With Regrets,
Sirius was starting to fear the family madness had finally claimed him.
He had been so sure he had seen his brother, but maybe he had been wrong. Maybe he had made the whole thing up. Drunk in a bar and hopeless over the trauma of the war. He had wished he could talk to his brother again then his mind made up the rest.
Maybe the man's eyes turning silver was a trick of the light and perhaps the shifting colors of his hair were just shadows dancing on his locks.
Maybe the face of the man who opened the door was purely his imagination.
Maybe his brother was dead and it was all in his head?
No, it couldn't be.
In his heart, he knows it was Regulus. What other reason would his chest have to feel so torn? Ripped open and bleeding as his brother shut the door in his face and ran from him.
But did he? Was he real?
Yes, God dammit! This back and forth was driving him insane. His mind was always turning on him, again and again. Making him question what he knew in his heart.
“You’re an idiot,” he muttered to himself, walking to his desk. Opening the drawer and looking down at the worn note resting on top of everything else, Reggie's note.
Feeble proof that he hasn't been lost to madness.
I’m sorry I didn’t leave you a note before.
One sentence. Written by a ghost before it vanished into the veil —again.
It was all he had of Regulus, one little piece of parchment. The letter he had sent two months ago had gone unanswered. His owl returning empty taloned.
He got nothing. There was no call, no note.
Absolute silence.
Hell, at this point he would have accepted a fucking bat signal. Anything to know that Regulus was still out there. Alive.
Regulus had to be out there and nothing he was doing to find him was working.
He had tried every tracer spell he could think of. When none of them worked he finally conceded and went to the library to seek answers. Seeking any lead on a way to track someone down.
Still nothing.
He wanted nothing more than to ask his friends for help, but he couldn't do that for so many reasons.
First, they would think he was crazy. His brother was dead and everyone knew it. So thinking Regulus was some random bartender while he was drunk? No, they would think he had hallucinated the whole thing.
Even if they didn't, they would think he was crazy for trying to find Regulus. After all, he was a known death eater. Sweet little Reggie turned murderer by association with the Dark Lord.
No, they wouldn't let Sirius search him out. Beyond that… no, too many what if’s. Better he keep this to himself until he has answers.
And he needs answers. Needs to know– well, a lot. How was he still alive? Why did he fake his death? Why would he run from him? Has he been taking care of himself? Is he in danger? Does he miss him?
Too many questions left unanswered. He needs to find Regulus. He needs his brother back.
—
It was three days later when the owl arrived at his window. Slightly damp from the mist hanging over the city, and looking quite grumpy.
Sirius didn't recognize the owl perched there impatiently holding its leg out for him to take the letter from it.
Cautiously he took the letter, giving the owl a small treat before it flew off into the surprisingly chilly mid-July morning. He fiddled with the paper for a moment, uncertain who it was from. There was no address or seal on it.
Gently he unfolded the paper and nearly keeled over at the sight. He knew that handwriting.
Dear Sirius,
I truly cannot believe I am doing this right now. If someone explained to me 18 months ago what my life would look like now I would have hexed them for wasting my time.
That makes writing this letter all the more challenging because I find myself fighting what I know I need to do.
Which is to ask for help.
I cannot explain within the words of this letter what I need to tell you, but please believe me that I would not be doing this if not absolutely necessary.
I know I'm asking for you to trust me when you have no reason to. But please meet me at 58°11′51″N - 6°44′43″W. Sunset on the 27th.
Please.
R.A.B
P.S. I think this should go without saying, but do not tell anyone I am alive or that you are meeting me. Also, don't tell anyone where you are going. The order has a spy and I don't want you to risk both our lives.
Two weeks. Regulus wanted to meet him in two weeks
His mind was racing, heart hammering in his chest. His brother is alive. He wants to meet, He wants to talk.
The grin on his face was so wide it was painful –until his mind caught up with the words on the page.
Who the hell did the little shit think he was? Dying on him, letting him grieve the loss of his little brother. Only to find out he was alive and well, bartending in muggle London like he hadn't signed up for the Dark Lords brand of crazy.
