Aftermath.
REMUS
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After a full moon, Remus always wakes up on the floor of the Shack, naked and pained, but always comforted by the reassuring presence of Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. But this time, he wakes up, and he’s not in the Shack. And his friends aren’t here. Remus recognises the ceiling of the medical wing, because he’s woken up here many times, too. But there’s something else that’s different. Remus can't move. He’s restrained at the wrists and ankles by heavy steel chains. His mind is blurred as it always is after a full, but the cold metal chafing his skin is enough to tell him that something awful has happened.
Fear grips Remus' throat, and he’s choking. Fuck. What happened? And then, in fractured pieces which stab his conscience like daggers, the events leading up to Remus’ transformation slowly come back to him. Planning pranks with his friends. Kissing Sirius Goodbye. Begging Snape to leave the Shack. Oh fuck, something bad happened with Severus. Remus doesn’t know what. Maybe Sirius got there, and they’d fought like Snape wanted. Maybe Severus watched Remus transform, and now that his secret was out, Remus would have to leave Hogwarts. Worst of all, Remus might have bitten Snape. Remus can’t stomach the thought of ever subjecting anyone else to the same torture he’s experienced every month since he was a four year old. Nobody deserves it. Deep down, Remus knows Moony doesn’t care about that. Moony doesn’t care about Remus or anyone else. The wolf’s only goal is to hunt and spread the plague of lycanthropy to innocent people. Moony doesn’t care about hurting people, or their suffering. Remus cares more than anything. It’s terrifying, waking up once a month with hours of memories missing, where you have no idea where you’ve been or what you could have done. His biggest fear has always been hurting someone while he’s not in control of his mind.
It’s happened before.
One month after Fenrir Greyback had bitten Remus in his childhood bedroom, Lyall locked his son in a silver cage in the cellar beneath the Lupin home. The man was unable to watch his son turn into one of the monsters he’d dedicated his career to hating.
Lyall’s only advice was “Be brave. It won’t last too long.” Then, he’d walked out of the room, leaving Remus to face the first of many full moons alone. Nothing could have prepared four year old Remus for the agony of the first transformation. Nothing could have prepared Hope for hearing her son howling her name, desperately pleading for her help and love. Hope had rushed down to the cellar and reached out to her son, trying to reassure and comfort him.
Remus can never shake the guilt when he catches sight of the hideous scars that run all the way down Hope’s left arm. Unlike Remus’ scars, Hope’s never really faded. They are still as fresh and pink as the day he gave them to her. Remus will never forgive himself for hurting his mother, even though he knows he was never to blame.
The waiting and not-knowing is more painful than any lycanthropic transformation. Remus needs to know what happened. He needs someone to tell him that everything is fine, that he didn’t do any damage that can’t be undone. But as the day stretches on and no one has come to see Remus or tell him anything, he becomes increasingly more agitated.
When Remus really doesn’t think he can take it anymore, James Potter bursts into the medical wing. Remus nearly celebrates, but then he catches sight of James’ face, and his voice catches in his throat. James has deep, dark circles under his watery eyes and tear tracks staining his checks. His shirt is stained with mud and grass…and blood. So, so much blood.
“James,” Remus chokes out between shuddering breaths. “What- I don’t understand what…” Remus can’t form a coherent sentence.
“We don’t have a lot of time Moony,” James whimpers, collapsing into the chair beside Remus’ bed. “But you deserve to know what happened.” James takes a deep, shaking breath. Remus is petrified. Whatever is coming, he knows he doesn’t want to hear it. He has to. He needs to know. Not knowing will kill him.
“It was- fuck, I’m so sorry Moons.” James wipes at his eyes. “S-s-Sirius and S-snape got in a fight in their detention. Severus said some stupid shit about Regulus and Lily and you, or something. And Sirius….Sirius he, he-” James lets out harsh, wailing sobs. “Sirius sent him past the Willow last night, Remus. He told him how to get into the shack. He thought it would be a funny prank to scare Snape-”
“Using me.” Remus interrupts. It all suddenly clicks into place. Oh. “Sirius told Snape how to get past the willow, because he wanted him to be scared. Of me.” Remus says it slowly, his brain desperately trying to process everything he’s just discovered, and failing miserably. And then Remus laughs, because surely this is all just some cruel joke. Sirius wouldn’t do that, he wouldn’t-. Oh, but he would. Remus knows Sirius has always been impulsive and irrational. But this? Risking Snape’s life, risking Remus’ life…for a prank? It was just too far. No, no it just couldn’t be true that the boy who was kissing and touching and saying ‘I love you’ to Remus only yesterday had betrayed him when he was most vulnerable. Remus refused to accept the possibility.
“No. No, James that’s not…Sirius loves me. He said so. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t do something like this.” Saying it out loud, Remus felt completely and utterly stupid. James just looked at him with terribly sad eyes. Neither of them said anything. In his heart, Remus knew James was telling the truth. James could always be relied upon for that. His loyalty was as much a part of his life force as the blood in his veins. But Sirius was different. You could never really tell what he was thinking, or where you stood with him. Even when you thought you knew him, how could you ever be sure, really? Remus had been so blinded by love, that he hadn’t seen the warning signs. Remus had looked past Sirius’ recklessness and discarded his faults, because he just wanted to be his. Now all of those flaws seem glaringly obvious.
