Dear Reader
Hermione-Dear Reader
So I wander through these nights
I prefer hiding in plain sight
My fourth drink in my hand
These desperate prayers of a cursed man
Spilling out to you for free
But darling, darling, please
You wouldn't take my word for it
If you knew who was talking
Theo had been right. The following morning showed Draco and Harry both with dark circles under their eyes, but they were home in one piece. One twin had been sat on each side of them and it was like another fever dream watching Harry giggle with Sterling. Like he had known them from birth, and he might very well have.
Hermione didn’t know how old the twins were, but Harry had been in Paris for a good while. She felt another whip of envy hit her. She knew she needed to get it together, but it was hard. Harry had his entire life together and over five years after the war she had… nothing. She would never admit it, even to herself, but she didn’t like the way he seemed so close to the Malfoys and never told her.
Not a single whisper of a relationship with Theo or friendship with Draco. Hell, he didn’t even mention running into Malfoy once over the years. From what she knew, she was one of the only people Harry kept contact with after his self imposed exile. Did he really think she wasn’t worth saying anything to? From one night babysitting she could tell that the Malfoys held a decent portion of his and Theo’s life. Draco had called him Harry for Merlin's sake!
“Mini!” a small voice called out, drawing all eyes to her from where she stood in the doorway.
A small, embarrassed smile graced her lips as she looked at Scorpius patting the table. She slowly made her way to the table, sitting besides Scoprius who was in the middle of her and Draco. She felt eyes on her, ones she knew burned silver, but she kept away.
The entire breakfast felt stilted and suffocating. She must’ve not been the only one, because as soon as the meal was finished, Draco was the first to stand. “Thanks for breakfast Theo, but I have to get back to the office”
“Malfoy I already told you I’d file the paperwork” Harry was looking at the blonde like he was barely suppressing an eyeroll.
“No it’s fine” was all Malfoy said in response.
“For Merlin’s sake, Draco. Go home and stay home. I’ll go into the office” Harry stood, now not holding back the eyeroll.
Draco muttered something in French that Hermione couldn’t make out from here, but she was sure it wasn’t very nice. “No, I always have to go over your reports anyways so just save me the extra work and let me do it right in the first place” his tone was a bit off and Hermione wondered if it was because he was tired or if it was because she was here.
“And who is watching the boys?” Harry asked, his eyes on the blonde tykes settled on Draco’s hips once again.
“My mother” Malfoy said simply. Hermione looked to Harry and Theo who were sharing their own silent exchange. Harry must’ve been even more tired than he looked because he gave Draco a short nod.
“Fine, tell Narcissa we said hello” Harry waved his hand towards the floo and went back to his own breakfast, however his eyes were tight.
Nobody gave any other words of goodbye besides Hermione telling the boys to have a good day after they waved to Mini. It was only once the floo chimed, signaling the Malfoys' departure that Hermione snapped.
“What the fuck Harry!” Hermione’s hand smacked the table as she called out her friend.
Instead of his usual jump to defense like he used to as kids, Harry just let out a long sigh. He brought his hand to his brow and didn’t even bother looking at her. “If it’s about Draco, just leave it be for now Hermione. I’m absolutely whipped”
Hermione felt her eye twitch. “Of course it’s about Draco! Since when have you been best mates, because I never remember getting a letter saying ‘Hey Hermione, remember Draco Malfoy? Yeah I found him in Paris and now we’re aurors together. Oh and he also has two sons, surprise!” by the end she was waving her hands around wildly but she couldn’t help how riled up she felt.
Harry now groaned, signifying his worsening attitude. “For Merlin’s sake, Hermione stop acting like it would’ve been that easy. You hated each other, I’m sure you would’ve loved to hear about your school bully becoming my partner. And don’t act like you and Ron wouldn’t have come breaking down my door if I would’ve mentioned Malfoy. As far as Sterling and Scorpius go, well it wasn’t mine to tell”
Hermione’s hand smacked the table again, but this time the sound was accompanied by her chair scraping the floor as she stood up. “I don’t know what I would’ve done because I was never told! I’m your best friend Harry and you’ve told me nothing. You didn’t even tell me why you came to Paris anyways. I’ve had to assume it was because of your break-up with…” she stopped herself from saying Ginny’s name, mainly for Theo’s sake.