Beyond that, he ran away from him. Now asking for his help without even a mention of anything Sirius wrote in his own letter. He didn't even bother acknowledging that Sirius knew he was alive outside of that single line on parchment.
Now Reggie was asking for his help.
He knew had offered it in his letter, asking Regulus to come to him. It's what he wanted, but he still couldn't shake the uneasy feeling roiling in his gut.
Was Regulus still his Reggie? They hadn't spoken more than a handful of times since he left Grimmauld Place, and even before that they hardly spoke to one another. All of their interactions since Sirius started at Hogwarts had been laced with bitter undertones.
Could he trust Regulus?
On one hand, he was a Death Eater. Faked death or not he had willingly accepted the dark mark from Voldemort. He had taken it young too, so clearly he had been useful to the Dark Lord.
On the other hand, Regulus was his baby brother. The small child he looked after for years. He protected him with his own body, raised him with his own blood, sweat and tears. It never made sense to him that little Reggie had become so cruel and filled with hatred. He had been sweet, caring, and soft as a child, but Sirius knew their parents and it was all too easy to imagine the things they put Regulus through after he left.
Their abuse and cruelty hadn't bent Sirius to their will, hadn't forced him into their mirror image. He didn't want to believe they had succeeded in breaking Regulus– but perhaps they hadn't after all. Regulus had faked his own death. He had left all of it behind to rot.
He had gotten out. So maybe he wasn't the sadistic bastard Sirius believed Regulus had been molded into.
He would go. He knew he had no other choice, his whole body screamed to be reunited with his little brother. He hoped that Reggie was still just that, his Reggie, hidden under layers of defenses he had built when Sirius stopped shielding him.
So he would go. He would meet with Regulus and listen to whatever his brother needed to tell him.
He told himself that he would hear him out and then decide if he would help, but he wasn't being honest with himself. If he were he would admit that there wasn't much that would stop him from helping his brother. If Regulus was asking for his help knowing where Sirius stood in the war, then he was certain that it was something he would do.
He abandoned Regulus before and thought he had lost him forever until he miraculously found him again. This time he wouldn't fuck it up. He would do whatever it took to save Regulus.
Looking back down at the letter he re-read it slowly, absorbing every word.
Spy. There is a spy in the order.
Of course, it was something he already knew. For months, there had been talk about more and more missions going belly-up. It was clear the Death Eaters had inside information, but who was providing it was baffling to the whole order.
Maybe he could ask Regulus if he knew anything about who it may be.
Merlin, that thought hits like a ton of bricks landing on his chest all over again.
He's going to talk to Reggie.
Two weeks.
—
Two weeks went by in a blur of activity.
He spent a lot of time with James. Their current assignment was guard duty at a safe house in Yorkshire. Some potioneer was in custody. Placed there for safekeeping while Moody interrogated him about the potions he has been selling to suspected Death Eaters.
They had spent the whole night outside walking the perimeter of the safehouse and it was beyond boring. Being with James was the only thing that made it tolerable since they had lots of time to talk.
He wanted to talk to him about Regulus. Had wanted to tell him since he first found out Reg was alive, but something in the back of his mind stopped him. He didn't feel like it was fair to tell James when he didn't even know where Regulus had gone.
And now he wasn't telling James specifically because Regulus had asked him not to talk to anyone about it.
Still, it was killing him.
He thought about breaking the promise and telling Moony, but that was more complicated. Remus had been friends with Regulus for a while at Hogwarts. Both being swots they spent hours upon hours in the library together working on whatever the hell they worked on.
He wanted to tell him all of his hopes and fears about Reggie– but telling Remus would hurt him. He had taken it hard when Regulus had taken the mark. They had all turned away from Reg then, a very clear line in the sand that none of them would cross.
Sirius was willing to toe that line for the chance to pull Regulus back over it, but he wouldn't risk Moony’s safety. Especially when he was already putting himself in danger with the werewolf packs.
No. Sirius kept the whole Regulus situation to himself.
