Chapter 17
Sirius reached his detention with Slughorn to be welcomed in with a smile.
"Sirius my boy! Severus is already here, let's get this started, shall we?"
Sirius just nodded and sat down opposite Snape, where Slughorn pointed him too.
"Now, I know you two are in detention, however you are both excellent potion masters, so I thought together we could brew veritaserum." He seemed so delighted that they were both there.
"But Sir, that's seventh year material." Sirius said.
"Can't handle it Black?" Snape sneered.
"Not to worry Sirius, I believe you two can handle it, ey?" Slughorn opened a text book. "Shall we get to work.
---
Sirius had actually enjoyed his impromptu potions lesson, despite the company. And he and Snape had even managed to get on somewhat.
"Pads you're back!" No one greeted him with more joy than James. Sirius grinned back at him.
"I survived my unfortunate encounter with one Severus Snape." He replied, heading over to James's bed and sitting down beside him. Peter and Remus were sat on the other end of the bed.
"Was it bad?" Peter asked.
"Nah, Slughorn gave us a potions lesson." Sirius replied.
"Invited you to the slug club did he?" James asked.
"He's been asking me to join for years, Reg is a member and he... What did he say?" Sirius paused. "He wants the set."
"The set? That's what he said?" James cackled.
"Where did you go last night, I never asked." Remus said, startling Sirius. He had assumed Remus to still be ignoring him. He would have to address his complicated feelings for Remus at some point. But he really didn't want to think about it.
"A walk." Sirius shrugged.
"A walk, with a group of Slytherins, in the attic?" Remus scoffed.
"If you were watching me on the map, why did you ask?" Sirius shot back, Remus was irritating him.
"I thought you would be honest with us." Remus' eyes were boring a hole into his skull.
"So you can tell me they belong in the depths of hell?" Sirius replied.
"Don't be dramatic Pads, we're worried about you." James cut in, sensing the tension between Sirius and Remus.
"Why?" Sirius couldn't help but feel defensive.
"You're hanging out with some... Look there not as open minded as you are." James stumbled over his words.
"My brother?" Sirius raised an eyebrow. "Is a better man then me."
"What about Crouch and Rosier, you're spending a lot of time with them these days?" Remus cut in.
"We smoke together in the evenings, we chat, they're my brother's friends, I hang out with them." Sirius replied.
"Rosier ran after you when you legged it out of defence against the dark arts." James pointed out.
"Well you didn't." It was a low blow, Sirius knew that.
"He had already gone." James looked hurt.
"Why would that have stopped you?" Sirius replied. "He knew I would be going to find Reg."
"How?" Peter asked, he wasn't on the attack, he was just curious. Peter always heard him out.
"Reg told him." Sirius replied. "That talk of the cruciartus curse freaks me out."
"I don't understand why." James crossed his arms. "Why are you scared of something you haven't seen?"
Sirius pulled his knees up to his chest.
"You have, haven't you?" Peter asked, he looked worried. "Sirius?"
"I haven't seen it." Sirius' voice was shaking.
"Who used it on you?" Remus sounded angry. Sirius said nothing. "Sirius, please?"
"Mother."
"That's... How... I... Sirius." James burst into tears and wrapped his arms around him. "I'm so sorry."
"That's why you ran, you thought your mother was going to torture you and your brother?" Peters eyes were also full of tears. "Sirius, thank you for trusting us with that."
Remus just sat there, staring at him. He said nothing, he seemed to be calculating something in his mind.
"I don't know what happened. I just... Freaked out." Sirius replied. "She always threatened that one day she'd hurt him, I can't let that happen."
"You never say, you brush us off when we ask about your injuries and all this time you've been going through hell!" James exclaimed, he was still crying.
"You're not alone, you understand that right?" Remus said sharply. Sirius looked at him. "you're not alone."
"I know." Sirius said, but it wasn't the marauders he thought of when he said that, it was Evan, Pandora, Barty, Regulus.
"I'm sorry you felt that you couldn't talk to us." Peter said gently. Sirius smiled at him.
"I do, I just... I'm sorry I didn't talk." Sirius replied. He sighed. "This is kinda bumming me out, why don't we do something fun?"
"Stop deflecting!" James exclaimed.
"Prongs, we've talked, I don't know what more you want me to say." Sirius said, he was getting fed up with the constant deep conversations he was having recently.
"I want you to stop pushing us away!" James replied. "I want you to let us in!"
"I am."
"You're not!" Sirius had never seen James like this before.
"I'm scared James!" Sirius yelled before he could stop himself. "Okay, I can't share this burden, not when I don't know what is and isn't acceptable."
"What your parents do to you, the torture they put you through, is unacceptable." James was quiet, "what you've been through, is unacceptable."
"Sometimes I think I deserve it." Sirius said quietly.
"You don't." Remus said firmly. "You really don't."
"How can you say that?"
"Because I know you Sirius Black, and I hear what other people say about you, Lily for example, you've never been horrible to her, Marlene, Mary, loads of people." Remus replied. "You're not a bad person, and you're not like them!"
"What if I am? What if I can't escape?"
"You already have, you're here aren't you? With us?" James said. Sirius considered this before nodding.
"Yeah, yeah I am."