Remus Lupin has always been a hopeless romantic, he grew up with parents who were soulmates who shared the purest love he has ever seen, and he has read every romance book on the shelves of his small town’s library. Even when he is afraid his condition makes him an undesirable partner, he is able to convince himself that he wouldn’t get a soulmate if he wasn’t meant to be loved by them. Sometimes the only thing that gets him through the pain of his transformations is the optimism that with each one he makes it through he is closer to being completed.
His heart buzzes and his stomach flutters when he thinks of what it will be like when he finds The One. He daydreams about the mark he will receive and he prays that it will be sweet and represent them well, and he is sure it will because he has no reason to believe that fate could be wrong. He also pictures his soulmate quite frequently, he imagines he will be kind and loving, and he would be intelligent and would understand that Remus’ condition does not make him evil, which his mam and tad consistently remind him of.
His eleventh birthday is coming up, and it is when he will be marked. The date of March tenth is circled in colorful pen and decorated with balloons and hearts, he is counting down the seconds until the day will come. He cannot wait to show off his mark with happiness and anticipation for what will come.
Remus was born in the afternoon, at 2:14, but waiting for that time to come on his birthday makes him feel like he was waiting for the dead of night to come, he is extra antsy because there is a full moon on the eleventh, and his body was thrumming with energy. His mam and tad try to distract and entertain him the best they can, but not much can hold his attention for more than a few seconds. He is too excited to finally see the beautiful mark etched in his skin.
The time of his birth comes, and he searches his body everywhere, but cannot find even a trace of ink. He uses a mirror and inspects every square centimeter of his skin, and he still cannot find anything. He checks the clock again, he is not too early, and it is set to the correct time, so why on earth is he unable to see his mark? He asks himself even though he knows the answer, even though he knows he will remain unmarked no matter how long he waits or how many times he rakes his eyes over his bare body He pulls his soft pyjamas back over his chilled skin, but they feel itchy against the blankness of it, he takes a deep breath and finds his tad in the living room, looking at him with an expectant smile that falls when Remus runs to bury himself in his arms.
“Fy cariad, what’s the matter?” His tad holds him and he lets his tears pour.
“I don’t have one.” He sobs into his chest.
“What do you mean, annwyl?” He can hear his mam set down a tray of something and take a seat next to them, she runs a gentle hand through his tawny hair.
“I don’t have a soulmate, I looked everywhere and I don’t have a mark.” The words come out choked and pitiful, and his mam joins his tad in wrapping her arms around him.
“Fy machgen melys, it’s going to be alright. I’m so sorry, baby.” She rubs his back and he cannot help but feel he doesn’t deserve all of the affection, he has always known he is broken, but he wasn’t aware it ran this deep.
“There is nothing wrong with you, Remus. I’m afraid the universe has taken a liking to fucking you over, you are so deserving of love. Anyone would be lucky to have you, annwyl, this doesn’t mean you should give up, okay?” Hope doesn’t even reprimand Lyall for his language, she just kisses Remus’ hair and does her best to hold in the tears that have welled in her eyes, he is right, their poor boy can’t seem to catch a break.
“Maybe monsters really don’t deserve love.” He offers quietly.
“You are not a monster, fy mach i, you are sick and you had no choice in the matter.” His tone is scolding, he is not going to let Remus think such things about himself.
“Yes, darling. We love you so much it cannot be put into words, do not talk about yourself like that.” Remus sobs harder, and he can no longer say anything coherent, his tad reminds him to breathe and his mam offers him a warm cup of tea that soothes his throat which is raw from crying.
He does not have it in himself to leave his tads comforting lap, he falls asleep shortly after his mam lays a blanket over them both and he is carried down the hall to his parent's room, he wakes in between them and feels as frail as when he was bitten six years ago.
Maybe he shouldn’t have gotten his hopes up about what could have been, he should’ve known better than to let himself be convinced that the universe would ever be so cruel as to link someone to him. He shouldn’t have let himself think that the fates would allow some magnificent boy to be chained to an awkward, lonely werewolf.
He mopes around the house for weeks, barely eating and only sleeping when he is held by one of his parents like a pathetic child. He doesn’t even break a smile when his Hogwarts acceptance letter comes, if anything it fills him with the dread of being the biggest outcast surrounded by normal, happy, marked witches and wizards. His tad has to drag the husk that Remus has become to Diagon Alley and only manages to do so with the promise that they will pick up a few books for him. Remus steers clear from the romance section, he can’t even look at the covers without feeling sick to his stomach. He does his best not to cry for the millionth time each time he sees someone proudly displaying their mark.