The timing of their meeting was both a blessing and a curse. Sirius didn't have to explain where he was going to Remus because the 27th happened to be a full moon and Remus had been away with the pack for a week already. Though he promised to be back on Tuesday at the latest. Just two days. Two days and he would have his Moony back.
With everything going on it was the one thing that would bring him some peace, being curled up in Remus's arms again. Falling asleep with his Moony's warmth surrounding him and waking in the morning to soft smiles and sweet kisses.
He closed his eyes and took another drag from his cigarette. Leaning on the railing of his flat's balcony, he tried to imagine that Remus was with him. He could practically smell him. However, that was likely because he was wrapped up in one of Remus's jumpers– which was both comforting and uncomfortable because it was so warm outside. Even though it was barely 7 am the heat was starting to feel oppressive, but that's to be expected in late July.
He needs to finish his cigarette and go to bed, he and James had just finished their shift and he was exhausted. Though he wasn't sure he would get any sleep, what with meeting his not-so-dead brother for a chat that evening. He would try though.
—
He was right, he slept like shit. Even worse than normal. It was always hard to get a good night's rest without Remus beside him, but things with Regulus were weighing heavily on him. He had tossed and turned, unable to stop his mind from supplying him with worse and worse scenarios for why Reggie needed his help.
The hours ticking by had been torturous. He still had about an hour before sunset and decided that he would leave early in case Regulus did the same. He didn't want to leave anything to chance should Regulus show up early and risk him leaving before he got there.
Stepping out of his apartment he strolled past the wards and apparated to the coordinates Regulus had specified in his letter.
He managed to keep his balance when he landed, taking in the countryside. Tall stones jutted from the ground around him, towering above him. Surprised, he took a step back and bumped into a stone that was larger than many of the others.
Turning in a circle he took in the rolling hills lit in golden hues by the sunset, stopping when he was facing the large stone again. Lifting his hand to the rough surface he watched as his shadow reflected the movement. The angle of the setting sun cast a near-perfect replica of him on the stone. Each shifting movement copied by his umbra.
Maybe he was more exhausted than he thought because he was transfixed by the darkness mirroring him on the pillar. He was so absorbed he hadn't heard the other person walk up beside him, casting their own shadow alongside his on the rock.
“Sirius.”
He continued to watch the silhouettes, letting long moments of silence pass before the shadow spoke again.
“Why did you come if you aren't going to even speak to me?” He sounded petulant like he did as a child when Sirius would ignore him. It made his chest feel tight.
Before he registered his own movement he turned and flung his arms around his brother.
Regulus stumbled, surprised by the sudden attack on his personal space. When they righted themselves again Sirius was once again facing the large stone, his brother wrapped in his arms. He was looking at shadows etched on the rock, but now there was no telling where one dark shadow started and the other ended. They were merged into one black mass, outlined in the bright hues of the sun.
Just as it should be. He should have never let them drift apart. They were meant to stand together, a united front against all the shit they had been through. He wouldn't let Reggie go again.
No, never again.
He hadn't realized he was crying until Regulus spoke again. He was pushing at Sirius' chest like he thought he would break if he pushed too hard. “Sirius, what are you doing? I– you can let me go, I'm not going anywhere this time.”
Sirius did not let go.
“Oh for fuck sake, you are being so dramatic. Get off me.”
Clearly, he had worn out the little patience Regulus had for physical affection. He stepped back, still holding Regulus's sleeve, and looked into his brother's face, unimpeded for the first time in 3 years.
He had gotten older. Of course, he had.
He had watched him grow up from a distance through his teen years, but somehow he still remembered him as his baby-faced little brother.
He wasn't, not anymore.
In the last three years he had matured, any vestige of his younger years wiped away. He was a young man now, and he looked rather healthy for being supposedly dead.
Reluctantly he let go of Regulus, wrapping his arms around himself. “I can’t believe I am standing here with you. You look good for a dead man.”
He watched as his brother broke eye contact, glancing over his shoulder instead. “Thanks, I guess. I, uh– I don't want to be out here longer than necessary, and It’s going to start getting dark soon so we should talk quickly.”
