What is sleep?
The students filtered into the great hall for the first supper back after the break. Many were excitedly chatting with friends about their holidays or gifts they had received. Some looked like they were sad to be back at school. Likely homesick, Severus thought. He’d have to keep an eye out on those ones, he thought to himself. When he made his way to his usual seat, Sarah was already there. Good evening Professor, Severus said to Sarah. She turned in her seat cheerfully towards him. “Happy New Year Sev!” She exclaimed happily. The muggle holiday reference and the nickname softened his heart and he couldn't help but smile back. “How were your holidays?” He asked. She beamed at him. “They were great! We got to go ice skating, see the Rockettes, and even see the ball drop in Times Square on New Year’s! I’d say the best thing we did though was volunteer at a soup kitchen for the homeless” she said still beaming. Severus chuckled at her enthusiasm, smiling inwardly that the highlight of her holiday had been helping the homeless. Of course it was, he thought to himself. “I’ve never been to New York,” he mused. “I’ll have to take you there sometime! I’d love to show you around! It’s such a great place for wizards! So many great things happening there all the time!” She exclaimed happily. Severus thought that a trip to New York with Sarah sounded more than a little bit lovely.
“Oh! I’ve got to hurry along now. I need to get my things laid out for Defense this period. We’ve got a boggart, and I’m doing private sessions to get students to banish it.” Sarah said to Severus, standing to leave. Severus thought it was very kind of her not to force the students to face their greatest fears in front of their peers. Knowing a person’s greatest fear could be used as a weapon against them and Severus had seen that happen years ago. This was a much more humane way to handle the boggart lessons he thought to himself. He waved farewell and downed his coffee before heading to his own lessons. The day went relatively smoothly for him. That evening, Sarah came to his quarters for a cup of tea and some cards. He was beginning to become quite fond of those card nights.
The next morning, Severus took his usual spot in the great hall. He ate while leafing through a new potions textbook he had picked up over the holidays. Sarah plopped down in the seat next to him. “Good morning Sev” she said in her usual soft way, while reaching for the jam to spread on her toast. Severus glanced up and smiled at her. Returning to his potions book, he did a double take. She looked tired. “Did you sleep well?” He asked. She shrugged noncommittally. “I tossed and turned a bit. It happens” she said casually and shrugged again. Severus nodded and continued reading.
The day went smoothly for Severus again. Two good days in a row. This was a rarity. Sarah came after classes and gave him a hand with his brewing. They worked until after curfew before finally calling it a night. Severus couldn’t help but hum to himself cheerfully as he walked to his chambers that night.
The next morning at breakfast, Severus was reading his new textbook again at the table. He was so lost in thought that it wasn’t until breakfast was over that he realized Sarah had not appeared. That was odd… She never missed breakfast. He decided that if he didn’t see her at lunch, he would check on her. He walked past her classroom on his way to his own and he had a moment of relief when he saw her sat at her desk preparing for her next lesson. They had worked late the night prior. Perhaps she needed the extra sleep. She had looked tired the previous day. Today was her choir day, so he didn’t see her much except for at lunch and dinner where she seemed to be engrossed in a new muggle novel at the table. He let her read.
The following morning, Sarah missed breakfast again. Two mornings in a row, Severus thought. He made his way to her classroom and decided to pop his head in. “Professor?” He said softly. She jumped. Startled. No matter how soft he spoke, he always managed to startle her, he thought. “Severus?” She said, eyeing him questioningly. “You weren’t at breakfast again. I thought I’d bring you some toast and a coffee” Severus casually said as he strode into the room and placed the offerings on her desk. She looked blankly at the food for a moment before looking up at Severus. “Thank you, that was very thoughtful.” She smiled and took a bite of the toast. Severus nodded and continued to his own room.
