings his friends through and down the castle to where he followed the Slytherin last night although he doesn't seem to have much of a clue where that is.
They get to the dungeons first. Remus hates these because they're eerie and cold and there's far too many of them and he hasn't been down here enough to have even the general-est of directions. He also hates Potions class and everywhere just reeks of the rotten (literally and figuratively) ingredients used.
There's no way that not a single Slytherin went back to their common room after breakfast so this just reinforces the belief in Remus' head that they're thoroughly lost already.
Corridor after corridor and corner after corner, he’s certain that they're walking around in circles. He finds himself glad again that he wasn't sorted into Slytherin because he'd spend hours a day searching these catacombs just looking to get back to his bed. All that this part of the castle is is identical stone wall after identical stone wall with the only distinguishable features of the rooms being the odd painting or varying furniture setup.
A map would be a lovely thing to have right now but he's not so sure that there'll just be one of the dungeon layout and location of the secret common room just lying around; that'd be stupider than a list of passwords.
With James still walking ahead, the boys follow him because although it's fairly obvious he hasn't any idea about where they're going either, he's the only one who has been here before. Remus can't exactly say he blames James for their lostness but he is absolutely certain that they've turned this corner already (either this is an unbelievably inconvenient way to build a school or they're just idiots).
The acoustics of the hallway they're led down once again are brilliant and vast and carry even the tiniest sound. Or the biggest sound like someone's bloody footsteps. Remus watches each other's feet as they land on the cold floor, eventually deciding that the timing is telling him that it's Sirius making the ruckus.
“Walk quieter, Sirius!” He snaps, shocked at how loud one person's feet can be.
Sirius, walking behind Remus, hits his shoulder. “You should talk quieter, Remus, I'm walking just fine.”
Really, you'd think he's angry or something from the way his feet practically crash down onto the floor. Maybe it's mostly the hallway that carries the sound around, amplifying it a little but it's still Sirius making the noise.
This area isn't restricted or anything (Remus doesn't think so, anyway) but he still isn't so sure that they specifically are meant to be here, and he can just imagine someone turning the corner to tell whoever’s walking so- almost obnoxiously- loud to shut up and seeing a bunch of lost Gryffindors. They'd be mad of course, but Remus would only be partly ashamed to ask for directions out of here which he reckons would be gladly given.
And hey, maybe they could play it off being out of uniform and all. Sure, James and Sirius are known Gryffindors- James being the idiot that declared inter-house war, and Sirius being the only Black in Gryffindor ever- but Remus, Romulus and Peter are nobody. Like Remus said, he's already got half a mind to drop James and Sirius anyway- what better way to do it than to desert them in endless dungeons with territorial Slytherins?
“He's right, mate.” Peter pitches in, earning a glare off of Sirius. “You are walking very loudly.”
“You're stomping around, I'm pretty sure we're meant to be sneaking.”
“Are you wearing tap shoes?”
“Maybe he's just got big, heavy feet.”
“Alright! I get it!” Sirius shouts. Sneaky. He puts his hands up in surrender but the boys don't stop.
“We should put padding on your shoes next time.” Romulus jokes. Peter snorts and gets himself a whack of his own from Sirius. “Cushions or something.” He laughs and gets hit again. But just imagine Sirius running about like he's wearing swim flippers while trying to get away from a patrolling professor or something.
“Pillowtoes.” Says Peter.
“Padfoot.” Says James.
Sirius groans loudly and grits his teeth. “Shut up! I'm sorry for having soles on my shoes!” Remus thinks this is more about getting a reaction than getting Sirius to walk quieter at this point.
“It's okay, Padfoot,” James continues with another goofy grin on his face. “We forgive you.”
“Call me that again, Potter, see what happens.”
“Nope, that's your new name, can't take it back.”
“I'll give you a stupid name.”
“Try it.”
“Shut up, the both of you!”
Remus feels like a parent saying that. Maybe this is how his feel all the time with his and Romulus' pointless and ceaseless “yes you are!” “no I'm not!” circular arguments (no they don't feel that way and no they aren't pointless).
James hops in place and points down the hall.
“This way, I got it now.”
And he picks up the pace, skipping towards a small set of stairs leading further down which Remus finds off seeing as they
are already in the dungeons.
“We need a map.” Romulus mutters to the others. Remus looks at him nonplussed. “I was just thinking that.”
Some people can read minds with just a spell. Lyall says that's how Aurors make bad guys tell them about the bad things they've done (that, and the Truth Potion) and some people are just naturally good at it. Remus hopes that's one of the things that Romulus is not naturally good at because he didn't need the Hat poking around in his head, let alone his own brother. He doesn't have anything weird in there, it's just… it's his head.
