jealousy
It's been a couple of days since Dani and Minji met in her room and the Australian isn't sure what to think about it. luckily they've both been busy with work, but that hasn't really helped. It seems like the two are playing a complicated game. a strange game of chess, dani thinks. Minji seems to be moving away in one moment, running away from the other's presence. and the next moment she seems to be looking for her, her hand around her, and pushing her towards him, the constant hugs. and dani doesn't understand if she's just overthinking, if maybe minji's weird behavior is just in her head. and the real weird behavior is hers..yes, because even though she always promised herself not to change because of her innocent crush, now she's doing exactly what she thinks Minji is doing, she tries to keep her distance from the older one, because being close to her means thinking back to the warmth of her hand on her and blushing. but the next moment she can't stay away from her, and she looks for her, her hands looking for the older one's, her eyes. it’s a constant push and pull.
“Haerinnie they uploaded a new episode of the show we were watching, are you free later?” Dani chirps as she enters the apartment, looking for her friend to update her on their favorite horror show
Stepping through the door of the living room she finds Haerin sitting on the couch next to Minji, she doesn’t know exactly what for, but it’s obvious that the two are bickering. It’s nothing new, after all the members are all like sisters and so it’s easy to joke like this
“Stop it” Haerin snorts without hiding her light laugh turning to Minji
in response she receives a short shoulder that makes the book that Haerin was holding slide on her lap
“Unniiieee” Haerin now turns to Danielle, with an exasperated and defeated look, looking for support
Dani turns her stern look to Minji “Unnie stop it”
“What? We were just joking. She started it” Minji snorts laughing
“I doubt it. You always bother her, come on leave her alone” Dani sounds serious
Minji suddenly gets agitated and snorts loudly and stands up, frowning and looking down “yeah what’s new…” she mutters in a strangely annoyed tone
“what?” Dani asks genuinely surprised
now Minji is in front of her “You defending Haerin, like always”
Minji’s tone is annoyed and very unusual for the girl, especially towards Danielle. and this leaves the youngest so taken aback that initially she is almost speechless “I-I…”
“I was just kidding, it’s not like you have to take her side. Why do you always feel the need to defend her?”
And despite the confusion and slight hurt that Dani feels, she is also enveloped in a sense of anger. She doesn't like the tone that Minji is having "Ok yes I defend her and so what? I take her side because you're the one who always starts to annoy her!" Dani raises her voice and this is definitely not typical behavior of the girl, especially not with Minji
"Come on, we were just joking.." Haerin intervenes softly, even if she doesn't know who she's talking to between the two of them
Minji takes a step back suddenly aware of the situation "Ok fine, whatever.." and leaves the room
what just happened Dani thinks
Minji had never been angry with her like this, and honestly Dani has a hard time understanding why. She hears Haerin talking to her but now she can't concentrate on anything. The initial confusion and annoyance give way to sadness. It's not new that Dani is particularly sensitive to comparisons, in fact now she feels tears welling up in her eyes. She doesn't want to think back to Minji's stern look, to her detached tone.
After that day in her room she had deluded herself, even if involuntarily, that maybe.. maybe a little hope, and instead.
---
Only a few hours have passed since the confrontation between the two girls and Dani finally decides to leave her room, even if her mood hasn't changed much, but it's almost dinner time.
and entering the kitchen she is greeted by a delicious smell, and only later does she notice the laughter and shouts that resonate throughout the room.
"Minji-ah nooo, not like that" Hanni yells laughing taking a spoon from Minji's hands
the two girls are next to each other busy preparing lunch and as always Hanni is scolding the older one. It's their way of joking, and seeing them Dani can't help but feel a little envious of the relationship between the two.
noticing her presence Hanni greets Dani “Dani, dinner is almost ready, if Minji doesn’t decide to burn everything” she jokes
At that moment Minji looks up meeting the other’s and although she tries to attempt a light smile, her gaze immediately lowers to the work surface, pretending to be busy. so does Dani, sorry for this whole situation.
