Decisions
Decisions
About two months after her chance meeting with Saint, who she was now close enough to call ‘Phi’, her mother had already talked to him and asked all the questions a caring parent would.
Their conversations stretched for long hours, where he made sure to quell any worries Mrs. Rawee might have, he invited them to the Idol Factory’s headquarters, where the both of them got to know the other people involved in the Company and the producers and staff overseeing the project Saint had invited Becky to take part in.
Everything had been settled, Becky accepted his offer, deciding that she would go through with it. P’Saint was giving her an opportunity and she wasn’t one to turn those down. Even if her heart was still unsure about everything.
In the meantime, being a proposition much more elaborate and expensive than her previous one with the producers of TharnType, her father, Robert, travelled back to Thailand with her older brother, Richie, so they could all offer her all the support she needed.
That was the kind of thing she had grown up used to, the total and blind support from her family. But she never took it for granted, knowing that it was not a given, but an effort her family always made sure to put in to make her feel their love and encouragement.
Having been daddy’s little girl her entire life, it felt good having her father take her to schedules and pick her up afterwards. It felt good having her family together again. She had to admit it made it easier for her during this time of uncertainty.
After her first workshop for the project that was now named Secret Crush on You, Becky waited for her father by the entrance of the Idol Factory office, and told him all about it on the way home.
She told him how she met this Phi called Nam, who introduced her to her fellow cast members, how no one was sure if she could speak Thai, but ended up being nice to her anyway, even if she still felt too shy or too inadequate with her Thai abilities to keep conversations going.
She spent the next week trying to decide if it would be enough to make her want to stay. If the idea of joining another show was going to make her feel this is what she wanted for her life. To be in this industry, to pursue an acting career.
She was due to start college soon. Was she going to let this be one last project just for the memory of it before she moved back to England to enroll in a big University and move on with her life as a lawyer, leaving every dream of being in the entertainment business be just that – a dream – one she tried her hand at, but didn’t make her feel fulfilled as she wished it would?
Those questions were still plaguing her mind when the time for her next workshop came around.
Saint had called her and said she did great on the first one and hoped she had enjoyed it. He seemed very enthusiastic about everything, and it helped to make her at least sound excited for the project as well, she just wasn’t sure if that excitement reached her heart yet.
It was a Friday morning, her dad left her at the office building entrance once more. Before she climbed out of his car, he put his hand on her shoulder, making her look back at him – his eyes pierced though her soul, in a way only her father ever managed to do - he told her in his soft, soothing voice, giving her the ‘out’ she didn’t realize she so desperately needed: “You are in charge of your own life, Becky. If you don’t feel it in your heart that this is what you want, this is what makes you happy, you can always walk away. We will do it properly and talk to Saint and Chen, and that will be it.”
His words broke the dam that had been keeping all of her feelings from overflowing. She didn’t know how, she thought she was doing a great job of hiding her insecurities and pain so far, but there he was, the man she loved most, seeing right through her and offering the safety she had grown so used to but missed so dearly for the past year. It felt inviting and familiar.
A couple of tears escaped her eyes before she could say anything. She shifted in her seat to hug her father as tightly as her small frame could manage. Finally pulling back and wiping the tears running down her face, she sat straight once again and the words came out of her mouth before she could think them.
“Thank you, daddy. I didn’t even realize how much I needed this. But I gave them my word I would go through with this project. If by the end of it I still feel like I need to, we can move back home, right?” Her voice was steadier than she anticipated. She realized her father gave her the strength to be who she had to be, and not only the little girl she thought she was up until this very moment.
With a few last encouragement words from her dad, Becky stepped out of his car and walked into the office. Shaking on the inside, still unsure of how to approach anyone, but knowing she would do what it took to make good on her word to P’Saint.
She sat in a far corner of the room where the workshop would take place and just looked at her phone, scrolling through silly TikTok trends before the acting teachers and director invited everyone to start the day’s activities.
And right there, sitting alone in a corner of an almost empty rehearsal room, mindlessly staring at the small screen in her hands, was the exact moment when her entire world turned upside down.
“Hello, do you speak Thai? What is Nong’s name?”
Becky felt it before she could see it. The voice coming from the girl standing right before her, reached her ears...her heart, as a melody, one she swore she could listen to for the rest of her life without getting bored.
It felt like her entire body froze, but out of its own volition, it forced her to look up at the face of the tall girl talking to her with a radiant smile Becky swore was gleaming in its own bright light. Those eyes – caramel boba eyes – looking down into her own. It felt like they could see all of her, even the parts of herself she tried so hard to keep obscured from the world. And it felt like those eyes liked what they saw, if the now even brighter smile of the girl towering over her was any indication.
Before Becky could arrange her thoughts properly to answer the simple questions, she saw the girl stretch out her hand to help Becky up. And again, like moving of its own accord, her own hand shot up to meet the girl’s.
Sparkles, electricity danced around in her brain when their hands touched. The girl seemed to freeze in her spot as well. Could she have felt it too? If she did, she didn’t let it show, because the tension in her dissolved as quickly as it had appeared. And Becky had to force herself to take a deep breath to remember how to function properly once she was standing – now way too close for comfort – facing the stunning girl who had just helped her up.
“I’m Becky. Yes, I can speak Thai.”
“Oh, Nice! The beautiful Nong can speak Thai. Which is good, because my English is very bad.” The girl said sounding very excited for anyone up at work this early in the morning. She even chanced the last two words in the cutest English accent Becky had ever heard.
Noticing Becky just stood there, mouth slightly agape, realizing she didn’t know how to react – and not knowing how Becky’s head was re-thinking all of her decisions thus far and starting to believe all of them were always meant to bring her here, to this precise moment – the taller girl shook Becky’s hand, which was still in hers and said with her ever joyful tone.
“By the way, I’m Freen.”