Many Horrified Eyes
The guilt was overwhelming. One thought went through everyone's mind, what if they had realized sooner? What if they had done something to help? James was their friend, always making them laugh, and now he was gone because they thought he was just joking. The great hall felt empty without his laughter, and everyone couldn't shake the feeling that they had let him down.
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Lily was buried in her textbook, half-listening to the chatter around her when James came bounding over with a grin plastered on his face. Typical James. She was used to this so she had learned to tune everyone out and just focus on her book.
She didn't notice when James started choking the first time. Nor did she notice the second time. She only noticed when something changed. A scream from across the hall saying something she couldn't quite hear since she wasn't paying much attention. It made her sigh annoyed as she looked up but the sight she saw horrified her. James' face was blue, and he was laying on the floor, clutching his throat. For a moment, she thought, wow, he's really committed to this one. But the panic in his eyes made her heart skip a beat. "Okay, now that's some commitment to the bit," Peter muttered, but his voice sounded off.
"Alright, James, you got us. You can stop now," Mary added in a very soft tone that she could barely hear, but what she could hear was the nervousness creeping in.
It almost brought her relief when James did stop. But that relief was short-lived when he stopped moving completely and she heard the gentle voice of her girlfriend saying, “He has no pulse.”
Her hands trembled as she tried to do something, anything, to help someone. But by the time Pomfrey arrived, she knew. She knew he was gone. The guilt hit like a tidal wave. She should have known. She should have acted faster. Now one of her best friends was gone, and it was all her fault.
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Sirius was trying to focus on Remus when James showed up with his usual mischief. He waved their map around, and Sirius couldn't help but laugh. "Another prank, James?" He asked. His attention went back to looking at Remus when out of the corner of his eye he saw James choking and he quickly went and patted his best friend on the back, “Merlin mate! You alright?” The only response he got was a thumbs up and he rolled his eyes taking a sip of his drink only to cough at the sudden spiciness of it. “You're going to get it this time, James!” He coughed and somehow laughed at the same time.
Annoyingly enough James only smirked and drank his own drink. Sirius wiped his mouth glancing back at Remus and the adorable smiles on his lips that showed off his dimples that he barely paid attention to when James started making those ridiculous noises AGAIN. They all laughed, though Sirius more distractedly. It was classic James.
Sirius turned back to Remus resting his head on his shoulder as Remus whispered to him, "You're really making it hard for me to study, star."
That made him smile as he mumbled cockily, "Aw am I distracting to you, Moons?"
Remus simply laughed flicking Sirius on the head, who gave a small pout in return, before going back to studying.
So when James started coughing again, he didn't pay much mind. How ever could he pay attention to anyone else when his boyfriend was sitting next to him looking so beautiful?
He vaguely heard Marlene say, "Nice try, James! That fake choking bit is so old.” Later on when he thought back on it he should have known the second he heard her say that. He knew James wouldn't do that twice in a row. But he was too distracted to realize that at the time.
He didn't truly pay attention until Regulus came running and shouting over to them. He was confused why he was but being the amazing older brother Sirius is he stopped his little brother and reassured him. He was too focused on his brother to hear the mutters and soft voices of his friends behind him. He was more confused than ever when his own brother pushed him to the ground kneeling before James.
That was until four small words were uttered.
“He has no pulse.”
And the chaos began.
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Regulus Black had always had a sixth sense when it came to James. He could read James's moods, his thoughts, and even his intentions, sometimes before James himself realized them. It was part of what made their relationship so special. They were deeply and secretly connected, each one half of a whole.
That dinner, Regulus had been sitting with his friends at the Slytherin table, having a conversation with one of his best friends and roommates, Barty, while taking glances at James from across the hall, admiring his beauty. He glanced back again when he heard James's familiar voice after pranking Sirius with a fake choking bit. A small smile tugged at his lips that he quickly hid.
But something felt wrong this time. Regulus's smile faded as he observed James start choking again. He saw the change in James's demeanor almost immediately. The way James's hand trembled slightly, the color draining from his face, and the sheer panic in his eyes were signs Regulus couldn't ignore.
Why was there so much pain in his eyes?
While everyone else laughed, convinced it was another one of James's pranks, Regulus's heart pounded with fear. He rose from his seat, pushing through the crowd. "James!" he called, his voice cutting through the laughter. But no one paid him any attention.
He moved faster, shoving people aside as he approached James, who was now on the ground, convulsing. "James!" Regulus shouted again, louder this time, his voice filled with urgency and desperation. He tried to reach him but was stopped by his idiot brother, who said something he couldn't quite hear since his focus was just on James. Breaking out of his grip, he dropped to his knees beside his boyfriend, his hands shaking as he pulled him into his lap.
James's eyes didn't meet his, they seemed to stare off into the distance with a panicked look in them. Regulus felt a surge of helplessness. He saw how there was no life in those eyes he loved so much. "Stay with me, James, please," he whispered, his voice breaking.
But it was too late. By the time he had reached James's side, his body had already gone still. The room seemed to close in around Regulus, the sounds of his friends' belated cries. He clutched James's lifeless body, tears streaming down his face.
Regulus barely registered the arrival of his best friend, Pandora, who announced he had no pulse or even her attempts to revive James. All he could think about was how he had known. He had known something was wrong, and yet he had been powerless to save the person he loved more than anything in the world.