Ouch. Straight to business, no acknowledgment of the past three years and everything they held. That stung more than Sirius wanted to admit. He had desperately missed his little brother, thinking he had left it too late and would never see him again. Yet here he was standing tall before him and he acted like he couldn't care less about whatever feelings Sirius was wearing plain on his face. Just moving past it to get to his point– probably so he could leave again as fast as possible.
Did Regulus hate him so much that he couldn't stand being around him unless absolutely necessary? Isn't that what he said in his letter, believe me that I would not be doing this if not absolutely necessary.
Absolutely necessary. He didn't want to see Sirius, but he did need him. That had to count for something.
Sirius took a deep breath, beating down his emotions before nodding his head. Inviting Regulus to continue.
“Right. I know you hate me, and I wouldn’t have bothered you if I had any other choice. I have no one else I can turn to and I need help–”
Absolutely not. One sentence in and it was clear his emotions were not going to stay bottled up. He'll be damned if he's going to let Regulus spoil their reunion like that. He wants to fix things, mend broken bridges, all that shit. He's not going to stand here and have a conversation with Regulus thinking that he hates him.
Anger washed over him so quickly he hardly had time to think before he started to speak, “– I’m going to stop you there. We need to set some things straight." He waited for Regulus to look him in the eye before continuing. "I am glad that you reached out to me, Reggie. I don’t think you are a burden. I just want you to let me in and I’ll help however I can, but don’t keep thinking you aren't wanted or some shit like that. I am so grateful you are alive and I– Well if things are like I think they are now—” He paused a moment to find the right words, “I want us to be brothers again, and I hope that this whole faking your death thing means you've left the Dark Lord behind. That you've turned away from the bullshit our parents forced on us and have— I dunno, figured out they are wrong? That Voldemort is evil and needs to be stopped. I want to be your brother again but I need to know I'm not going to lose you to that fucking darkness again.”
Regulus stared at him for a moment, mouth slightly agape. Shock clearly etched on his face.
Sirius frowned at him, “Did you think I was happy when you died?”
Hesitation. Regulus just kept looking at him. The surprise on his face vanished beneath his carefully crafted mask. He didn't say anything, though Sirius could see his brother's mind racing behind his cold eyes. Fuck. Sirius felt something in his chest crumble. Regulus thought he was happy he had died.
Sirius took a shuddering breath, trying to sort out how to explain exactly how wrong his brother was.
Just moments ago he was so heated, angry at Regulus for thinking he wasn't wanted. That heat was now cold fury, but not with his brother. He felt the icy chill of his own inadequacy clawing at his neck, choking him for all his failings.
He failed to keep Regulus safe. They beat him, cursed him. Sirius couldn't stop them. He failed to be there for Regulus. Walking away and letting him spiral on his own, letting him be sucked into the bullshit of the Dark Lord.
He failed to let Regulus know he loved him. Let him feel like he wasn't important to Sirius. That he didn't want him in his life. That he didn't love him. That he hated him.
His own brother believed that he hated him.
Regulus interrupted his thoughts, speaking softly, "I thought you wouldn't care. I figured you had written me off years ago, that you wouldn’t miss me when I was gone.”
He felt like someone punched him in the gut, forcing his breath out, “Reggie, I miss you all the time. Hell, I missed you when you were sitting right across the great hall. When you were just across the table.”
“Oh.”
His voice was so small, but Sirius felt it crush him. “I hope you can believe me, even if you can’t forgive me.”
For a moment, Regulus was quiet, seemingly stunned by the revelation that his own brother loved and missed him. It made Sirius's stomach twist with shame, Reggie thinking that he wouldn't have cared that he died.
Silence stretched between them for a long time. The sun settled lower in the sky, stretching the shadows before them into long monstrous things.
He watched his brother, wishing he would just look at him. Surely if he would look he could see how earnestly Sirius had missed him. How much he loved him. But Regulus, lost in thought, was unaware that each passing moment was killing his brother.
Sirius' frayed nerves finally snapped, “Is that why you ran from me? Why you left me behind? Because you thought I hated you?”
