“Black-Lestrange, Mira.” McGonagall called, slight distain rolling off her tongue as she spoke. Mira ignored it, walking up to the stool and carefully sitting down as the sorting hat was placed on her head.
Unlike many fanfictions the hat’s voice did not immediately fill her head, leaving her slightly worried.
…S’up?
You know for somebody not even of this typical dimension, you’re certainly an odd one.
I… can’t tell if that’s a compliment or an insult.
Take it is a compliment, although the fanfictions did get one thing right. I can’t tell anybody what I see in students’ heads, there was a big scandal about it in 1547 when a pureblood heiress was found pregnant, and I deigned to inform the headmaster. The family was outraged and sought immediate retribution, passing a bill in 1549 that prevented me from speaking of what I see, signed and supported by every family of the sacred twenty-eight who feared that their own secrets might get out. Certainly, left me bored, gossiping was the only real sense of amusement I had from one school sorting to the next.
That… sucks. I guess? So, what actually is your name?
Guess
Alastor?
No
Altair?
No
Jackson?
No
Lucifer?
…Rude. And no.
*Gasp* God!?
Wha-No!
The hat seemed to be stifling a chuckle.
Gimme a hint.
I am the sorting hat.
Really, I didn’t notice.
Hilarious. That’s your hint, dumbass.
Rude… uh… Hatmaster?
…
Wait…? No. No, even Godric Gryffindor isn’t that mean.
Lol! You should’ve seen your face. You’ll never guess my name.
Alright, Rumpelstiltskin.
…How!? Just How!?
Wait… That’s actually your name?
I hate you.
Don’t you mean… you hat me? Eh? Eh?
No.
Come on! That was good!
It really wasn’t. Anyway, I ought to sort you now.
But… our brilliant companionship… A bond like no other…? And you would throw it all away?
Wow. You’re dramatic enough to be a Gryffindor.
NO!
Not Gryffindor?
I want to fly under the radar, chill, low-key. Background character goals.
That’s not gonna work.
It’ll work.
It won’t work.
Fuck you.
How crass, your word puns are so horrible they’d make even Salazar jealous.
LOW-key. Emphasis on low. Slytherin is not chill or under the radar.
I’m tempted to shout “Hogwarts” like the fanfictions say but that is so cringe.
It’d be funny, but seriously. Background. Character. Goals.
Well, that leaves Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff.
Ooooh, I wanna be a puff!
You have no idea what fair play is and the only person your loyal to is yourself. Also, you would chew those poor children up and spit them out in Saint Mugo’s Mental Ward.
But… I’m well suited for Hufflepuff.
What pray tell, makes you well suited for Hufflepuff?
…Pottermore.
…
…My Favorite colour is yellow.
Bullshit.
Yeah, no. My Favorite colour is cyan.
Blue?
Don’t you dare! I will burn you!
But you would fit so well there and imagine how many introverted children you could traumatise. Ravenclaw’s are shy, they won’t be able to tell the professor what caused their mental breakdown.
I don’t think that’s the kind of thing you should be encouraging.
Don’t tell me how to live my life.
I will, if you live it boringly.
Fine, I guess you want to be in-
NO! C’mon being a Hufflepuff is my dream! Could you really crush an innocent child’s dreams? How would you sleep at night.
Comfortably. Now-
NO! I WILL NOT ANSWER THE FUCKING RIDDLE JUST TO GO TO SLEEP!
“RAVENCLAW!”
Just so you know, I’m going to speak to the headmaster about allowing me to give you some company.
No! No! No, I take it back! Mercy! Please, have mercy! What have I do-
Professor McGonagall removed the hat and arched a brow as Mira held in a laugh at Rumpelstiltskin’s pleas. She shot the transfiguration professor a bright smile as she made her way to the Ravenclaw table.
The rest of the sorting passed quickly, Mira looking up and applauding quietly when the Weasley twins, Alicia Spinet, Lee Jordan and Katie Bell were sorted into Gryffindor and quietly applauding when Cho Chang, Marietta Edgecombe, Mandy Brocklehurst, Michael Corner, Marcus Belby, Roger Davies and Anthony Goldstein, joined the Ravenclaw table.
The rest of the feast passed by quickly, the headmaster read out a list of announcements, including the latest additions to Filches banned products (Mira silently swore to herself that she was going to destroy anyone who hurt Mrs Norris) before dismissing them to bed.
A Ravenclaw prefect by the name of Chester Davies led them to the dorms, explaining about the riddle and letting them know that the boys and girls were in separate parts of the tower. The girls in her dorm immediately stuck together.