Slowly her frustration of being kept out of the loop for the past couple years was hitting her and while she shouldn’t be, she felt blindsided by it. It was like she had become this shell of a person that pushed everything down and now that the top was blown open by Ron’s cheating, she couldn’t help the overflow of emotions spewing out. The main one that stuck out was her guilt about Harry.
She could’ve come and visited him in Paris at any point in the past three years and she hadn’t. The first year of Harry being gone, she was in denial that her career at the ministry was in fact going to work out and if she fought through the minor setbacks then she’d be fine. Harry had also been insistent that he was fine in Paris and did not want to come home and that she spend the holidays with Ron. At the time she thought Harry didn’t want to see Ginny and the whole Weasley clan because of their breakup, now she felt like an idiot.
Then during his second year of being abroad her parents had died and with them, so had a part of her. She couldn’t drag herself out of bed for weeks. Harry had come to visit her in London and she had left it at that. He had come to her for the visit and there wasn’t a need to go see him in Paris when she was drowning in grief. Then the fights with Ron had come and the numbness had fully set in. And so Harry hadn’t written much, but neither had she. Most of her days had been spent in a haze.
She wanted to give a full belly laugh of misery. Ronald’s cheating had finally allowed her to shed her miserable past life with him. She felt so dumb now, every night she had gone home to a house in London, but never a home, because Ron had ditched her to cheat. After begging for her to give him a chance, he had cheated on her. And while all of that had been happening, Harry had found friends who care. Friends in Draco Malfoy if she was reading the situation correctly.
She wasn’t even mad at Harry or Draco or Theo. She was mad at herself. But the flood of emotions was too much to handle and instead she made a mess of her friendship with Harry. Hermione didn’t even recognize herself and the words that slipped past her lips blurred her reflection even more.
“My parents died and you weren’t there. You were fucking off in Paris instead of being there for your friends” she knew it was unfair to say. It was probably an awful fucking thing to say, but she wanted to draw blood. She needed to feel something, anything, and after letting guilt flood her, all she could hone in on was her jealousy of Harry. Guilt and jealousy were making her the worst person on the planet but she let the ugly emotions take over. They had to be let out or she’d never let herself get over it.
He had skipped town and landed in Paris. Nice, comfy Paris. He had a partner, a family in the Malfoys! And she had nothing. No one. Her parents were dead, her partner was a cheating piece of shit, and her best friend had moved on. Her job was essentially over and she didn’t have a home. In fact, she had insulted the person who was keeping her from currently being homeless. And more than anything she felt alone. So alone. And instead of opening up to her friend, her brother, she was lashing out.
“Hermione…” Theo said in almost a warning tone but neither of the friends regarded him.
Through her teary eyes, Hermione saw Harry stand too. “I was an alcoholic okay! I couldn’t handle my shit for years!” Harry yelled, his words laced in pain. Hermione felt her heart drop and in a sick way she welcomed it. She wanted to throw up, but she wasn’t numb.
“Harry” she started, her mind racing for things to say to him. How could he have been an alcoholic and she hadn’t noticed? He seemed perfectly fine at all their Hogsmeade meetings in eighth year. Had Ginny seen it? And what about Ron? He had been worse about talking to Harry than Hermione had been over the years. In fact, if she heavily considered it, Ron probably had a drinking problem of his own.
Harry vehemently shook his head, not allowing her another word. “No, you’re going to listen and listen well. I couldn’t keep my shit together after the war. I guess I always had this stupid hope I’d get my family back if we won. And I didn’t. Then I was being lorded around wizarding London like some damn trophy and I couldn’t even breathe without someone wanting something from me” Hermione’s heart cracked a bit. She knew the feeling well. Neither Hermione or Harry did well with the attention of being war heros, especially when they were malnourished eighteen year olds.
