in my hour of darkness
It was bound to happen.
They were a week and a half into fourth year, and Regulus still hadn’t had a run-in with Sirius. It was too good to be true.
Granted, Evan was dreading it. A Sirius-Regulus interaction could go two ways.
A) Regulus would ignore him and then promptly go silent for the rest of the day. Or B) Someone punches Sirius. It might not be Regulus. Realistically, it’ll be Barty.
Secretly, Evan was hoping for option B. He wanted to see someone wipe the smug smirk off of Sirius’s face, who paraded around the school with his stupid gang of Marauders as if he hadn’t practically left his brother for dead less than two months ago. Evan couldn’t fathom leaving Pandora behind, no matter the circumstance. He would gladly die for her. Merlin, he had practically put himself in that position for her before. That was one pureblood value that had imprinted upon him: family over all else. It had been years since he’d considered his parents his family. But his true family, Pandora and his friends? He would choose them above everything else, every time. Weren’t Gryffindors supposed to be the loyal ones? It seemed like Sirius had traded Regulus easily for a new family, one with Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew.
Good riddance. Regulus was much better off with the four of them, anyways.
And as it is in one’s nature to protect their family, Evan had been peeking around corners and taking Regulus the long way to class, hoping to put off his meeting Sirius for as long as possible.
Friday night, exactly two weeks after they’d arrived at Hogwarts, the five of them walked back towards the Slytherin common room after supper. Regulus and Barty walked a few paces ahead, still arguing about some incident in Potions earlier that day. Evan walked behind, arms linked with Pandora and Dorcas – a gesture they always insisted on whenever they walked together.
Regulus slowed, turning to look back at the three of them.
“Dora, Cas, do you want to sleep in the extra bed tonight? I may rip Barty’s head off tonight and I’m not sure if Evan alone can prevent it.”
At this, Pandora beamed. “Yes, sleepover! We haven’t had one since school began.”
“Anything to get away from Hanford’s snoring. I swear, even sleeping draughts don’t put it to rest.”
“Tonight you’ll be treated to Evan’s snoring instead,” Barty threw over his shoulder.
“I do not snore ,” Evan replied indignantly.
“Well,” Regulus started.
“I’m not the one who insists on opening the window every night even when it’s bloody freezing outside,” Evan said, staring pointedly at Regulus.
“It’s not my fault I get h–” Regulus trailed off, eyes fixed on something further down the hall.
Fucking great. Coming down the dimly lit hall was Sirius and his idiot friends. Sirius paused when he saw Regulus, an indecipherable expression on his face. Guilt, probably. A little late for that , Evan wanted to say. What good was his bullshit guilt now that Regulus was all alone in that house?
Sirius took a cautious step forward, eyes trained on Regulus.
“Hi Reggie,” he said, twisting his fingers nervously. Good, let him be scared , Evan thought.
“Don’t call me that,” Regulus snapped, and Barty moved up a few paces protectively. Evan followed his lead, the two of them flanking Regulus like bodyguard, Pandora and Dorcas not far behind. He heard Dorcas pull her wand from her boot.
“Reg, can we just talk?” Sirius asked, almost pleading. Potter stood at his side, staring at them uncomfortably.
“I have nothing to say to you,” Regulus replied primly, beginning to move past Sirius. Sirius grabbed his arm, pulling him back.
“Don’t touch me, Sirius. You don’t get to force me to speak to you.”
“Please, Reg. You have to understand why I left.”
“Yes, Sirius, I do understand why you left. What I don’t understand is how you are so utterly selfish that you forgot you weren’t the only one suffering in that house,” Regulus finished, his voice hollow.
Sirius blinked back at him, no words escaping his lips.
“You don’t care about anyone but yourself, do you, Sirius?” Regulus spoke. His voice echoed across the small hallway.
“That’s not fair,” Potter interjected, taking a step forward. Stupid brave Gryffindors .
“Frankly, this is none of your business, Potter,” Barty snapped, staring him in the eye.
“Oh, and it’s yours?” Potter challenged.
“This is a family matter,” Sirius said, looking towards Regulus, who stared at the floor.
“You don’t get to call us that anymore,” Regulus whispered. “You chose your new family.”
His eyes flicked to Sirius’s friends.
“You could leave too, Reg,” Sirius urged. “We could both get out.”
“Perhaps you should’ve thought of that before running away in the middle of the night.”
“They were killing him there, Regulus. He showed up on my doorstep half dead that night,” Potter said, his voice raising. “What was he supposed to do, wait until they killed him?”
Regulus’s gaze dropped to the floor, his lips forming a sentence only Evan and Barty could read.
“They were killing me too.”
And that’s when Evan punched James Potter.
Evan didn’t consider himself a violent person. He knew that people assumed Slytherins loved fights and bloodshed, but Evan had never been particularly attracted to the idea of gratuitous physical violence. When his fist collided with James Potter’s jaw, though, Evan couldn’t help but smile. He bloody loved justice.
____________________________
Evan had been prepared for Potter to fight back, to attack him and his friends. He’d seen Barty size up Remus Lupin out of the corner of his eye after Evan had swung, and heard Pandora and Dorcas get into dueling positions.
But, no, James Potter didn’t punch back. He stood there, slack-jawed, while his friends stared in shock. They seemed to hesitate for a moment, and Evan took that as an opportunity to get the hell out of there. He wasn’t a Gryffindor, after all. He had no problem leaving a fight when it was the strategic thing to do. And it definitely was strategic when Regulus stayed standing, staring at the floor, seemingly unaware of anything around him.