As he languidly packs his bags for school, he tries not to let his anxiety get to him again. Hogwarts is going to be fun, a good distraction, and he has nothing to worry about. There will be a nurse to help him after the moons and a safe place for him to transform, and he will be able to write to his parents and return home if he is too overwhelmed. He is unable to fully reassure himself.
When he is on the platform, his parents smother him with love and incessantly remind him to let them know if anything goes wrong and he is no longer comfortable there, and they will be there to get him in an instant. He finds it hard to pull away from them but manages to after his tad gives him one final squeeze and nudges him off toward the train that has just arrived.
“Rydyn ni'n dy garu di, Remus!” He tells them he loves them back and then boards the Hogwarts Express.
He is able to find a mostly empty compartment and the meek boy sitting in it told him he didn’t mind if Remus joined him, so he sat down across from him and dug a battered paperback out of his rucksack. They are later joined by two overexcited boys who seem like they could have been twins if not for their vastly different looks.
“Hi, I’m Sirius and this is James, what are you two called?” The boy with jet-black curly hair and razor-sharp features plops down right next to Remus and points at his friend with messy brown hair barely darker than his skin and wiry-framed glasses that make his eyes look big and doe-like.
“I’m Peter, it’s nice to meet you.” Remus looks up at the boy in front of him and takes in his features as well, nicely combed sandy blond hair, a smiling, plump face, and a small swoop of ink peeking out from his collar.
“My name is Remus.” He says it in as even of a tone as he can, not wanting to seem too nervous, no one seems to pick up on his anxiety.
“I’m certainly glad to meet someone else with a strange name.” Sirius laughs and lightly nudges Remus on the shoulder, the touch doesn’t feel invasive like he thought it should, and he smiles back at him.
The rest of the train ride is full of small talk and their expectations for Hogwarts, James wants to be a Gryffindor like his parents, Sirius absolutely doesn't want to be a Slytherin like his, and Peter is like Remus and doesn’t seem to care about which house he ends up in.
Hogwarts is easy to get used to, especially with his new friends by his side. They are put in the same dorm and become inseparable after less than a week. He loves them so much that the gaping hole in his heart that is a result of his missing mark subsides. They get into a ton of trouble together and spend most of first year in detention, but every second of reorganizing, cleaning, or writing apology letters to the Hogwarts staff is worth it for all of the fun they have together. About halfway through the year his friends confront him with their suspicions that have grown since he has gotten sick every full moon without fail, he admits the truth through his wet, hot tears. He is expecting them to be disgusted and beg to change dorms, but they hold him until his tears let up. Maybe he didn’t need a soulmate, maybe his friends were enough.
His friends are all relatively secretive about their marks, Sirius most of all, but he is grateful because it means he does not have to explain that he does not have one and show his friends that even the universe itself thinks he is undeserving of pure love.
When he goes home for holidays he misses his friends and school more than he ever thought he would, and when it is time to go home for summer, he nearly cries at the thought of waiting months before they will all be together again.
The summer before his second year was uneventful, he quit his moping about his lack of a soulmark but he still loathes himself for being such an anomaly. He goes back to school shopping with his tad and this time when he packs for school it is with excitement and anticipation because he cannot wait to go back. His parents send him off with the same amount of love they did the year prior, and he meets all of his friends in the very compartment that they met in.
Sirius and James are planning on going out for the quidditch team this year, and have been training hard all summer in preparation, he is hoping they will both make it. Sirius’ little brother asks to join them because he cannot find anywhere that is not full and Sirius almost shoos him off until he sees the pleading look in his eyes. Regulus is almost a mirror image of Sirius, but they are very dissimilar, he sits next to Remus and they talk about Remus’ discarded book that sits on the table in front of them while Sirius continues to go on and on about quidditch and other plans for the year, he does his best to listen to them both.
Remus and Regulus become very good friends, it starts with them meeting in the library chatting about their favorite books, and studying together, but it quickly develops into a genuine friendship. Sirius likes to joke that Remus has been stolen away from him by his brother, and Remus’ cheeks always flush at the possessiveness that Sirius displays over him, liking the feeling of knowing he is wanted.
A lot of what Sirius says and does makes him blush lately, and he tries not to feel too disgusted with himself for having an innocent crush on someone else’s soulmate, especially on a boy who likely isn’t a poof like him.
