Chapter ─ 14
The sun was sinking behind the mountains by the time we found the water park. Judging from the sign, it once had been called WATERLAND, but now some of the letters were smashed out, so it read WAT R A D.
The main gate was padlocked and topped with barbed wire. Inside, huge dry water slides and tubes and pipes curled everywhere, leading to empty pools. Old tickets and advertisements fluttered around the asphalt. With night coming on, the place looked sad and creepy.
─ If Ares brings his girlfriend here for a date. ─ I said, staring up at the barbed wire. ─ I'd hate to see what she looks like. ─
─ Percy. ─ Annabeth warned. ─ Be more respectful. ─
─ Why? I thought you hated Ares. ─
─ He's still a god. And his girlfriend is very temperamental. ─
─ You don't want to insult her looks. ─ Grover added.
─ Who is she? Echidna? ─
─ Nope, Aphrodite. ─ Reg said. ─ The Goddess of love. ─
─ I thought she was married to somebody. ─ I said. ─ Hephaestus. ─
─ Even mortals know that she is unfaithful to him. ─ Reg mumbled a little grossed out.
─ Oh. ─ I suddenly felt the need to change the subject. ─ So how do we get in? ─
─ Maia! ─ Grover's shoes sprouted wings.
He flew over the fence, did an unintended somersault in midair, then stumbled to a landing on the opposite side. He dusted off his jeans, as if he'd planned the whole thing. ─ Are you guys coming? ─
Reg, Annabeth and I had to climb the old-fashioned way, holding down the barbed wire for each other as we crawled over the top.
The shadows grew long as we walked through the park, checking out the attractions. There was Ankle Biter Island, Head Over Wedgie, and Dude, Where's My Swimsuit?
No monsters came to get us. Nothing made the slightest noise.
We found a souvenir shop that had been left open. Merchandise still lined the shelves: snow globes, pencils, postcards, and racks of-
─ Clothes. ─ Annabeth said. ─ Fresh clothes. ─
─ Yeah. ─ I said. ─ But we can't just- ─
─ Watch me. ─
─ I second that. ─
She snatched an entire row of stuff from the racks at the left while reg snatched the right one. And then both disappeared into the changing rooms. A few minutes later Annabeth came out in Waterland flower-print shorts, a big red Waterland T-shirt, and commemorative Waterland surf shoes. Reg came out wearing blue shorts, a black shirt, and the same pair of shoes as Annabeth. Each of them with a waterland backpack slung over their shoulder, obviously stuffed with more goodies.
─ What the heck. ─ Grover shrugged. Soon, all three of us were decked out like walking advertisements for the defunct theme park.
We continued searching for the Tunnel of Love. I got the feeling that the whole park was holding its breath. ─ So Ares and Aphrodite. ─ I said, to keep my mind off the growing dark, ─ They have a thing going? ─
─ That's old gossip, Percy. ─ Annabeth told me. ─ Three-thousand-year-old gossip. ─
─ What about Aphrodite's husband? ─
─ Well, you know. ─ She said. ─ Hephaestus. The blacksmith. He was crippled when he was a baby, thrown off Mount Olympus by Zeus. So he isn't exactly handsome. Clever with his hands, and all, but Aphrodite isn't into brains and talent, you know? ─
─ She likes bikers. ─
─ Whatever. ─
─ Hephaestus knows? ─
─ Oh sure. ─ Reg said. ─ He caught them together once. I mean, literally caught them, in a golden net, and invited all the gods to come and laugh at them. Hephaestus is always trying to embarrass them. That's why they meet in out-of-the-way places, like… ─
He stopped, looking straight ahead. ─ Like that. ─
In front of us was an empty pool that would've been awesome for skateboarding. It was at least fifty yards across and shaped like a bowl.
Around the rim, a dozen bronze statues of Cupid stood guard with wings spread and bows ready to fire. On the opposite side from us, a tunnel opened up, probably where the water flowed into when the pool was full. The sign above it read, THRILL RIDE O' LOVE: THIS IS NOT YOUR PARENTS' TUNNEL OF LOVE!
Grover crept toward the edge. ─ Guys, look. ─
Marooned at the bottom of the pool was a pink-and-white two-seater boat with a canopy over the top and little hearts painted all over it. In the left seat, glinting in the fading light, was Ares's shield, a polished circle of bronze.
─ This is too easy. ─ I said. ─ So we just walk down there and get it? ─
Annabeth ran her fingers along the base of the nearest Cupid statue.
