Chapter 5
"Sirius?!" Sirius flinched at the sound of James' surprise shout as he hauled his trunk into the dormitory. "Where have you been?" And then taking in his appearance. "What in Merlin's name happened to you?"
Sirius didn't respond, digging through his bedside table for his cigarettes and a light. He barely reacted when he noticed Remus stood beside him.
"Tell me you didn't go home." His voice is almost begging, he took a strand of hair in his fingers. "Sirius?"
"We need to talk Padfoot, please." James chimed in.
Pulling away from Remus, Sirius went to the door. "We don't." He told them.
There were two figures in his usual spot, Barty and Evan. He thought about turning and leaving, but the time he had spent with them in their dormitory resurfaced in his memory. They truly cared.
"You're late." Evan said with a laugh, offering him a cigarette. He took it. "Kinda missed... What the fuck happened to you?"
"I went home."
"You... What? Why? Didn't you and Regulus run away from there over summer?" Evan looked livid. Barty put a hand over one of his clenched fists.
"I had nowhere else to go." Sirius replied.
"You wanna talk about it?" Barty asked gently. Sirius shook his head. "Okay."
"Your hair!" Evan said mournfully, running a hand through it, Sirius startled at his actions. "Why did they cut it."
"It's not befitting of a pure blood man." Sirius replied.
"Valid." Barty nodded. Evan elbowed him.
"Don't cut it again." He added. "I like it long."
"Me too." Sirius took a long drag. "You two have a good Christmas?"
"My parents are weirdly into Christmas so its actually kinda nice." Evan shrugged.
"I think my father might be a sociopath." Barty replied.
"Well he does work for the ministry." Sirius cracked a smile. Barty laughed.
"Yeah, he wants to be minister for magic one day, can you imagine?"
"There are worse people." Sirius shrugged.
"Why are you back late anyway?" Evan asked.
"I fell unconscious." Sirius replied. He liked that he felt that he could be honest with them.
"They hurt you?" Barty asked.
"Yeah."
"Well you don't have to deal with that for a while." Evan clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Although you might want to tell your brother you're back, even Bellatrix was looking for you."
"Shit." Sirius sighed, burying his head in his knees. "Reggie, I've been so worried about him."
"Why? He was here having a great time and you were with your parents getting tortured." Barty said.
"How do you know they use the cruciartus curse?" Sirius stared at him.
"I didn't mean literally! They use that on you?" Barty stared back at him.
"Your parents don't use it on you?"
"No."
"No, although I think my father wants to, not that my mother would let him." Barty replied.
"Oh." Sirius shrugged. "Must be a Black thing."
"Do Narcissa and Bellatrix's parents do it?" Evan asked pointedly.
"No." Sirius paused. "This is feeling like an intervention."
"Maybe it is." Evan threw the butt of his cigarette into the water. "We're worried about you."
"Why?"
"We're friends dumbass." Barty rolled his eyes at him.
"Oh."
"And we care about you." Evan added. "Deal with it."
"Thank you."
"No, no, no thank yous, just friendship." Barty said.
"Right, okay."
"If... If it gets too much, just come to our dormitory okay." Evan said. "The passwords Beelzebub."
"The demon?"
"I guess?" Barty frowned.
"Just pointing it out." Sirius held his hands up. "They wanted to talk."
"And did you?"
"No."
"Oh come on! It could be good gossip." Evan sighed. "Did they say what they wanted?"
Sirius shook his head. "I said we didn't need to talk."
"It could be good, if you do." Barty said.
"Whose side are you on?" Evan crossed his arms. Sirius laughed.
"Maybe you're right."
"We'll hype you up, and if it goes wrong I've got a bottle of fire whiskey under my bed. Say the word." Barty nodded.
"Yeah, you got this." Evan nodded.
Sirius smiled at them. "Okay, yeah. I've faced worse."
"That's the spirit!" Barty smacked him on the arse when he stood up. "Go my champion!"
"You're so weird." Sirius said before begining his walk back to the tower.
Remus, James and Peter were waiting when he returned.
"Regulus told us what really happened." Remus said the moment he entered the dormitory.
Sirius dropped his lighter. "What?" He asked once it was retrieved.
"Why didn't you tell us?" James looked like he was about to cry.
"Because it's my fault either way."
"No, no it's not, we should have noticed you weren't okay and now you're losing weight and oh your hair!' James wailed. He was crying now.
"What happened that night was my fault. I was weak, I told him. That's on me, okay?" Sirius said firmly. He was still stood by the door.
"He threatened you Sirius." Peter said gently.
"I should have been stronger." Sirius shook his head. "You have every right to hate me. And you should."
"Sirius-"
"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry. I would never do anything to hurt any of you. But I did and I'll never forgive myself. I can't make this right, there is no way to. You're better off without me." With that, Sirius strode over to his bed, grabbed the bottle of cheap Muggle tequila he had acquired over the summer and left the room.
He thought about going to the Slytherins, but instead he went back to the lake. It had felt safe before, there was no reason for it not to now.
Sitting down under a tree, he opened the bottle and took a sip. His heart wss telling him he was wrong, that he should listen to his friends. But his head told him he was doing the right thing. With him they would only get hurt again.