That seemed to snap Regulus out of it. “Why I left you behind? Are you serious?”
“Yes, but what's that supposed to mean?”
“Sirius, you left me years ago. I've been on my own since you left that house. So why would I stay for you?”
That stung. “I may have left that house but I'm your brother, I've always been there for you.”
Regulus's eyes were blazing, “No. Sirius, you haven't. You left me. You spent your whole life in that house protecting me and then you left.” He looked away, "You were gone, then you could hardly stand to look at me at school.”
“Regulus, I– I'm sorry, I just– I saw how you were changing. I know it was wrong but it killed me that they got to you, you were just like them.” He reached out and pulled at Regulus's sleeve again.
“You weren't looking close enough if you thought I was anything like our parents, and honestly fuck you for thinking that.” Yanking his arm out of Sirius' grasp he turned and took a few steps away.
“I'm sorry.” Merlin, he wished he could take it back. Do things differently. He should have fought harder for Regulus, protected him. He failed him and that hurt more than any physical injury ever could.
His little brother sighed and turned back to him, face softer than it had been, “No. I don't want you to be sorry. I was angry for so fucking long, but I forgave you a long time ago now.”
That nearly knocked the breath out of him. He forgave him? “What?”
“I forgive you, Sirius. I know you were a kid. I was too, at least– I was until you left. That night Mother punished me for hours because you left, she was angry and wanted something to feel the pain she couldn't inflict on you. I stopped being a kid that night, but I don't blame you for it.”
“Reg–” He felt like his skin was too tight. How could Regulus forgive him when he couldn't even forgive himself?
“Sirius. I forgive you because you didn't deserve their abuse any more than I did. I was angry because you left me to the wolves but it wasn't your job to keep them at bay. When you left, I had to grow up and eventually, I learned how to fight back.”
“You shouldn't have had to fight back.” Shit. He was crying now.
“I know, but I wish I had learned sooner. If I had then I might not be in this mess. I could have had the life I wanted rather than this hell.”
“I'm so sorry.”
“No. I don't want your pity either Sirius. I want your help.” He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply through his nose, slowly releasing it. “I think this is an important conversation for us to have, but I need to tell you why I need you. It’s more important than us figuring out our shit right now.”
He could put it on the back burner for now. He could let it go temporarily if it meant he could be there for his baby brother when he needed him. He owes it to Regulus and himself. “Okay.”
Regulus took another deep breath before starting. "A month before I went missing, Voldemort asked to use Kreacher for a personal matter. I was looking to gain approval with him so I readily complied with his request, telling Kreacher to go with the Dark Lord and do as he said. Then I told him specifically to return to me when he was done.” Regulus had stopped looking at Sirius, rather avoiding his gaze by looking at the stones on the edge of the circle.
“Did Voldemort end up ridding the world of the miserable git?”
The blazing look was back in Regulus's eyes, “Please Sirius, Kreacher is important to me. Don’t insult him.”
Sirius raised his hands in surrender, “Alright, sorry. Go on.”
Giving a pointed look at his brother, Regulus continued, “Kreacher returned to me hours later, nearly dead. He was delirious and drenched. Speaking fast and incoherently about a cave and a necklace– It was all very confusing. I healed him as best I could and waited for him to recover. It took several days before he woke again and I could ask what happened. —Let's walk.” He turned and started to stroll across the grass.
“So he told you what happened?” Sirius asked, following behind Regulus.
"He explained that Voldemort brought him to a cave and— I'll spare you the finer details, but he took him to a small island at the center of a lake in the cave. Voldemort made him drink a potion from a basin on the island. It caused dark hallucinations. When Kreacher drained the basin, he was overcome with pain and thirst. He made his way back to me after the Dark Lord left him there to die.”
“Okay.”
