Bright Water

September 1982

Sirius POV

Sirius stared at his wall. He had been doing that for the past 20 minutes, and nothing had happened. The wall hadn't collapsed, no matter how many times he imagined it would, it just didn’t. Maybe the wall would stand forever because his bond with Regulus had never been cut. It had merely been hidden, behind stones and bricks. He imagined Regulus’ face on the wall. Always cold, always with those eyes that judged him without saying a word. He had tried everything to make it fall, but it just didn’t.

He was hurt and confused, which only made his anger worse.
James had been hiding something, that was clear now.
Regulus wasn’t as unknown to him as Sirius had believed. James had actually met Regulus. That was the only thing that made sense, since Regulus had wanted to speak to him. You don’t talk to strangers, Regulus don't talk to strangers! The more time Sirius spent thinking about it, the more it dawned on him. James had been so eager to watch Star Trek, had he known Regulus at that point? And when James had spoken to Regulus backstage – they knew each other well, that much was clear.

But why? That was what Sirius couldn’t figure out.
Why would James spend time with the emotionless psychopath that was his brother? Regulus wasn’t sweet, that was a fact Sirius knew for sure.
So why would sweet, considerate, kind James Potter spend time with him?
It didn’t make sense to Sirius, but he refused to seek answers by asking James. James had knocked on his door five times after their long walk home, where he had also tried to explain himself, but Sirius had just covered his ears and hummed.
It was childish, and he knew it, but James was his best friend, and he was hurt! It was betrayal, because James knew exactly how Sirius felt about his brother. They were complicated, and James knew it, and now he had used it against him.

Sirius sighed and forced himself to look away from the wall. He really should talk to James, but something in him couldn’t bring himself to do it. He needed to be a little inside himself. He had grown used to pushing away the gnawing thoughts about Regulus over the years, as it was easier than feeling guilty. Because he did! There wasn’t a day where Sirius didn’t feel guilty for leaving his little brother in that house. But he knew that if he thought too much about it, he wouldn’t be able to get through a day. Like, literally! Sirius would lock himself in his room and not come out unless Regulus came and asked him to, which he wouldn’t, because Regulus wasn’t here anymore. Regulus wasn’t his little brother anymore.

He had lost his little brother, and now James had him.
How ironic!
James was the one who had given him a new family, but also the one who ended up taking his old family away from him. Sirius didn’t know how to react, how he was expected to react. So he chose to stay in his room, even though he knew that next time James came and knocked, hoping to explain himself, Sirius would open it.
The question was just, whether he was ready.
Saying no to James was hard, but not impossible. In this case, he knew they should talk, so he would let him in.

Sirius remained sitting with his gaze fixed on the wall. It hadn’t changed, and neither had his thoughts. The more he tried to ignore them, the more insistent they became. The wall was like a blackboard where his memories and emotions were written and wiped away again and again. Regulus’ face stared back at him, frozen in that same cold, merciless look he remembered.
But that wasn’t the whole truth, was it? Regulus hadn’t always been like that. Sirius could almost hear the childish laughter from their childhood. The shrill sound that used to fill their house when they stole cookies from the kitchen or hid from Kreacher.

How had it gone so wrong? How had they gone from being brothers to… this? Strangers, only existing in each other’s memories.
Sirius took a deep breath and tried to focus. Guilt was the hardest part. It had always been guilt. He had abandoned Regulus. He knew that. He had looked away when his little brother was pulled deeper and deeper into the family’s darkness. And now he could never make it okay again. Undo it.
But why had James gotten involved? Sirius clenched his fists. James knew how painful it was. He knew how Sirius struggled to keep his past at a distance, how he had worked so hard to build something new – a new family, a new future.
Wasn’t that enough for James? Why did he have to bring Regulus back into the picture? What could James possibly get out of talking to him?

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and felt the pull on his scalp. The longer he thought about it, the more confused he became. Regulus had always had a knack for worming his way into people’s heads, and the thought of James getting caught in his web made Sirius sick to his stomach.
But was that really it? Was it Regulus manipulating James? Or was it James who had seen something in Regulus that Sirius couldn’t? Something he himself had overlooked because he was too busy trying to escape his family.
He got up and began pacing back and forth in his room. The thoughts were coming faster now, as if his body was trying to catch up with them. If he opened the door, he would get answers. But answers were dangerous. They could change everything.
His gaze slid back to the wall, as if he expected it to give him some kind of sign. It didn’t. It just stood there, unshakable and silent, as always.

Sirius sighed and let himself fall back onto the bed. Maybe it wasn’t really James he was angry with. Maybe it was Regulus. Or maybe it was himself. It was hard to tell when everything felt like a tangled knot of guilt, anger, and loss.
The door remained closed, and Sirius knew it was only a matter of time before James knocked again. But for now… for now, he needed to stare at the wall a little longer and figure out how he was going to summon the courage to face the truth, whatever it might be.

But he wasn’t that lucky, for James’ knuckles hit the door once again. This was the sixth attempt. The sound was insistent, but not angry. James’ way of knocking had always been like that – as if asking if he could come into Sirius’ world, not just demanding it.
Sirius stared at the door this time. The wall behind him suddenly felt like a shadow that was pulling away. Maybe because James’ persistence was hard to ignore.

“Sirius, this is ridiculous,” came James’ voice from the other side. It was muffled but penetrating. “We need to talk. It’s not what you think, okay? It’s never what you think.”
Sirius snorted. How could it not be what he thought? Regulus. And James, the one person he had trusted more than anyone else, had somehow tangled himself up in it. Sirius knew James had won: they would talk.

“So you’re denying you know him better than I think?” Sirius said, lying in his bed without doing anything to get up. A sigh came from the hallway.