─ There's a Greek letter carved here. ─ She said. ─ Eta. I wonder… ─
─ Grover. ─ I said, ─ Do you smell any monsters? ─
He sniffed the wind. ─ Nothing. ─
─ Nothing, like, in-the-Arch-and-you-didn't-smell-Echidna nothing, or really nothing? ─
Grover looked hurt. ─ I told you, that was underground. ─
─ Okay, I'm sorry. ─ I took a deep breath. ─ I'm going down there. ─
─ I'll go with you. ─ Grover didn't sound too enthusiastic, but I got the feeling he was trying to make up for what had happened in St. Louis.
─ No. ─ I told him. ─ I want you and Annabeth to stay up top with the flying shoes. You're the Red Baron, a flying ace, remember? I'll be counting on you for backup, in case something goes wrong and Annabeth can fight if you need. ─
Grover puffed up his chest a little. ─ Sure. But what could go wrong? ─
─ I don't know. Just a feeling. Reg, come with me- ─
─ Are you kidding? ─ He looked at me as if I'd just dropped from the moon.
─ What's the problem now? ─ I demanded.
─ You can’t possibly be serious about me going into this thing… How embarrassing is that? ─
─ As if someone is gonna be interested in a teenager going into the Thrill Ride of Love. What is there to be shamed off? It’s not like someone’s watching you. ─ I said ─ Fine. ─ I told him. ─ I'll do it myself. ─ But when I started down the side of the pool, he followed me, muttering about how I always messed things up.
We reached the boat. The shield was propped on one seat, and next to it was a lady's silk scarf. I tried to imagine Ares and Aphrodite here, a couple of gods meeting in a junked-out amusement-park ride. Why? Then I noticed something I hadn't seen from up top: mirrors all the way around the rim of the pool, facing this spot. We could see ourselves no matter which direction we looked. That must be it. While Ares and Aphrodite were smooching with each other they could look at their favorite people: themselves.
I picked up the scarf. It shimmered pink, and the perfume was indescribable, rose, or mountain laurel. Something good. I smiled, a little dreamy, and was about to rub the scarf against my cheek when Reg ripped it out of my hand and stuffed it in his pocket. ─ Oh, no you don't. Stay away from that love magic. ─
─ What? ─
─ Just get the shield, and let's get out of here. ─
The moment I touched the shield, I knew we were in trouble. My hand broke through something that had been connecting it to the dashboard. A cobweb, I thought, but then I looked at a strand of it on my palm and saw it was some kind of metal filament, so fine it was almost invisible. A trip wire.
─ Wait. ─ Reg said.
─ Too late. ─
─ There's another Greek letter on the side of the boat, another Eta. This is a trap. ─
Noise erupted all around us, of a million gears grinding, as if the whole pool were turning into one giant machine.
Grover yelled. ─ Guys! ─ While Annabeth Yelled. ─ Regulus! Percy! ─
Up on the rim, the Cupid statues were drawing their bows into firing position. Before I could suggest taking cover, they shot, but not at us. They fired at each other, across the rim of the pool. Silky cables trailed from the arrows, arcing over the pool and anchoring where they landed to form a huge golden asterisk. Then smaller metallic threads started weaving together magically between the main strands, making a net.
─ We have to get out. ─ I said.
─ Duh! ─ Reg said.
I grabbed the shield and we ran, but going up the slope of the pool was not as easy as going down.
─ Come on! ─ Grover shouted.
He was trying to hold open a section of the net for us, but wherever he touched it, the golden threads started to wrap around his hands.
The Cupids' heads popped open. Out came video cameras. Spotlights rose up all around the pool, blinding us with illumination, and a loudspeaker voice boomed: ─ Live to Olympus in one minute… Fifty-nine seconds, fifty-eight… ─
─ Hephaestus! ─ Annabeth screamed. ─ I'm so stupid.' Eta is H.' He made this trap to catch his wife with Ares. Now we're going to be broadcast live to Olympus and look like absolute fools! ─
We'd almost made it to the rim when the row of mirrors opened like hatches and thousands of tiny metallic… things poured out.
Annabeth screamed.
It was an army of wind-up creepy-crawlies: bronze-gear bodies, spindly legs, little pincer mouths, all scuttling toward us in a wave of clacking, whirring metal.
─ Spiders! ─ Annabeth said. ─ Sp- sp- aaaah! ─
I'd never seen her like this before. She fell backward in terror and almost fell off the edge, overwhelmed by the spider robots before Grover pulled her up and dragged her back.
The things were coming out from all around the rim now, millions of them, flooding toward the center of the pool, completely surrounding us. I told myself they probably weren't programmed to kill, just corral us and bite us and make us look stupid. Then again, this was a trap meant for gods. And we weren't gods.
Reg and I climbed into the boat and started kicking away the spiders as they swarmed aboard.