Hanni’s gaze goes back and forth between the two, her face serious now and she elbows Minji, who in response snorts “Ok fine”
Dani watches the interaction between the two confused
“I’ll go set the table” Hanni exclaims moving away only a few steps
“Hey I just wanted to say that I’m sorry about before, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that, I really don’t know what came over me” Minji keeps her gaze fixed on Dani, and she seems truly sad and sorry. Dani can't stay mad at her, maybe she wasn't from the beginning, she was just hurt
"It's okay unnie, I reacted badly too. It's all okay now" Dani gives her a reassuring smile, which is quickly returned
But the moment is soon interrupted by Hanni, who reappears with a satisfied smile
"Everything okay now? Good job Kim" Hanni stands slightly on tiptoe to caress Minji's head, who rolls her eyes in response and the two continue their tasks laughing
Dani doesn't laugh though, and remains a little annoyed by the situation and the other's gesture.
"Ok now it's ready I'll go call the other two" Hanni informs as she leaves the kitchen
"Did you apologize just because Hanni told you to?" Dani asks annoyed crossing her arms and raising an eyebrow
Minji is taken aback by the question, thinking that everything was resolved by now "what-? No way, I really meant it-”
“But did Hanni tell you to do it or not?” Dani insists
“No? I mean yes, she did, but only because I said-” Minji is once again interrupted by the Australian “You talk about me and Haerin, but with you and Hanni..” Dani lets the sentence drop
“What about me and Hanni?” Minji continues to be confused but her tone begins to get annoyed in response to Danielle’s
“You say I always take Haerin’s side, but you do exactly the same with Hanni! You do everything she says”
“it-it’s totally different! and what does Hanni have to do with this now?”
“yeah whatever" Dani responds as Minji had done only a few hours before, in frustration and then continues "I'm not hungry now I'm going for a walk" the girl doesn't even give the other girl time to respond and leaves the apartment, leaving Minji speechless
"Where is Dani now?" Hanni asks returning to the kitchen and finding Minji with her eyebrows furrowed
"she went out, she said she wasn't hungry"
"Outside? What did you do now? come on, go look for her"
"Me? but..." Minji would like to protest, also because she feels that if she did as Hanni just told her her pride would be slightly hurt and Dani would have proved a point. but deep down she really wants to go look for Dani, it's not like her to behave this way and she also feels guilty for her immature behavior. so without adding anything else she goes out
What was all that? What just happened? Dani keeps repeating to herself and repeating the short but intense interaction she just had with Minji, while she continues to walk around the block, without even a precise destination
It could have all been over; she could have simply accepted Minji's apology and closed the matter. after all even if she still has trouble understanding the other girl's behavior it is not unusual for her and the members to have some disagreements, they spend all their time together and even if she loves them madly they are still a family, a family of young girls who can sometimes argue, especially lately with everything that is happening with hybe it is normal to be on edge.
but Dani cannot explain to herself her behavior a moment ago. why did she have to react that way to Minji's apology, she saw in her unnie's eyes that her apology was sincere, that she also felt bad about what had happened, and she knows Minji, she knows how much she cares about her, so why did Dani have to bring up Hanni and their relationship.
Her stomach almost started to hurt when the two of them came together, her mouth had a bitter taste and suddenly her mood changed. She can't deny to herself that the relationship between her unnies has always made her feel strange, after having developed feelings for Minji. she also wishes she had the chance to joke with Minji like Hanni does, to have their relationship so close and confidential. Dani understands that it is also due to the time spent together as trainers, but it always seems that Minji has a weakness for Hanni, and Dani just wants to be her favorite-
what the fuck am I thinking?
Dani bites her lip in frustration, she had promised herself that her feelings would never interfere with her friendship with Minji or the others, but there is no point in beating around the bush the reason for her behavior is jealousy-
“Daniiii”
The Australian is called from her thoughts by a voice that she knows very well and that she did not expect to hear at this moment. when she turns around she sees Minji's figure running towards her a little further away
“Dani wait please” as soon as the older girl reaches her she stops, resting her hands on her knees and arching her back trying to catch her breath “I couldn't find you”
“Unnie wh-?”