“Can’t you just let me in so we can talk about it?” James asked, his voice pleading. He sounded so guilt-ridden and pained that it broke something inside Sirius’ heart. It was strange, because it was Sirius who should be sad, not James!

But that was the way it was now.
That was what it was like with a best friend.

Your pain and joy seemed to melt together and fuse, making them impossible to separate. That’s what it had ended up being like for James and Sirius – their feelings were hard to separate from each other. If one was in pain, the other also were.

Sirius sighed. It didn’t help to leave the door closed any longer. It was time to talk. Sirius got up and walked towards the door. His hand brushed over the worn wood, and he closed his eyes. James was right. He knew that. But giving in felt like another form of defeat.
Still, he opened the door.
James was standing there, with messy hair and an expression that was a mix of frustration and concern. He opened his mouth to say something, but Sirius shook his head.

“You have one chance,” Sirius said quietly. “One chance to explain why you spoke to him. Why you did it behind my back.”
James hesitated for a moment but then stepped in and closed the door behind him. He walked further into the room and sat down on Sirius’ bed, folding his hands.
He leaned his head back and stared at the ceiling before groaning and turning his gaze back to Sirius. Come on, get on with it, thought Sirius, but stayed silent.

“It all started one day in July,” James said with a shaky voice. “I was on my way to buy lemons for Mum when I heard a faint whimpering sound. I thought it was a puppy, so I followed the sound and was led straight to your brother, who was helping an injured kitten.” James chuckled a bit at the thought.

“I was hidden behind a corner, watching as he checked the little kitten for injuries. That’s when I suspected he wasn’t as bad as you say. So since then, I’ve hung out with him a lot. We’re friends.”

Sirius just stood there, staring at James, as his words slowly sank in.
Friends? How could James be friends with Regulus? And had he actually cared for a kitten? Ha, if Regulus had done anything with that kitten, it would have been to ignore it. He’d walk past it on the street, completely unaffected by its injured state.

"James, you don’t just become friends by seeing each other on the street. Especially not with Regulus."

"But we did!" James protested, flopping backwards onto the bed.

"So you’re telling me, that after seeing him with a cat, you just started hanging out? Just like that?" Sirius asked, giving James a sharp look. "I don’t believe that for a second. I know Regulus, and he wouldn’t just let you in so easily!"

"You haven’t known him for the past seven years, so actually, I think I know him a little better by now!" James said, sitting up manically.
Sirius gasped. "You didn’t just fucking say that!" His eyes burned, and he blinked hard. He wasn’t going to cry! "I didn’t have any other choice, James, and you know it. I saved myself, and all contact was cut off. IT was the only way!"

James looked down at his hands. "Yeah, sorry, that was unfair. I’m glad you left them, but Regulus is different than you think." James said softly, as though afraid of hurting Sirius more, but the damage had already been done. It hurt. James made it hurt. Sirius swallowed hard.

"How did you meet?" he asked.

"I just told you—"

"How did you meet?"

James looked away and closed his eyes. "I sought him out at his house."

Sirius’s mind went blank. Black. Empty. Nothing made sense. Everything was just black.

Empty.

James had sought out Regulus. At his house? To what, talk?

Blank.

Black.

Empty.

Blank.

Black.

Empty.

"Sirius?" James whispered so softly that Sirius shouldn’t have been able to hear it, but he heard it as clearly as if James had been standing right next to him. It was like being woken from a very short sleep. Sirius blinked, and the emptiness was replaced with anger.

"You sought him out? How do you even know where he lives, James? Do you realise that’s called stalking? And behind my back? Fuck you, James, fuck you!"
Tears streamed down his cheeks, but with a swift motion, he wiped them away with his sleeve. Maybe James wasn’t what he’d thought. Or maybe one Black just wasn't enough for him. He had to have it all, that’s always how it was.

"I could feel he was different—"

"You don’t even think about speaking to me!" Sirius hissed at James. He couldn’t be bothered to hear any more crap from James right now.

"I’m going to Remus and Peter’s, don’t follow me." With that, he marched to the door and out into the hallway, leaving James alone in Sirius’ room.
It had to be this way; Sirius needed to find Moony.

Sirius stood in front of Remus, drenched. It had been a bad idea to go to his friend's flat, for shortly after stepping out the door, it had started to rain. Pouring.

It didn't take long before Sirius looked like a drowned mouse, his hair sticking to his face. Remus said nothing, merely looked up and down at the very wet Sirius.

His eyes were currently fixed on Sirius' neck, where long, dark strands clung to him, resembling ebony in the snow. Sirius couldn’t help but shrink under the taller boy’s gaze. It wasn’t disgust or malice, but that was how he always felt with Remus. When Remus truly looked at him, his entire body would heat up, and Sirius struggled not to feel overly exposed. This never happened to him. Sirius loved attention, but Remus – he was different. Sirius didn’t know anyone like Remus; incredibly intelligent, eloquent, responsible, trustworthy, warm, and attractive. No one could make Sirius feel more pitiful than Remus could. It was frustrating.

Remus' dark eyes slowly moved from Sirius' neck, down along his jaw. When they reached around the point where Sirius' mouth was, Remus blinked and immediately found Sirius' eyes. A faint blush had settled on his cheeks, but Sirius didn’t give it much thought.

"Come in, for God's sake. You’ll catch a cold if you stay in that wet clothes!" Remus said, stepping aside so Sirius could pass.

Sirius stepped inside, took off his boots and jacket, then made his way to the bathroom with everything. He hung the jacket in the shower and placed the shoes beside it, ensuring the wardrobe wouldn’t be completely soaked. When he returned to the hallway, Remus was standing with two cups of tea, waiting. He nodded towards the living room, signalling they should sit in there.