The dorm itself opened to a small library with four armchairs, and a large desk that none of the other girls seemed particularly interested in. Behind the desk was a door leading to a small hall with two more doors on each side and one large door at the end. The doors on the left and right lead to bathroom’s, two per bathroom. The door at the end of the corridor lead to a walk in closet that was divided evenly among four students. Three shelves for shoes, one double door closet for hanging stuff, three drawers, for undergarment, jewellery and hygiene products respectively.
When you went up stairs onto the wrap around balcony in the library there was one more dorm that led to a large dorm with four separate beds. Cho, Marietta and Mandy let her have first pick of the beds before huddling together on Cho’s bed in a tight circle. They may as well just put up a neon sign with the words “You’re not welcome here!” in all capitals. Mira didn’t blame them for their caution though, her father was a mass murderer.
The group of girls took turns showering, apparently deciding that rather than sharing a bathroom with Mira, Mandy, Marietta and Cho would all share a bathroom. Mira tried to pretend it didn’t sting as she pulled the covers over herself and lit her wand (Aspen, 14 ¾ inches with an intertwined Veela Hair, Chimaera heartsrting and Kneazle Whisker core, glued together with paste from crushed chimaera bone) with a Lumos.
The black-haired girl smiled softly as she opened her journal to the front page. There was a moving picture of Raewyn Lestrange and Sirius Black huddled together, her mother held her in her arms. Raewyn had only been sent to Azkaban when Mira was 4 (24), and had passed by the time Mira was 8 (28).
She shook her head, snapping herself out of her daze as she skimmed through her journal, jotting down a rough idea of the things she needed tog et done.
- Get the marauders map before Weasley Twins, sneak in tomorrow night.
- Use parseltongue to enter the Chamber of Secrets
- Find Tapestry of Barnabas the Barmy (and the RoR)
- Find the real names of the paintings and gather myself a support network of portraits, statues, ghosts and pets throughout the castle
- Win loyalty of house elves and destroy my enemies with my new adorably big eared friends!
- Find the Kitchens
- Ace flying lessons but don’t join quidditch!
- Explore the Castle for secret passages and Rooms, update them onto the map.
- Kidnap Rumpelstiltskin and force him to aid me with my secret world domination plans.
Mira giggled, never had she thought that she would write that on her bucket list. She smiled, tucking the journal under her pillow, beside her worry doll and drifting off to sleep.
When Mira woke the next morning her dorm mates were still sound asleep, upon casting a quiet “Tempus!” charm, she discovered that it was in fact 6:07 am. She wrinkled her nose slightly as she eyed Brocklehurst loudly snoring form and cringed at the sight of the floor surrounding her bed. Casting a quick repelling charm on the area of the room so that no dirty or clean clothes could find themselves on her surrounding floor.
The raven-haired girl quietly made her way downstairs, packing her satchel with school books (and a few extra’s) quickly getting dressed and carefully combing about three dozen hair products into her wavy black hair. Perfection takes time.
It was 6:34 by the time Mira slipped out of the empty common room and made her way down to breakfast. She was surprised to see that only the staff had been served so far and she was the first student there.
“Miss Black-Lestrange!” Professor Flitwick exclaimed from behind her,” I hadn’t realised any students would be up so early! Why, not even Percy Weasley makes it to the Great Hall this early!”
“Well, I figured today was important, Professor.” She smiled charmingly,” I need to be awake for all my classes and what better way to do that than to wake up early? Besides, I need to ensure I’m not late for any of my classes!”
“Always nice to see a student ensuring she’s prepared! Five points to Ravenclaw.” He chirped.
Mira inwardly wondered how the fuck he was so chirpy in the morning,” Thank you, professor! Oh, I’ve been terribly rude, how did you sleep?”
“Quite well, thankyou for asking.” He grinned before reaching into his and pulling out a stack of time tables,” Here’s your schedule for today, Miss Black.”
“Thank you, sir.” She smiled.
“Anytime, Miss Black.” The short goblin hybrid smiled,” Do you mind if I call you that? Black-Lestrange is quite a mouthful.”
“No more so than Nymphadora!” A Hufflepuff with bubble-gum pink hair bounced over,” S’up cuz?”
Mira turned to the sixth year Hufflepuff and quietly change her hair to a sky blue,” The sky.” She smirked at her cousins shocked look,” And, no professor. I don’t mind at all.”
“You’re a metamorphmagus!” The clumsy girl exclaimed, wincing as she stubbed her toe before swooping her younger cousin into a bear hug,” HAHA! My Baby Cousin’s a Metamorphmagus like me! I can’t wait to teach you all the cool tricks we’re capable of! Come along! Oh, I’m Tonks by the way. Nymphadora Tonks but if you call me Nymphadora I’ll hex so hard you feel it next week, Firstie or Not.”
