Nancy
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Delia impatiently watched as Darcy returned to the table ten minutes later.
“Where is she? Is she alright? Why isn’t she coming back in with you?” Delia asked anxiously.
Darcy put her hands up. “Easy, easy… Patsy is alright. She really does just need a bit of fresh air for a few minutes. She’s much calmer than when she left.”
Delia relaxed slightly hearing those words but continued to look toward the door with apprehension.
“Delia, I normally wouldn’t talk about a meeting, but I asked Patsy explicitly for her permission. She would like me to share a bit of some of the things that are hard for her to talk about… she wants you to know what happened in the group tonight, but she’s having a hard time saying it…”
“That happens…” Delia said with sadness. “It’s so difficult for her to talk about anything related to the camp…”
Darcy nodded somberly. “I imagine it is… it’s difficult for all of us but…”
Delia watched as Darcy looked to Emily and gave an almost imperceptible head shake.
“It’s alright love,” Emily said, surprised to see her partner struggling too. “Patsy gave you permission to share it with Delia… go on then…”
“It involves Nancy too so this absolutely must stay between us.” Darcy sighed and looked back to the brunette. “Patsy is doing remarkably well… considering… all things considered,” she said, again looking to Emily for a bit of support.
Delia recognized a shifting motion in the blonde that told her Emily had put her hand on Darcy’s knee in much the same way she does for Patsy.
Darcy turned her attention back to the younger woman. “She really does want you to know Delia, and she will tell you in time, but she doesn’t want you to feel like you’re being kept away from anything in the meantime.”
Delia nodded with understanding. “Tell me, please.”
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Outside, Patsy leaned against the stone face of the hotel and looked up at the nearest streetlamp. She closed her eyes and listened to the sounds of the city nightlife, letting the car engines, distant music, and traveling voices bring her to the present moment. She took a long drag off the cigarette Darcy had lit and handed to her before heading back inside. As the smoke swirled up Patsy focused on the way it easily drifted away in the light breeze, and she practiced letting the memories come and go like the smoke.
After another few minutes of watching moths flit in the streetlamp her mind was beginning to slow for the first time since meeting Nancy again, and her thoughts gradually began shifting back to the present. Suddenly the street felt cold and lonely and she was overcome with the desire to be back by Delia’s side. She smiled as her chest that had been occupied by a racing heart was now filled with the warmth that only came from tapping into the energetic connection with her lover, and she headed back through the gold and glass door into the bustling lobby.
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“Delia, again, you must agree to keep this private.”
“Of course, I’m a nurse. I understand the importance of confidentiality.”
Darcy nodded. “There’s another woman in our group… she’s been coming for nearly two years now…”
Delia noticed how Emily shifted uncomfortably in her chair as her partner mentioned the woman.
“Nancy… she’s… well, she’s had a rough go of it… a really rough go… she hasn’t really been able to live a life since the camps… lived on the streets for a while… institutionalized a couple times… found alcohol and drugs too…”
Emily looked down into her cocktail and shook her head. “Poor thing… damn shame…”
“We don’t pity anyone Em. We do what we can to lift them up,” Darcy said sternly. “We will always believe the wounds can heal.”
Emily looked at Darcy and put her hand on her arm. “You’re right. Sorry love.”
Darcy looked back to Delia. “We all went through terrible things… All of us who were in the camps as children… and we try not to compare… but what Nancy went through… well… I’ll just say it… it was worse… a lot worse… and that was because of which camp she was in.”
Emily again nodded as she gazed into her cocktail with unfocused eyes.
“It is now known that the camp Nancy was in had conditions that were far worse than any of the others. They were half starved for years and so many died of disease… but it was the cruelty that left Nancy the way she is… the guards of that camp were notorious for their violence and cruelty… beatings and torture were somewhat rare in many of the other camps… but not that one… it truly was a hell on earth… even those of us who were in can scarcely imagine what those who were in that particular place faced… Nancy has shared only a handful of experiences over the years… but they’re… nearly unbearable…”
Delia began to dread what was coming next, and she felt a nausea beginning to rise.