Remus knew something was wrong. Sirius could see it in the way a slight wrinkle had formed between Remus’ eyebrows, and in the way he tightened his grip on the cups. When he did that, the veins in his hand became more visible. It was attractive, Remus was attractive. Together, they went into the living room and sat on the worn-out couch where they had shared so many memories.

"Is Peter home?" Sirius asked, looking around as he warmed his fingers on the tea cup. He looked back at Remus, who was studying him closely.

"No, he’s out with Mary," Remus replied slowly. "Sirius, are you okay? It’s unlike you to show up like this. Yes, you're impulsive, but it’s pouring! You hate how it ruins your hair." He looked worriedly up and down at Sirius, who was shivering despite the warm tea.

"Take your bloody clothes off, I’ll find one of my jumpers and a pair of trousers you can borrow." Remus got up from the couch, and without waiting for a response, he walked toward his room.

Sirius sighed. He wasn’t okay, and now he was alone. Even though Remus would soon return, Sirius didn’t feel comfortable with that. He needed to be close to someone, and that someone was Remus. He slowly started pulling off his trousers, shivering slightly as his legs met the air. The black tattoos contrasted sharply with his pale skin. The smoke from a cigarette curled around and up past his right knee, while the moon wrapped around his other knee. A snake wound around his left ankle, meeting a small dove. There were so many different ones, and if Sirius was honest, he felt a bit like a museum. Each piece was a work of art, meaningful and with history. He was a living work of art.

He pulled the shirt over his head and was now only in his underwear. He looked around to see if there was a blanket he could cover himself with. On the coffee table lay an open book, probably one Remus had been reading, and beneath it, a folded blanket. Sirius leaned forward and carefully lifted the book to grab the blanket. As he lifted the book, a small Polaroid picture slipped out and fell to the floor. Odd, it must be Remus’ bookmark. He bent even lower to gently grab the edge. He pulled the picture up, a smile forming on his lips as he saw the image. The Polaroid was familiar, but he hadn’t seen it in a long time. It used to hang on the wall in their shared room at Hogwarts. They had taken many like it, capturing both funny and awkward moments of their friendship. But this one was different. This had always been Sirius’ favourite, so when it disappeared, it had stung just a little. It had also been Remus’ favourite, so it made sense that Remus had snatched it. The little thief! A small chuckle escaped Sirius as he looked at his own sleepy face. He was curled up under Remus’ jumper with Remus! Sirius clearly remembered how cold he had been after a snowball fight with James and had sneaked under Remus’ jumper to warm up. He had then fallen asleep there, and Lily had snapped a picture with her camera.

It had disappeared around Christmas of their last year. Sirius had always wondered where it had gone, but here was the answer. He heard a small sigh and looked up immediately to see Remus standing with a pile of folded clothes.

"You’ve always had a soft spot for that picture, huh? Even years later, you still can’t keep your hands off it," Remus said with a slight grin, but there was a hint of nervousness in his voice. It was as if he feared it would be taken away from him.

"Ha, I’d say it’s you who can’t keep your hands off it. You took it!" Sirius replied, gently placing the picture down on the table beside the book. Remus smiled gratefully and walked over to the couch with the clothes. There was nothing awkward about the situation since they had known each other for so long. Seeing Sirius in so little clothing wasn’t strange, and Sirius appreciated that. He appreciated that Remus didn’t seem uncomfortable with it all. If Sirius was being honest, it looked like Remus was enjoying it a little too much. His eyes roamed along Sirius’ long legs, drinking in everything he could see. Sirius didn’t mind it that way, but he also felt completely exposed under Remus’ gaze. It didn’t help that he was wearing so little.

Sirius quickly put on the trousers—they were a little too long since Remus was much taller, but that didn’t matter. With a loud sigh, he let the warm jumper fall over his head and slumped back into the couch. Now everything was as it should be.

Or was it?

Nothing was normal, and that’s what had brought him here. Everything was so damn confusing, and nothing made sense. Why would his best friend do this? Former best friend! James had betrayed him, and he needed a friend’s help. He needed Remus. A slight shiver ran through him, despite the newfound warmth. Sirius pulled his knees to his chest and rested his tired head on top.

"Remus," he said quietly. "I don’t know what to do." Something in his voice was unbearably sad. So sad, even Sirius could hear it. Remus heard it too, for he nestled closer to him.

"Shh, it’s okay," he said, not knowing what it was about. Beautiful. That was Remus; beautiful. 

"You don’t even know what it’s about!" Sirius replied with a complaining wave of his hand.

"I think I do, but if not, explain it to me. I’m listening!"

Sirius sighed. "Regulus and James."

Remus nodded understandingly. It was as if he had already seen this coming. He always knew what irritated Sirius.

"Yeah, I figured it was about them. What bothers you about them?"

Dumb question. "Everything! Absolutely everything about their friendship is awful. First of all, they are so different, it doesn’t make sense how they can get along. And the fact that Regulus is—he is—he must be—he’s dumb! Mean! James deserves better friends, he has us!" The words either came too fast or wouldn’t come out at all. It just sounded wrong no matter what he said.

"Don’t you think James is capable of judging who’s worthy of his friendship?" Remus asked, squeezing Sirius’ knee. "I don’t think he’s misjudged Regulus. There must be a reason they’re hanging out!"

Sirius thought for a moment. James wasn’t stupid, but he was incredibly impressionable. It would be easy for Regulus, who was also an actor, to play nice with him. Regulus had probably intended to get close to him through James. A little sneak, that’s all his brother was. But no one, absolutely no one, should manipulate James. Not even his own brother. Especially not his own brother.

