«Do you believe in God?
- I do, please stop, there’s so much blood.»*
It has been a year since he left his parents’, yet when he read that, all he could remember was the night he left, when Siri was beaten so hard he had to get stitches. Something in his soul needed to get stitched too, but he did not. Maybe that is the purpose of therapy. He had to remind himself he was safe now. He was safe now. He is safe now.
As it was to be expected, a lot has changed since he left the Black family. For starts, he transitioned and is now on T, he is going to therapy, which is increasing his quality of life so, so much, and he got diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) as well as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), but the latter was to be expected.
The thing is, Regulus Arcturus Black spent all of his life attempting to be the perfect “daughter”. He hid his identity, he would force his hands to not flap, he would watch his posture, be careful to not stay with T-Rex Arms, he would even keep himself from talking about his hyperfixation.
Somehow, James Potter, Effie and Fleamont, saw right through him. If he had to guess, Regulus would say that the fact that James himself has been diagnosed with ASD and Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) since he was 14, was a big factor.
Even after the diagnosis, his internalized ableism would cause him to think all his symptoms were fake, «all because tiny little Regulus Black wanted the attention his awful tiny mother and father didn't give him bo-ho». He didn't trust his thoughts, his feelings, his symptoms, nothing of it. It was Hell.
The present day was too much for him to handle. His emotions got ahead of everything and drove him insane.
The lights of the Potter Manor started to make his brain melt, the sound of chewing, the voice of people around him talking, the noise that he was making while blinking…God, he had to shake, he had to rock, he had to be in the dark and change clothes. He could not breathe.
The younger Black grabbed his stim toy and played with it under the table.
It was not enough.
He had to leave.
He could not leave. Effie, Fleamont and James would be sad. He would ruin dinner. He had to behave.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
«What if I am faking?» - this question spiraled in his head, making him go insane. What kind of sick person does not believe in his own thoughts? Regulus, apparently.
Everyone was staring at him, worry obvious in their faces. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Effie was the first to speak, «Reg, love, are you okay?»
«Why was she always so damn kind? I don’t get it, I don’t fucking get it.» he thought, or better said, he spiraled.
«I-», fuck, he couldn’t speak, he just couldn’t just lie, he hated lying, even though he needed to do so all his life, «I’m alright.», thank fucking God, he did it, he did it.
«Reggie,» James started, «come with me, please.», his voice was kind and, even though he looked for it, he didn’t seem to sense any sort of anger.
As soon as they got to James’ room, everything seemed to get back in place. His boyfriend, his blessing of a lover, let him (actually, he insisted that Regulus did) borrow his noise-canceling headphones, turned off the lights and layed Reggie carefully in his bed.
«Are you okay with me speaking, or do you prefer me to stay quiet? We could write it down or we could use BSL. Any of the options would be okay.», again James’ voice did not show any emotion but kindness, love and comprehension. He had the best man in the world for a loved one.
«I am okay with you speaking, but I’d prefer signing myself, I can talk but I would prefer not doing it.» Regulus signed.
James narrowed his eyes, trying to see what Reg signed, after all it was dark in the room, Regulus looked at him, fondness growing in his chest.
«I love you.», he thought.
«That’s okay, love. Do you want my weighted blanket?»
«Yes.», he signed. «I love you.»
«I love you too», Prongs said, while kissing the top of his head.
This time Regulu did not mind the touch.
Even when all his emotions were out of place, even when he was stimming, rambling, having a meltdown or a shutdown, James would always be by his side. He loved him so dearly and, in this moment, Regulus knew for sure he was loved too.