“A better guide is what we need.” Sirius-Padfoot grovels, crossing his arms and seemingly walks even louder.
James waits for the boys at the top of the small flight of stairs and leaps down it once they're near enough. He doesn't look too bothered by the fact that this is scarier than anything or that the others are the only ones to acknowledge this, taking slow and cautious steps down.
James continues ahead once they're down, grasping back his sense of direction and presenting them with another cold, stone wall.
“It'll open up like the one in Diagon Alley.”
“Say the password.”
“And go inside and do what? We'll get found and kicked out instantly. We should stay out here until the guys we want come.”
“That could be ages!”
“There's not even anything to do here while we wait.”
“They're first years just like us; they've got nothing else to do just like us. We'd be in our dorm right now if we weren't doing this, wouldn't we? They'll be here soon.”
“Unless they're already in there.”
“Can we all stop being so pessimistic?”
Granny Sophie has a creepy, decrepit basement in her house. Sometimes Remus and Romulus will dare each other to go down there until they get spooked, only to get spooked when the first step down creaks. This place reminds Remus of that.
Out of the corner of his eye, Remus sees something scurry along against the wall.
“Rat! There's a rat!”
The boys turn to where Remus frenziedly points across the room and take turns squealing. Real sneaky. Remus doesn't care- there's a rat.
He climbs up on a table and lifts his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly against his body. Romulus climbs up next to him and sits on his knees, leaning over the edge on the lookout for any more of those vile things.
“That's a mouse!” Peter yells at them. “It's tiny!” But even he gets up on another table with James and Sirius just in time to be off the ground for when the rat comes running where his feet just were.
“We need it!” Yells James, starting to point too as to not lose sight of it. He nudges Sirius hard with his other hand, so hard that he almost falls off the edge of the table.
“Catch the rat!”
“Mouse!”
Sirius scoffs in both their faces. “Catch the rat?! How do you expect me to do that?”
“Levitate it! You're better at it than anyone.”
Sirius' look of utter shock shifts into an immodest smirk as he takes his wand out of his back pocket. “Well, if you put it that way.”
And suddenly, he's fearless and bounding off the table to get a clearer shot at the rat. “Wingardium leviosa” is said a few times before Sirius is in control of a flying rat- not a good idea.
“There look, do you want to see?” He asks James, sending the flailing rat his way but past Remus in its journey. He clamours and moves about and off the table, taking Romulus by the wrist and leading him to the other side of the room and to safety.
“Get it away!” James cries as Sirius waves the rat around him.
“He wants a kiss, Jamie. You want one too, admit it.”
James covers his face with his hands and turns his back to Sirius but curving it inwards like a banana when Sirius nudges the rat against him.
“You want to take back ‘Padfoot’?”
“Absolutely not.”
It's cruel and unusual torture but it stops a few seconds later with James whirling around and transfiguring the mid-air rat into another one of his signature buckets. Sirius loses the concentration and it drops from its suspension and hits the ground with a loud clatter. They might just be the best sneakers of all time. Close to ninjas even.
It takes another few minutes but James manages to enlargen both the pot of jam and the bucket. Then, the five of them are left with a bucket of sugar disguised in berries and nothing to provide entertainment but themselves and clearly they're just so bad at doing that.
Handstands against the wall begins first, then a competition for it, then an argument, then a change of rules, then a change of execution- handstands with their legs being held up as to not fall down. Remus manages to set the record to beat with Romulus holding him for close to three minutes of upside-down time. The actually walk around a little like that, only stopping when something sharp pricks Remus' palm and not because his arms feel like they're about to fall off. This game stops when Peter overshoots and lands painfully on his back.
Then they try to do handshakes which leads them to the second unanimous agreement of the day that it's for girls.
A good old card game would be nice but they hadn't thought about this too well and didn't bring a deck so Romulus decides the only logical thing to do is make his own. He robs parchment, a quill and some ink from a classroom around the corner and draws out the cards one by one on paper roughly measured and torn out by Peter.
He's fifteen cards in before there's voices from upstairs and the boys follow Romulus into the aforementioned classroom where they stay. James keeps lookout as the people pass, and again when more do later on. It's half an hour and half a dozen sets of people before something finally starts to happen.
“Sirius!” James hisses. “Quicky, it's them!”
The boys rush to the door to peer out at a small group of boys. The small group of boys. Remus doesn't know any of their names apart from Severus who Lily talks about. He also knows that not all of who they were hoping would be there are there. That's okay. That's exciting.