"Moony, what if he’s convinced James he’s a good person? Regulus is, after all, an actor—it would break James!"

Remus laughed softly, which didn’t reassure Sirius in the least. This was an incredibly difficult moment for him. His best friend and his brother. What the hell was he supposed to think about that?

"Regulus hasn’t manipulated James—"

"You don’t know that!"

Remus continued as if Sirius hadn’t interrupted him. "Because if he had, he wouldn’t have dragged James into the toilet to talk. He was visibly upset about something, which wouldn’t have happened if James didn’t matter to him. So manipulation isn’t the case, trust me."

Sirius' shoulders slumped in relief. Yes, he was angry with James for going behind his back, but pain was never something Sirius wished upon James. Never. But what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t just let it go unnoticed, could he? What James had done was unforgettable, or at least that's what Sirius thought. He could feel the discomfort creeping in like a quiet fog, one that knew the weaknesses of the body. Knew his weaknesses.

"Sirius," Remus said calmly. "This isn't about their... friendship, is it? It's about you not knowing what to think of Regulus. He's your brother, and it's hard to know what you really mean. This has brought him closer to you than he's been in the past few years, and it's filling you with doubt. All the questions you've kept buried are coming to the surface now; is he really who he used to be?" He placed a hand on Sirius' knee and looked at him gently with his brown eyes. Sirius had to concentrate to not let Remus' words affect him. This wasn't his brother, so Remus didn't know what he was rambling on about! Remus didn't even have a brother, so he could never know. 

"I know what I think about my fucking brother; he's a traitorous little prick who only listens to our parents! They've brainwashed him!" Sirius hissed hysterically. How could Remus think his feelings were uncertain? Yes, he missed Regulus, but not the Regulus that existed today. He missed little Regulus. The little boy who sneaked into his brother's room to whisper stories about Greek heroes, the boy who bit if you tried to tickle him, the boy who was his brother. Regulus today was a stranger.

"Sirius, have you ever considered that you're the traitor? I'm glad you are, because you wouldn't have lasted any longer in that house, but don't you think Regulus sees you as the one who ran away? Reg stayed loyal to the family, while you didn’t," Remus ran his hand a little higher, just above the knee. "Maybe your betrayal hurt Regulus more than you think."

Sirius fell silent. It was true. He'd never thought of it that way before. If you flipped the situation, Sirius was the black sheep. He was the one who had brought shame to the family, he was the one who had refused to obey his parents' orders.

Maybe Regulus was just hurt—they hadn't spoken in so many years, so he didn't know what had happened to Regulus. Sirius knew he had left him behind, but that was not because he hadn't given him the chance to come along. He had done what he could.

"But... I asked if he wanted to come!" Sirius said. "He refused."

Remus sighed. "It's not as easy for everyone. He probably had a hard time turning his back on your family. He’d always been in your shadow when you were the heir."

Remus smiled wryly, and Sirius weakly smiled back.

"Okay then, maybe my anger isn't so much aimed at Regulus, but more at James. He said nothing and went behind my back. And that’s unforgettable!" he protested.

"You don’t have to forget, Sirius, just forgive. I can understand why he did what he did. You’re not exactly the easiest person to give forgiveness, so he chose to hide it. Just look at how you're reacting now—would it have been better if James had said it from the start?"

Sirius fell silent. His reaction wouldn't have been better. Dramatic and good at making hasty conclusions, that was what Sirius was. That was what he had always been.

"If you really love James so much, I think it’s time to face Regulus. You've been running from your past for far too long now, and it’s time to face the consequences. Who knows, maybe Regulus isn’t so bad," Remus concluded.

He was right; Sirius should confront his feelings for Regulus and apologise to James.

James sat alone in his room, the soft autumn sun casting golden beams through the window. His thoughts circled around Sirius’ explosive reaction to his and Regulus’ friendship. His heart felt heavy as he tried to figure out how to navigate this secret. Sirius couldn’t find out they were more than friends. Not yet. Were they even more than that?

Yes, they had snogged—quite passionately—but lots of people did that. Sirius always had someone he was seeing. It was never a relationship, so maybe it was the same with Regulus? But Regulus had said it wouldn’t be the last time they did so, which had to mean something. The question was whether he only wanted the physical parts of the relationship or something more. Maybe he didn’t want a relationship at all, just some kisses? Whatever Regulus was ready to give, James would accept with open arms. And if snogging and hugs were all he could have, that was fine. Of course, he hoped for more, but Regulus mattered most to him. Always.

Then there was the problem named Sirius. If James was honest, he thought Sirius hated him. Fair enough, considering James had broken his trust—something Sirius didn’t take lightly. Sirius had trust issues, so the fact that James had lied and gone behind his back was a big deal. It hurt James deeply to think Sirius despised him, but what could he do about it? Maybe he just needed to give Sirius some time to think, so—

A soft knock at the door interrupted his thoughts.

James sat up quickly, his mind still in disarray. “Come in,” he said, trying to sound casual, though failing when he saw Sirius’ head appear in the doorway. Sirius?

He didn’t look angry, so it couldn’t be more shouting, thankfully.

Sirius opened his mouth only to close it again. He looked genuinely conflicted, visibly so. Finally, he opened the door a little wider and looked up.

“Can we… talk?” Sirius asked, making a small hand gesture to indicate he wanted to come in. Unexpected!

“Yeah, of course, come in!” James said, making space for him on the bed. Sirius shut the door but didn’t move to the bed. Was he going to lecture him again?

“I... I’m sorry,” Sirius began, looking at James with an intense, serious(haha) expression, which shocked him. What could Sirius possibly be apologising for? James knew this was about Regulus, but what had Sirius done wrong? It was James who had lied and deceived his best friend. Not Sirius!