“When we broke out into the women’s group tonight, Patsy introduced herself… and the moment she did, Nancy turned white as a sheet. She looked at Patsy for a moment then stood up. She said her full name and Patsy paled too. Nancy seemed to have a bit of one of those fits she has… she pointed and said ‘I remember you. You served the coffee and mopped,’ then she said Patsy knew… she started shouting that Patsy knew… she knew what it was like to… hang by the chains…”
“Oh…” Emily couldn’t contain her gasp and she covered her mouth with her napkin.
Delia could see both women knew of the torture being referenced.
Darcy reached out and put her hand on Emily’s.
“What else did she say?” Delia whispered, void of inflection.
Darcy cleared her throat. “I asked Nancy to please sit down but she wouldn’t… she was caught in the memories… you know how it can be….”
Delia and Emily both nodded, quietly acknowledging how they each had witnessed their partner experience flashbacks.
Darcy sighed, gathering energy to finish explaining. “Nancy kept looking at Patsy, and she was shaking as she stood there… she said ‘you were one of the guard’s other favorites’…”
All three women fell into silence, each looking at anything other than each other as they all processed the horrendous meaning of those words.
“Damn them all to hell… the whole lot of them…” Emily said quietly as she angrily took a drink. “Those bastards… doing that to little girls… I’d kill the whole lot of em’ if I could.”
Darcy reached over and squeezed Emily’s hand. “That anger is poison Em. Let it out, then leave it, don’t take it with you.”
Emily sighed and nodded.
“Pats hasn’t talked about any of that with anyone other than me… she hates when it comes up…” Delia said as she dabbed at her tears, already thinking of how she could help her lover recover from the upsetting experience. “I think the meetings may be too much right now…”
“For who?” Darcy asked, causing Delia to look up with surprise. “Patsy handled something very difficult in a remarkable way tonight. And she expressed interest in coming back.”
“Really?”
“Really. After that painful reunion, Patsy and Nancy actually chose to speak with one another for a few minutes. I know it seems hard to believe now, but I think it will be good for them to both have someone who truly knows what they endured. Only they know, and I think that may be an important part of the healing process for the both of them. And Delia…” Darcy paused and looked at her with sincerity.
“Delia… knowing where Patsy has been… the history of it, we will be able to help her with some of what she has gone through. We will do our best to create a place where she can share and open up, give her tools she can use to cope, but she so clearly trusts you… and loves you… so part of our role here is helping you too… I know you have already heard some of what she faced… hearing that coming from someone you love, is so very painful…”
“I’m perfectly well. I’m not worried about me right now…”
“We understand you aren’t… and that may work short term, but maybe you need to worry about you a bit more… and how you will be able to be Patsy’s partner long term.” Darcy looked down then looked up trying to convey deep care despite being relative strangers. “The type of pain Patsy knew… it will continue to change with time, with the support of the groups, and with love, yes… but parts of it will be with her for the rest of her life, which means, if you love her, it will be with the both of you for as long as you are…”
“Forever. It will be forever,” Delia said with a firm tone. “I’m not scared of her past, or how it will affect our future. I’m going to be with her forever.”
“I believe you,” Emily said. “Which means you will absolutely need help with all this too. And you can get it here, with us.” Emily reached across the table and gently patted Delia’s arm.
“It’s no small feat to help someone find their bearings in the world… and find their peace… after trauma of the likes Patsy endured… you must recognize that how it shows up for her is a part of your life now too.”
Delia looked down and wiped away a tear as what was being said resonated.
“You’re right. Both of you. About all of it. She has shared a lot of it with me… and I see how it affects her so deeply some days… sometimes it’s difficult to hold that pain of hers… but I will always be there with her through it… I’m staying right here with her… for all of it.”
Emily and Darcy smiled at each other knowingly.
“Brilliant,” Darcy said.
“A beautiful thing it is. A love like that… it’s so easy to see it in you, it shines out in a way you couldn’t stop it if you tried,” Emily added.
Delia smiled and looked down, blushing slightly. “I can’t begin to tell you how much I love Pats.”
“And that’s exactly why you are both here tonight. And why you both need to come to the next group meeting.”
Delia opened her mouth to reply but saw Patsy walking briskly toward the table in a way that showed she had shifted her energy and recompartmentalized everything so that she could present in a professional manner.
“She’s coming, don’t you dare look at her with pity,” the brunette warned. “She hates nothing more than pity.”
Darcy and Emily smiled as the brunette instantly became protective. “Understood,” they said together.
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