“5 points from hufflepuff for threatening bodily harm to a fellow student. Again.” Flitwick have Mira a nod,” Have a lovely day, Miss Black. Miss Nymphadora.”
“Ignore him.” She smiled,” Dad’s got all but Professor Snape in on calling my Nymphadora in the hopes I’ll start using the name.”
“Wow, And I thought Nashira was bad.”
Tonks snickered,” Nashira. Oh Merlin, That’s awesome.”
“Ring, Ring, Ring,” Mira mocked pulling a hand out of her pocket in a phone like shape,” Hello, is this the leg factory? I was wondering if you’ve got something for my cousin to stand on? No? Such a shame.”
Tonks’s mouth snapped shut,” Brat.”
Mira smiled angelically as she slid into a seat at the Ravenclaw table,” Give me a brief overview of the Professors.”
“Flitwick’s cheery but he hates bullies, Snape’s is a bully, he’ll be worse if you have classes with the Slytherins. He’ll favour you if you’re with the Gryffindors. McGonagall’s stern but strict and extremely protective of her cubs, Binns is self-study hall and Sinistra is sweet and fair but doesn’t take any shit.”
“Five points from Hufflepuff for foul language.” McGonagall chided as she passed them.
Tonks didn’t seem to care,” Wanna have a Morphing Competition?”
Mira’s hair turned into a rainbow. Tonks responded by making her pink hair into a neon yellow with black streaks. Mira turned her mouth into a duck beak. Tonks’s became a pig snout.
“I’m winning this.” Tonks declared as Mira turned her nose into a crow’s beak but kept her mouth a duck beak.
Tonks grew bright orange donkey ears.
Mira smirked,” Game on.” Her beaks shifted into a long horse snout, her own ears becoming bat wings and her eyes turning red.
Tonks looked reluctantly impressed as she shifted her eyes and mouth around.
Mira’s horse mouth twisted into a smirk as he own eyes found their way to her cheeks and she leaned forward,” Boo.” She whispered, allowing her eyed to glow brightly.
“HOLY SHIT!” Tonk stumbled back, clutching a hand to her heart,” What. The. Actual. Fuck.”
“20 points form Hufflepuff for such foul language. However, 50 points to Hufflepuff for creative use of abilities and admirable persistence.”
Mira quietly changed back, smoothing down her hair and looking away, cheeks slightly pink with embarrassment. The girl cleared her throat,” …Good Game.” She offered reluctantly.
Tonks huffed,” I’ll get you next time.”
“In your dreams.”
“You wish you were in my dreams.’
Mira balked.
Tonks paused,” That came out wrong.”
“Eh, can’t be worse than the time I told a fifteen-year-old boy he should see my bedroom.”
Tonks choked,” You didn’t.”
A few students had trickled in quietly, shooting Mira distrusting looks,” Yup. Alright, I’m gonna go look around the castle, it was nice meeting you, Dora.”
Tonk opened her mouth, likely to protest at the nickname before pausing and deciding it was better than Nymphadora,” See ya later, ickle Firstie.”
Mira allowed a small smiled to grace her face as she walked out of the great hall and double checked no one else was around before pulling a small tiara out of her bag and placing it gently onto her head. As expected, she faded from view and quietly walked towards Filches office, she double checked the room as she snuck in and immediately found a filing cabinet without any protective charms on it. She quickly opened it pulling out the map, she hesitated as her eyes caught shiny sapphire necklace that she knew had belonged to Bellatrix before tucking it into her robes.
If she was correct, then this jewellery was going to be most useful. She quietly slipped out of Filches office and made her way to Transfiguration with the Gyffindors. Transfiguration was startingly easy, save for the fact that the Weasley twins kept glaring at her for winning Ravenclaw points.
Potions came after transfiguration, the Ravenclaws and Gryffindor’s made their way into the classroom and settled down quietly, waiting for the potions professor to begin class, Professor Snape flung the door open and swaggered into the room, robes billowing behind him. James Potter’s swagger was better,” Put your wands away. There will be no foolish wand waving in my class, today you will learn the subtle and exact art of potions making. I can teach you to brew flame, bottle glory and even put a stopper to death, that is, if you aren’t a bunch of Dunderheads like usual. Black!”
“Yes, professor?”
“What would I get if I added crushed Monkshood and Gillyweed to a Veritaserum potion?”
“A lycanthropy potion commonly known as wolfsbane, sir. Taken by werewolves the night of the full moon to allow them to retain their human brain and sedate the wolf.”