“I was an idiot. I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did when I saw you and... Regulus.”

James folded his hands and looked at him, waiting.

Sirius continued, “It’s just… It’s so strange for me. Regulus and I have never… we’ve never been close. But that doesn’t mean I should have judged him. Or you.”

James raised an eyebrow, still taken aback. He knew some of that was a lie, because Sirius and Regulus had been very close, when they were younger. Maybe even closer than James and Sirius ever was. So he smilede at his best friend. “That’s a start,” he said cautiously.

Sirius sighed, his gaze darting around the room. “You know... it’s just hard. He was always the golden child of the family. The perfect Black. And I was just… me.” He gave a crooked smile, but it lacked warmth. “I haven’t exactly made things easy for him. Or for you. But—but—I was so hurt when I found out you lied! We made a blood pact when we were twelve never to lie to each other. And yeah, we’ve both told little white lies, but this… this was too big to break that over.”

James nodded, letting Sirius take his time. There was a pause, and Sirius started pacing in the small room. He looked tormented in a way James had only seen when Sirius still lived at home. But this was his new home, a loving one.

“You know, I can’t forget how he always took their side. When they… hit me. When they said I was... less worthy.” His voice grew hoarse. “And yet…”

James leaned forward. He’d heard all the grim details of Sirius’ childhood and couldn’t bear to hear them again. The pain that always filled Sirius’ voice when he spoke about it was unbearable. So he chose to focus on something else. “And yet what?”

Sirius froze, his shoulders tense, as if he were a statue. It took a moment before he answered. “And yet he’s my brother,” he said finally, his voice low and almost inaudible. “Even if I haven’t seen him as that in years, it doesn’t make him any less family. I want nothing to do with that family, but… I miss him. Maybe more than I'm willing to admit.”

James stiffened where he sat on the bed. He had always known Sirius cared about his brother, but that didn’t mean Sirius would admit it or realise it himself. It was as if a thick wall existed between Sirius and the world, letting only the most obvious things reach him. Anything slightly unclear or hidden was lost on him. Especially when it came to his own feelings.

“You’re not mad at me? Or at him… Regulus?” James asked cautiously. It was hard to process Sirius’ words—they were so surreal.

“I am, but there are things more important than anger. Like friendship and… brotherhood.”

Sirius smiled faintly but quickly looked down at the floor, the pained expression returning. James couldn’t stand to see it. If he could just make it stop, if he could ease the pain… Maybe he could. It was risky. Very risky.

“Sirius,” James took a deep breath. “What if we invite him to the Halloween party? With the others? It could be a chance for you two to talk without it feeling too… serious.”

Sirius’ face lit up for a moment, but doubt lingered in his eyes. “Do you think he’ll come? After everything that’s happened?”

James shrugged. He knew that if anyone could convince Regulus, it would be him. “There’s only one way to find out. But I think he will. I’ll bring it up with him.”

Sirius nodded, still uncertain, but there was a spark of hope in his eyes. A spark James loved. “Okay. Let’s do it.”

A silence fell over the room, but it wasn’t heavy. It was filled with unspoken thoughts. Sirius sat on the edge of the bed, scratching the back of his neck. “I’m just… I’m so tired of everything my family stands for. And Regulus… he was always part of that.”

James tilted his head. “People can change, Sirius. He’s already shown he can make his own choices. He’s not the Regulus you’ve told me about. This one is shy, cautious, sharp in a cool way. Sure, he’s aloof, but it’s more of a defence than a personality. He has interests and good friends. He’s doing well.”

The words seemed to hit Sirius with gratitude. His eyes glistened, but he laughed dryly. “You sound like Mum now.”

James shrugged with a smile. “Maybe. But that doesn’t make it any less true. You’re not the same Sirius I met at Hogwarts, either. We all grow.”

Sirius looked down at his hands. “Maybe. But I still don’t know how to start that conversation. How do you tell your little brother you miss him after pushing him away for so long?”

James thought for a moment. “Start with that. Be honest. Say it the way you just said it to me. If he’s really changed, he’ll listen.”

Sirius looked up, and for the first time that day, there was the hint of a real smile. “Maybe you’re right. You’re smarter than you look, Potter.”

James laughed. Many thought he was dim, but no, James Potter was quite clever. “And you’re softer than you look, Black.”

They both laughed, and for the first time in days, the air between them felt lighter. There was still a lot to untangle, but this was a step in the right direction. Now they just had to untangle the threads between Sirius and Regulus.

Regulus was impatient. Very impatient. James had called forty minutes ago and said he’d be there in fifteen. That made him, at this point, twenty-five minutes late. Regulus wasn’t just annoyed—no, he was scared. Scared that James wouldn’t show up. Scared because of Sirius. What if Sirius had managed to convince James that Regulus was bad company? If so, was it over? That would be tragic because they had barely started.

Regulus could feel a faint anger toward his brother, one that wasn’t unfamiliar. He had always been quick to find reasons to be upset, but since Sirius had left, it had become easier. Still, he understood why Sirius had done it. Regulus would’ve done the same if the opportunity had been there for him. Now, Sirius had taken something else away from him, and this time, it was big. James had been occupying Regulus’s mind for years, and for Sirius to steal the one good thing in his life felt cruel. It was spiteful.

Regulus couldn’t imagine what his life would look like now. James had made it brighter, happier, and the thought of him disappearing? Unthinkable! Barty and Evan had noticed a change in him. He was kinder—something that had never been true of him before. He had always been gentle with Pandora, but even she had commented on the change in his demeanor. All this contact with Potter had softened him! James must have sprinkled his ice with sunshine powder or slipped something into his watermelon juice. There was no other explanation for Regulus... thawing.