When Madam Pomfrey came and took James he followed her immediately. He wouldn't leave him again. She had to save him, she just had to. She spent what felt like hours in the hospital wing trying to revive him as he simply watched in horror. Eventually though, she pronounced James dead and Regulus's world shattered. The vibrant, mischievous light that had been James Potter was gone, extinguished in a moment of horror and what some may call a misunderstanding. Regulus held onto James, his heart breaking with the realization that he would never again see those sparkling eyes light up with mischief, never again hear that infectious laugh. The love of his life was gone, and all he could do was release a gut wrenching scream as he held onto the body of his deceased lover.
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Professor McGonagall sat in the headmaster's office along with the other heads of each house and Madam Pomfrey. While usually all of the staff attends dinner with the students they decided to have their meeting during this time as it was least likely anyone would need a professor or healer while eating. They had needed to discuss recent injuries from students of each house like they do once every couple months to make sure to keep the students safe and prevent further incidents. She had always taken her role as head of her house seriously, nurturing a genuine fondness for her students, not that she would ever admit that. Among them, James had always stood out. His infectious enthusiasm, clever wit, mischievous nature, and hidden intellect had reminded her of herself as a child and earned him a special place in her heart.
Looking back at the front of the table she heard Pomfrey speak, “These past four months there hasn't been as many injuries which is good. However, most we did have came from the Gryffindor house. Some of these students included-”
McGonagall picked up her quill to begin taking notes as Pomfrey spoke when suddenly a slam of a door interrupted them. She looked up to see another staff member, Professor Sinistra, running in, her face pale and eyes wide with panic.
“Professor Dumbledore, you need to come quick. Something’s happened to one of the students.”
McGonagall’s heart skipped a beat. She rose from her chair, a sense of foreboding washing over her. But before she could utter a word, Albus spoke up, “What’s wrong, Aurora?”
“It’s Mr. Potter. He’s—he’s not moving. The kids were playing pranks like every day but then something went wrong and he was on the floor. Please, come now!”
Without another word, all six of them hurriedly followed Sinistra through the maze of hallways. As they approached the great hall, they could all hear the cries and shouts of students gathered around, forming a tight circle, as the remaining staff attempted to get the students out of the room.
Dumbledore pushed through the crowd, McGonagall on his heels, her breath catching in her throat as she saw James lying on the ground, his face pale and lifeless. Holding him in his lap was Regulus Black as Pandora Rosier was giving James CPR. Kneeling at Regulus' side was his brother, Sirius Black, who was holding onto James' hand whispering to him begging for him to wake up. Behind them, the rest of his friends stood nearby, their faces etched with shock and disbelief.
“James?” McGonagall whispered, dropping to her knees beside him. She reached out, her hand trembling as she touched his cold skin. Her mind raced, refusing to accept what her eyes were seeing.
“What happened?” she quickly looked up and demanded, her voice cracking with emotion.
Peter, one of James’s best friends, shook his head, his eyes wide with fear. “We thought he was joking, Professor. He started choking, and we thought it was one of his pranks. By the time we realized it wasn’t… he was already…”
Her heart shattered. She had always known James to be full of life, a prankster with a heart of gold. The reality of his death was incomprehensible.
“Help me get him to the hospital wing!” she heard Pomfrey cry out, though they both knew deep down it was too late. Her mind was a whirlwind as Pomfrey took James away with the help of two professors, who were quickly followed by Regulus and Pandora. Glancing around she hadn't even realized she'd followed them until she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up to see Professor Dumbledore, his expression grim.
“James is in the hospital wing now,” he said quietly. “But it’s too late, Professor McGonagall.”
She shook her head, finally letting her tears fall down her face. “No, it can’t be. Not James.”
But even as she said those words she knew the truth. She could see his mouth moving but his words didn't reach her ears. The only thing she could hear was the laughs of James, the loud whispers he have with his friends during her class, the sound of his footsteps when he was running away so he wouldn't get caught, the insults he would shout if anyone dared to hurt someone he loved, and all the love and kind words he spoke to everyone. All those sounds replayed through her ears, the memories she thought would never have to just be memories.
She had watched that boy grow, seen his potential, and now all that promise was gone. She'd always been hard on James. She wanted him to make a name for himself but he always joked and fooled around. He was smart and strong. An amazing Quidditch captain, an exceptional student, and most importantly, he was a good friend. He cared so deeply for everyone. So she couldn't help but regret how hard she was on him. Did she ever even tell him how proud she was of him? She knew, despite her harshness towards him, if she ever was to have a son of her own, it would've been him.
She remained by the door of the hospital wing, unable to tear herself away. That's how she heard when they lost all hope. From behind the door she had heard muttering and moving around but it all stopped. It was absolutely silent. Until all she could hear was a scream that she immediately recognized to belong to the boy who just lost his love. This was a fate she wouldn't wish on her worst enemies. No one, especially not a child, deserved to lose the one person that gave their life meaning. And no one, especially not a child, deserved to die surrounded by people that simply watched and did nothing.
As she sat there, back against the door, she couldn’t help but think back on the secret glances she saw the two boys make. The smiles, the notes, the conversations that held much more meaning than what anyone else thought. She had witnessed all that between those two boys. She never said a word though. She knew it wasn't her business and it still isn't. At one point she saw herself in those two boys. The secrets that came with a hidden relationship. But she had never had to deal with what Regulus now did. She never had to watch her Poppy die. And for the first time in years, her mind went blank.
However, at that moment, she made a promise to her dead student. She vowed to watch over his love. She would ensure that his light was not forgotten and to make sure that kid was not alone. She knew he had his friends but she still would look after him. Just like James always looked after his own friends. James may be gone but she wouldn't let his work be for nothing. He worked so hard to help his friends and she will make sure they make it out of this too. For James.