It takes 7 years to finish school. 2 weeks of non-stop exams. 3 months of studying. 39 mental breakdowns this year alone and a additional 3 weeks to wait for the results in which you finally let yourself dream a bit about your own apartment, you making food in your kitchen. About the beautiful summer ahead that you can spend with your friends. Dreaming about your future studies.
And it takes about 5 minutes for all of those dreams to come crashing down on you. Because that is al they where, dreams, not reality…. Not yet.
‘I am very sorry to tell you this dear, but you didn’t pas your exams. You will have to do the year over.’ Slughorne is telling you. Or that is what you think he is saying, you don’t really know. Not with your mothers hand softly gripping yours, or your father asking him questions about courses you will have to follow. Not with your dreams slipping trough your fingers. Tears find there way in your eyes no matter how hard you are trying not to cry. Slowly they drip down your cheeks and onto your hands that a clenched together in your lap. Everything you had hoped and dreamed for the next year is gone.
7 years of work, studying, tests, assignments and your everything gone in 5 minutes.
‘C-can you p-please e-e-excuse me?’ your hands a shaking, or its your entire body that is shaking. You don’t know and frankly you don’t really care.
You need to get out……. Now. Without waiting for a real answer back you lift yourself out of the chair. ‘Afcourse dear, take as much time that you need. I’ll find you in a bit, we will handle all of this. Don’t worry.’ Your mother squeezes your hand one last time and with that you leave the room and close the heavy wooden door behind you.
Now what? You can’t go back to your dorm, all your friends will ask if you past or not. You just can’t explain it, not yet, not now…… maybe not ever. You have never wanted that the floor could swallow you hole more until now. Just so you don’t have to feel all your feelings, so you don’t have to cry. You start walking without really knowing where to go. Up the stairs, higher and higher and higher. Turning into a hallway that is completely dark you let yourself fall in the window seat and weep. Pulling your legs up to you’re chest and wrapping your arms around you like a hug normally helps you calm down but now it just makes you more upset, because there is nobody to hold you, nobody to wipe your tears. You’re alone.
You’re tears keep falling, completely socking your shirt, tie and blouse.
It feels like you’re world just came crashing down, it feels like you can’t breathe so you rip you’re green tie from you’re throat. Slytherin.
Another branding you can’t escape in this school or at home. 7 years ago you were named the 3e Slytherin ever in your family, you promised to make you’re parents proud, to not be one of the bad ones. And you’re not but that doesn’t mean you don’t think and feel like one. And failing isn’t for Slytherin. But you did. You failed. Throwing your tie away and ripping open the top of you’re blouse doesn’t lift your inability to breath, it feels like something is gripping your throat and will not let go. Ever. Tears are blurring your vison, fear is gripping your throat. You’re mind is spinning and thinking of the worst things. How you are disappointing you’re parents, brother, grandparents and you’re friends. Normally are you the semi stable one, the glue keeping every one together. And now you are the one falling apart. Slowly but surly are you breaking down till nothing is left but a heap of dissa…..
‘hey are you okay?’ a soft voice is cutting through your thoughts. There is a soft hand on your back. Two big hazel eyes full of concern are looking at you and checking you over as if they are concert that you are hurt somewhere and they can fix it. These are not the beautiful green eyes of you’re mother who promised to find you or the kind bleu ones of your father. No these belong to the one and only James Potter.
Potter isn’t the worst person who could have found you here but also definitely not the best. The 6th year is known to be kind to people of other houses but you have never really spoken and it feels a bit pathetic to be comforted by someone from a year below.
‘yeah, I-I feel fucking g-great.’ ‘I can see that, what happened?’ Potter drops in the window seat next to you. ‘I failed. I…’ The tears keep sliding down your cheeks. ‘I failed my exams, I didn’t make it, I-I have t-to do it all over.’ And against every expectation you ever had of James Potter and what he would do in this moment he puts a arm around you’re shoulders and pulls you in a hug.
‘I’m sorry.’ His voice is almost nothing more than a whisper, a soft rumbling in his chest. ‘I’m really sorry to hear that. How can I help you, do you want me to stay or leave?’ ‘I-I don’t want to i-inconvenience you.’ ‘you’re not, I wanted to help. Is it okay that I just keep hugging you?’ ‘y-yeah n-no problem.’ James shifts you so you’re partially in his lap and pressed to his chest. One of his hands is softly stroking your hair as he tucks your head under his chin and the other one is holding onto your waist. ‘It’s okay breath, slowly, in and out.’ While he speaks his own chest goes up and down as he breaths in and out. ‘it’s okay to cry about that you know.’ You softly hum in agreement, your sadness has tired you out and the warmth form James is making you slowly drift to sleep. ‘it’s okay, I have got you.’ James’ softly whispers into your hair as he keeps stroking it. Just before you slip away from exhaustion there is one last thought in your mind. “I want to fall asleep to this warmth forever.”
END.