Sirius arrived at Remus’ cottage yesterday on Dumbledore's orders. It wasn’t that Remus minded, but a heads up would have been preferable to a bedraggled, but grinning Sirius just appearing at his door at 11 pm.
He made them both tea, and some toast for Sirius, and they sat on Remus’ worn sofa staring at each other for a few minutes.
“Would you like a bath?” Remus asked eventually.
“Is that your polite Moony way of telling me I smell?” Sirius laughed. “I’d love a bath, actually. Can’t remember the last time I had a bath.”
Remus nodded and took his tea into the bathroom to start running a bath. Sirius lingered in the doorway, sipping his own tea from his favourite mug. Remus had felt silly for keeping it but now, seeing it in his hands again, he was grateful to his ridiculous brain for forbidding him from throwing it away.
“Can’t believe you kept this,” Sirius said quietly. “Thank you.” Remus just smiled at him, “So. I’m assuming that Dumbledore didn’t warn you that I’d be here?”
“He didn’t,” Remus added bubbles to the bath, to Sirius’ delight. “But I’m glad you’re here. We have a lot of catching up to do.” Sirius smiled at him as he tested the temperature of the water. “I think this is done. Towels are on the rail. Do you need—”
“Would you stay in here with me?” Sirius’ gaze was fixed on the cup in his hands. “Please?”
Remus nodded, “Of course. Whatever you need.”
He looked away as Sirius shed his clothes and slid into the steaming water. He continued looking away as Sirius groaned blissfully before sitting on the floor with his back against the tub.
“You cut your hair.” Sirius said, “It’s nice.”
“Thanks. Uh, do you want some help with yours?” Remus asked, “I have conditioner. It wouldn’t be too hard to detangle, I’m sure.”
“You don’t think I should just cut it all off?” Sirius sounded surprised.
“Well, do you want to cut it all off?”
“No,” He said in a small voice, “But I convinced myself that was the only way of salvaging it. It’s pretty bad. There are no hairbrushes in Azkaban, but I think being Padfoot helped.”
“We’ll figure it out.” He turned his head slightly to smile at Sirius.
“Thanks, Moons.” Remus thought his heart might stop hearing Sirius call him ‘Moons’ again, but he schooled his features and took a couple of deep breaths. “You alright?”
“Yeah, yeah.” He rested his head on the edge of the tub. “You want me to put some music on? I have all our old records.”
“Of course you do.” Sirius chuckled, “Oh, shit. I bet I’ve missed so much. How many new Queen albums are there?”
And it was at that moment that Remus’ heart broke. Sirius, he realised, had no idea that his idol was dead. He really had missed so much. It had only been a few years since Freddie Mercury’s death, but it still devastated Remus when he thought of the end of his life or listened to The Show Must Go On. So he tried not to.
“There were a few in the 80s,” Remus said, guardedly.
“But nothing new?” Sirius swirled his hands under the hot water and smiled at the sensation. Then he paused and looked up at Remus. “Please don’t tell me they split up.”
Remus shook his head but knew his eyes were about to spill over and give him away. “Worse, sorry.”
Sirius stilled, “Tell me.”
“In the 80s, there was this illness that mostly affected queer people, queer men especially. AIDS. It’s not a death sentence anymore, but it was then. It was terrifying. So many of us died, Pads. Freddie died. A few years ago. It was awful.” He inhaled sharply, “I’m so sorry.”
He looked up at Sirius and saw his face frozen in a look of pure anguish. A single tear rolled down his right cheek as a sob choked out from his chest. “No.” He whispered, “No.”
Remus turned around, no longer caring about seeing Sirius’ body. He reached out a hand to wipe the tear away and Sirius grasped it in his own. Remus sat on the side of the bath and pulled Sirius into his chest, wet clothes be damned. Sirius sobbed as Remus held him, stroked his matted hair, and rubbed his back.
“I’m sorry,” Remus said again. “Queen and Bowie released a single together, days after you went to Azkaban. It felt like the cruellest thing in the universe on top of everything else. There’s a lot you haven’t heard. We can listen when you’re ready. I didn’t even think about…”
They stayed like that until the bath water was cold, Sirius bordering on catatonic, nodding as Remus told him about songs and albums that he’d love. Sirius wondered what the point was. Everyone was dead or dying, Voldemort was back, and he had no way of protecting Harry, or Remus. He closed his eyes as Remus gently washed his hair with warm water and did his best to detangle the knots. He stared vacantly at the ceiling of Remus’ bedroom for hours and listened to Remus breathe.
After a few hours, he got up and headed for the record player. He rifled through Remus’ records until one caught his eye, with cartoon versions of the band on the front, ‘A Kind of Magic’. He scanned the tracklist and found himself drawn to side 2. He slipped it onto the turntable, dropping the needle onto the vinyl, a very familiar crackle that made him smile tentatively as he turned the volume down.
As soon as the vocals started There’s no time for us, There's no place for us, Sirius found himself crying again. Within seconds Remus’ arms were around him and he held on tight. He wasn’t sure which of them started swaying gently first.
Who waits forever anyway?