“When he recovered I asked Kreacher to take me to the cave. I followed the instructions he was given and drank the potion myself. When it was gone I took a locket from the bottom of the basin. Kreacher tried to apparate us out but the cave was warded so I could not leave while he could. I was delirious with pain and thirst, and I went to drink from the water of the lake–”
Sirius was listening with rapt attention as he spoke. He could tell that Regulus was trying to keep the story to just the facts, avoiding the emotion behind what happened. If he hadn't known Regulus his whole life, he might have believed that Reg wasn't bothered by any of it. But, his eyes told Sirius he was recounting something that had been traumatic for him. He leaned toward his brother to bump their shoulders together, hoping it conveyed the support he wanted it to.
Regulus smiled softly at Sirius before continuing, “As soon as I touched the water something took hold of my arm. I was so out of it I didn’t know what was happening for a moment, but then Kreacher started to scream.” He shuddered at the memory, “I snapped out of it enough to see the sickly hand grasping my wrist. Inferi. Hundreds of them crawling out of the water. I tried to fight them, but I was weak, and— I let them pull me in eventually. I accepted I was going to die.”
Sirius inhaled sharply and stopped walking. He watched his baby brother stop a few steps away, looking sick at the memory. “You almost died?” The words came out raspy, he had to clear his throat before he could speak again. Trying to keep the tears from falling. He didn’t want his voice to crack but it was useless. “You really almost died. You almost died thinking I– that I hated you. Godric, Regulus I am so sorry.”
When he found out that Regulus was alive he thought it had all been a farce. He thought that Regulus had rigged something to make it seem like he had died, but no. He had actually nearly died, he could have died, was so close to it that he had accepted it. Fuck. That made all of this so much worse.
“Sirius— Please.” He didn’t know what Regulus was pleading with him for. Not to make a scene? To not cry? Because he was now, again. He could feel the warm tears cooling in the breeze sweeping between them.
“S– Sorry. I– Clearly there are a lot of things I still have to work through, this is just a lot. Keep going.”
Regulus watched him for a moment before continuing, “I did almost die. That's why it was so easy to let everyone believe it and disappear.” He turned to keep walking, long-striding steps away from Sirius.
He started walking again to catch up, “How did you get out?”
“I have no idea. One minute I was drowning, then I felt warm and I looked up into the bright blue sky.”
“WHAT! You have no idea how you got out?”
“None. I remember telling Kreacher to take the locket and find a way to get it to Dorcas. Then I ordered him to leave me there and I was dragged into the water.”
“Dorcas?”
“Yes. I knew she was working with the order, and she had been my friend once. If I was going to die then Kreacher could tell her what happened and she would be smart enough to keep it to herself. That and if I could trust anyone else to figure out why Voldemort had hidden the locket it would be her.”
“Not me? Or Remus? You were friends with Remus too, you know how smart he is.”
Regulus rolled his eyes, “Yeah Sirius, I know how smart your boyfriend is, thanks. He’s brilliant at defense against the dark arts too, but so is Dorcas and she’s not a spy in the Dark Lord’s werewolf packs.”
Sirius had stopped walking again, this time gaping at his brother. “How did you know?”
“About what? The fact that you and Remus are an item, that he is a werewolf, or that he is a spy?”
“Yes.”
At that Regulus started to fucking laugh. Loud. What the hell?
“Sirius, you and Remus are not subtle. Even if you hadn’t been so obviously besotted with him then the look on his face whenever you smile would have been a dead giveaway. As for the werewolf thing, I’m not an idiot and I pay attention. I figured it out at the end of my first year.” He smiled at Sirius, “And I know he's a spy because I was at meetings with the Dark Lord and his inner circle when Fenrir came to talk with him. He talked about Remus quite a bit. ‘Proud of his pup’ was a phrase I heard him say a lot.”
Sirius felt an icy shiver run down his spine at the mention of the monster who bit Remus. His heart clenched and his eyes stung, he felt his blood boil at the recounted words. ‘His pup’, fuck that. His Moony.
Then what his brother had said clicked. He was pretty sure he could blame the onslaught of so much information for his wild emotions, but he couldn’t help himself. He threw himself at his brother, again, hugging him close. “Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“For what?” Regulus was squirming, attempting to remove himself from Sirius’ grip.