In addition to that, he tries to pretend that he goes to quidditch games to actually watch quidditch, and not just to gawk at Sirius as he pours all of himself into playing. He also didn’t mind how happy it made Sirius and James when he showed up to their matches. And if his heart skipped a beat every time Gryffindor got a win and Sirius came flying into his arms to celebrate, no one had to know.
In second year they get into even more trouble than the previous year, but get caught less frequently. They start to develop a magical map of Hogwarts to complete their pranks with more ease, it is finished right before they leave school for the summer. On the downside, Remus’ transformations are only getting worse and worse, and he is always insanely hungry around the full moon. At least his friends are there to crack jokes in the infirmary when he feels like all he wants to do is cry.
The summer passes the same as it had the year before and they meet again on the same spot on the train, Regulus and Sirius walk in together this time. The train ride passes by quickly as they all catch up and snack on sweets from the Honeydukes Express, and before they know it they are sitting through the hat sorting. Remus eats two full plates plus desert, glad he can finally support the hungry wolf in him once again, and he falls asleep the second his head hits his pillow.
He takes the electives Care of Magical Creatures and Arithmancy, which he supposes is something nice about third year, as well as their trips to Hogsmeade, even though they have already found ways to sneak out of the castle unnoticed.
James has developed a pitiful crush on a radiant girl named Lily Evans, who is as smart as she is beautiful and refuses to give him any sort of a chance. The marauders think they will have to console him but he never loses his determination to win her over, and he does not understand the meaning of subtlety so it is very entertaining to watch. He wishes he had as much confidence as James Potter does.
His crush on his best friend has not gone away yet and he is afraid it never will, it’s going to kill him when Sirius meets his soulmate. He is worried that he is falling in love with him, but he can’t help it. Sirius is kind, loving, intelligent, and understanding, the gorgeously painted picture of what he always dreamed his soulmate would be, but he is not for him to have, he belongs to someone else. He has still not seen Sirius’ mark yet, he has only caught glimpses of it, all he knows is that it is on his midthigh. He wonders why he is so secretive about it.
A few weeks into the school year his friends surprise him with something that makes him so emotional that he is sure his brain short-circuits several times. He sees three of the people that he loves most in the world shift into baby animals before his eyes. A puppy, a fawn, and a baby rat. In addition to the intended sentimentality, it is the first time he is ever able to get near animals without scaring them off as a side effect of the wolf, and he breaks down into ugly sobs when he runs his hands over their soft fur and it fully hits him that they all did this for him.
His transformations begin to get easier because the wolf has something to distract it from tearing itself apart, even with energy no longer needed for healing he still eats like a man starved around the full moon. Poppy doesn’t even question him about the sudden shift in his behavior, but he can tell that she is trying to work it out.
Hogsmeade weekends are great for trying out sweets from Honeydukes and finding new books to read, but something he doesn’t like is that Sirius starts to go on dates with girls the majority of the time they are there. He knows he has no claim to him but it stings every time he sees him holding a girl's hand, silently wishing he was in their place. He never sees anything more happen than an innocent kiss on the cheek, but he longs for it to be him under Sirius’ full lips.
His jealousy turns to resentment for himself as the year continues on, of course, he knew that he would watch Sirius love someone else how he so desperately wanted to be loved, but he just didn’t expect it to be so soon. He does everything he can to get over his silly crush, but it is already more than that, it is a sickeningly sweet love that has buried roots into his chest, and it makes it so it hurts to even breathe when Sirius is around. He tries to distance himself from him, but Sirius always seems to push himself into whatever he is doing or wherever he is hiding. He tries to dissolve his love with hatred, trying to find anything he dislikes about him, but he comes up empty-handed. He even tries to find himself a date of his own, but no one wants to go out with Loopy Lupin and he can’t find it in himself to be interested in anyone else either. He learns to deal with the pain of loving him but knows he will never have him, not in the way he desires.
Remus does his best to just focus on his classes and help with pranks whenever James or Sirius are feeling particularly chaotic. It works for the most part, but his heart still feels sore. He has mixed feelings when he returns home for the summer, missing his friends but not missing the constant heartache.
That summer he gets a job at a library and does everything he can to stay busy so he doesn’t have to think, it works well enough, and he makes some money and gets a lot done around his family’s cottage.
He is excited to return back and he has convinced himself that he has got his emotions towards Sirius under control. But every drop of his self-assurance vanishes from his body when he sees him again, he has gotten even more beautiful since he last saw him, his hair now cascades down to his shoulders, his shoulders are broader, and his facial features have somehow sharpened. He wants to run his fingers across the hollows of his cheekbones and feel every divot on his face. He feels dizzy just from looking at him.