“Then everyone went back to Hogwarts and I was left alone and it was quiet, I could breathe. Until the silence was too loud and then I was willing to do anything to block it all out. I was getting invited out constantly and one drink would turn into two and then before I knew I couldn't string a coherent sentence together. But work was going ok, I was fine. Ginny came home after graduation and I wasn’t alone anymore. It wasn’t silent but the sound wasn’t overbearing either. But then she was gone all the time and you were handling so much on your own too. I couldn’t-I couldn’t put any of it on you Hermione. You had done so much for us, for me. We would’ve never won without you and you couldn’t get the memory reversal done on your parents…” his voice trailed off and like he had just said, the silence was deafening.
“I couldn’t, Hermione” Harry’s voice cracked and she now saw he too had tears trailing down his cheeks. “I al-almost got someone killed during a raid because I was drunk. But I was the great Chosen One, Harry Potter wizarding savior” disdain dripped off his words and she knew that feeling too. Hermione Granger, Golden Girl was not a moniker she was fond of. The expectations that came with the name were always too much and Harry had cracked.
“So they sent me to rehab and then allowed me to retrain with the French Ministry. Made some shit up that France needed help with rogue death eaters, which was true but I digress. Draco had already been accepted into the aurors program and I caused a big scene when I saw him. Since my French was god's awful and the French are bastards, they put me with Malfoy. Claimed I knew someone from home and could work through my anger issues with him” Theo snorted at Harry’s story and though his tears had stopped, Hermione’s continued to drip. She clung onto every word he said.
“It took a while, you can probably imagine how much we fought. Tosser made me want a drink more than any reporter in London could, but we started a competition between the two of us. I hated him and I wanted to be better than him, as usual. But after he saved my arse the first time in the field, I guess a friendship was struck up? I’m still not really sure, he and Theo just seem to grow on you like some kind of fungus” Theo interrupted to make a face at being compared to fungi and then let Harry proceed.
“A couple months after we became friendly, Tori showed up on his doorstep along with Theo. I won’t get into it all because once again not my story, but then Draco and Tori were married and then the twins showed up and all of a sudden I’m named godfather for a damn Malfoy and Theo’s hitting on me and I’m questioning if it’s really normal to look at another blokes arse that much”
“It is” Theo interrupted again, throwing a wink at Harry and Hermione let out a watery laugh.
“I wanted to tell you everything, Hermione. Godric I’ve missed you, but I was feeling so much better and I was scared. I like the anonymity in Paris. I know I ran away, but it feels like the best thing I could’ve done. I just couldn’t go back to being Harry from London and so I was a coward. Then you showed up on our doorstep and you looked so damn awful and I didn’t know how to tell you I didn’t just run away, I left you behind. In the care of Ron Weasley, no less. And now you’re yelling at me and I totally deserve it but I just want to hug you without you hitting me” Harry started rambling and a grin pulled at Hermione’s lips.
He was right, she missed him so much and while she would’ve been tempted to punch him a few minutes ago, she didn’t hesitate to pull him into a hug. “I accept you just the way you are, even if you are a godfather to a Malfoy. We all have faults” she said into his shoulder. As repentance Harry brought a hand up to her hair and fluffed the already forming bird's nest.
She squealed and pulled away only to have another hand wrap around her shoulder. “You know Granger, I’ve been meaning to have a family day recently but couldn’t, seeing as Potter was keeping me and the boys a dirty little secret” Theo started to say and Harry scoffed.
“What do you think of allowing the Malfoys over so you can see Potter in Godfather mode? We usually hold a Saturday game night, you game?” Theo said with a smirk.
Hermione chewed her lip, “was the pun intended?”
“Yes” Theo said proudly.
“Then no” Hermione answered with a smirk of her own.
She thought of not only seeing Harry interact with the Malfoy boys, but of their father. It had been a long time since she’d seen him. Images of platinum hair, smiles, and arms pulling two small bodies into a hug swarmed her mind. The images quickly switched though and unintentionally she saw tears, hands grasped together, blood, and a bed. Her arm itched and her chest ached for a second.
In the grand scheme of things, their history was confusing if anything, but she had put the past behind her and so had Draco. And she would be lying if she wasn’t excited to see a certain set of twins that had already managed their way into her heart in one evening.
Paris, it seemed, was becoming the place of healing. And Hermione Granger would heal, she’d become her own guiding light. She might never be 'golden' again, but gold was overrated anyways.