“You know Moony is my boyfriend. I love him, and you knew he was a spy. You knew and didn’t say anything, you kept him safe. Thank you.”
“Sirius, he was my friend. I wish things had been different and I could have continued to be his friend, but things didn’t work out that way. Still, I would never purposefully endanger him. Anyway, This is where I need your help now.”
Reluctantly he removed himself from Regulus, “Alright.”
“Once I was out of the cave I called Kreacher back, I told him to tell everyone that he had no idea where I was. To let them all assume I had died. I took the locket back from him and went into hiding. Once I was able to sit with the locket I could feel the darkness radiating off of it. It took me months of research but I finally found what it was.” He paused, “It’s something called a Horcrux, it’s an object that Voldemort placed part of his soul into. Its purpose is to provide him with a way to come back to life should he be killed, essentially granting him immortality.”
Sirius felt dizzy. He sat quickly, sprawling his legs out in front of him on the grass. Leaning forward he put his face in his hands, “Immortal?”
“Essentially.”
“Like he can’t be killed?”
“He can. That’s the thing. I have the locket and a ring that belonged to his family. I know he gave a Horcrux to Bellatrix, a cup. He also gave Lucius a book of some sort that’s another one.”
“He has more than one?”
“Five.”
“Five!”
“Yes. I think the last one is the lost Ravenclaw Diadem, but I have no idea where it is.”
Too much information, his head felt like it was going to explode. “Okay. So he has five I can’t actually die tokens. Two of which you have, two others our insane cousins have, and one is lost. No big deal.”
“No. Big deal.”
Giving up entirely Sirius flopped back in the damp grass, staring at the darkening sky, “Right. Please tell me you know how to do something about this.”
Sensing Sirius wouldn't be getting up again anytime soon, Regulus sat next to him, “I know how to do something about this, but it will probably kill me. So I need you to know what I am doing. When I am about to destroy the Horcruxes I will let you know and then you will need to find a way to get Dumbledore to get off his ass and kill Voldemort.”
Sirius turned to look up at Reggie. “No.”
“No what?”
Sitting up to be at eye level he gave Regulus his best big brother look, “You aren't dying. Tell me what I need to do and I’ll do it.”
Regulus let out a humorless laugh, “Sirius, people care about you–”
“Reggie stop.”
“— they will be devastated if something happens to you. No one will care if I—”
He stood again, pacing away from his brother. “DON’T YOU FUCKING DARE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU MINUTES AGO?” He was fuming. How could Regulus think himself so expendable? Had he not made it clear how glad he was that his little brother was alive. Did that not matter? “I AM NOT LETTING YOU MARTYR YOURSELF FOR THIS, YOU ALMOST DIED ONCE ALREADY.”
Regulus flinched, closing his eyes, clearly trying to regulate his breathing. “Siri. Please don’t yell at me. –Everyone already thinks I am dead, no one will mourn me any more than they already have. No one but you, and maybe I can at least make you proud that I did something useful for once."
All the fight left him in an instant, his brother looked so small sitting there on the grass. Sirius dropped to his knees in front of him, taking his hand. “Reggie, no. I am not going to lose you again.”
The little bastard scoffed. “You don’t have a choice. I just need you to finish what I can’t.”
Godric he was so fucking stubborn, “We will finish it together and both survive then.”
“That’s not how this works.”
He could be stubborn too, “Yes it is.”
“Salazar, you damn Gryffindors and your hero complexes. I don’t want you to risk your life, I can do this and you can do me the favor of living your life and being happy when this stupid war is over.”
Sirius plopped back on his bum, “You think I could ever be happy again knowing I let you kill yourself for it. Please Reggie, let me help you. I want to help you with this, we can figure it out together.”
Regulus glared at him. He could see the gears turning in his brother's head, trying to figure a way out of this. There wasn’t one. Sirius wasn’t going to let Regulus be a martyr.
“Reg. I’ll tell James.”
“What?” He watched the flush spread on Regulus's cheeks. He knew it, jackpot.
