Sirius couldn’t help but laugh, he couldn’t quite believe what his life had turned out to become. In just a year, he had gone from thinking he would be forced to marry some pureblood girl and secure a new heir for his family to being disowned and falling in love with his best friend (who was definitely not a girl).
Remus Lupin was the object of all his desires, of course he was. From his intelligence, to the awkwardness of his personality and his beautiful scars- Sirius found all of him perfect. Sometimes he felt crazy, and on most days he thought he was probably in love with him. A select few knew about these feelings, because they were not necessarily new- maybe eleven months old. But he did not do much to hide how he felt, it would only be a matter of time before the entire world knew. He didn’t seem to mind that, though.
He was sixteen when he decided that he knew exactly what he wanted out of life. Everything he could picture for his future included Remus’ charming smile in some way. He wanted a house of his own, and he wanted to share it with Remus. He was desperate for a motorbike and dreamed about riding it with Remus holding onto him from behind. And he wanted to marry, unfortunately the law did not agree with the way he felt love, so that proved to be quite difficult. But he swore to himself that one day he would get on one knee and propose to Remus John Lupin. Sirius would take his last name, of course, and Sirius would be the one to walk down the aisle because Remus did not enjoy attention. He had planned out their wedding thoroughly.
“Sirius!”
He was quickly dragged out of his daydreams, well- he was hit out of them. Remus had agreed to help him with the potions homework, but Sirius couldn’t focus around him. Remus hated it terribly when people didn’t listen to him.
“Sorry Moons.” Sirius gave him a guilty smile, to which Remus rolled his eyes- but the smirk teasing at his lips did not go unnoticed to Sirius.
You see- Sirius was almost positive that Remus felt the same way he did, he would bet all the inheritance he had left on it! But he just hated the thought of Remus rejecting him, not because Remus would hold a grudge or treat him any differently- but because Sirius knew he could never love anybody else the same. If he messed anything up with Remus, he would be destined for a lonely life.
“Stop doing that.” Remus suddenly mumbled, quickly looking down at the books on the table they were sat at in the library.
“Doing what?”
Remus still didn’t look at him, “Stop looking at me like that.” Sirius almost didn’t hear what he said, he spoke quietly. Remus was usually quiet, he had once told Sirius it was because he didn’t want to prove anyone’s suspicions about werewolves correct- that they were angry beasts.
Sirius sighed, “I can’t help it, moons.” He replied, honestly. That seemed to grab Remus’ attention, because it looked as if he’d snapped his neck when he turned to look at Sirius.
“Don’t.” He warned, narrowing his eyes.
Sirius chuckled, a small smirk on his lips, “You are too handsome moonshine, I can’t help but stare at you in awe.” He pretended to faint on Remus, landing his head in Remus’ lap. “Oh, moony!”
“Stop being an imbecile.” Remus laughed, flicking Sirius’ head as the black haired boy sat up, and was somehow even closer than he had been before.
“You wound me.” He feigned tears and wiped at the none existent water in his eyes.
The two boys giggled for a moment, they had a natural chemistry- Sirius had never felt like he had to lie about anything to Remus. And, honestly, he couldn’t lie to him. Which was what made being in love with him so damn hard. He wanted nothing more than to grab him by the collar of his shirt and kiss him, or to let Remus do that to him.
“You really are handsome, you know.” Sirius mumbled, looking directly into Remus’ brown eyes- it was his favourite colour, a very specific shade of brown.
“You’re silly.” Remus smirked back at him, not looking away- which was unlike him. Usually if Sirius stared at him, he’d look away instantly, embarrassed. “And if anybody is handsome, it’s you.” Remus shrugged, and Sirius gasped, as if he had just said something criminal.
“How dare you!” He pretended to clutch his heart in shock, “Don’t even think about saying something so terrible about my moonshine again!”
Remus rolled his eyes, laughing still. “It was a compliment.”
“It was a lie- a terrible lie!” Sirius wasn’t lying, he thought Remus was the most beautiful person he had ever seen, but he saw Remus through rose coloured glasses ever since he had fallen for him.
Remus went back to reading, not bothering to read anything aloud for Sirius. He knew Sirius had not actually needed his help, and he also knew Sirius had only asked for help so he could bother and tease him- which he didn’t mind so much.
Sirius felt daring all of a sudden, which explained why he slowly reached down and brushed his fingers atop of Remus’ hand. He watched as Remus went still as a statue for a moment, then went back to reading, cautious. In a few seconds, Sirius was holding Remus’ hand, and his cheeks were mortifyingly red. He really did not understand Remus’ ability to turn him into such a lovesick fool.
“Hmm.” Remus hummed, Sirius raised a curious eyebrow- and it was as if Remus could sense it, because he responded right after. “Nobody would believe me if I told them how soft you are.” He smiled, grinned when he saw how his words had made Sirius blush more.