─ Thirty, twenty-nine. ─ called the loudspeaker.
The spiders started spitting out strands of metal thread, trying to tie us down. The strands were easy enough to break at first, but there were so many of them, and the spiders just kept coming.
Grover hovered above the pool in his flying sneakers, trying to pull the net loose, but it wouldn't budge.
Think, I told myself. Think.
The Tunnel of Love entrance was under the net. We could use it as an exit, except that it was blocked by a million robot spiders.
─ Fifteen, fourteen, ─ the loudspeaker called.
Water, I thought. Where does the ride's water come from?
Then I saw them: huge water pipes behind the mirrors, where the spiders had come from. And up above the net, next to one of the Cupids, a glass-windowed booth that must be the controller's station.
─ Grover! ─ I yelled. ─ Get into that booth! Find the 'on' switch! ─
─ But- ─
─ Do it! ─ It was a crazy hope, but it was our only chance. The spiders were all over the prow of the boat now.
Grover was in the controller's booth now, slamming away at the buttons.
─ Five, four, ─
Grover looked up at me hopelessly, raising his hands. He was letting me know that he'd pushed every button, but still nothing was happening.
I closed my eyes and thought about waves, rushing water, and the Mississippi River. I felt a familiar tug in my gut. I tried to imagine that I was dragging the ocean all the way to Denver.
─ Two, one, zero! ─
Water exploded out of the pipes. It roared into the pool, sweeping away the spiders. I pulled Reg into the seat next to me and fastened his seat belt just as the tidal wave slammed into our boat, over the top, whisking the spiders away and dousing us completely, but not capsizing us. The boat turned, lifted in the flood, and spun in circles around the whirlpool.
The water was full of short-circuiting spiders, some of them smashing against the pool's concrete wall with such force they burst.
Spotlights glared down at us. The Cupid-cams were rolling, live to Olympus.
But I could only concentrate on controlling the boat. I willed it to ride the current, to keep away from the wall. Maybe it was my imagination, but the boat seemed to respond. At least, it didn't break into a million pieces. We spun around one last time, the water level now almost high enough to shred us against the metal net. Then the boat's nose turned toward the tunnel and we rocketed through into the darkness.
Reg and I held tight, both of us screaming as the boat shot curls and hugged corners and took forty-five-degree plunges past pictures of Romeo and Juliet and a bunch of other Valentine's Day stuff.
Then we were out of the tunnel, the night air whistling through our hair as the boat barreled straight toward the exit.
If the ride had been in working order, we would've sailed off a ramp between the Golden Gates of Love and splashed down safely in the exit pool. But there was a problem. The Gates of Love were chained. Two boats that had been washed out of the tunnel before us were now piled against the barricade—one submerged, the other cracked in half.
─ Unfasten your seat belt. ─ I yelled to Reg.
─ Are you crazy? ─
─ Unless you want to get smashed to death. ─ I strapped Ares's shield to my arm. ─ We're going to have to jump for it. ─ My idea was simple and insane. As the boat struck, we would use its force like a springboard to jump the gate. I'd heard of people surviving car crashes that way, getting thrown thirty or forty feet away from an accident. With luck, we would land in the pool.
Reg seemed to understand. He gripped my hand as the gates got closer.
─ On my mark. ─ I said.
─ No! On my mark! ─
─ What? ─
─ Simple physics! ─ He yelled. ─ Force times the trajectory angle- ─
─ Fine. ─ I shouted. ─ On your mark! ─
He hesitated… hesitated… then yelled. ─ Now! ─
Crack!
Annabeth was right. If we'd jumped when I thought we should've, we would've crashed into the gates. She got us maximum lift.
Unfortunately, that was a little more than we needed. Our boat smashed into the pileup and we were thrown into the air, straight over the gates, over the pool, and down toward solid asphalt.
Something grabbed me from behind.
Reg yelled, ─ Ouch! ─
Grover!
In midair, he had grabbed me by the shirt, and Reg by the arm, and was trying to pull us out of a crash landing, but Reg and I had all the momentum.
─ You're too heavy! ─ Grover said. ─ We're going down! ─
We spiraled toward the ground, Grover doing his best to slow the fall.
We smashed into a photo-board, Grover's head going straight into the hole where tourists would put their faces, pretending to be Noo-Noo the Friendly Whale. Reg and I tumbled to the ground, banged up but alive. Ares's shield was still on my arm.
Once we caught our breath, Reg and I got Grover out of the photo-board and thanked him for saving our lives. I looked back at the Thrill Ride of Love. The water was subsiding. Our boat had been smashed to pieces against the gates.
A hundred yards away, at the entrance pool, the Cupids were still filming. The statues had swiveled so that their cameras were trained straight on us, the spotlights in our faces.