“I will tell James what you plan to do and we will find a way to stop you. You either let me help you willingly or I tell James everything. I won't let you do it and he certainly won't let you do it either.”
Regulus looked away, the soft blush turning an angry red over his face, “I don’t know what you are talking about. Potter wouldn’t care about this.”
“Bullshit,” Sirius smirked, he had won. Regulus wouldn’t let him involve James in this, not if he was right about them. “I saw the necklace, Reggie. James wears the same one. He told me he made it.”
Regulus looked about ready to murder someone.
“I don’t know why neither of you ever told me about it, but I'm right, aren't I? You and he– you were together?”
His brother let out a sigh so full of frustration it was a miracle he didn't knock himself over with the force of it, “Fine Sirius, I will let you help me with the Horcruxes.”
“Not so fast. I’m not a fool Reggie. I will let the James thing drop– for now. But I will not let you walk away without assuring me you won't go back on your word. I want a vow, unbreakable. You will promise me that you won't push me away and sacrifice yourself." He squinted his eyes at him, "Vow, or I tell James.”
“You are an ass.”
“I know. Don’t care. Vow.”
“Fine.”
“Good.”
“What wording will make you happy?”
“Nope. Actually, I think I will be the one taking the vow.” Sirius said bluntly.
“No.”
Checkmate. “I’m not stupid Regulus. If you make a vow that you won't sacrifice yourself and then sacrifice yourself anyway, you will already be dead and the vow won't mean shit. So I will take the vow.”
Clearly pissed off that he had been bested, Regulus took a deep breath and asked, "What wording will you use?"
“I, Sirius Orion Black vow that I will not allow Regulus Arcturus Black to unnecessarily kill himself in the attempt to destroy Lord Voldemort and his Horcruxes.”
“I don’t like it.”
“Again, I don’t care if you like it. It’s that or James.”
Regulus sat up a little straighter, a smile growing on his face. “We need a third person to cast the vow, and no one else can know I am alive.” He looked smug.
Nice try. “I know the incantation, I think I can do it without a third party.”
His brother squinted at him, “What if it doesn’t work?”
“We can talk about what to do if it doesn’t work after it doesn't work.” He pushed himself up and dusted the grass of his trousers before holding a hand out to help Reggie up.
Regulus paused a long moment before stretching his hand out to Sirius and standing up.
Sirius took his brother's right hand in his own, holding his wand in his left he started the incantation. A silvery string came from the end of his wand and wrapped itself around their hands. “I, Sirius Orion Black vow that I will not allow Regulus Arcturus Black to kill himself in the attempt to destroy Lord Voldemort and his Horcruxes.”
“SIRIUS!”
Too late. Sirius knew it was sneaky, omitting just one word made all the difference for his peace of mind though. He knew now that Regulus had no way out of the vow. If he died trying to destroy the Horcruxes or killing Voldemort then Sirius would break his vow and he would die too.
He watched the horror settle on his brother's face as the silver strands tightened on their wrists. As the spell faded it left a thin silvery white band on both of their wrists.
“You did that on purpose. You fucking tricked me.”
He wanted to smirk at his brother, but the weight of what he had just done kept him somber, “I did. I won't let you kill yourself. If you die, I will die too.”
“I hate you.”
“You don’t really.”
“You know you have made this a thousand times more difficult.”
“It’s worth it if we both get out of this alive.”
“I’m leaving. I will send you a letter in a few days to coordinate another meeting. Don't try to contact me.”
Regulus turned away and started to walk back toward the stones.
“Reggie?”
“What.”
“About what you said earlier, do you really forgive me?”
He sighed, “Yeah, Sirius I forgive you. Rethinking that now though.”
Sirius smirked at that. “You aren't angry anymore, about that I mean?”
Regulus turned then, facing Sirius again. “No Sirius, I'm not angry. I'm unbelievably furious, just not at you.”
“Then who?”
“It’s a long list. Starting with Mother, Father, Voldemort, Bellatrix.” He waved his hand to indicate the list going on. “I will have my revenge before we finish this, but that does not concern you,” Regulus said calmly before disapparating.