But now Sirius had ruined it. What had he said to convince James to stay away? Probably something about their family’s warped ideologies. Something about looking down on unbelievers or people with different skin colors. People like James. If only Regulus had the chance to disprove it all, would James come back? Would he forgive him? He desperately hoped so because waiting like this was pointless.

But how would he even reach James? He didn’t know where James lived, only where he was thinking of moving. Regulus could always ask Marlene for information, but he doubted she’d agree. That left showing up at one of their gigs or seeking out Remus. Didn’t he work at the bar where they’d played last night? He’d definitely been wearing a uniform and staring at Sirius with heart eyes. How anyone could do that remained a mystery to Regulus.

Still, it was an option. Was Remus working? It was Sunday, so maybe he had the day off. Then again, he’d worked yesterday at the gig, which was a Saturday. Regulus sighed. Was there anything he could do? If James didn’t want anything to do with him, Regulus should respect that, as the adult he claimed to be.

But it hurt. Just the thought of what they might’ve been—or not been—sent a jolt of pain through his body, settling in his chest.

Regulus got up from his bed, where he’d been curled up for the past twenty minutes. He stretched his long arms high above his head, sore from clutching his knees so tightly. His arms reached for the ceiling, and he let out a soft groan at the mild pain. After ten minutes of waiting for James, Regulus had lost hope (he was well aware it was pathetic to give up after just ten minutes) and had crawled into bed. Now, he needed water. A cold glass of water. And maybe a bath. A cold bath. Coldness would help him collect his thoughts and his heart—or more accurately, freeze it so he wouldn’t have to feel anything for a while.

He trudged over to his dresser and found some clean clothes to change into after the bath. With them in hand, he left his dark room and began the short walk to the bathroom. It was so close that he didn’t even have to leave the floor—just two doors down the hallway.

The bathroom door creaked slightly as Regulus pushed it open. He was immediately met with his own reflection and froze. His hair was getting long. In this state, he looked more like Sirius. Not that he’d ever admit that the reason he hadn’t cut his hair since the Star Trek filming was to resemble Sirius more—it just fit. Now he wanted to chop it all off.

All the emotions swirling around Sirius were confusing—longing and hatred.
Today, the hatred won.

Regulus stepped closer to the mirror, letting the clothes fall to the floor. It would’ve been nice to have Dorcas or Pandora here to help, but since they weren’t, he’d have to manage on his own. He opened a drawer, rummaged through various odd items, and quickly found a pair of scissors. A green and a black. He choose the black. With trembling hands, he picked it up. It was time to get it over with. He raised it to his hair and, closing his eyes, snipped the first lock. It was a big lock—he knew that—but he continued and cut another. Then another. Cautiously, he opened his eyes but immediately regretted it. The uneven line he’d created was terrible. Even Barty could do better than this. He might even do well, actually. He dyed hair for both himself and Evan, after all. Maybe this wasn’t such a terrible idea.

The bath would have to wait; he needed Barty. If he was going to let anyone see him like this, it would be Barty. They’d seen the best and worst of each other, and Regulus knew Barty wouldn’t comment but just help. He wouldn’t even ask why the hair had to go.

Placing the scissors on the sink’s edge, Regulus left the bathroom. He needed to get to the phone. Hopefully, Barty was home to pick up. He jogged down the stairs to the rotary phone in the hallway. Quickly, he dialed the number for Pandora and Evan’s shared flat. He waited anxiously, pacing back and forth on his feet.

“Hi, Pandora Rosier, who am I speaking to?” came a bright voice at last.

“Hi, it’s Reg here. Is Barty there?” he asked quickly, making a mental note to talk to her soon. She’d probably appreciate it if he visited. Maybe he should bring something for the cat?

“I’ll grab him,” she said, and Regulus could hear her gently calling for Barty. An indistinct shout in Barty’s unmistakable voice answered, followed by another call from Pandora.

“He’s coming now, Reg,” she replied, and he thanked her briefly.

“What’s up, Re—”

“I’ve cut my hair,” Regulus interrupted. “Or… some of it. But I need help because it looks terrible. I don’t know what to do! I look insane.”

Barty grunted but couldn’t suppress a laugh. “You couldn’t wait to cut your hair until someone could help you? Why? Regulus, for Merlin’s sake! Is it bad, or is your dramatic side just making a comeback? Are you having a midlife crisis in your twenties or what?”

“It was impulsive, okay? I was sick of it, and I thought—”

“You thought what? That you were a hairstylist? That you could manage with a pair of kitchen scissors and a mirror? For Merlin’s sake, Regulus.” Barty was now laughing openly, and Regulus could practically hear him collapsing.

“It’s not funny!” Regulus’s voice was high-pitched with frustration. “It’s awful. I look—”

“—like a plucked bird? A half-shaved hen? A troll on a bad day?” Barty threw out suggestions as if playing darts.

“Stop!” Regulus sounded desperate. “I don’t even look like a person anymore! I look... I don’t know what I look like! Just help me not look like an idiot for the rest of my life!’.”

“How am I supposed to help? I’m not exactly a hairstylist.”

“No, but you have hands and eyes, which is more than I can claim right now!”

Barty grimaced, though Regulus, of course, couldn’t see it. “How much did you cut? We’re not talking about a punk hairstyle, are we?”

“That would be an upgrade!”

“Oh, Merlin.” Barty laughed so hard he had to sit down. “You’ve really messed up, haven’t you?”

“Can we skip the humiliation and move to action? Just come over. Bring a hat. Or a paper bag I can put over my head.”

“Fine. I’m on my way. But if I get there and find out you’ve exaggerated, I’m sketching this whole story and performing it at the next house party. You know I love an audience.”