Sirius seems to like to torture him because he starts to spend nearly every second of his free time with Remus, cuddled up on the couch next to him while he is reading, sneaking into his bed when he can’t sleep to talk about whatever crosses his mind, always next to him in class or at meals, and even following him when he goes to the library. With all of the time he is surrounded by him, he is sure to have a heart attack some time soon.
It is one of those nights where Sirius slips under the covers next to Remus, and he has a certain look on his face like he wants to tell him something, but Remus doesn’t push, he just waits for him to start talking.
“How do you feel about soulmates, Moons? I feel like I’ve never heard your thoughts on it.” A pit in his stomach forms, that is not what he expected him to bring up.
“I don’t know, I don’t really give it much thought.” He is afraid he is being too honest, but Sirius’ eyes look watery and uncertain beneath the moonlight, and he can’t bring himself to lie.
“I guess I haven’t either. Sometimes I just feel like I’m too different, like there’s something wrong with me and I’ll never even find my person, you know?”
“There's nothing wrong with you, Padfoot. But if it makes you feel better I know exactly what you mean.”
“I don’t know if you do. There’s something wrong with my mark.” He sniffles and Remus wants to kiss away his tears, he wipes them off with a gentle hand instead.
“I don’t even have one.” He finally says it and it doesn’t make him feel heavy and scared, instead, it is a weight off of his shoulders, a secret taking up too much space in his head finally released.
“What, how is that possible? You’re you.” Sirius sounds like he has just been told the grass is orange and the sky is purple.
“Well, a queer half-blood werewolf wouldn’t exactly be anyone's first pick would he?” He tries to joke but his laugh comes out sad and pitiful.
“You would be my first pick.” He can barely make out a flush on his face, he is sure he just imagines it.
“You don't have to say that, it’s okay, really.” He tries to sound as convincing as he can.
Sirius gets up out of his bed and walks over to his bag, rummaging through it until he finds what he is looking for, Remus isn’t sure what he’s doing but he’s learned to stop questioning things when it comes to Sirius. He comes back into his bed with his quill and a small pot of ink.
“I mean it, can I prove it to you?” He is still a little confused but nods dumbly, he is sure if Sirius asks him to do anything he will say yes.
He dips his quill into the ink and slightly lifts Remus’ shirt so he has a bigger canvas to work on, the feeling of Sirius’ hands on him makes his breath catch in his throat. He feels the soft scratch of the quill and his heart flutters when he looks at Sirius’ concentrated expression, like he is working on the finest piece of art he has ever seen and he must be precise.
The design is a moon and a star hanging over a forest, almost covered by clouds, and it feels like there is warmth and love radiating from it, no doubt straight from Sirius’ hands. He uses a spell to dry the ink and then sits across from Remus and pulls up the right leg of his pants, revealing the very mark that he had just drawn but in faded, greyed-out ink.
“You drew your soulmark on me?” Remus asks astonishedly.
“Like I told you, you would be my first pick. I’d rather share it with you than anyone else.” He moves to hug Remus, who is stunned but wraps his arms around him.
“Thank you, it’s beautiful, do you know why yours is so light?” He tries to bring the conversation back to him again, guilty for practically throwing himself a pity party.
“Nope, a couple of guesses, though. Maybe they’re dead, or maybe it’s not mutual, or maybe the fates are fucking with me, or whatever. I don’t know, I’m starting to think I’m just not meant to have one.”
“I’m sure you’ll find them, in the meantime, I’m here for you.” Sirius smiles at him and then wraps an arm around Remus, pulling him in for a hug.
“Thank you, it means a lot.” Sirius lets out a yawn and rubs at his eyes.
“Of course, anytime. Thank you too, for always listening.”
“Anytime. Can I share with you tonight?” He manages the most convincing puppy-dog eyes ever, and Remus folds instantly.
“Yeah, no problem.” Sirius gets back under the covers and pulls him close so Remus’ head is resting on his chest, smoothing the hair out of his face and making the butterflies in Remus’ stomach swarm violently.
“I love you, Moony, goodnight.”
“I love you too, Pads, ‘night.” With his best friend as a pillow, he sleeps better than he has in years.
