Chapter 15
"Hey." Sirius looked up from his book to see Remus sit down beside him on his bed.
"Hey."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, yeah. Um had a... Flashback? Or something, thought Reg was hurt." Sirius replied.
"Because of unforgivable curses?" Remus asked. He didn't know how Sirius had got his injuries the night he and Regulus turned up at James', none of them did.
"Yeah." Sirius shrugged. "My thoughts are... Bothering me? I don't know."
"I could distract you?" Remus snaked his arms around his waist. "I miss you, Sirius."
"I'm right here." Sirius murmured.
"I miss you, I miss us. I miss your body." Remus started pressing kisses to Sirius' neck. Sirius pushed him away.
"I don't want to Remus."
"You dont- are you not attracted to me anymore?"
"I am, I think, I don't know." Sirius hated the way Remus was staring at him.
"You don't know? After everything, you don't know?" Remus stood up.
"Remus wait!" Sirius yelled after him, but he had already stormed from the dormitory.
Sirius couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't pretend that every time he looked at his friends he didn't hear the words 'you're just like the rest of your family.' He closed the curtains around his bed, shoved his head under the pillow and hoped he could sleep as soon as he could.
He heard James and Peter trying to talk to him several times throughout the night but pretended he was asleep every time.
Remus refused to look at him at all the next day, and Sirius understood. He had hurt him, again. Again and again. At this point Sirius was going to give him all the space he needed.
Sirius got to potions to see everyone else in his table already there.
"You alright?" Evan asked. He shrugged his response. "Meet me outside your common room at seven P.M tonight."
"What are you planning?" Sirius asked.
"No questions." Evan replied. "Can I copy your notes?"
"I barely have any notes because you scribbled all over them."
"I did not scribble, I made them pretty." Evan shot back indignantly.
"If that's what you want to call it." Sirius replied. He brought out his parchment from last time.
"Sirius, are you alright? You ran out of defence against the dark arts, pretty suddenly the other day." Lily asked.
"Oh it's all good Lily, thanks though." Sirius shot her a grin. "I was just in a silly goofy mood."
"You looked terrified." Lily pointed out.
"It was one of those days." Sirius shrugged.
"If you say so." She finally relented.
"When's your detention?" Evan asked.
"Tomorrow, with... I forgot actually." Sirius frowned.
"Slughorn." Snape told him. Sirius stared at him.
"Thanks? How do you know?"
"I got one for suggesting we test out the cruciartus curse on Potter." Sirius' hand slapped to his wand. Evan grabbed his arm away from it. "I didn't think I was heard."
"Calm down." Evan murmured.
"He wanted to use... To use that spell on James." Sirius hissed back, wrestling Evan to get to his wand.
"Yes, but that was never going to happen." Evan told him. "I know, I know. But he's safe."
"You've seen it used, haven't you?" Lily asked gently. Sirius nodded. It was a lie. That was the one thing he hadn't seen, the cruciartus curse used. He had only felt it's effects.
"He sees it in his minds eye when you mention it." Evan explained. "terrible set of circumstances."
"That must have been awful." Lily said sympathetically. She was possible the nicest person he had ever met.
"They're unforgivable for a reason." Sirius nodded, giving up on his fight, Evan letting go after a moment of no struggle to make sure he meant it.
"For the record, I don't and did not agree with what Severus said." Lily continued.
"No, I don't think anyone does." Sirius said. "I don't even think the dark lord uses them." He wasn't sure on that fact, but said it pointedly to hone in on Snape's madness.
"You've met him?" Lily's eyes were wide.
Sirius nodded. "Once. I don't think I've ever been that scared."
"He's really trying to rally up followers?" Snape sounded interested.
"I imagine some of us will be hearing from him in the next few years." Sirius replied. But his stomach was churning, he felt sick.
"Well, at least I won't." Lily said trying to diffuse the tension. Evan and Sirius laughed weakly.
"Sorry, Lily. If it's uncomfortable for us, I can't hope to know how uncomfortable it makes you." Sirius said. She was muggle-born, and the opposite of everything the dark lord stood for. Something he hated.
"That's okay Sirius, I find your insight quite interesting, and I know you would never join him or hurt me." She smiled at him. He smiled back.
"Thanks Lily, that means a lot."