“Eh.” Sirius shrugged, “Only for you.” He winked, trying to fake his confidence. “Always for you.” He spoke, gently, proving Remus’ point.
He jokingly, but not very jokingly, lifted their intertwined hands up and kissed Remus’ knuckles. Remus laughed and pulled his fingers away. And in that moment, Sirius swore he was going to die if he didn’t say something- if he didn’t do something.
“I love you.”
As soon as he said it, Remus stopped laughing and just looked at him. Sirius felt his heart pounding against his chest, trying to break free and be joined with Remus’.
“Sirius,” Remus mumbled, trying to come up with something to respond with. After a long moment of silence, he replied, “I know you do.”
Sirius huffed out a quiet laugh, “Am I that obvious?”
“You just kissed my hand.” Remus said, bluntly.
Sirius chuckled, “Yeah… yeah, ok.” Because he hadn’t tried to hide his feelings, so of course Remus knew. Remus was incredibly smart, it was strange of Sirius to think he wouldn’t know.
“I love you too, but I think you already knew that too.”
Sirius pondered whether or not he knew for a moment, “I had my suspicions.”
Remus grinned, Sirius couldn’t help but grin back at him.
“Sirius?” Remus asked, nudging Sirius’ shoulder with his own. Sirius hummed. “Are you going to kiss me?”
Sirius’ eyes widened, he hadn’t expected Remus to be so forwards. “Uh- well… I mean,” He stumbled on his words and groaned in frustration.
His grumblings were quickly stopped when Remus decided to take matters into his own hands and quickly press a kiss onto Sirius’ lips. It was fast, and Sirius barely knew it had started by the time it was over. But before Remus had fully shuffled away from him, he leant forwards again and kissed him, properly kissed him. They were hidden enough in the library not to be caught, Sirius wondered if Remus chose this spot on purpose.
“Mmmh-“ Remus made satisfied noises into Sirius’ mouth, which only made Sirius’ legs feel more like jelly.
They had both kissed people before, not many, but they weren’t total virgins. But this kiss felt more real. Sirius had never felt so in love before, he hadn’t even known what love felt like until he fell for Remus.
When they pulled apart, all they could do was giggle. Sirius fell into his arms and shoved his face into Remus’ neck, trying to bury himself in there.
June 17th 1979
Sirius and Remus had been together for three years, but somehow it felt like so much longer. It felt like they always had been. When they had finished Hogwarts, they moved in together and Sirius discovered he was a fabulous chef- Remus loved his food.
Sirius had everything he wanted out of life- Remus hadn’t let him buy a motorbike, but he had gifted him a trial on one for his birthday and it was brilliant. Sirius was determined to convince Remus to buy one, one day.
The only thing left, was marriage. Remus had mentioned it before, how it was unfortunate that they would never be able to marry. Sirius could only agree- but when had the law ever stopped him?
That mindset was exactly what led him to this moment, a ring in his pocket. Remus had gone to the bathroom and had been in there for a while, which left Sirius alone with his nerves, constantly checking the ring was definitely there and was definitely just as beautiful as he thought. It was a small golden ring with a little white gem inside, Remus didn’t like big and bold jewellery- which was exactly what Sirius liked.
Remus called Sirius’ name, sounding nervous. Sirius jumped up and quickly walked to the bathroom, hands shaking as he pushed open the door. Remus was definitely taller than him, so he looked up when he walked in, only to see that Remus was sat on the floor. But he wasn’t sitting- no… he couldn’t be?
“Uh-“ Remus was holding a black box with a silver shining ring inside. “Sirius… I really fucking love you and- well, this is what people do when they are madly in love with people apparently…” He laughed awkwardly, Sirius was speechless. How? “Sirius Black, will you m-“
“Wait!” Sirius cut him off, scrambling in his pocket and picking out his own ring box that he had bought for Remus, with the intention to propose that same day.
Remus gave him a confused look, but gasped when Sirius also fell down onto one knee and opened the box.
“No. Fucking. Way.” He mumbled.
Sirius smirked, “Are you going to ask me then?”
Remus grinned, “Sirius Orion Potter, will you do me the honour of marrying me?”
Sirius laughed, and nodded quickly, leaning forwards and kissing Remus quickly. “Of course I’ll bloody marry you!”
Remus slipped the ring onto his finger, it was a big silver ring with a star in the middle. Sirius felt tears prickling in his eyes, God he hoped he wouldn’t cry.
“Will you ask me?” Remus sounded uncertain.
Sirius nodded, “Remus John Lupin, my moonshine, will you do me the greatest honour and become my husband?”
Remus giggled, “Yes, I would love nothing more than to be your husband.”
Even though they could not legally be wed, they would know the intention was there. And just wearing those rings was enough for the both of them.