“Can I walk with you for a bit?” Minji interrupts the other girl before she can say anything else, and in fact Dani does not answer, with a small smile she nods.
The two continue for a few minutes in silence, walking next to each other, close but not close enough to touch.
Dani feels the weight of silence for the first time, she would like to speak and apologize, but at the same time she doesn't know what to say, and inexplicably she still feels a slight annoyance for today's situation, and a strange sadness is enveloping her
Luckily Minji is the first to break the silence, before speaking she lets out a deep sigh as if she had been pondering what to say all this time “Dani, I am truly sorry for what happened today. I was immature, I didn’t mean to talk to you that way, to raise my voice, and I regret that. It’s true that Hanni also told me that I should apologize, but only because I told her how I felt, and that I wanted to apologize right away. You have to believe me..” Minji continues walking, but turns her head towards Danielle to finally look her in the face and show her that she is truly sorry.
Dani doesn't know if she's probably going to cry, she just feels the need to free herself from everything, from all the negative feelings of today and it's really relieved that Minji decided to follow her tonight "I'm sorry too Minji, I don't know what came over me, I was... I was just sorry about what was happening. I don't want us to fight anymore"
and Minji welcomes her into her arms and holds her tightly "me too, I'm sorry"
and for the first time since that morning Dani starts really breathing, every weight on her chest has disappeared and she feels lighter, she returns the hug holding Minji tightly before letting her go, the two briefly look into each other's eyes smiling, and then they start walking again
Dani is really happy to have resolved it and would like to let go of the situation but something in her pushes her to speak "it's just that, I don't understand, what bothered you so much today with Haerin? It was not like you.."
and at that question Minji stops, Dani doesn't even realize it right away as she's busy walking, only after a few steps she realizes that Minji has still behind, her gaze wandering from one side to the other and she suddenly seems worried
"I--it's stupid" Minji starts to giggle nervously "really, I'll seem weird to you"
but Dani doesn't answer, only making a gesture with her gaze to continue
"I think that..maybe I was jealous..?" Minji says this sentence shrugging her shoulders, and lets it fall, as if it were a question, but her agitated way of doing things shows her discomfort in front of that statement
"Jealous?" Dani repeats more to herself than to the other, unable to conceive how such a thing is possible, not for Minji, not towards her
"I told you, stupid"
"Why were you jealous?" Dani insists
Minji snorts, as if she has accepted defeat “what I said..you being on Haerin’s side is kind of true, i guess.. but what I meant, I don’t know, sometimes I just wish you would look at me the way you look at Haerin.”
“how do I look at her?”
“like she was your favorite person, I think.” Minji avoids eye contact again and speaks softly “the only person in the room”
then she clears her throat and resumes her usual confidence
“oh gosh how embarrassing, i said something so stupid and embarrassing please forget it and don’t tell the others. we can just-”
“Me too.” Dani hurries to say, interrupting the other. She’s not sure what the implications of these confessions mean, but she can’t let this conversation end “i’m jealous of Hanni too”
“Hanni? is that why you got mad before?” Minji is incredulous “don’t be jealous” she say sweetly
“you shouldn't be jealous either” Dani comes closer, the two are now a few centimeters apart
“why?”
“mh?”
“Why wouldn’t I be jealous?” Minji asks seriously
Dani is taken aback by this question, answering this question honestly would mean confessing her feelings to Minji and Dani is not ready “because…”
After a few minutes of silence Minji smiles and starts talking again “it’s starting to get cold we should go back..”
“I always… look at you, all the time. Only at you.”
“Do you? Mhh” Minji smiles amused and without adding anything else Minji signals Dani to keep walking, Dani still smiling takes Minji’s hand and squeezes it walking next to her.