“I hate him.” Remus said, and it was true. Every other emotion drained out of him instantaneously. “I fucking hate him. I will never, ever forgive him for this. Make sure he knows that, James.” Remus’ voice is cold and hard. Never as cold and hard as Sirius’ heart, though.
James' face turns white, silent tears still pouring down his cheeks. He’s shaking violently, and Remus knows there’s more he has to say. James opens his mouth to speak, but he never gets the chance. The door to the medical wing swings open, and Professor Dumbledore, Professor McGonagall and a man Remus has only ever seen in newspapers solemnly walk into the room. Remus recalls his name quickly. Friedrich Barnow, Head Minister for the Department of the Management and Disciplinary of Magical Creatures. He works with Remus’ dad.
He clears his throat gruffly before speaking.
“Remus John Lupin, you are under arrest for the murder of Severus Snape.”
***
Muder. Remus is escorted to Dumbledore’s office. Murder. The room is crowded with Dumbledore, McGonagall, Minister Barnow, Remus and both of Remus’ parents. His mother is crying, his father won’t look at him. Nothing new, really. Murder. Remus is conscious of Dumbledore and Barnow talking to each other and to him, but the only word he hears is ‘murder’ over and over again like a metronome. No, a ticking bomb. Severus Snape is dead, and it’s Remus’ fault. His worst fears have been realised. He’s a killer. Snape is dead, dead, dead. Will always be dead. There is nothing anyone can do to bring him back. Remus feels completely numb.
“...We’ll let you say your goodbyes. Albus, Friedrich. Come.” McGonagall trails off, ushering the Headmaster and Minister out of the office. She gives Remus a sad, defeated look of pure hopelessness, and squeezes his shoulder in her firm but endlessly tender way. Remus is left in the room with Hope and Lyall. McGonagall had told him to say his goodbyes, as though for the last time. He doesn’t know what will happen to him. Whatever his punishment, he deserves it. He killed someone. Lyall breaks the silence first. “I’m sorry Remus. I’m sorry this happened to you. But I can’t defend this. I can’t protect you now. It would destroy me. Goodbye, son.” Lyall steels his face, and pulls Remus into one final brief hug. There is no warmth in it, and Lyall exits the office before Remus even forms a response.
Remus looks at his mother, and her face puts cracks in his numb exterior. Tears dribble from his eyes. “I’m sorry, Mum. I’m sorry I am such a burden to you. And a disappointment.” Remus can barely say the words out loud.
“Oh, Remus. My beautiful, beautiful boy. It wasn’t your fault. None of it was ever your fault, Remus, do you hear me? You are not a burden, and you could never disappoint me.” Hope reaches up to wipe the tears away from his face, comforting him as only a mother ever could. “You have so much good inside of you, Remus, and so much love to give. Never forget it.”
Hope’s tiny frame is violently shaking with silent sobs. Remus can’t bear to see her in so much pain. He has always been a source of suffering for his mother. She had mistakenly gotten pregnant with him at a young age. She was disowned by her family, and she only married and stayed with Lyall for Remus’ sake. If there had ever been any true love between them, it had disappeared before Remus could ever remember it. She existed in the shadows of the wizarding world, and she was alone, save for her son. And now he was being taken from her as well. Remus wasn’t sure if Hope could live through the heartbreak of losing the only person she really knew. Better she’d never have known him at all.
Remus pulled his mother into his arms and hugged her tightly, trying to express all the love he’d never really have the words to express. “Goodbye, Mum. I love you.” While Hope cried into his shoulder, Remus reached past her back and grasped the end of Dumbledore’s wand from its position on the mahogany desk. Before he could stop himself, Remus lifted the wand behind Hope’s head, and muttered a solemn “obliviate”. Hope’s eyes glazed over immediately. Remus could only think of one place to send his mother. Lily had once told him that she had first learnt about magic from her kindly middle-aged neighbour, a Squibb named Mrs Beatrice Figg. She had been like an aunt to Lily since the girl had gone to Hogwarts, and Remus knew they still frequently exchanged letters. Remus trusted Mrs Figg to help his mother build herself a new life. One in which she would not learn about magic, and she would not be the only muggle in a community of witches and wizards, and she would not have a werewolf as a son. Taking her memories was the greatest kindness Remus could do for Hope. She would have the chance to turn a fresh page, and reinvent herself along the way. She would never know the loss of losing Remus, and maybe, one day, she would be happy.
Remus gently guided Hope towards the fireplace, took a handful of Floo powder, and coaxed his mother into the green flames. He kissed her hand one final time. Remus muttered Mrs Figg’s address, and watched as his mother was swept away. Remus doubted he’d ever see Hope again, and even if by chance they passed each other in the street, he would forever be a stranger to her now. Remus would grieve her loss deeply, and Hope would never grieve for the son she never had.
***