At lunch, Severus tried to engage Sarah in conversation but she was engrossed in her novel. He didn’t want to bother her. He noticed she didn’t eat much and only drank coffee. She still had shadows under her eyes. Perhaps he could offer her a potion if she was continuing to struggle with sleep, he thought. Sarah hardly touched her supper either and when she joined Severus for their usual brewing, she remained quiet. Sometimes they would brew in silence, but it hadn’t happened in a while. When Sarah had bottled up her potion, she cleared her space and made to leave. Severus stepped in and she flinched back. With his hands up in an apology, Severus said, “I was merely going to ask if you wanted a cards night tonight.” Sarah stared at him blankly for a moment before blinking slowly and suggesting that perhaps they just call it a night instead. She did seem quite tired.
The following morning, once again, Sarah was nowhere to be seen. Severus took a slice of toast with her favorite jam and a mug of coffee with him on his route to his classroom to pop over to her space first, as was becoming a bit of a habit, noted to himself. He knocked softly on her door and she jolted up from her work again. She looked even more tired than the previous day Severus thought. He sighed and brought his offerings to her desk. Her brows furrowed and she looked at him. “Are you watching my eating habits?” She said sharply. Severus was taken aback by her hostility. “Well, I eat with you every day, so yes, I am noticing a change in pattern” he said a bit confused. “I don’t need you watching my every move” she said frustratedly before turning back to her work. Severus opened his mouth to speak but students began to filter in. He left feeling confused. Something felt off.
Sarah did not attend lunch or supper that day. Severus popped his head into her choir practice at the end of the day and was pleased to see her energetically conducting the singers through their warm up exercises. Perhaps she had grabbed some food from the kitchens… perhaps he had been reading into things.
The following day went similarly to the previous. Sarah missed meals and Severus became more concerned. In the evening, Severus had laid out his items to brew when he realized that Sarah had not arrived yet. Curiously, Severus decided to check her classroom. It was only a couple of doors down anyways. He peered into the room. A lamp was on by her desk but otherwise it was completely dark. She was sitting on a stool with her head in her arms on the desk sound asleep. Severus walked up to her and cleared his throat. She jerked awake, almost falling off her chair. “Sev!” she exclaimed. She looked around the dark room confused. Looking at Severus her eyes widened as she realized. “I fell asleep! I’m so sorry! I missed our brew session!” She stood up and started pacing the room. “I’m so so sorry. I haven’t been sleeping well and I guess it’s starting to catch up with me” she rambled. “I can’t believe I let you down though. I’m so sorry!” She continued to pace. Severus held out a hand slowly to her. She glanced at it and then took his hand in hers. Quietly, Severus said “I can help you with your sleep. Do you want a potion? Maybe some dreamless sleep?” Sarah jerked her hand back from his grip. Backing up so far that her back hit the stool and knocked it over, letting it clatter to the floor.
“D-Dreamless sleep?” She stuttered. Shaking her head frantically, “no, no I can’t. I can’t do dreamless sleep. I can’t use it. No…” she tapered off. Her whole body was stiff with tension. Severus could see the look in her eyes. He knew that look at once. Dreamless sleep was a highly addictive potion. She had fallen victim to it. Once an addict, always an addict. She couldn’t fix her sleep issues with that potion.
Seeing the pain in her eyes, Severus took a breath and bent to pick up the stool that had fallen. Sarah stayed rooted on the spot. “I know the potion is highly addictive. I understand if you must avoid it.” Severus said softly and without judgment. He also could not take the potion. He knew the feeling. “What about a calming draught?” He said placatingly. She looked like she was practically vibrating with stress. Severus knew that to happen with people who were sleep deprived. “Hmm” she murmured. “I spose that might be helpful,” she mused out loud. Severus couldn’t help but chuckle at that. He pulled a calming draught out of his robes. He always carried those on hand just in case. She gratefully took the vial from him popping the cork and swallowing the contents. Severus could see the tension seep from her as the potion took effect. “Thank you,” she breathed softly. “Not a problem at all,” Severus replied. “Now, I advise you to get to bed and try to rest,” he finished. Sarah nodded dumbly at him before turning back to the door and leaving him behind. Shaking his head, he straightened the piles of paper on her desk, turned off her light and locked the door behind him.