The bucket is as heavy as anything and James won't shut up so it takes Sirius a short while longer to get it lifted with his focus being challenged as it is. It gets in the air eventually though and the boys all silently jump around ecstatically but bite their knuckles and hold their breath when Sirius punches his arm forward, sending the bucket forward also, and its contents spilling out onto over half the targets.
They cry out instantly, darting their hands to their faces to get the thick sludge off and groaning and moaning about the stickiness of it. Remus doesn't think he's seen anything better.
Those who weren't utterly covered in the jam like some were still in the splash zone and are just moderately covered and at the very least- stained. It's really quite hilarious.
Romulus is the first the make a break for it, stuffing his flimsy little cards in his pocket and heading out of their classroom and into another but Remus is pretty sure that the only way up is the way they came down which is conveniently in the room of jammy Slytherins. However, there's a barrage of footsteps following the boys not too soon after their break for it. Remus runs ahead when he notices James only now not leading them in a circle back to where they need to be.
They have a good head start so they find somewhere to hide in a closet of sorts. It's dark and tight and the door won't shut so Peter holds it as close as he can to the frame and they hold their breaths as they wait for the Slytherins to pass. Remus holds his breath because it's now clear that someone didn't brush their teeth today.
“We have to go back the way we came.” Romulus pants and James- of all people- shushes him. He presses his knuckles into his mouth and the others try to copy but getting their arms out from where they're pressed into their sides is too much of a hassle and probably too loud as well.
The footsteps quickly come running by with little voices hounding about jam and regret and anger; Remus bites down even a smile and digs his nails into his palms.
Peter waits until the footsteps have run on, and another few seconds for good measure before letting the door swing open and the boys spill out. There's a sigh of relief out of all of them but like a jinx, Remus sees the next problem come up- the guy from the fat lady's painting the other day? Yeah, he's staring right at the boys. He has to recognise Remus and Sirius and therefore know who their affiliates must be.
Remus freezes in place and stares which in turn make the others turn and stare just as the man in the painting sneers and slips out of frame.
“It's probably fine.” Sirius tells him, nudging his arm. “What's the worst he's going to do? He's a painting.”
Sure, but he's a painting down here in the Slytherin dungeons.
“We should still go.”
And the running resumes. They manage to retrace where they ran in from pretty well and take around five minutes total to get back into the crime scene. There's jam on the floors, jam on the walls and just a little jam on the ceiling. The boys all take a minute to relish in their achievement- and for James to transfigure the bucket back into its original rat form- and they go back to running.
They figure their way out of the maze of dungeons a lot quicker and actually, it's not that bad- James was just making an absolute balls of it.
Back up in the main castle, they continue running for the sake of burning off whatever residual adrenaline they built up from that. They run out along the path around the courtyard and back into the hallway that leads to the staircases. It's a lot less busy now of course and some people even move out of the way for the boys to get past. It's all fine and there's no hassle for a while apart from- from McGonagall turning the corner and almost getting tackled by five kids.
“No running, boys.” She scolds once they're braked and red-faced (due to both embarrassment and exhaustion).
“Yes professor.” They chant and go to walk around her but she cuts in front.
“That'll be detention for the lot of you.”
“Detention?” Remus gasps. “For running?” Romulus hits him and McGonagall scoffs.
“For making a mess in the dungeons and of your Slytherin peers.”
She's met with an annoyed wall of silence from the boys.
“You'll be cleaning all of that up tonight.”
James steps forward because what else would he do? This is Minerva McGonagall we're talking about, the tallest, scariest woman that Remus has ever me; what else would James do but try to square up to her?
“Actually, professor, I've already got detention tonight.”
“I'll let you think about that. Detention.”
And she strides off without another word so smoothly it's almost like she's flying.
The boys storm off in an array of huffs and puffs, all their footsteps loud now.
That was ridiculous and all that stupid portrait’s fault and all the Slytherins’ fault and all everyone else's fault.
Didn't Remus say? Didn't he say this would happen? Didn't he say that this would be the start of their long road of constant messing and consequence and probable expulsion? Ri-dic-u-lous.
“I knew we'd get caught.” He groans.
“You did not, you liar.” Romulus spits, hitting him again. Violent child. “You were in on it from the beginning!”
“Yeah, you practically came up with all the ideas yourself.”
“I can be into it and still know we'll get caught.” Because he did know, they just don't get it. At least this proves that Romulus isn't as much of a mind reader as Remus was worrying he is.
“You're only saying that because we did get caught and you're bitter.” James points out. Um- no!
“I was thinking it before.”
“Yeah, that doesn't count.”
“Oh shut up, Padfoot.”