Evan grabbed Regulus’s arm and pushed past the group of boys, their friends at his heels.
“Stay the fuck away from him, Black,” he heard Barty hiss as they shoved by.
They stumbled into the dorm, Evan grasping his knuckle as the pain began to set in.
“Did you have to punch him, Evan?” Pandora asked, leading Regulus to his bed. He still was silent.
“Potter’s an arsehole.” Evan said simply. Involving himself as if he wasn’t the reason Sirius left Regulus in the first place. What a dick.
Pandora shot him a look, nodding at Regulus, who still hadn’t uttered a word.
“I’m sorry, Reg,” Evan said, coming to sit beside him. “I couldn’t listen to him defend Sirius after what he did to you.”
Regulus looked up, meeting Evan’s eyes. He had seen that look before, mirrored in his own eyes countless times. Pure hopelessness. The sensation where it hurt so bad that it ceased to hurt at all. Evan reached forward and wrapped his arms around Regulus. He sat there, motionless, but Evan felt him exhale, his body relax a little. He wanted to kill Sirius for hurting him.
They sat there intertwined in each other. Though Evan sagged under the weight of his own mind, he would’ve taken on Regulus’s pain in a heartbeat. Perhaps if he held on tight enough, he could pass what little contentment he had found onto Regulus instead.
Evan wasn’t sure how long he held Regulus. It had seemed like five, maybe ten minutes. As Pandora reentered the dorm, though, holding a basket Evan recognized as from the Hogwarts kitchens, he realized it must have been much longer. Keeping his arm around him, he brought Regulus down to the floor, where Pandora unpacked the small wooden basket. She poured a cup of hot chocolate, passing it to Regulus.
He took a slow sip, the color beginning to return to his face. Dorcas held out a biscuit, and he accepted it wordlessly.
For a while, they sat in perfect silence, placated by the familiar sensation of holding a steaming mug. After a moment, Barty rose, pulling his record player out from under his bed. Evan found the tension in his shoulders alleviating as the first chords of Let it Be echoed through the room softly.
The record was a new addition to Barty’s collection of three. Evan wasn’t completely sure how he’d gotten it, considering they’d been at Hogwarts. But when Barty had played it for him two nights before, all the questions had died in Evan’s throat. Ever since that first night, Evan had been baffled at how he’d gone so long with the sensation of music. It was the rush of smoking, only intensified. For the first time in his life, it felt like Evan could breathe.
It seemed to be working on Regulus as well. He looked up towards them, the trembling in his hands quelling.
“He seems fine,” Regulus said, his voice raspy from crying. “Happy with his new family.”
Dorcas and Barty exchanged a glance, and Evan could read it from across the circle. Let him get it out. They wouldn’t let Regulus hold all of it in this time.
“I guess he got the brother he always wanted,” Regulus chuckled humorlessly. Pandora placed a hand on his knee, and he covered it with his own.
Regulus glanced towards Evan, meeting his eyes.
“It’s not fair. Why does he get to leave?” he asked.
Evan wished he had an answer. Because it wasn’t fucking fair. Nothing about their lives was fucking fair.
“We’ll get you out of there, Reg,” Dorcas said, her voice hollow, but stable. “I promise.”
The rest of them nodded in agreement, sharing a look of determination, albeit uneasily. Pandora leaned her head on Regulus’s shoulder.
“For the record, Reg,” Evan started. “You have another family, too.”
Barty smirked at that. “Yeah, and we’re way cooler than those idiot Gryffindors, aren’t we, Cas?”
“Hell yeah we are.”
Regulus laughed shakily. “I still can’t believe Evan punched Potter.”
“Evan Rosier, hit man. Who would’ve thought?” teased Dorcas.
Pandora smiled, shaking her head. “I don’t know what got into you Evan.”
“You’ve definitely made an enemy,” Barty said. “We’ll have to follow you around like bodyguards now.”
“That sounds like my living hell.”
They all laughed.
“You really shouldn’t have punched him, Evan,” Regulus put in. “But thank you.”
“We will be having a talk about your violent tendencies tomorrow,” Pandora said as she got up, heading towards the spare bed.
“Yes, mom.”
And with that, they began to push themselves off the floor, changing into their pajamas. Regulus returned to his bed, opening a book. Pandora and Dorcas squeezed into the bed as Evan headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
When he came out, the room was dark, save for his and Barty’s bed lamps. As Evan crouched by his trunk, fishing out a pair of sweatpants to change into, Barty’s head popped out of his curtains.
“He’s asleep, I think. Regulus, I mean.”
“Good,” Evan replied, pulling out a pair of dark green bottoms. “He needs the rest.”
“Dora slipped him a sleeping draught. To stop the nightmares.”
That was good. Real life had been nightmare enough that day.
Evan stood, pulling back his curtains and slipping into bed.
“Just so you know,” Evan heard Barty whisper from behind his curtains. “I thought what you did was fucking brilliant.”
“You mean punching Potter?” Evan asked. “Don’t think it did much good besides giving him a swollen eye tomorrow.”
“Don’t worry, Rosier. His head’s so big, no one will even notice.”
And in spite of the night they’d had, at that, Evan couldn’t help but laugh.
“Good night, Barty,” he said, drawing his curtains shut.
“Good night, Evan.”