“I did not ask for a summary of the potion. What would I get if I added powdered asphodel to an infusion of wormwood?”
“Apologies, sir,” She grit her teeth,” You would receive the draught of living death.”
“Are you not going to tell me what the Draught of living Death does?
She grit her teeth, biting back a scathing retort at the man child,” It causes an almost incurable slumber, it’s commonly used in Saint mungo’s mental ward with traumatised patients and can be used in Azkaban on the convicts who have gone mad.”
A nasty sneer spread across Snapes face,” You would know all about that, wouldn’t you? What, with your father being Sirius Black.”
The Gryffindor’s gasped and glared at her at the confirmation that Sirius was her father and her desk mate edged away from her and she flinched into herself.
“Tell me, Miss Black.” He started, she ground her teeth once again at the lack of her full name,” How would one go about curing madness?”
“I-I… Presumably a Calming Draught and a Mental Stabilisation Potions, mixed in Phoenix tears.”
The sneer on Snape’s face grew nastier,” You would know about curing madness with it running in the family, wouldn’t you?”
Her classmates snickered cruelly, muttering insults about her to each other. Mira stood up from her seat and grabbed her satchel, running out of the room. She made her way to the seventh floor, knowing there wasn’t anywhere else she could go without getting detention. The tapestry of Barnabus the Barmy dancing with the trolls was easy enough to find and she paced back and forth. I need a comforting place to hide until my next class.
The door to the Room of Requirement revealed itself and she opened it to reveal a small room full of books with a cozy fireplace and reading nook next to a window. She curled up in the nook and pulled out the marauders map,” I solemnly swear I am up to no good.”
Lo and behold, the map unfolded and black inked stretched onto the parchment. Her eyes danced along the parchment, to the headmaster’s office where he was pacing along the floor. Mira giggled at the thought of him stroking his long beard as he thought. She turned to the transfiguration classroom where Professor McGonagall could be seen sitting at her desk, presumably on a free period and without thinking she landed on Snape’s classroom over in the dungeons. She furrowed her brows as she caught sight of Fred and George Weasley huddled together at the potion’s ingredients cabinet. They had been on opposite sides of the room when she left, Snape sauntered over to them, and the names twisted to face him. Lee Jordan ran up behind him and Snape started twisting and jumping around before the trio of Gryffindor’s rushed out of the room. Sure enough, they were headed to the Ravenclaw tower. Mira smirked as she checked the map a secret passageway before she folded it up, placed her tiara onto her head and rushed to the Ravenclaw tower.
“You sure she went this way?” Lee asked,” Seems kind of dumb if you ask me, hanging out in the common room while ditching.”
“Not the point mate-“ The red haired twin with the freckle beside his left eye started.
“Then what is it?”
“The point is that she made Snape hate her before she even set foot-“ The twin with the freckle on the right continued.
“Into-“
“The-“
“Class-“
“Okay!” Lee shouted indignantly,” Can you please stop with your twin speak and talk like normal? No one else is here!”
“What do you say, Gred?”
“I don’t know, Feorge.” ‘Gred’ had the freckle on the left, Mira figured that was probably George since his name began with G,” I think it’s amusing that it annoys him so much.”
“’Amusing’,” Mira smirked as she stepped out of the shadows,” Big word for a soulless little boy.”
Mira had never heard three boys scream louder, she cackled.
When the boys finally seemed to realise she was just a first year like them they shut up, faces flushing bright red.
”Soulless?” Right freckled asked,” Who’re you calling soulless?”
“You, itsy bitsy Ginger.” A nasty grin spread across Mira’s face as she mimicked her Aunt Bellatrix,” Everyone knows Ginger’s are soulless.”
”Ginger aren—aren’t soulless!” Jordan stuttered,” That’s just a myth!”
”Aww,” Mira smirked,” Is ickle wickle Lee Jordan scared of me?”
“AHHH! She knows my name!” Jordan screeched as he jumped into Right freckles arms, Right freckle toppled over into Left freckle and the three of them were on the floor in a manner of seconds.
Jordan cleared his throat and rose quickly,” I mean—No! I’m not—uh—scared of you!”
”Not scared of Sirius Blacks daughter, of Bellatrix Lestrange’s niece?” She smiled creepily,” You are either very foolish or very brave.”
Lee whimpered.
Mira was quite for a moment before her lips twitched up, one at a time and she let out a loud laugh,” Oh you should’ve seen your face!”
Right freckled blinked,” You were pulling our leg?”
“Obviously.”
He and Left Freckle scowled,” Ugh.”
”What’d you do to Snape?”
