Screams and secrets.
October 31st, 1981. 6:57pm at #12 Grimuald place.
“Sirius Black are you mental?! Do you really truly betray our best friends? After James was so kind to let you in his home when you mother cursed you senseless and you ran away?!” Sirius didn’t think today could get worse but apparently he was gods favorite little pawn to play with. The second he’s happy god says ‘fuck that’ and everything goes south agian. He didn’t realize he was crying agian. But Harry was asleep upstairs in Sirius old room, and Remus was down here in the kitchen yelling at him but not loud enough for the baby to wake.
“Remus please, just listen-“ Sirius doesn’t even recognize his voice anymore. It’s just so..empty and pleading. Far from his natural happy go lucky attitude.
Sirius Black didn’t dare look Remus Lupin in the eyes, fearful of what he might see. The anger, the disappointment, the disgust, the sadness. It was all too much. He didn’t want to ever see Remus look at him like that agian. But right here, right now, right infront of the 21 year old, stood Remus lupin looking at him with every single emotion he was feeling. It made Sirius feel pathetic. But Remus had to know the truth, he need to tell him! If only he would let him speak…
Remus spoke with so much venom he himself almost flinched. “No sirius. I think you’ve done enough speaking. Running off and telling the Dark lord where your best friend and his family live? Just so he’ll spare your own sad pathetic weak little life?” Remus was just so…distraught. He thought he could trust Sirius again. After what happened in 5th year their trust was never quite the same. He didn’t know what to do. What to say. What to even think about Sirius right now. But a little voice in his mind told him to let the man speak. See what sad excuse he’d try to use this time. Remus didn’t listen, ofcourse. He’s too hard headed and stubborn during an argument. “I’m taking Harry and leaving. He doesn’t need to be around a murder.” The hatered in his voice was a strong and powerful it almost sounded real. But Remus could never truly hate Sirius. No matter how hard he tried, he could never hate the man. Maybe it was pity, maybe it was love. But he would deny it either way.
Sirius stood in shock at Remus, finally meeting his gaze. Before he knew it, Remus was headed out of the kitchen and upstairs. Sirius was frozen but soon realized that he had to say something. “Remus wait! I’m not-I wasn’t , the secret keeper.” Sirius corrected himself. It pained him to use past tense referring to his now late best friend and his wife, but Remus would have corrected him if he didn’t use the correct tense, just like always. The thought filled him some hope. Hearing Remus stop walking up the stairs and turn around, it gave Sirius hope. Maybe he’d actually hear him out? Maybe he wouldn’t take Harry away. After all, that’s the only thing he has left now. Remus and Harry. And he can’t afford to lose both of them on the same day he lost 3 friends.
Sirius stood at the bottom of the stairs, as if blocking it off from Remus to escape back downstairs and trapping him on the stairs. Sirius looked up at Remus. Seeing the gears work, slowly but surely. He just needed a little bit of grease. And Sirius was about to give him a whole gallon.
Remus looked down at the stylish man. Looked at his half ponytail with his wand holding it up. Looked at his muggle Halloween shirt and leather jacket. Looked at his jeans and combat boots. He looked at his mysterious grey eyes the looked purple in the right lights. He looked at the light freckles that danced across his pale skin, all 349. He had counted one night as they played in their bed. He looked at his beautiful lips, ever so soft and pink. He looked at the few hickeys that bruised his neck from the night before. He looked at the man infront of him. He looked at the love of his life. Remus was just so angry and betrayed, he took it out on Sirius immediately and didn’t think to consider how Sirius felt. He was so happy to see them, he surely would’ve known they were dead. Or he was just acting… he looked back at his eyes. “What?” Pathetic. After all those words he spoke before, after every thought that came to mind, all he could manage to choke out was a simple ‘what’
Sirius smiled, the change to speak! “I wasn’t the secret keeper..Peter was. We changed it..because..we thought you were the spy, and I wanted to just live with you, without fear! Peter said he saw you with death eaters and I should’ve asked you but I was just so..terrified of what that might mean I never once thought to ask you. I love you Remus, I loved our friends, I love Harry. I would never betray any of you. I would’ve died rather than betray anyone of you. Please moony..” Sirius looked up agian, pleading to whatever god to take pity and show Remus he’s telling the truth. “Belive me..” Sirius looks back down. Watching tears slack the carpet flooring below the stairs. Soon, he feels a pair of strong arms wrap around him, holding him tightly. He almost didn’t hear the voice but he knew it was there. He let the lovely voice soothe him to sleep like it did most nights, when Sirius had night terrors from his mother. He hast seen her in 6 years, yet she still haunts his mind. He feels himself fall into the body, and black out.
September 1st, 1981 1:07 pm. #12 Grimuald place.
Remus sat in the corner of his and Sirius room, holding a sleeping Harry and staring at a sleeping Sirius. Sirius passed out last night after he told Remus the truth. Yes, it hurt that they never told him. And yes it hurt that Sirius believed he was a death eater, but he can’t be mad. After all, he just did the exact same thing to Sirius. He also feels incredibly guilty, what if Sirius had never gotten the chance to speak? What do Remus truly did just up and leave with Harry? Sirius would be left with absolutely nobody. His best friend is dead, his brother is dead, his friend is a traitor, his boyfriend and godson left for ever, his best friends wife is dead, and almost everyone believed Sirius was the reason. Well not anymore, seeing as Remus made sure to talk with ministry officials to lock Peter Pettigrew up. He answered all calls on Sirius phone and informed them of the truth. Of who really should be locked up for murder by association.
Finally, Sirius started to stir awake, and Remus wasn’t sure how long he zoned out considering the one year old on his lap needed a diaper change.
Sirius woke up groggily and slowly. His first question, what happen. His next, what the hell just happened. And his reaction? Tell me it was a dream. He looked around the room and saw Remus standing up and putting a baby on a dresser top that was clear. Ah. He’s changing Harry’s diaper. But if Harry is here that means..”it wasn’t just a bad dream, was it..?” Sirius finds he’s not quite asking Remus. More so telling himself. “Afraid not pads. But..do you have any more secrets I don’t know about?” Remus didn’t look at him. Too focused on the foul task infront of him. Sirius thought about it for a moment. Then decided he only had one true secret that he’s allowed to share. Because even if his brother is dead, a secert is a secert. But, there is one he can share with Remus.
“ i think..I think regulus is alive.”