“Cunt!” With that, Regulus slammed the phone down, ending the call.

Barty better hurry up now. He didn’t have a car, so it would probably take 40-50 minutes before he arrived. But if anyone knew Barty well—and unfortunately, Regulus did—they’d know he was always very late. Hopefully, he’d heard the panic in Regulus’s voice and, for once, decided to speed up. Slowly, Regulus sank to the floor and closed his eyes. He could find peace now. Just shut everything out. Everything. Sink into the depths of silence and bury himself in it, as though it were quicksand. He’d wrap the quiet around him like a soft blanket and only emerge when Barty arrived. But for now, there was only calm.

Calm.

Silence.

Peace.

Control.

Relaxation.

Peace—

A shrill noise sliced through the silence, and Regulus’s eyes flew open. Was Barty here already? Had he sunk so far into calm that time had slipped away? Barty must have been fast, no matter what. Shakily, Regulus got to his feet and shuffled toward the door. Without much thought, he opened it, expecting to see Barty.

Something hard collided directly with him, and Regulus staggered back a few steps before regaining his balance. All thoughts of Barty evaporated as he realised, with surprise, that it was James. His James.

He was here, in Regulus’s arms, and he was real. It wasn’t some kind of illusion—no, he was real. James had come back, he was there, and Regulus had no intention of letting him go again. One hand found its way into James’s wild curls.

“Hey, Jamie, it’s okay. We saw each other yesterday,” he said gently, tugging slightly at James’s hair to get him to look up at him with those big brown eyes. The eyes he adored.

Oh, and when those eyes turned toward him, it was hard not to melt.

Big, warm chocolate buttons gazed up at him, filled with delight and something deeper—something Regulus didn’t dare put into words. He leaned down and planted a soft kiss on James’s mouth. James sighed contentedly but pulled back a little, putting some distance between them.

Without James, Regulus felt cold.

“I’ll be back in two seconds,” James said, stepping out through the still-open door. Regulus couldn’t make sense of what had just happened. One moment, James was in his arms, with a smile bright enough to make the sun jealous, and now he was out the door. He didn’t even have time to process it before James returned, holding a large bouquet of tulips. More flowers. Was there a greener flag than James?

With a crooked smile, James held them out to him. “Sorry for being late. I had to stop by the florist to get these.”

Regulus melted. Completely. It was impossible to stay indifferent when James treated him so well. He was blissful.

“Thank you,” Regulus managed to croak as he accepted the flowers. He was too overwhelmed to form other words, but James didn’t seem to mind.

He simply let Regulus stand there and smell the flowers until he was ready to speak again.

“So, what about my... what about Sirius?” Regulus asked. He couldn’t bring himself to call him “brother.” The word didn’t come naturally to his tongue. Were they even brothers anymore?

“I told Sirius,” James said shortly.

“That we’re friends, or...” Regulus, now slightly uncertain where this was going, placed the flowers on a chest of drawers. As long as James stayed, everything would be fine.

“Our friendship. He got really angry.”

Regulus could feel a small smile spreading across his face at James’s words.

James raised his eyebrows high. “Don’t look so pleased about it.”

He grunted but chose to focus on James instead. “Does it bother you?”

“Well, I need him to know and understand. It would’ve been nice if he’d been supportive, but I understand why he’s not. He’ll get over it at some point. I know him; he just needs to calm down a bit. He spoke to Remus for a bit and came back to me with an apology, so it’ll work out.”

Regulus hadn’t wanted Sirius to know, but it was James’s only condition, so he hadn’t had a choice. James was here. Back. He’d told Sirius, and Sirius didn’t want him here—but here he was.

James, for once, had chosen Regulus.

“He misses you, you know that?” James said. “I mean, he really misses you. He doesn’t care; you’re still his brother.” James paused briefly. “He wants you to come to the Halloween party we’re having. Even though he won’t admit it, it was his idea. The whole thing.” James smiled in an attempt to reassure Regulus, but all Regulus could think about was that Sirius missed him. So many years had passed—why now? Had James persuaded him to reach out? Regardless, Regulus’s mind was a mess. Sirius missed him but didn’t have the courage to say so himself. No, he just sent James to do it.

“Why couldn’t he tell me himself?” Regulus asked with a scornful snort. He knew why and understood it, but it didn’t change anything. Sirius was too proud to show he cared, but the fact that he did surprised Regulus the most. It would have been easier if Sirius had hated him. That would have been simpler.

“He thought you’d say no to him,” James said quietly. “After last time, when you said no to him, it’s been hard for him to believe people might actually say yes. I know you weren’t in a position to go, and that’s okay, but he doesn’t know that,” James said, though he didn’t know anything. He’d only heard Sirius’s version of the story, not Regulus’s.

“He wanted you there, and so do I. So, will you consider it? For me?” James asked, fluttering his long eyelashes.

Regulus groaned, burying his head in his hands. It was so hard to say no to James when he blinked those big eyes.

“Come on!” James said, clasping his hands together. “Please? I promise I won’t leave you alone. I’ll even help you talk to Sirius if you want. You don’t have to, of course, as long as you just come along!”

The battle was already lost, and James had won. “Okay, okay, I’ll go! Satisfied?” Regulus snapped affectionately, and James squealed as he ran to him.

“Not quite yet, love,” James said, letting his lips meet Regulus’s.