Neither of them acknowledged their conversation in the morning, too embarrassed of their vulnerability. Sirius crawls out of his bed only a few seconds after Remus wakes up, so he just goes straight into the shower to wash off the mark that Sirius had drawn on him. He felt like he didn’t deserve the kindness on his skin, as much as he wanted to tattoo it and leave it there forever.
After a few minutes in the shower, it hasn’t rinsed off on its own, so he lathers up some soap on a washcloth and tries to scrub at it, but nothing happens. He leaves some soap on it and then tries to wipe it, but nothing happens. He turns the water to as hot as it will go and his skin burns but nothing else happens. He starts to cry, he must have been cursed because he stole someone else’s mark, he starts to wonder how creepy Sirius will think he is if he ever sees the mark on his skin again. He sobs silently on the floor of the shower until a knock raps on the bathroom door and he picks himself off and walks out in a messily wrapped towel that covers his stomach with red-rimmed eyes and flushed red skin.
He gets dressed turned away from everyone else and goes to the library to avoid his friends at breakfast. He feels disgusting despite his shower so he curls up reading one of his sad poetry books until he has to go to class. The rest of the day passes and he tries to act as normal as he can, but he is desperately confused and upset about how little he knows.
He tries to read up on soulmates, but everything he reads just depresses him even more. He does his best to stay close to Sirius and be a good friend, but he feels nauseous with guilt every time he sees him. He ends up spending most of his time around Regulus and Lily, liking the quiet calmness of it but missing the chaos of the marauders, and then feeling bad for comparing the two. It seems like all he can do is feel worse and worse about himself.
Going home for summer hols is such an immense relief, after only a few days he breaks down in his parents' arms about his frustrating confusion regarding the now permanent mark that was drawn on his skin.
“Your friend who did this to you…do you have romantic feelings for them?” His mam’s eyes are glistening with hope.
“I mean, yes. But, that shouldn’t matter, right? That’s not how these things work.”
“I don’t think anyone knows how these things work, cariad. Maybe your connection wouldn’t show itself until you were ready.” He is in his tad’s lap and his arms are enveloping him, even though he has gotten much more lanky since the last time he had to be consoled like this.
“I don’t want to let myself think it could be true, I will just end up heartbroken, I think the universe has made it clear that I don’t deserve it.” He is trying not to cry into his parent's arms like a child.
“You should at least talk to him, you will never know if you don’t try to figure it out .” And of course, what his tad says is reasonable, but the thought terrifies him, he doesn’t want Sirius to hate him, he doesn’t think he could handle that heartache.
“I don’t know if I can, I don’t know what I would do if he never wanted to see me again because of how strange it is.” His tad hugs him tighter and his mam places a gentle kiss on his cheek, their tenderness makes him feel like a helpless child, his world defined by his parents.
“Annwyl, if he really is your friend, and he is as kind as you say he is, he will understand. You two will figure it out together, and surely he deserves to know.” And how is he supposed to disagree with his mam, she sounds so sure of her words and they sound so sweet as they hit his ears.
“Yes, you speak of him very highly. He seems like he is good enough for you, but I would like to meet him properly.” He does not correct his father to tell him that Sirius is definitely too good for him or to tell him that there is a slim chance of anything happening between them so he has no reason to worry, he tries to pretend to be embarrassed when his tad gets protective over him, but he feels very loved.
“Remus, you should invite him over for a weekend. That way you can talk to him and it might make things less awkward than if you did it at school, how does that sound?” He considers his mam’s suggestion and supposes that doing it at school where they see each other every 5 minutes does seem more stressful.
“I guess I could, his parents are quite harsh though. Not sure if they would let him.”
“You won’t know until you ask, send him an owl by tonight.” His tad’s voice is kind but firm, he is not letting him get away with pushing the task aside.
“Okay, I promise I will.”
He keeps his promise and starts drafting a letter to Sirius by the early evening, he isn’t sure what he should say or how much context for this impromptu invitation he should give, so he ends up simply saying that he is bored and misses him and that he would love if he could come over any weekend he was available. He rewrote it several times, cringing at how strange and desperate he sounded, but ended up just picking the one that sounded the least terrible and sending it with their scrawny family owl.
He tries not to let anxiety overtake him too horribly while waiting for a response but fails to do so. He hasn’t even done the difficult bit yet and he’s already falling apart, picking at his nail beds until they bleed and ripping every loose thread he can find from his jumpers.
When he receives a response in the afternoon the day after he sent the invitation, there is a combination of nervousness and excitement stirring in his stomach at the thought that Sirius will be over at his family’s cottage in less than a weeks time, but it meant he was going to confess to him about the permanent state of his mark that Sirius had so innocently drawn on his body that could have possibly messed up his own soulmark.
