Chapter 4
Remus stood outside the glazed-glass front door, hand flat on the pane.
‘I can't do this’ a voice echoed in his head
‘You have to though’ another voice followed up. His thoughts felt conflicted, he couldn't seem to get them straight.
He let out a sigh before pushing the door open and stepping in the front lobby of the office.
“Morning Lupin,” the cheery secretary greeted him.
“Morning Millie” he replied and started walking to his desk. As he walked along the corridors he tried to tune out the morning hustle and bustle of office workers, it was too loud today. He paused once again before to stare at the door leading to his office floor.
‘Okay,’ he exhaled, ‘let's just do this.’
He pushed open the door and began walking to his desk. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Sirius chatting carelessly with a co-worker, but the moment Remus came into view he paused mid sentence and eyed him with concern, he looked like he wanted to say something but Remus was too far away. They locked eyes for what felt like an eternity before the impatient worker near Sirius began talking to him again, diverting his attention back to the matter at hand. Sirius hesitantly allowed his eyes to leave Remus’ gaze and went back to his conversation, continuing to glance at Remus out of the corner of his eye when he could.
Remus sucked in a sharp breath, he couldn't apologise -not yet, this was too much. He quickened his pace to get to his seat and began his work.
About half an hour later some shuffling from the front of his desk caught his attention. It was Sirius. He looked at Remus with a cautious expression, a bit like a dog that's done something wrong and is not sure how their owner is going to react.
“Look I…” he began before trailing off, “I just… it's just… I didn't ,”
He stepped back and sighed audibly , Remus remained silent, eyeing him up and down as if to identify his intentions.
“Moony I-”
“I'm sorry” Remus finished quickly.
A long pause stretched between them.
“What?” Sirius asked, “Why are you sorry you did nothing wron-”
“Look, I left. And shouted. I'm not saying that you and I are dating again and I’m not saying you have to forgive me. But I'm saying that I'm sorry and…” he paused as if weighing up his options one last time, “I believe we can talk this out.”
“You're not angry?” Sirius’ voice was uncharacteristically small and uncertain.
Oh sweet merlin of course he was angry what did Sirius expect, but he remembered his earlier decision,
‘You have nowhere to go,’ the voice in his head began to echo.
“No... I'm not angry,” he responded after a pause, but it didn't sound convincing.
“Remus,”
“Okay fine, I am. I am angry. I'm pissed at you. Of course I am, but you helped me when I needed it and so I can't just leave without another word. That would be wrong.”
Wrong choice of words. Sirius had left without a word. But that had been family. They hadn't helped him. This was different. It didn't matter.
“Look,” Remus sighed for what felt like the hundredth time today, “ I'm sorry, now can you please just let me get on with my work?”
Sirius only nodded and walked away slowly, with a vacant look in his eyes.
As Remus got on with his job - the job Sirius had secured for him- he couldn't help but hate how dependent he was on Sirius. Sure he was angry at the man, but staying at his place when they had no relation felt wrong. Remus needed to be free from him. For both of their sakes.
He finished up the document he was working on and hit print. He walked over to the printer in the break room. Right by the printer stood a large group of his co workers with Snape standing right in the middle. Great. Just his luck.
Snape noticed him almost immediately and whispered something to the group as Remus approached. He could feel a few pairs of eyes turn to look at him.
There were more whispers. Of course people would be talking about him, what did he expect? He made it to the printer and gave the group a nod in greeting. It was very badly disguised as a friendly action, still most of the workers gave him a brief nod or hello. Formalities. At least they pretended to not hate his guts when he was within earshot. Except for one person. Who apparently, couldn't give a shit.
The documents began to print.
“So then Lupin? Off work? That's not like you, very unprofessional” Snape's voice echoed in his ears.
Remus kept in his anger. “ Thank you for your concern” he strained “But I can assure you I will be caught up”
“Well if you say so? Do be careful though, especially when typing. I heard you hurt your hand in a nasty fall a few days ago” the other man sneered.
That was it. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't be here. No with his co-workers, Snape and certainly not with Sirius. He turned around without a word and began walking to Minnie's office.
As he got further he heard an eruption of badly stifled giggles from behind him. He walked faster. He wished he could run. Though he would never admit it, he felt his eyes water. This was all so stupid. Why was he hurt by their stupid teasing?
‘I'm not a child anymore’ was all he thought as he continued down the hall. ‘Why does it still hurt so bad’
He shoved open the door at the end of the corridor with much more force than he realised he was able to apply. The poor door creaked under the assault.
“Lupin! What in god's name are you-” Minnie began but not before she was cut off-
“I quit.”