The moment they touched, it felt as if Regulus could breathe again. His head had been underwater, but now that their lips were together, it was like gasping for air. Since they parted yesterday, Regulus had been full of doubt, but now he had proof that James would come back. He was back.
James’ hands found Regulus’ waist, guiding him backward until Regulus bumped into the drawer. He half-sat on it, pulling James closer with a firm grip on his shoulders. James let out a low groan into Regulus’ mouth, tightening his grip on Regulus’ waist, filling him with a rare sense of elation. Regulus opened his mouth, tilted his head to deepen the connection, and tentatively licked James’ plush lower lip. James responded immediately, one hand flying up to cup Regulus’ jaw from where it rested on his waist, and his lips parted. Regulus licked inside, a warm, slow glide that sent shivers through both of them.

“Jamie,” Regulus murmured softly, but before he could say more, James kissed him deeper, harder. A whimper escaped him as James pushed him further onto the dresser and stepped between his legs.
Okay, Regulus thought, James likes being called Jamie, noted.

James’ mouth found its way to Regulus’ jawline, and he tilted his head to give James better access.

“Mh, Jamie,” Regulus hummed, tightening his grip on James’ shoulders as James gently bit into his neck. Jesus Christ, James will be the death of me if he keeps using his teeth, he thought.

“Can’t you just... stop being so annoyingly good at this?” Regulus’ voice was barely above a whisper, almost lost in a low sigh as James’ teeth trailed a fiery path down his neck.

“Jamie,” Regulus whispered, but his voice nearly broke into a moan as James’ teeth drew a warm, teasing line down his throat, only to follow it with soft kisses.

“Mm?” James’ lips curved into a small smile against Regulus’ skin.

Regulus’ grip on James’ shoulders tightened, and he gasped, almost desperate. “For heaven's sake, James, stop—”
But James only pulled back slightly, just enough to look at him, a mischievous glint in his eyes, before placing his hands on Regulus’ hips and pulling him closer.

“Stop? I don’t think that’s what you want.”

“I—” Regulus’ words dissolved into a low whine as James pressed his hips into him, the warm, steady pressure sending waves of heat through his body. “Jamie, I... I can’t think when you do that.”

“That’s the point,” James whispered, before leaning in to claim Regulus’ lips in a kiss so demanding that Regulus could do nothing but surrender.

“James,” he whispered again, his voice cracking and hoarse as his head fell back against the wall, his hands pulling James closer desperately. “If you keep going, then—”

Regulus didn’t get to finish his sentence before James’ mouth was on his again. The kiss was deep, greedy, and left him breathless. His fingers tangled in James’ hair, desperate, as though it was the only thing keeping him grounded.

James pulled back for just a moment, leaning down to Regulus’ neck and pressing his teeth to the sensitive spot just above his collarbone as if he knew it would send shudders through Regulus’ body.

And it did. Regulus gasped loudly, his whole body tensing, and the sound that escaped him was almost a cry—low and raw.

James smiled against his skin, satisfied, before moving lower, leaving kisses and gentle bites along the way, while his hands slipped under Regulus’ shirt, fingers exploring every inch of his warm skin, leaving tiny electric sparks in their wake. Regulus was seconds away from melting under James’ touch, a low moan escaping as James’ fingers crept under the edge of his shirt.

Regulus couldn’t hold back the sounds. Every kiss, every touch made him whimper and moan as though his body were responding instinctively, unable to do anything but surrender to the electric storm James had started.

When James’ hands reached his hips, he pressed Regulus further down against the dresser, his lips finding a spot just below Regulus’ ear. His tongue slid slowly over the skin before his teeth sank in, hard enough to leave a mark, and Regulus’ knees nearly gave out beneath him.

The sound that escaped his lips was almost a wail, raw and filled with so much that it made James tighten his grip on him.

Regulus could only cling to him, heart racing, breath rapid and uneven, as his head fell back, surrendering completely.

“Wow, this is some real cut-and-run service you’ve got going on here, huh?”

Regulus and James jumped apart like two teenagers caught sneaking out past curfew.

“Is this the new haircut? Because I have to say, it looks... really hands-on.”

Barty stood suddenly in the doorway, arms crossed and a deadpan expression aimed at the pair. When neither of them said anything, Barty continued.

“So... this is apparently how you’re trying to make me forget that I’m your on-call hairdresser? Very creative, Regulus. Truly.”

His gaze flicked to James and back to Regulus before adding dryly:
“But next time, maybe lock the door? I mean, I’d like to avoid being traumatised before dinner.”

James turned to him, inspecting him thoroughly. The longer he looked, the wider his already-large eyes grew.
“You cut your hair,” he said shortly, reaching out to run his fingers through the now-shorter strands framing Regulus’ face. Regulus blushed and nodded.

“Yes, so far so good, Potter boy. I was supposed to have a cosy haircut session, but now it feels more like I’m playing third wheel!”

Regulus nodded, silently agreeing.

James was still holding his hair, turning the ends carefully between his fingers.
“I could trim this. I used to cut my mum’s hair—and Remus’, too.”

“Hey, I just spent 20 minutes getting here—I’m not leaving straight away,” Barty protested, shutting the door behind him.

“Surprising it didn’t take you 60!” Regulus muttered.

“Hey, I rushed! You sounded so hysterical. ‘I’m begging you, just help me not look like an idiot for the rest of my life!’” Barty imitated, doing his best to mimic Regulus’ voice. “It’s actually impressive how you go from ‘hair panic’ to ‘make-out session,’ Regulus. Respect to Potter.”

Regulus sighed. They weren’t getting rid of Barty anytime soon; he knew that well. He glanced at James, trying to convey his thoughts without words. James seemed to understand, pressing a gentle kiss to Regulus’ forehead before stepping back to let him climb down from the dresser.

“I suppose I should head home. I’m sure Crouch can manage to save your hair. But hey, come over to mine at 6 p.m. on Friday. It’s the first of September, and Sirius is out with Moony—Remus.” With that, James smiled and waved goodbye before Regulus could protest.