If there is something Regulus hates its parties. Actually no, he quite enjoys parties, but not when they're hosted by griffindors, because that means that if he went he'd have to see his brother, which he really really wasn't in mood for today.
But Barty and Evan said they were going, so they were going.
The worst part wasn't even the fact that they were going there, Regulus has kind of just accepted that fact by now, it's what's gonna happened before the party starts.
Two moths ago they all got the same letter that simply said: " Mark 23.2. 1978
They've all quickly guessed what it meant. It's the day they were getting their dark mark.
Regulus could hear steps that were nearing towards him but he didn't dare to look up, and stayed in the same position laying in his bed thinking about all the happy moments in his life, thinking about if they were enough to get rid of the bad ones and imagined for one last that it could possibly happened, rethinking all the choices he has made in this life, thinking about all the "what ifs" and theories about what would happened if he would've said at least one word different, but as the steps stopped he knew he had to say goodbye to those thoughts.
He looked up and saw Barty who had a smile on his face that was letting him know that the wanted to help him, but he wasn't sure if he can ever be helped. He sat down next to regulus and started running his hand trough his hand.
"Do you remember your first year here?" He asked whispering, his hand starting starting to shake a bit. "You were so excited to join the dark lord and make your parents proud and prove everyone that you are a true Black. Oh how times have changed, haven't they? But there's no point in trying to fix it now, Regulus, accept it.
As if Regulus heard his brother just a few years back. "Accept it, Regulus, you're not like them and you never will be, because you're good and that is good." He was right. But so was Barty he won't change nothing now.
Regulus smiled at him. It wasn't a real smile everybody in the room knew that, but they'll never really understand why is the smile so cold and fake.l, no they won't, because they've never had anyone to live for except each other, no one to fight for, and no one to want to change for. But Regulus did and the fact that he chose not to change was eating him alive.
No sense in trying now.
"Let's go" he said, his voice broken, but nobody was brave enough to say anything cause they knew that whatever they would've said would be wrong so they just chose to follow him and regulus chose to shut down.
Having borderline personality disorder seemed like it had no plus', but there was one and it was that that he could just tell his mind to shut up and ignore everything around, at least for a while.
And so that's what he was trying to do on the way trough the forest out of the school grounds so they could teleport and do the greatest mistake of their lives.
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Once they arrived there the place seemed dark, and no it wasn't just some mourning mood, because there was nothing to mourn, because there was no one who would care, it was simply because it was winter meaning it got late early and since Bellatrix really likes candles and they were in the Lestrenges' place, there were just some candles flying around them.
When they got to the right room a cold hunting aura and deathly hissing of a sweet snake of a heartless master.
"welcome my dear servants, welcome in." A voice that seemed to be even older that this very ground said and a bony armed directed them towards the center of the room.
They all moved there, some quicker some faster, but they've all managed to get there.
The dark lord has put them into a line, maybe like it was an honor to stand there which it was not, but either way the line started with Evan Rosier and ended with Regulus Black.
They were all each other's witness man, but considering, regulus wasnt able to concentrate at all while his two friends were getting the mark he probably wasn't much of a help.
"Regulus Black" the same old raspy voice called on him and suddenly it was just him in the room. Just him with all the regrets, all the lost chances and all the hopes that were crushed in the very moment the dark lord took his hand and Barty and Evan stood next to him, one on each side.
"Do you swear you'll be forever and always loyal to these very people" he said showing the death eaters at the table with his other hands. "To these very ideas" he pointed with his sharp nail to his head. "To... me?" He asked lastly looking him dead in the eye as if he was rereading his whole life like it was just a book. Starting at the innocent and sunshine part that has slowly turned into a nightmare for sore eyes.
No. Regulus wanted to scream. No, leave me alone, let me be free, let me live my life, feel heartbreak, love, happiness, desperation, and so many more I have yet to feel. But he couldnt have said that, could he, now? He was only a puppet, only a boy on few strings, controlled by someone else. His life wasn't his anymore.
"Yes, yes, I do." He said with an emotionless tone in his voice, as if he was never gonna feel again. He quietly wondered if he if he is.