He stress-cleans nearly every moment before the weekend that Sirius is coming, the outlet for removing some of his energy is very helpful and it is good to have something other than Sirius to focus on, he goes as far as weeding the garden and cleaning out their small shed. When there is nothing else for him to do and Sirius is only an hour away, he takes a long shower, scrubbing furiously at his skin as if the mark will finally go away now that he really doesn’t want to deal with it.
He dresses in a pair of denim shorts and (despite the warm summer air) a well-loved dark green jumper, and dries his hair with a flick of his wand. He comes downstairs just in time to hear a knock at the door, and his mam has to remind him to actually answer it.
“Hey, Moony” Sirius beams at him from the doorway, waiting only a second before bringing him into a hug.
“Hi, Pads. Come on in.” Once they pull away, Remus leads him into his home, Sirius says hello to both of his parents and Remus brings him to his room.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you, but we don’t usually see each other over the summer. What’s going on Moonbeam?” Sirius plops down onto his bed, making himself at home.
“I need to tell you about something, can you please promise me you won’t hate me for it? It feels wrong to not tell you.” Remus has not even begun his confession and tears are threatening to form in his eyes, he has never been quite good with confrontation.
“Of course, I promise.” It is hard not to trust his words when he looks so very sincere.
“Do you remember when you drew your mark on me?” Sirius looks at him as if he had just asked him if he remembered his name.
“How could I forget?” The fondness of the words slips out with a shy smile, the memory lighting up Sirius’ face.
“You told me that if you could choose who you shared it with you would pick me, did you mean it?” He feels desperate even asking.
“I don’t think I’ve ever meant anything more, really. I’m sorry if it made you uncomfortable, I know I can be a bit intense.” Remus agrees that Sirius is intense, but he loves it, he loves how his entire body is on edge when he is around, and he loves the raging sea of emotions Sirius brings to his mind.
He wants to grab Sirius by the face and beg to be kissed, he wants to shout: ‘You have nothing to be sorry for’ but he can’t get the words out, he wants to tell Sirius that he wants to love him more than anyone has ever been loved before, but he has never been bold. The most he can get himself to do is lift his shirt and let Sirius see his inky scarred skin, to let him see the exact steady lines that he had drawn onto Remus’ skin only months ago. He holds his breath and waits for Sirius to take back his words or retreat with the unspoken vow to never come near him again.
Sirius uses a featherlight touch to trace Remus’ skin, to take in every detail as best as he can, he looks at him in awe, a question forming in the tilt of his brown.
“Have you charmed it to stay?” He is beaming at the thought.
“No, it hasn’t left since you drew it.” He flushes from the way Sirius is looking at him as he continues to run his fingers over the lines of the mark.
“Do you regret letting me put it there?” Remus can only shake his head in response and it makes Sirius’ smile shine even brighter.
“Well then, I guess that's settled soulmate.” Sirius looks dopey and Remus’ gaze falls to Sirius’ mark- to their mark- on his leg and finds that it has become much more saturated and is now the same jet black as his hair.
“Is it?” He can’t help but ask, not even sure if he isn’t imagining this, not sure if Sirius is just saying it because they’re best friends.
“Well, yes. Unless you don’t want me, and in that case, I'm sorry for being such a pushy idiot.” His confidence is crumbling, it is something Remus rarely sees and he feels immediate guilt.
“Of course I do, you wanker.” He knocks shoulders with him and then drags Sirius into a bone-crushing hug.
“If I’m a wanker what does that make you? You’re the one who keeps me around.” Sirius wrestles him onto the bed and Remus’ scrawny self can barely put up a fight against him but he tries his hardest and they end up dissolving into laughter when they fall off the bed in a tangle of blankets that helpfully break their fall.
Remus ends up breathless beneath him and the laughter disappears when he sees the way Sirius is looking at him like he hung the moon. He doesn’t even think before pulling him in for a gentle kiss.
Sirius responds immediately, dragging his hands up Remus’ sides and bringing them to his hair, tugging ever so softly to elicit a gorgeous response from him, his mouth hung open, and panting breaths threatening to drive Sirius crazy.
They could kiss for hours, and they probably do before they are interrupted by a soft knock, and they have to quickly gather themselves before joining Hope and Lyall for dinner. The flush doesn’t leave either of their faces until they fall asleep, tangled up in each other, as they should be.