─ Show's over! ─ I yelled. ─ Thank you! Good night! ─
The Cupids turned back to their original positions. The lights shut off. The park went quiet and dark again, except for the gentle trickle of water into the Thrill Ride of Love's exit pool. I wondered if Olympus had gone to a commercial break, or if our ratings had been any good.
I hated being teased. I hated being tricked. And I had plenty of experience handling bullies who liked to do that stuff to me. I hefted the shield on my arm and turned to my friends. ─ We need to have a little talk with Ares. ─
The war god was waiting for us in the diner parking lot.
─ Well, well. ─ He said. ─ You didn't get yourself killed. ─
─ You knew it was a trap. ─ I said.
Ares gave me a wicked grin. ─ Bet that crippled blacksmith was surprised when he netted a couple of stupid kids. You looked good on TV. ─
I shoved his shield at him. ─ You're a jerk. ─
Annabeth and Grover caught their breath.
Ares grabbed the shield and spun it in the air like pizza dough. It changed form, melting into a bulletproof vest. He slung it across his back.
─ See that truck over there? ─ He pointed to an eighteen-wheeler parked across the street from the diner. ─ That's your ride. Take you straight to L.A., with one stop in Vegas. ─
The eighteen-wheeler had a sign on the back, which I could read only because it was reverse-printed white on black, a good combination for dyslexia: KINDNESS INTERNATIONAL: HUMANE ZOO TRANSPORT. WARNING: LIVE WILD ANIMALS.
I said, ─ You're kidding. ─
Ares snapped his fingers. The back door of the truck unlatched. ─ Free ride west, punk. Stop complaining. And here's a little something for doing the job. ─
He slung a blue nylon backpack off his handlebars and tossed it to me.
Inside were fresh clothes for all of us, twenty bucks in cash, a pouch full of golden drachmas, and a bag of Double Stuf Oreos.
I said, ─ I don't want your lousy- ─
─ Thank you, Lord Ares. ─ Grover interrupted, giving me his best red-alert warning look. ─ Thanks a lot. ─
I gritted my teeth. It was probably a deadly insult to refuse something from a god, but I didn't want anything that Ares had touched. Reluctantly, I slung the backpack over my shoulder. I knew my anger was being caused by the war god's presence, but I was still itching to punch him in the nose. He reminded me of every bully I'd ever faced: Nancy Bobofit, Clarisse, Smelly Gabe, sarcastic teachers, every jerk who'd called me stupid in school or laughed at me when I'd gotten expelled.
I looked back at the diner, which had only a couple of customers now. The waitress who'd served us dinner was watching nervously out the window, like she was afraid Ares might hurt us. She dragged the fry cook out from the kitchen to see. She said something to him. He nodded, held up a little disposable camera and snapped a picture of us.
Great, I thought. We'll make the papers again tomorrow.
I imagined the headline: TWELVE-YEAR-OLD OUTLAW BEATS UP DEFENSELESS BIKER.
─ You owe me one more thing. ─ I told Ares, trying to keep my voice level. ─ You promised me information about our mother. ─
─ Are you sure you can handle the news? ─ He kick-started his motorcycle. ─ She's not dead. ─
The ground seemed to spin beneath me. ─ What do you mean? ─
─ I mean she was taken away from the Minotaur before she could die. She was turned into a shower of gold, right? That's metamorphosis. Not death. She's being kept. ─
─ Kept. Why? ─
─ You need to study war, punk. Hostages. You take somebody to control somebody else. ─
─ Nobody's controlling me. ─
He laughed. ─ Oh yeah? See you around, kid. ─
I balled up my fists. ─ You're pretty smug, Lord Ares, for a guy who runs from Cupid statues. ─
Behind his sunglasses, fire glowed. I felt a hot wind in my hair. ─ We'll meet again, Percy Jackson. Next time you're in a fight, watch your back. ─
He revved his Harley, then roared off down Delancey Street.
Annabeth said, ─ That was not smart, Percy. ─
─ I don't care. ─
─ You don't want a god as your enemy. Especially not that god. ─
─ Hey, guys. ─ Grover said. ─ I hate to interrupt, but… ─
He pointed toward the diner. At the register, the last two customers were paying their check, two men in identical black coveralls, with a white logo on their backs that matched the one on the KINDNESS INTERNATIONAL truck.
─ If we're taking the zoo express. ─ Grover said. ─ We need to hurry. ─
I didn't like it, but we had no better option. Besides, I'd seen enough of Denver.
We ran across the street and climbed in the back of the big rig, closing the doors behind us.
The first thing that hit me was the smell. It was like the world's biggest pan of kitty litter.