”What makes you think we did anything?” Lee’s face was a little too innocent.
“Because he started dancing alliums and you guys ditched.”
”How’d you know that!?” Lee demanded.
Mira paused briefly before pulling out the map,” I solemnly swear so am up to no good.”
”Messrs Wormtail, Moony, Padfiot and Prongs are proud to present The marauders map.” Right freckle read aloud.
“Who are they?” Lee Jordan asked.
“Only the best pranksters to ever roam the hallowed halls of Hogwarts.”
“Yeah?” Left freckle challenged.
“Until now, that is.” Mira smirked.
“What do you mean?” Right freckle asked.
“Someone has to carry on their legacy.” She grinned,” And given that Padfoot was my father, who better to do it than us?”
“Us?” Right freckle asked slowly.
“The marauders were a group of four.” Mira pointed out,” So, Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest, are you in?”
Lee blinked,” I never thought there would be a day I say this, but I sincerely hope I’m Dumb.”
“If we’re Dumb, Dumber and Dumbest, does that make you Dumberest?” Left freckle asked.
“And that,” Mira pointed at him,” Is why you are dumbest, Tweedledum.”
“What’s a ‘Tweedledum’?” Right freckle asked.
“Forget I said anything, Tweedledee.”
“Oh!” Lee called,” I know, my mum’s a muggle. Isn’t that that Alice in Wonderland book?”
“Yes!” Mira shouted.
“I call dibs being Hatter then!”
“I pinned you as more of a Thackery, to be honest.”
“Telekinesis is pretty cool.” Lee agreed, “I suppose you’re Alice?”
“Don’t be ridiculous! I ought to behead you for such an assumption,” Mira scoffed,” I’m obviously Cheshire.”
“Yeah,” Lee agreed reluctantly,” You strike me as more of a cheshire. Helps people but also enjoys causing chaos and trouble.”
“I quite like that description, Thackerysan.”
“You’re welcome, Cheshirehime.”
“Look at us,” Mira smirked,” Tweedledee, Tweedledum, Cheshirehime and Thackerysan.”
“What does Thackerysan and Cheshirehime mean?” Right frecklle spoke up.
“First, actual names.” Mira scoffed,” Honest names. You can trick us later.”
The twins sighed.
“I’m Fred-“ Right freckle started.
“-And I’m George!” Lefty finished.
“Right, I’m Mira.”
“We know,” Lee grinned,” You managed to make Snape hate you just by breathing.”
“He’s an Arse.” Mira scoffed,” My dad tried to kill him when they were in school.”
“What!?” Lee demanded.
“It wasn’t intentional!” Mira protested,” Snape was a Slytherin who when Sirius and James, Potter that is, met him and invited him to sit in their compartment was a total prat the entire time. He scoffed and sneered at them, James especially because Jame had a crush on Lily who Snape also had a crush on. James and Sirius expressed their desires to be Gryffindor and Snape scoffed stating that all Gryffindors were reckless and dumb, and he was a Slytherin. Sirius got mad and commented that Slytherin’s were all slimy snakes. Snape stormed off and Lily followed. When Snape got sorted into Slytherin he began bullying ‘Puffs and younger ‘Gryffs so Sirius and James teamed up with a friend of theirs who was a werewolf and they started pranking him all the time. He was an arsehole who didn’t want to admit that he’d unnecessarily instigated the entire feud, so he kept reporting them for ‘Bullying’ him, despite the fact that they were pranking him for bullying others. Anyway, Sirius and James had a werewolf friend who used to transform in the shrieking shack. Snape grew suspicious about him being gone every full moon and began to suspect him and follow them around. Sirius loudly explained that they’d meet him in the shrieking shack. He didn’t think Snape would be able to get past because he hadn’t told him how to enter the tunnel, but Snape had overheard them talking the previous day and James ended up finding out and saving Snape’s arse. Snape should’ve kept his stupidly greasy nose out of their business and not tried to get them expelled. None of it would’ve happened if he’d not been and total Arse.”
“I like the way you say Arse.” Fred decided,” Arse, Arse, Arse…”
“Seriously?” Mira asked,” That’s what you drew from the story?”
“No.” Fred admitted,” What I drew from the story is that Snape was a total prat during his school years and your father, and his friends pranked him for bullying defenceless lower years and he didn’t like that someone was actually standing up to him so he decide that he would bully you because he’s and overgrown bat! And we need to prank the crap out of him and make him pay, we’re gonna be the next generation of marauders!”
“We can’t use their name though.” Mira pointed out,” What about The Musketeers?”
“Lame and Cliché.” George scoffed,” We need something cool.”