Just a few moments later he felt a sharp pain trough his left arm, but it was truly nothing compared to what he was feeling inside. That... was actually the very last thing he felt before he completely blacked out.
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"Hey mate, you did not look well back there, are you feeling ok?" That was the first thing he heard when he came back to himself in his dorm again. He looked up and it was Evan speaking.
"Yeah, I'm fine actually." He said with a smile, but the weirdest part was that it was actually the truth. He did not feel sad or miserable or any type of low, really. He felt good.
"Good you got us worried there for a second there, men." Barty said and patted him on his back. "So... who wants to party?" He said smiling and holding up two bottles of some sort of alcohol.
Regulus reached for one of them, opened it and drank quite a lot considering this is his first drink of the day. "Let's do it." He said giving Barty who was now wide eyed staring at him (he decided to ignore it) the bottle back and they all headed out.
Regulus would know the way to the griffindor tower even if you'd wake him up in the middle of the night, because of all the times he would walk up there hoping that he'd finally get the courage and talk to his brother. He never did.
They got there and said the password, since the marauders wrote it on the wall in the great hall so that everyone who wanted to come would know it.
As soon as the door opened and they walked in the music blasted into their ears. It looked like the girls were in charge of the music cause ABBA was playing, he didn't complain though, because right now his job wasn't to judge someone's music taste, it was to find someone to make out with.
Before they left their dorm Regulus changed into a mini skirt and a top with stripes around his belly so it wasn't hard for him to get the boys' attention and so after few drinks he found the perfect match.
Or more like the universe has found him for him. James Potter. He always liked him a bit and now that he has ran into him with a drink in his hand it was the perfect time, because if he would kiss him and James didn't like it he could just blame it on the alcohol.
Thankfully that wasn't a problem at all, because as soon as he got his lips close to James', James only managed to get out of himself a quick "Reg" and then immediately pressed their lips together. Regulus could've sweared he felt butterflies in his stomach and was deffinitely blushing like an idiot when James used his tongue to explore his mouth and put his hand up to Regulus' face to cup his cheek.
But then suddenly he felt James quickly pull away from him and when he looked up to see what was going on he saw the one and only Sirius Orion Black pushing, screaming at his best friend, but at the moment something in Regulus clicked. A moment of realization you could call it. And it wasn't even because of the scene in front of him, it was just his brother. That's all it took.
All the thoughts he expected to come after taking the mark has came. Could he ever forgive me now? Could I even explain it? Could he ever see me from the inside out and if he did would he even understand it? The right answer to all of these questions was no and the right thing to do right now was run and so that's what he did.
He ran into the nearest bathroom and leaned against the sink. His hands were shaking like never and he was holding onto the sink so tight he swore it was gonna break.
For the next few moments he couldnt even bring himself to look in the mirror, but when he did he saw someone. No, something that looked like him... and was him. Just not the him he wanted to be.
He stood up and reached into the pocket of his jacket. He pulled out a little pocket knife. He looked at it traced the beautiful blade with his finger and stopped when he got to the letters carved into it. "Ras" Beatiful nickname. Not so beautiful story behind it. His brother made it... for him.
No use of trying anymore.
He cut and cut and cut trying to clear himself from the evilness that was spreading trough his veins. Giving life one last try. Trying one last time. cut out the coldness the numbness, the things holding him back. Be free, live, save yourself from your fate.
The blood of the traitor kept running into the sink. But Black is still just a shadow when you add white. Never fully clean. Always just a bottle of slow poison that will slowly eat you out in the sweetest packaging, isn't he?
Somebody slamed the door open and Regulus immediately snapped his head to see who it was. He saw a figure of his brother he looked Regulus dead in the eye and they said "only if you had listened then, there is no way out now"
But his real words were much more cruel then his eyes were. If regulus remembered correctly he said something like: "I had a future planned for us"
Sirius left, Regulus felt to the ground.
Humans simply have a low limit of how much pain they can handle with one single soul.
In eyes of someone intelligent Regulus Black couldnt emotionally be human.
But he learned at least one think from his short life: It even hurts to be something.