Chapter 3
Neville spent the week before his trip to Diagon Alley not exactly fretting, but definitely stressing. His anxiety somehow sensing that he had new coping skills, had decided it wanted to work overtime. He couldn't stop his mind from racing with unfathomable thoughts and questions and scenarios.
What if Haz didn't want to be his friend this time? What if he didn't end up making a good impression? He wanted to tell him about them being godbrothers earlier this time around, what if Haz didn't believe him? What if he didn't want a Snake as a gift? What if he didn't like the Starter Books Neville was going to buy for him? What if he hated Neville on sight? What if he couldn't stop the dreaded meeting with the Malfoy Heir? What if he messed up the timeline? What if he did everything right and they still lost everyone all over again? What if he didn't get into Gryffindor would Gran be mad? What if his Gran didn't let him leave Trevor at home, in the greenhouse? What if his lessons with Blinkey didn't make a lick of difference and he was destined to fail in Potions?
It felt like he was on an endless loop of 'What if?' scenarios that just left him feeling worse every time. There were only so many breathing and counting exercises he could do to try to calm his racing heart and mind.
He knew that his Gran could tell something was off when he took breakfast with her in the mornings. He thought he saw worry in her eyes, but she never asked and he wasn't willing to say, so nothing changed.
He obviously had too much time to himself, even with the "tutoring" he asked of Blinkey. He hadn't had to try to wrangle his anxiety this much when he was a teen, maybe being older when he was diagnosed had been good for something.
Thankfully the cooking tutoring helped with the anxiety to an extent, it was a calming ritual without Professor Snape breathing down his neck it actually felt almost meditative. Maybe that's how Snape got into Potions, he had a decent teacher to show him how nice it was to brew.
Actually he remembered Slughorn, there went that theory. He didn't think it was possible for there to be a worse teacher, he knew most students would disagree with him but Slughorn was unfathomably worse. Snape, at least, taught well and considered safety even if he was intimidating and favored Slytherins far too much. What good was Slughorn's class when he was such a bad teacher, who couldn't even correct students, for fear of losing out on opportunities with their families? Yeah, he had caught onto what the Slug Club was all about.
It made his blood boil when he thought too hard about Slug Club especially when he thought about how Haz was invited for something he really had nothing to do with. Something his parents died for, he didn't deserve to be used like that for political gain.
He knew Hermione and Ron were Haz's best friends, but Haz was his, even if he didn't know it, and he would do anything for him. Maybe that was why the thought of not making a good impression and never getting to tell him they were meant to be family, weighed so heavily on him.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
Breathe in.
Breathe out.
He could do this, he just needed to go over his list for tomorrow one more time and he would be ready for bed.
1. Three sets of plain black school robes
2. One plain black pointed hat for day wear
3. Two pair of dragon hide protective gloves (He gets more use out of these than most, seeing as he likes to help Professor Sprout more often than just in class.)
4. One black winter cloak with silver fastenings
5. The Standard Book of Spells (Grade 1) by Miranda Goshawk
6. A History of Magic by Bathilda Bagshot
7. Magical Theory by Adalbert Waffling
8. A Beginners' Guide to Transfiguration by Emetic Switch
9. One Thousand Magical Herbs and Fungi by Phyllida Spore
10. Magical Drafts and Potions by Arsenius Jigger
11. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them by Newt Scamander
12. The Dark Forces: A Guide to Self-Protection by Quentin Trimble
13. A Pewter Wand Cauldron, Standard Size 2
14. A Basic Potions Ingredients Kit
15. Quills, Ink and Parchment (He wanted those Pen things muggles had made, that Haz had told him about but that could wait until he got to Hogwarts. Maybe he could ask Harry to bring him some from the muggle world.)
16. A Set of Glass Phials
17. A Telescope
18. A Set of Brass Scales
19. A School Trunk
20. A Satchel for School Work
21. A Wand (The idea of using his dad's wand left a sour taste in his mouth, his dad was still alive even if he couldn't use the wand. He needed his own wand.)
22. An Owl
23. An Owl for Haz (He had said that Hagrid bought the Hedwig last time for him for his birthday, maybe he could do that this time around? He had enough money set aside for it.)
24. A Snake for Haz (He had always said he wanted one but didn't know if he should, due to the fear people had when they found out that he's a Parselmouth. But, honestly, fuck those people, he deserved a snake.)
25. Muggleborn Starter Books for Haz
26. Etiquette Books for Haz (He's the last of the Potter Family and he didn't even know he had to behave as an Heir, even though technically he didn't have a Lord to answer to.)
27. A Cobra Lily Plant
He didn't think there was anything missing from his list but if there was, he could always Owl order when he got to Hogwarts as to not let his Gran know. He had a feeling he might actually put his Heir vault to use this year.
Sleep didn't come easy that night, but at least tomorrow he would get to see his best friend.